alicai Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 We've been homeschooling for about a year now. We pulled my dd out of kindergarten at a public school, enrolled in a charter that supports homeschoolers where she took some weekly classes, and this year had to drop that program due to complications with my pregnancy. One of our major fears when switching to homeschooling was how we would 1) maintain her friendships with kids who go to school all day and have homework at night and 2) provide opportunities to form new lasting friendships. Over the last year, we joined a homeschool group that met fairly often but neither dd6 or dd4 made any friends from it. Both girls take dance classes where they are friendly with the other girls but that's about it. At the charter, it was the same thing - dd was friendly with the kids but there was no real opportunity to form a meaningful friendship. It has proved to be very challenging to get the parents of her "old" friends to make time for the kids to get together. Meanwhile, dd4 is not enrolled in preschool and has absolutely no friends of her own. Overall, I've just been feeling that the kids are cloistered in the house way too much and that , in this area, we are not doing right by them, particularly for my younger dd who has difficulty making friends. I can only think that this must be a challenge for other homeschooling families besides just us. Are my expectations for what's enough socialization/friends just vastly different? Tips/ideas? Do you think this will improve over time? We can't afford to enroll them in tons of extracurriculars and I'm not really sure those are helping in this area anyway. Thanks for your input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Your expectations on what is necessary for a 4 and 6yo are different from mine. So, yes. Our best source of friendships when they were little was playgroups that came out of the homeschool group. I had to be proactive to help them establish friends because, unless they are tremendous extroverts, they probably won't do that on their own. Not that they would in school, either. P.S. We did not maintain many friendships with kids who went to school. It just does not work until they are teens and can make arrangements proactively themselves. The homeschool community has been our main source of friendships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 When I was growing up, my friends consisted of a couple of girls who lived on my block. Yeah, I spoke to 'friends' at school, but rarely saw them outside of school. I was not considered unsocialized. Now I'm not trying to be snarky. I think we, as parents who homeschool, tend to put unnecessary burdens on ourselves and our children. That said, friends are important. When my kids were that age, we did not hang out with relative strangers from dance class or soccer, etc. I had a group of friends and we all had kids around the same time. We saw each other on a regular basis and our kids played together. Do you have anything like that? If so, then I'd say you're golden. Eventually your kids and your friends' kids may grow apart, [mine did, but we moved 3000 miles away so it was a bit expected] Making friends, lasting friends takes time. I think you have that time as your kids are so very young. Take heart. :001_smile: HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshin Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 I wouldn't worry about deep friendships at that age. DS12 went to public school for two years, and his core group of friends are the three boys he hung out with most then, but they are also in other activities together. DS7 is just starting to make his own friends from his activities and group get togethers. Both my kids are extroverts and make friends easily. At young ages we just did park days and such, or just went to the park on our own. They may not have made long term friends, but they socialized for the day and that was just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Iirc, I read something years ago saying that most kids don't develop strong friendships until around 3rd grade. That has been the case thus far with my boys, and I remember it myself. I really don't think it is anything to be concerned about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You could talk to some of the moms at these classes/days and propose playdates. I find that I have to be a little bit more active in making phone calls and issuing invitations than I might otherwise be. But that has worked out pretty well for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alicai Posted October 30, 2012 Author Share Posted October 30, 2012 I have put a lot of effort into befriending moms and trying to schedule play dates for the kids over the years. That has resulted in some good friends - who all chose public school, and our paths run in very different directions now, in more than one way. It may be just our bad luck that the local homeschool group is almost all boys and none of the moms at the charter were open to outside play dates. I think also the fact that we live far away from all of our family contributes to the feeling of isolation. You have a point, Joshin, that it may be at this age that just play encounters at a park, etc is good enough and I'm just stressing myself out. However, the girls derive a great deal of happiness and satisfaction out of the lasting relationships we have with a few families in this area. They talk about them constantly and really look forward to seeing them. I think I'm looking for more of that for them. It was also really sad for my younger this year that she didn't have any kids to invite to her birthday. I don't want that for her again next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 I do think friendships are important and have worked hard to help my kids have the chance to keep their friends. We haven't been able to keep up any friendships with school kids though. All our friends also homeschool. In many ways, we're just lucky enough to live in an area with other like-minded homeschoolers. But I do think my efforts have something to do with it. We have been willing to travel and don't feel neighborhood bound. I do prioritize social commitments over being home sometimes, which I have noticed that some homeschoolers don't do. I have organized and led many things for other homeschoolers and I find that helps a lot, so I coached Destination Imagination, directed a Shakespeare production, have been a part of a couple of small co-ops, etc. I don't think you have to jump through as many hoops as I have (I like organizing things) but I do think it takes effort. Still, it's not a formula. Sometimes it's just hard to find people depending on where you live and what your values are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 We've been homeschooling for about a year now. We pulled my dd out of kindergarten at a public school, enrolled in a charter that supports homeschoolers where she took some weekly classes, and this year had to drop that program due to complications with my pregnancy. One of our major fears when switching to homeschooling was how we would 1) maintain her friendships with kids who go to school all day and have homework at night and 2) provide opportunities to form new lasting friendships. Over the last year, we joined a homeschool group that met fairly often but neither dd6 or dd4 made any friends from it. Both girls take dance classes where they are friendly with the other girls but that's about it. At the charter, it was the same thing - dd was friendly with the kids but there was no real opportunity to form a meaningful friendship. It has proved to be very challenging to get the parents of her "old" friends to make time for the kids to get together. Meanwhile, dd4 is not enrolled in preschool and has absolutely no friends of her own. Overall, I've just been feeling that the kids are cloistered in the house way too much and that , in this area, we are not doing right by them, particularly for my younger dd who has difficulty making friends. I can only think that this must be a challenge for other homeschooling families besides just us. Are my expectations for what's enough socialization/friends just vastly different? Tips/ideas? Do you think this will improve over time? We can't afford to enroll them in tons of extracurriculars and I'm not really sure those are helping in this area anyway. Thanks for your input. I think you need not worry when they are only 6 and 4, and when you have a baby. They have each other, and I presume you take them out of the house sometimes, and maybe see a friend or relative once in awhile. They will be fine. Do what works for you now. Yes, it will all improve over time! We did start co-op at 5 and 7 one day a week, and that was more than enough in those early years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 We are lucky enough to live where there is a vibrant hs community. My 6 & 3 year olds have tons of friends, literally. However we just went away for nearly and instantly got an awful flu on our arrival home. Thus, my children have not seen any of their friends more than once in the last two months. You know what? They are absolutely fine. So all that is to say that although I value social opportunities for my children, I agree with PP that at this age it's just not that important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 My kids are 14 and 12 now so I can look back on this with a bit of perspective. We normally had organized play every two weeks at that age. Other kids at a neighborhood playground occasionally. So not alot of outside friendships. My dd did treasure her playgroup friends but really did not expect to see more of them unless someone acted like she should. They were very happy playing together. They bicker like crazy now but both have great memories of being little together. When they were ds9 and dd11 we started really hunting for outside friendships. We had a major move to the UK so really had to work at it. Both children have several friends now. Really as many as we can handle and get school done too. They honestly have social skills appropriate for their personalities. Ds is outgoing and very kind. I always hear how much his friends like him. His good friend's mom is dying-- he is such a good friend to him. I am really proud. Dd is the shy artist type. She has a few good friends. Not the magnet her brother is but happy. I honestly would enjoy their time now as a family. Lots of time for outside friends later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Co-ops and classes often provide little time for socializing. We haven't found those to be our best bets. Homeschool playdates/park days were best when they were younger. Now it is scouts. People often tell us our scouts get out too late (we often leave at 10pm or later) but the truth is, once they finish their scouting duties, they have time to hang out. They also go on camping trips often, help with Eagle projects and have time to talk while doing work, etc..... A 4-H group, Frontier Girls, that sort of thing provides much more time for socializing. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 We uave been in the same co-op for over a year. My kids have made good friends, but we go to other activities so they can play. But, right now they are each others best friends and that is what I want. I want them to want to play together and have a strong bond as siblings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 I have put a lot of effort into befriending moms and trying to schedule play dates for the kids over the years. That has resulted in some good friends - who all chose public school, and our paths run in very different directions now, in more than one way. It may be just our bad luck that the local homeschool group is almost all boys... My older daughter is in the same boat--all boys at the park group, who are obsessed with Yugioh. Pretty much, all of our best friends are in public school, and that has always been true for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Does your parks & rec dept offer homeschool PE or other homeschool classes? What about your YMCA? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 When we were homeschooling, my kids' main friends were other kids their age in our neighborhood. Are there any kids in the neighborhood who are around your kids' ages? Once my kids really got out there and started playing, it's like kids started popping out of the woodwork. I hadn't realized how many kids were in our neighborhood before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 At that age my kids best friends were each other. I had a 6,4,2 and newborn. They could play with each other. We had friends at church they saw at MDO but we never did playdates with kids who weren't my friends kids. KWIM? Even at this age (12,11,9 and 6) they have friends in the neighborhood but their best friends are each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alicai Posted October 30, 2012 Author Share Posted October 30, 2012 Thanks, everyone, for the input. It's very helpful to hear from experienced families. In answer to some of the questions - no, there are no homeschool PE or such classes. There are few homeschool resources in our area. We tried to join Girl Scouts this year for my older dd and learned that the troops here are extremely hard to get into - apparently, families have been waiting 2+ years without getting in. Is that common?? I may try to start a troop next year if I can find enough girls. Yes, there are some neighborhood kids and we know some of them but now that ps is in session, they are rarely out. My girls are absolutely best friends and I love that for them. I think many of you make a good point that maybe I don't need to worry so much right now and more opportunities will present themselves as they grow older. Maybe some of your kids would like to attend Ainsley's birthday this year? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Absolutely start a troop. If you have the time and inclination, that's exactly the sort of thing that ties you to other families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto3innc Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Two thoughts... One, I have kids close in age to each other and they are constantly constantly playing as you mentioned yours are. I really feel that counts. How often do they really get to play during the school day at ps in a safe fun setting? So although they may not be getting large quantities of playtime with tons of kids, it may be quality with each other that will last a lifetime. Secondly, when we moved to a new area a few years ago we joined several things offered in our area and were making zero progress at friends. We kept seeing kids all the time but there was no depth. So, I took it upon myself to start inviting people over all.the.time (or to meet at a park). I did individual family to family play things as well as organized things for larger groups. This is what did it. In my home and at local parks with no classes or such to do we just talked and became friends...both the kids and the moms. It's been a really cool thing but it took a lot of intentional effort on my part but has reaped great rewards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You're doing fine. My kids primarily have had each other, especially my boys. My daughter has had various friends through the years but they always come and go, as most friendships do. My boys have only had each other and they have zero problem socializing with others- they are very compassionate, well-behaved, funny, fun to play with. When we go to a park or when they're around other kids they all have a lot of fun playing and we've never had any problems. And believe me I'm not looking at them through rose colored glasses. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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