How much help do you like to have post-partum and for how long?

[PeterPan]

That whole post-partum thing for me with dd is a blur, so I honestly don't remember. I just remember dh going to work the very next day and not liking that ONE BIT! lol We're planning a homebirth, which is what we did last time, so I'm really afraid I'm going to be stuck with no one helping me, no one taking care of me. Additionally, I eat special food, so I can't just have meals brought in by people. (I can eat a meal or two like that, but I still need my basic food for the day and can't do it perpetually.) And I don't think it's fair to ask my 9 yo dd to do all the food prep every night (takes 1-2 hours) just because I've had a baby, kwim?

 

Well I'm rambling. You can tell I'm worried! My dh will probably kick in a little, but he's really reluctant in the salad prep category, which is a huge thing for me, have to have. My MIL will probably come over some (a few days), and my mother has promised a long week (week plus two weekends). Is that enough? Did you find yourself wishing for some care and pampering longer than that? How long for help on meal prep and cleaning?

 

See here's my idea. Last time, with dd, I hired a neighboring homeschooled girl to come over and clean, keep things up, which was an immense help. I'm wondering if I should pursue that again. She could clean and make sure supper gets on the table, taking the strain off dh. (dd could help) Does this seem wise? Would you dream of that? And for how long would you want that sort of help? Till the baby is 4 weeks, 6 weeks?

 

I know I'm worrying, but I've been stewing about this for some time now and this cleaning/helper girl idea is the first thing that actually seemed a solution. Any advice?

[kat19]

My husband had a couple days off after I got home from the hospital.

I was in the hospital a week before delivery so he took a couple non paid days, then took one of his weeks vacation to cover up the rest.

I was released on Monday, baby on Tuesday and my husband had to be back to work on Wednesday.

We still had a few things to get before baby came home, so I'm glad he was there to help me with all that.

Plus my kids(13 and 11) are a big help.

They are old enough to clean up, vacuum and so on.. They also help with baby too(which helps me a lot).

I was fine with what little help I had for the first few days.

I just enjoyed being home with all my kids :001_smile:

My sister lives not far so on her day's off she would stop by, but no one helped with house work or anything like that.

 

If your mom and mother in law are coming, that should be fine.

Hopefully your husband can get a little bit of time off to enjoy your new blessing!

[abbeyej]

You know, I tend to be a bit isolationist / "I can do it myself", etc -- I just don't like having other people doing stuff in my house! lol... But I think they idea of hiring a young helper to come through, pick up, get a load of laundry going and get your salad prep done would be a huge help. Not "necessary" -- I truly believe you *could* do it yourself -- but helpful. I'd make a very specific list of tasks for her (something not overwhelming to her, but that will cover you for the things you most need done), and negotiate pay ahead of time...

 

I'm also wondering if there are some ways you can make your food prep a little easier, just for a few weeks... I'm not really a fan of bagged salad as a *general* rule, but maybe your dh could stop on the way home every other day or so and pick up loose baby lettuces instead of someone having to tear up leaf lettuces each day? Do you have a food processor (maybe you could borrow one, if necessary), to make chopping other veggies quicker? Or even buy them ready-sliced for a couple of weeks? I do understand that that's not ideal, but I think the trade-off might be worth it for a couple of weeks.

[PeterPan]

Well my MIL isn't exactly coming. She just lives close enough that she could bop in for a little bit and help.

 

Dh can't just take off work because we own our own business.

 

Sounds like you had 2 1/2 weeks or so of care (1 in the hospital, 1 1/2 from your dh), plus two teenage slaves. It's the teenage slave I was thinking of hiring, so I'm not dumping on my 9 yo. How long did you feel like it took to go from depending on your teenage slaves to being back to doing your normal things for yourself?

[momofkhm]

my girls were only 6 and 3, not really helpful ages. (They want to help, but you really have to be on your toes!) DS was born on a Saturday night. My folks came down on Sunday. DH was at work on Monday. Mom stayed the whole week. Dad went home and came back Friday. They both left Sunday. DH stayed home the whole next week. So I had daily help for the first 2 weeks. DH or Mom took the girls to school, cleaned and cooked. By the third week, I was alone doing it "all".

 

Starting when I was about 5 mo pg, I cooked double batches 2 or 3 times a week and froze 1/2. Between what was in my freezer, meals people brought over and mom and dh cooking, I didn't cook for 6 weeks.

[chaik76]

Well, I sent my dh back to work on the day I delivered! I did send my older one to his grandparents...but I do not like having people around to help when I've first had a baby. I like to just relax and do things on my own time, in my own way. I don't mind visitors stopping by, though.

[PeterPan]

Abbey, that's a really interesting idea! See I've taught dd to make salads, but it's the chopping that gets her. She can do it, but it takes her so long that it's really cumbersome. When I started eating this way ages ago, the nutritionist had told me to get a Salad Shooter, something I had never done. I could take a look at one and see if it's something safe for a 9 yo to use with guidance. If it is, that could speed up the salad thing SIGNIFICANTLY. And you're right, I was starting to think through some things I could do ahead. Like my grains for lunch I can cook ahead and freeze in preportioned baggies. Then you just warm it in the steamer, easy peesey. And the meat, well I was thinking I could do some work buying some meats that would be easier to cook (frozen flat, easy to toss in the oven, turkey meatballs precooked, etc. You're right that if I got some of those things done ahead, it would make this a LOT easier. It was the salad though that was getting me. I utterly fizzle without it (weird, I know), and I just couldn't see anyone stepping up to the plate to do this for me, kwim? It's a labor of love, and you can't exactly get a salad hater to put that kind of love into it, lol. (3 cups of salad times 3 people is a lot of chopping!)

 

Thanks for the good ideas! I think what I'll do today is sit down with dd and make a practical list of what we need to buy, make ahead, etc. to make that happen. I had started (made some br. rice ahead), but I could do a lot more, a LOT. I think if I had 6 weeks of meats and whatnot put up, I'd feel a lot more secure. Then with that salad shooter. See I don't care about the house being clean at all, sorry, lol. It's just that stupid salad and food prep! Guess that's one more thing now on my list of things to get done before baby... It seems like it will never end!

[PeterPan]

Cheryl, now why didn't *I* think of cooking double batches as I go along! That's such a great idea!!! Thanks! :)

[PeterPan]

Wow Chaik, you must be wonder woman, hehe... I had a very long labor, couldn't hardly talk, walk, anything by the time I was done. I'm praying for a 7 hour labor with this one, just hoping I'll have some energy afterward!

[Sugarfoot]

hiring a teen to help with specific things is a great idea. My last 2 were harder because they were C-Sections, but you won't have to worry about that, and I think you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll feel better, especially since you have DD8 to help you carry things, etc. You could make a list each day for the helper to work through--if it were me, let's see, I'd ask her to put in a load of laundry (with directions, if needed), re-stock the baby supplies in certain rooms, straighten/put away stray stuff in the house, unload the dishwasher, chop veggies for dinner, set the table, and re-boot the laundry. While she was doing that, I'd either take a nap or do some light schoolwork with DD, just for the "attention factor." After dinner, I'd have someone empty the dryer and bring the stuff to me to fold while others loaded the dishwasher, and then DD or DH could put the folded laundry away. That routine would keep us afloat long enough for me to recover.:) Really, though, if I could have that for a few weeks, I could focus on getting the baby into a routine and finding the "flow" of school with the little one.

 

HTH! It will all work out fine...

[Michelle in MO]

I remember very well those post-partum days, the blur, the exhaustion, etc. Which is why we stopped at three!

 

At any rate, if you can afford a cleaning girl, I'd go for it. I was always so exhausted that I just wanted my husband and trusted friends around. My mother has passed away, so she wasn't around to help. After our second daughter was born, we had a friends' daughter come to help for two weeks. She was homeschooled and the oldest of 5 boys; 13 years old at the time. She was a godsend.

 

If you can afford any help, do it! Blessings to you, too!

[Renee in NC]

After #5, dh had to be back at work the next day and I had no help. I had 4 dc 5 and under at the time. That was ROUGH! Three days after her birth, I had to be at the baseball field with oldest (long story) and the next day FIL and BIL came to visit. So, instead of help after the birth, I had 2 more to cook for (and it meant 3 meals per day!)

 

When I had #6, I didn't even have a ride home from the hospital when they (finally) discharged me. I had to wait until almost 11pm that night to get home. My mother came that same night (thankfully!) but I was back at work less than a week later (with the baby!)

 

All that to say - you *could* do it, but if you have $$$ to spare to pay for help, why would you try and do it alone?

[TammyinTN]

My parents came and spent the week when I had Ron II -10 years ago. I had an emergency c-section and it was awesome to have them there. DH took the next week off..so I had full time help for two weeks. I was feeling wonderful by week 3 and on my own with the three children by then.

 

I say definitely hire the help if that would work for you. :)

[dirty ethel rackham]

I take as much help as I can get. Although my last 2 babies were easy deliveries, I really took to heart something my midwife told me - the less you do the first two weeks, the better you'll feel the 2nd two weeks. She was sooo right. I would definitely get the teen help with the meals and picking up.

[kat19]

How long did you feel like it took to go from depending on your teenage slaves to being back to doing your normal things for yourself?

 

I pretty much started doing things right away.. Which maybe I shouldn't have, but did. I didn't want to rely on the kids too much either, didn't want them to feel like my slave :001_smile: And they didn't, they enjoyed spending time with their baby brother :001_smile:

My kids helped with the daily picking up, and getting things for me if needed.

And at first my husband helped me out at night, he would go get the bottle while I changed baby, then I fed him.. Then we realized that was kind of dumb since we were both tired all the time. Now hubby takes the weekend shift and I do the week since he works.

The baby is sleeping so much better at night now that he is almost 4 months old. He has his nighttime bottle and then sleeps for 5 hours before getting up for another one.. I'm glad :001_smile:

 

You will know when you are ready for more activity.

Don't stress too much about it and just enjoy your baby!!

[Pink Fairy]

My dh takes a full week off, although that includes the delivery day, and my mom stays for a week. So I get about 2 weeks of help, but this is with a normal delivery. Our fifth baby was in the NICU for 2 1/2 weeks, and I needed more help so that I could spend all of my time with him.

 

My oldest is now 11, and a "little mommy" type, so I think that will make a huge difference if we have another. Cooking is not a major thing with me--I can always throw a pizza in the oven and not feel the least bit bad, even when I'm not pg/postpartum. :D

[at the beach]

That whole post-partum thing for me with dd is a blur, so I honestly don't remember. I just remember dh going to work the very next day and not liking that ONE BIT! lol We're planning a homebirth, which is what we did last time, so I'm really afraid I'm going to be stuck with no one helping me, no one taking care of me. Additionally, I eat special food, so I can't just have meals brought in by people. (I can eat a meal or two like that, but I still need my basic food for the day and can't do it perpetually.) And I don't think it's fair to ask my 9 yo dd to do all the food prep every night (takes 1-2 hours) just because I've had a baby, kwim?

 

Well I'm rambling. You can tell I'm worried! My dh will probably kick in a little, but he's really reluctant in the salad prep category, which is a huge thing for me, have to have. My MIL will probably come over some (a few days), and my mother has promised a long week (week plus two weekends). Is that enough? Did you find yourself wishing for some care and pampering longer than that? How long for help on meal prep and cleaning?

 

See here's my idea. Last time, with dd, I hired a neighboring homeschooled girl to come over and clean, keep things up, which was an immense help. I'm wondering if I should pursue that again. She could clean and make sure supper gets on the table, taking the strain off dh. (dd could help) Does this seem wise? Would you dream of that? And for how long would you want that sort of help? Till the baby is 4 weeks, 6 weeks?

 

I know I'm worrying, but I've been stewing about this for some time now and this cleaning/helper girl idea is the first thing that actually seemed a solution. Any advice?

 

Okay, OhE, I'm going to give you a radical suggestion. If you can afford a mother's helper, goodness, I'd keep her as long as I could! Not a few weeks or even months, but longer, for sure. I'd say that whole first year if possible anyway. Why not? You're homeschooling your older child, you'll have a new baby to enjoy, and I say, enjoy as much of this first year as you can and make it as easy on yourself as possible. This will be a short season in your life, your new baby's first year, and your older daughter will still need lots of your time, so why not try to make things easier for yourself? I have an 8 year gap between baby one and two, and the one thing I regret looking back is that 8 yo dd suddenly was taking a backseat to new baby--not intentionally, of course, but it was just an adjustment with nursing and being up at all hours again, etc. If I could have managed it, having someone come in to help would have been an amazing and worthwhile resource IMHO. I know women who have mother's helpers coming in forever, actually.

 

Anita

[chaik76]

Wow Chaik, you must be wonder woman, hehe... I had a very long labor, couldn't hardly talk, walk, anything by the time I was done. I'm praying for a 7 hour labor with this one, just hoping I'll have some energy afterward!

Well with my first one I ended up in emergency surgery, in the hospital for quite a while, with endometritis (infection!), and some other issues... I couldn't even get ON our bed, let alone get off! I definitely needed help that time! My mom ended up flying out, but I sent her home after a week.

I think when I think of people helping I think of my mother hovering over me...:D

Obviously, if you can't walk or talk, some help is needed!!!

[PeterPan]

Well y'all will rejoice to know I asked dh and he likes the idea a LOT. Terrific! He thought of a couple girls in the church he thinks can do it, so that takes care of that. So family will help as long as they're inclined and I can have paid slave labor after that. And Ethel R., I really appreciate your comment about the 2 + 2, that makes sense! It just fit with what I was feeling, that I want someone to take care of me. I had a good homebirth experience, so I knew something was up when I started reading about these ladies' stays in the hospital (x number days, no cleaning, no cooking) longingly, lol. I'm glad we have a plan now. Thanks! :)

[PeterPan]

Mamabegood, you know, it's funny you say that. See even though I WANT the help post-partum, that first week sort of feels private to me, where you're getting the nursing off to a good start and just need your space, don't want people peering in. But by the 2nd week, I was more confident, not phased by people being around, and could have people in to help (mother, etc.) just fine. So I think that will be our plan, to have my mother come to stay the next week, like you're saying. It's just a good comfort zone.

[PeterPan]

You know Anita, that IS in the back of my mind, that I might be able to get this post-partum help to continue on as a once a week thing or something. ;) I appreciate your story, and I'll definitely keep it in mind.

[ajjkt]

With baby 1 the hospital funded meals on wheels and a house cleaner for two hours a week for the first 2 months. I loved that, but it was no longer on offer when baby 2 was born the next year. My husband was back at work within a few days, she was colicky and I didn't cope very well

 

When baby 3 was born my husband only had a few days off and I felt terrible. I had my mum to help a bit.

 

With babies 1 - 3 I always had a huge amount of meals in the freezer ready to eat. That made a big difference. When baby 4 was born in November 08 I hadn't done that, but my husband has been doing all the cooking. Still, it means that one pair of hands is occupied at that time. I love to use the slow cooker because it means I can prepare the meal at a time that suits.

 

I didn't want mother's help straight away, but after about 6 weeks with baby 4 I am desperate for it. I struggle to school dc 1 and 2, while taking care of 3yo needs and a newbon. I looked into it and found that the government in Australia will fund in-home child care to families that meet particular criteria (3+ children at home, a child or parent with a disability/illness (dyspraxia counts for us). Is there some way you can access something similar?

 

Anyway, we have a girl starting next week when baby is 9 weeks old and will be paying very little out of our own pocket. If it had not been for Xmas, New Years, I would have liked it starting earlier at about 4 weeks (given us our own private time for bonding, settling etc). It will make a huge difference. I say go for it if in any way you can - its a good way of being able to meet dc needs because no matter how much time and attention they get they always want more.

[Laura Corin]

Eight years? Seriously though, DH was home when Calvin was born, and by the time I had Hobbes, I had full time household help. I've no idea how people manage the aftermath of childbirth without - they are better women than I.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[LaxMom]

In my circle - and admittedly, I hang with an extraordinary group of women - when a baby is born, the entire community gets on board to bring meals to the family for the first full month. As soon as we know the birth has happened, an announcement goes out, overlapping as many groups as we are able, such as our homeschool co-op, and making sure at least one person from the family's church knows, so they can spread the word there. Then we usually have a schedule for people to sign up (I like Google docs spreadsheets so nobody has to worry about missing an email)

 

The frequency depends on the family; for instance, with a first or second child, we may bring meals every other day with enough for leftovers, but when a friend recently had her twins we brought meals daily because there are three adults and three other children in the house.

 

Generally, whoever is bringing the meal will stay and do some of the other stuff that needs to be done, tend the kids while mom gets a shower or nap, that sort of thing. Some leave their older kids to do mommy's helper type of things, as well, if that is helpful. The idea is that the family shouldn't have to coordinate or put effort into daily living but, instead, enjoy quiet life with their new little one until they get their energy back up.