Last minute adult life skills to teach before university?

[Plucky]

We take ds to university in 46 days. I am trying to think of last minute skills to teach and wisdom to impart - much to his chagrin.

 

I am going to go over ironing. He's been doing his laundry forever so that isn't a big deal. The importance of being careful with your laundry if you don't want to do it often, i.e. tossing stuff on the floor that isn't dirty, putting wet towel in you hamper on your clothes. Reuse clothes that aren't dirty.

 

Time management and effective use of the academic planner. Setting your goals early instead of playing Beat the Clock which he usually loses. Binder organization seems like a time waster but can save you.

 

How dusting your dorm room periodically is a good thing and will help you all to breathe better. Wash your sheets now and then. Hang up your towel so you can use it again and it will be dry when you next use it.

 

Yeah you're the man, but don't be stupid. Crime is up in the city and you need to be careful at night. Go with a buddy.

 

This is your personal first aid kit. You will still call me at 3 a.m. sick and desperate and I will tell you where it is, but you will be less miserable if you know where it is yourself.

 

Argh! He's a smart kid although a teenage boy. I know he won't do all this or care but I have to fill the knowledge gaps before he goes. What am I missing?

[Caroline]

If he is going to have a loft bed, teach him to tighten the bolts every couple of weeks. Do they have loft beds in dorms still?

 

He's been taking college classes already, right? So I assume he can read and follow a syllabus.

 

Change out your toothbrush if you get sick.

 

You will make mistakes. It's ok. You will still be loved, and that's what college is for.

 

If you only eat brownies for a month, your tongue will turn black.

[Plucky]

If he is going to have a loft bed, teach him to tighten the bolts every couple of weeks. Do they have loft beds in dorms still?

 

He's been taking college classes already, right? So I assume he can read and follow a syllabus.

 

Change out your toothbrush if you get sick.

 

You will make mistakes. It's ok. You will still be loved, and that's what college is for.

 

If you only eat brownies for a month, your tongue will turn black.

 

Yes, he has a loft bed. I will add that. Toothbrush idea check. He's a health nut so he only eats junk on the weekends. LOL

 

I will remind him about being loved and making mistakes. I'm not one to think that plan A is set in stone. My ds is one of those who will not quit and he takes that to a fault at times.

 

Yes, he's been taking classes for the last two years and working at the same time. He is pretty responsible. There are only a few skills I think we've missed. In the end he will learn just as we all did. :D

[Mrs Mungo]

How to make coffee, he will start drinking it sooner or later.

 

Are they allowed hotplates? How about toaster ovens? Microwave? How to get a halfway decent meal out of one. Eat 2 pieces of fruit and 2 vegetables every day. Pasta sauce counts as a vegetable; pizza sauce or ketchup does not, unless you are personally eating a cup of it. Baked potato and broccoli=great quick lunch.

[Plucky]

How to make coffee, he will start drinking it sooner or later.

 

Are they allowed hotplates? How about toaster ovens? Microwave? How to get a halfway decent meal out of one. Eat 2 pieces of fruit and 2 vegetables every day. Pasta sauce counts as a vegetable; pizza sauce or ketchup does not, unless you are personally eating a cup of it. Baked potato and broccoli=great quick lunch.

 

Good idea. He eats a lot of fruits and veggies now. No hot plate, yes microwave.

[elfgivas]

"as soon as you catch yourself making excuses about why you did something, or didn't do something, that means you need to not do it/do it right now."

 

you have a good inner voice; listen to it.

 

build yourself a schedule, including when you do laundry, when you get up, when you go to bed, when you eat, what you eat. follow it. start now, so that part of it is already automatic.

 

flylady has a college section. as a mom, i'd check it out and see if i could recommend that to dc.

 

i've never actually known a university student to iron, so i'd probably skip that ;).

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

ann

[Plucky]

"as soon as you catch yourself making excuses about why you did something, or didn't do something, that means you need to not do it/do it right now."

 

you have a good inner voice; listen to it.

 

build yourself a schedule, including when you do laundry, when you get up, when you go to bed, when you eat, what you eat. follow it. start now, so that part of it is already automatic.

 

flylady has a college section. as a mom, i'd check it out and see if i could recommend that to dc.

 

i've never actually known a university student to iron, so i'd probably skip that ;).

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

ann

 

 

A schedule is a great idea. He kind of prides himself on being a fly-by-the-seat-of your-pants guy. :tongue_smilie:

[elfgivas]

we also did the "rules to keep yourself alive and out of jail" talk.

 

rule #1. i don't care if you get pregnant. (or get someone else pregnant). i care if you get dead. hiv is real. before you have sex with someone, you both need to go and get tested. you both need to use birth control. sex is always better inside a committed relationship. it plays with your heart and your brains, making someone seem more attractive than they otherwise might be. i'd wait until i was in a committed relationship. your call. and then i have always added.... welll, that's not exactly true. i do care if you get pregnant. but we can deal with that. getting dead, not so much.

 

rule #2. don't drink anything you yourself didn't see opened or poured. ever. do not leave a drink unattended and then drink from it. ever. if you drink rum and coke, you can make your second and third and fourth just coke, and no one will ever know. ditto vodka and orange juice. the longer you stay at a party, the more people will have had to drink, and the more nutso/crazy/illegal/dangerous things will happen. usually two hours early on is enough to have fun, and folks will still remember you were there. after that, not so much. if someone is buying you drinks, choose something really expensive. scotch is a good choice. most university students don't have enough money to buy you more than one. its hard to drink a ton of scotch quickly, too. and if you don't like it, that's even better ;).

 

rule #3. as soon as any illegal substance appears, you leave. always. guilt by association happens, and changes your whole life. (believe it or not, dd #2 saved herself huge grief when she left a party after something not legal appeared..... and everyone else who didn't leave spent the night in jail, and some much longer. ie. i never thought i needed to say it, but did because i needed to know i would need to know i had if anything bad happened).

 

rule #4. never walk home alone. never get in a car with a driver who has had anything at all to drink. always carry cab fare, because you never know when you will need to leave on your own, quickly. i will happily give you extra money to carry. (my mom called it "mad money", and i did use it once myself).

 

rule #5. no one stores anything in your room, in your packpack, etc, at all. ever. you don't hold something for anyone, ever.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

ann

[craftymama]

While it may be uncomfortable...provide your own protection. I'm just pointing it out since I recall intentional pregnancies on the part of some girls during my college years.

 

If you have any concerns about his managing money, I'd cover that.

[Plucky]

While it may be uncomfortable...provide your own protection. I'm just pointing it out since I recall intentional pregnancies on the part of some girls during my college years.

 

If you have any concerns about his managing money, I'd cover that.

 

Ewww. That is something to discuss.

[Plucky]

we also did the "rules to keep yourself alive and out of jail" talk.

 

rule #1. i don't care if you get pregnant. (or get someone else pregnant). i care if you get dead. hiv is real. before you have sex with someone, you both need to go and get tested. you both need to use birth control. sex is always better inside a committed relationship. it plays with your heart and your brains, making someone seem more attractive than they otherwise might be. i'd wait until i was in a committed relationship. your call. and then i have always added.... welll, that's not exactly true. i do care if you get pregnant. but we can deal with that. getting dead, not so much.

 

rule #2. don't drink anything you yourself didn't see opened or poured. ever. do not leave a drink unattended and then drink from it. ever. if you drink rum and coke, you can make your second and third and fourth just coke, and no one will ever know. ditto vodka and orange juice. the longer you stay at a party, the more people will have had to drink, and the more nutso/crazy/illegal/dangerous things will happen. usually two hours early on is enough to have fun, and folks will still remember you were there. after that, not so much. if someone is buying you drinks, choose something really expensive. scotch is a good choice. most university students don't have enough money to buy you more than one. its hard to drink a ton of scotch quickly, too. and if you don't like it, that's even better ;).

 

rule #3. as soon as any illegal substance appears, you leave. always. guilt by association happens, and changes your whole life. (believe it or not, dd #2 saved herself huge grief when she left a party after something not legal appeared..... and everyone else who didn't leave spent the night in jail, and some much longer. ie. i never thought i needed to say it, but did because i needed to know i would need to know i had if anything bad happened).

 

rule #4. never walk home alone. never get in a car with a driver who has had anything at all to drink. always carry cab fare, because you never know when you will need to leave on your own, quickly. i will happily give you extra money to carry. (my mom called it "mad money", and i did use it once myself).

 

rule #5. no one stores anything in your room, in your packpack, etc, at all. ever. you don't hold something for anyone, ever.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

ann

 

Excellent. Thank you.

[Mrs Mungo]

While it may be uncomfortable...provide your own protection. I'm just pointing it out since I recall intentional pregnancies on the part of some girls during my college years.

 

And *always* use protection. It's all fun and games until your p*nis feels like it's on fire. Sorry, I had a lot of guy friends in college.

[Plucky]

And *always* use protection. It's all fun and games until your p*nis feels like it's on fire.

 

He took biology classes and I think it scared him. He's waiting until marriage he says and seeing std images made quite an impact on him. I will discuss though. Oy.

[Chris in VA]

If he really wants to wait for marriage, it might be a good idea for him to have some personal boundaries that don't just stop at the edge of the cliff, but further back, iykwim. One of my friends did not stay alone with a boy after a certain hour, which was a bit earlier than she would if it was just girls, b/c she knew she'd be tired and more prone to give in to the temptation to stay over, even w/o s3x. Another said No to bare skin touching or lifting shirts and other clothing items. Just make sure he knows there will probably come a time when he doesn't WANT to follow his boundaries, and what to do then.

 

$$--Make sure he knows about credit (I advise waiting for a real job before getting CCards, or getting a student card and just giving it to parents to hold on to). Show him about compound interest, if he hasn't gotten that lesson. Sure wish I'd had it.

 

Make sure he realizes he can talk to his professor about assignments--but not to expect due dates to fluctuate, even with really good excuses.

[Mrs Mungo]

If he really wants to wait for marriage, it might be a good idea for him to have some personal boundaries that don't just stop at the edge of the cliff, but further back, iykwim. One of my friends did not stay alone with a boy after a certain hour, which was a bit earlier than she would if it was just girls, b/c she knew she'd be tired and more prone to give in to the temptation to stay over, even w/o s3x. Another said No to bare skin touching or lifting shirts and other clothing items. Just make sure he knows there will probably come a time when he doesn't WANT to follow his boundaries, and what to do then.

 

This is a good point. I had *lots* of rules for myself when I was dating in college. I didn't let a guy drive me the first few dates, we met somewhere (I *often* wound up glad of this!). I didn't go out with guys who drank excessively on dates. I didn't drink on dates. I didn't continue to date guys who pressured me to go home with them. It is important to establish rules and boundaries for yourself well ahead of time. It's "lead me not into temptation," not "help me resist temptation."

[Denise in Florida]

How to make a doctor appointment and how to fill a prescription. I had always done that for my children and when older dd was in her first semester of college she caught a cold that moved to a chest infection. The campus clinic gave her the rx. But she had to call me and ask how to fill it. :lol: She also asked how to pick a good vitamin c and which kind of thermometer to get.

 

Well...:001_huh:...of course she had to ask. I had always done this for them when they were sick.

[freerange]

How to look after a friend who's drunk too much.

 

How bank charges are applied. How to avoid going overdrawn.

 

What to do if a condom fails.

 

How to tell if something is still edible without posting a, "would you eat this?" thread & which things to throw out if there's even a shadow of doubt (rice, prawns & chicken)

[Karen in CO]

My ds needed to know what OTC medicines to take for what simple symptoms - fever, cough, sore throat, snotty nose and when to go to the doctor. He also needed dosing information since the directions weren't often in English.

 

He had to cook for himself and needed help not only with budgeting for a month of food but also learning how much food he needed to eat. If he'd had a cafeteria it would have been different, but cooking for himself required a set of meal-planning skills he didn't have even though he could cook.

 

Other little life skills - sewing on buttons, mending small holes in clothes, getting out stains, when to use a butterfly bandage and when you need stitches. They really do figure out this stuff on their own. Experience is a great teacher.

[Plucky]

How to make a doctor appointment and how to fill a prescription. I had always done that for my children and when older dd was in her first semester of college she caught a cold that moved to a chest infection. The campus clinic gave her the rx. But she had to call me and ask how to fill it. :lol: She also asked how to pick a good vitamin c and which kind of thermometer to get.

 

Well...:001_huh:...of course she had to ask. I had always done this for them when they were sick.

 

He goes to the pharmacy regularly and knows how to fill prescriptions. I'm going to send a thermometer and vit. C. But that is a good skill to double check.

[Plucky]

My ds needed to know what OTC medicines to take for what simple symptoms - fever, cough, sore throat, snotty nose and when to go to the doctor. He also needed dosing information since the directions weren't often in English.

 

He had to cook for himself and needed help not only with budgeting for a month of food but also learning how much food he needed to eat. If he'd had a cafeteria it would have been different, but cooking for himself required a set of meal-planning skills he didn't have even though he could cook.

 

Other little life skills - sewing on buttons, mending small holes in clothes, getting out stains, when to use a butterfly bandage and when you need stitches. They really do figure out this stuff on their own. Experience is a great teacher.

 

Good idea about going over medicines and what they are used for. He's the kid that kept taking liquid benadryl for his cough. :glare: He does know a lot about first aid otherwise thanks to boy scouts and very adventurous friends.

[Plucky]

If he really wants to wait for marriage, it might be a good idea for him to have some personal boundaries that don't just stop at the edge of the cliff, but further back, iykwim. One of my friends did not stay alone with a boy after a certain hour, which was a bit earlier than she would if it was just girls, b/c she knew she'd be tired and more prone to give in to the temptation to stay over, even w/o s3x. Another said No to bare skin touching or lifting shirts and other clothing items. Just make sure he knows there will probably come a time when he doesn't WANT to follow his boundaries, and what to do then.

 

$$--Make sure he knows about credit (I advise waiting for a real job before getting CCards, or getting a student card and just giving it to parents to hold on to). Show him about compound interest, if he hasn't gotten that lesson. Sure wish I'd had it.

 

Make sure he realizes he can talk to his professor about assignments--but not to expect due dates to fluctuate, even with really good excuses.

 

He's really good about money. He's very frugal and a saver. He has set his own boundaries so far in regards to intimacy and it has worked out.

[Plucky]

How to look after a friend who's drunk too much.

 

 

 

I'm trying to think what that entails myself. See them home safely and if they are vomiting monitor them?

[Ottakee]

Lots of great advice here.

 

I would send along a small tool kit. I had one and was the most popular person in our dorm for a while. Great for adjusting the lofts, tightening bolts, putting things together, hanging up stuff, etc.

 

Carry an emergency $20 that is NOT to be spent unless it is an EMERGENCY. This can be used for cab fare, emergency gas, etc. Seriously, I carried one for years and never spent it. If it DO spend it, replace it immediately. Knowing you have a bit of cash on you at all times gives you options.

 

How to manage money and set a budget. I had $5/week for "fun" money at college. Granted it was 20 years ago but that was my budget. That was a once a week take out food or fast food, maybe a snack or 2, etc. There are so many places to spend money at college--just $1 or 2 here, another $5-7 there, etc. and soon the money is gone.

 

Know how to use a credit/debit card wisely. Credit card companies love to target college students with great offers if you get their card.......and of course, rack up large bills each month.

[freerange]

Good idea. He eats a lot of fruits and veggies now. No hot plate, yes microwave.

 

How to clean a microwave, and not to leave it to become welded on when your food explodes.

[Melissa in Australia]

We take ds to university in 46 days. I am trying to think of last minute skills to teach and wisdom to impart - much to his chagrin.

 

I am going to go over ironing. He's been doing his laundry forever so that isn't a big deal. The importance of being careful with your laundry if you don't want to do it often, i.e. tossing stuff on the floor that isn't dirty, putting wet towel in you hamper on your clothes. Reuse clothes that aren't dirty.

 

Time management and effective use of the academic planner. Setting your goals early instead of playing Beat the Clock which he usually loses. Binder organization seems like a time waster but can save you.

 

How dusting your dorm room periodically is a good thing and will help you all to breathe better. Wash your sheets now and then. Hang up your towel so you can use it again and it will be dry when you next use it.

 

Yeah you're the man, but don't be stupid. Crime is up in the city and you need to be careful at night. Go with a buddy.

 

This is your personal first aid kit. You will still call me at 3 a.m. sick and desperate and I will tell you where it is, but you will be less miserable if you know where it is yourself.

 

Argh! He's a smart kid although a teenage boy. I know he won't do all this or care but I have to fill the knowledge gaps before he goes. What am I missing?

 

Things I told/ showed my DS in the weeks before I took him to Uni this year.

How to iron a shirt

importance of eating veggies WITH meat

first aid kit

reviewed discussion about s3xual transmitted diseases and even though we have a view it is best to wait. I took him to the supermarket and showed him where the condoms are and how easy they are to buy.

helped him change his bank account from a children's one to an adult one

told him he can call me any time over any problem day or night.

 

He already knew how to cook and how to do laundry.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm trying to think what that entails myself. See them home safely and if they are vomiting monitor them?

 

They should know when to take someone to the hospital.

http://www.ohio.edu/alcohol/Take_Care/index.cfm

[kubiac]

He took biology classes and I think it scared him. He's waiting until marriage he says and seeing std images made quite an impact on him. I will discuss though. Oy.

 

REPEAT FREQUENTLY. Like at the beginning and end of every semester. The longer he's in college, the more relaxed and confident he's going to feel about himself, which is both good and bad. Keep having the conversation.

 

Beg him to sleep. Lack of sleep is so dangerous and makes you so sick and unable to work properly. College kids don't care and they don't listen, but make that another one of your mommy things to preach about. :)

 

On a related note, get him two alarm clocks: One that can be right next to him for "snooze...snooze...snooze" and one that he can put across the room when he really has to get up and go to class for that midterm, etc.

 

Teach him how to steam frozen veggies in a bag. Will he be on a meal plan? Tell him to stockpile snacks from the dining hall so he doesn't waste his money buying snacks between meals and late at night

 

Get him a coffee maker (as suggested upthread).

 

Oh, and take him drinking this summer. Or start serving beer at your house. Truly. So many good, well-behaved kids show up at college completely unaware of what alcohol does to them in what amounts, and quickly find themselves horribly ill, passed out and otherwise vulnerable. The excitement and the peer pressure of the first weeks/year of school have made of a fool of many freshman who by all rights should know better. He might well have this knowledge already, but on the off chance he doesn't, help him learn what happens when he drinks a cheap beer (or six) out of a red Solo cup.

Edited August 5, 2012 by kubiac

[Puma Mom]

How to make coffee, he will start drinking it sooner or later.

Ha! Someone told me that too, but I think those statements work backwards on redheads because I still don't drink coffee. :D

 

 

Teach him to go see every professor often because he wants to do well. Going to the professor indicates interest in learning the material, not lack of knowledge. So many students think going to the professor is the last resort.

[ChristyB in TN]

Does he know what access he has to public transportation? My son just finished his first year at a university. He worked part time at a mall several miles away. He had a wreck on his way to work one afternoon and it was going to take a couple of weeks to get it fixed. I drove there to get e rental car for him and was informed that he couldn't drive it until he turns 21. We passed a bus stop on our way back to the campus and the rest is history. :D During orientation they had given every student their very own bus pass. He was able to get on a bus right across from his dorm and was deposited at the door of the mall! For free! After that he says he and his friends started using the buses as their sober ride home. They got to know the late night bus drivers, Otis is their favorite, and no one drinks and drives. I am a public transportation fan for life. :D

[Plucky]

Does he know what access he has to public transportation? My son just finished his first year at a university. He worked part time at a mall several miles away. He had a wreck on his way to work one afternoon and it was going to take a couple of weeks to get it fixed. I drove there to get e rental car for him and was informed that he couldn't drive it until he turns 21. We passed a bus stop on our way back to the campus and the rest is history. :D During orientation they had given every student their very own bus pass. He was able to get on a bus right across from his dorm and was deposited at the door of the mall! For free! After that he says he and his friends started using the buses as their sober ride home. They got to know the late night bus drivers, Otis is their favorite, and no one drinks and drives. I am a public transportation fan for life. :D

 

He's in a big city so he will be learning all about public transportation. He will figure it out. I'm wanting him to take the bus home occasionally, too. It is very affordable. I'm guessing he'll be learning with a lot of other guys. He's very social and finds friends everywhere so I know he'll be fine.

[Plucky]

REPEAT FREQUENTLY. Like at the beginning and end of every semester. The longer he's in college, the more relaxed and confident he's going to feel about himself, which is both good and bad. Keep having the conversation.

 

Beg him to sleep. Lack of sleep is so dangerous and makes you so sick and unable to work properly. College kids don't care and they don't listen, but make that another one of your mommy things to preach about. :)

 

On a related note, get him two alarm clocks: One that can be right next to him for "snooze...snooze...snooze" and one that he can put across the room when he really has to get up and go to class for that midterm, etc.

 

Teach him how to steam frozen veggies in a bag. Will he be on a meal plan? Tell him to stockpile snacks from the dining hall so he doesn't waste his money buying snacks between meals and late at night

 

Get him a coffee maker (as suggested upthread).

 

Oh, and take him drinking this summer. Or start serving beer at your house. Truly. So many good, well-behaved kids show up at college completely unaware of what alcohol does to them in what amounts, and quickly find themselves horribly ill, passed out and otherwise vulnerable. The excitement and the peer pressure of the first weeks/year of school have made of a fool of many freshman who by all rights should know better. He might well have this knowledge already, but on the off chance he doesn't, help him learn what happens when he drinks a cheap beer (or six) out of a red Solo cup.

 

He's tasted beer and wine as we drink occasionally. I'm not very comfortable drinking with my ds. It's legal to serve your own kid in your own home but it's just not something I'm comfortable with. I feel like I'd be saying, "Go forth, son, and enjoy beer pong." Not gonna happen. :lol:

[Plucky]

Lots of great advice here.

 

I would send along a small tool kit. I had one and was the most popular person in our dorm for a while. Great for adjusting the lofts, tightening bolts, putting things together, hanging up stuff, etc.

 

Carry an emergency $20 that is NOT to be spent unless it is an EMERGENCY. This can be used for cab fare, emergency gas, etc. Seriously, I carried one for years and never spent it. If it DO spend it, replace it immediately. Knowing you have a bit of cash on you at all times gives you options.

 

How to manage money and set a budget. I had $5/week for "fun" money at college. Granted it was 20 years ago but that was my budget. That was a once a week take out food or fast food, maybe a snack or 2, etc. There are so many places to spend money at college--just $1 or 2 here, another $5-7 there, etc. and soon the money is gone.

 

Know how to use a credit/debit card wisely. Credit card companies love to target college students with great offers if you get their card.......and of course, rack up large bills each month.

 

I think we will discuss money, but that is something I feel he has a grip on. He hasn't been too indulged moneywise. He has worked for the last 2 years and knows how hard it is to earn a buck. A small tool kit is a good idea. I would think though that other guys will show up with it. I may wait until after he's arrived. I can always send it later.

[Plucky]

They should know when to take someone to the hospital.

http://www.ohio.edu/alcohol/Take_Care/index.cfm

 

I will have ds look the site over. I know from experience that I've never had to take anyone to the hospital or call 911 for alcohol poisoning and I'm sad to say my friends and I could drink most under the table. :tongue_smilie:

[Plucky]

Things I told/ showed my DS in the weeks before I took him to Uni this year.

How to iron a shirt

importance of eating veggies WITH meat

first aid kit

reviewed discussion about s3xual transmitted diseases and even though we have a view it is best to wait. I took him to the supermarket and showed him where the condoms are and how easy they are to buy.

helped him change his bank account from a children's one to an adult one

told him he can call me any time over any problem day or night.

 

He already knew how to cook and how to do laundry.

 

Yes, call me anytime day or night. I'm going to ask him to text me at night to check in for a while. Yes, mom is silly but humor me, son.

 

Ack, condoms. We are pretty open about things here but ...

[Kareni]

I am going to go over ironing.

 

...laundry

 

I can't remember the last time I used an iron for anything other than craft projects!

 

As regards laundry, teach him to read care labels and also to separate colorful and likely to give off color items from white items.

 

How to make coffee, he will start drinking it sooner or later.

 

Not necessarily, I'm still not a coffee drinker.

 

 

Teach him how to read a bus/train schedule.

 

Teach him how to sign 'for deposit only' on the back of a check.

Teach him how to fill out checks and that he should use only a pen.

Teach him to make entries into his check register when writing checks or using a debit card.

 

Regards,

Kareni