question springing from molested 4yr old thread

[TheReader]

There were many many kids in my extended family and I know every single one of them were sexually abused and not one of them ever reported it. Also, many of them were male. So I guess I have some first hand experience of both of your above statements. It's nice to know that there are those people in out there that take this seriously, even if none of them lived in my area.

 

Forgot to include a :grouphug: earlier; sorry 'bout that.

 

I am so very, very sorry that no one did anything for you or your family members. I know my family members feel the same way -- sorrow and grief and anger at never being heard or protected.

[mommymilkies]

Keep in mind that the plural of "anecdote" is not "data."

 

Ah. So it doesn't happen because it hasn't been recorded through official statistical programs. Gotcha.

[mommymilkies]

You know what they say about lies, d@mned lies, and statistics, but here are some numbers:

 

Like rape, child molestation is one of the most underreported crimes: only 1-10% are ever disclosed.

-FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin.

 

http://www.yellodyno.com/html/child_molester_stats.html

[macpuffins]

I'd call the police, CPS, anyone I could think of that could investigate. No way would I not do anything.

 

If I walked in? If Wolf walked in? Honestly, I don't think our reaction would be any different than if it were our child. I think both of us would flat out snap.

:iagree:

If I walked in on it happening, the perpetrator would be flat on their back and in a world of hurt inside 10 seconds. I wouldn't kill them, but they wouldn't be touching anyone else for a while.

 

If I strongly suspected someone was hurting a child I'd call the cops, CPS, whomever and have them do an investigation.

:iagree:

Somehow. I could not live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to help a child.

:iagree:

 

The perpetrator would likely also have the double indignity of having vomit on him/her too. I'm quite certain that even were I not to kill the perp, the beating I would lay down on them wouldn't be an easily recoverable one. I learned some rather NASTY self-defence tactics in the wake of having been r*aped myself. I would have no problem doing what needed doing, but that doesn't mean I won't lose my lunch in the process.

 

BTW - I have reported folks for 'strongly suspect' reasons, and in both cases, yes, there was diddling taking place. I'd rather have been wrong. Ya know?

[lionfamily1999]

You've obviously never talked to any females about this. It is pervasive, even in our society. I don't know a single female who hasn't been abused, hadn't had an attempt to rape them, or had a close relative who was abused. Those statistics are misleading. Ask any cop or lawyer how impossible it is to take those monsters to trial or get them indicted.

 

I know of two false reports and at least seven unreported cases of s.a. Not all of those are females and in my very limited experience I would say that males are even less likely to report it than females.

 

Of those I know about only two were when I was in a position to report anything, but I was just little. The others were told to me by friends once the issues were years in the past.

 

I know people who were not abused, but for a very long time I believed that being molested in some way was just what happens. It was part of growing up. I am so grateful that I know better now.

[godsaggie]

As a victim of abuse when I was a child, I must say that I would probably attack anyone I saw molesting a kid. I have pretty strong feelings about it. And right now, one of my very good friends just found out that her husband was molesting their oldest dd for the past year. It is so hard not to go find him and strangle him.

[Farrar]

You've obviously never talked to any females about this. It is pervasive, even in our society. I don't know a single female who hasn't been abused, hadn't had an attempt to rape them, or had a close relative who was abused. Those statistics are misleading. Ask any cop or lawyer how impossible it is to take those monsters to trial or get them indicted.

 

Hi. Nice to meet you. I've never experienced any of those things. Nor are any close relatives of mine the victims of abuse to my knowledge. I have known people who were abused in their past, but it's not the majority of my few close friends (the people who would reveal that sort of thing to me) by a long shot.

 

I think it's fair to say that sexual abuse of minors is a serious problem that exists in our society and that is far from rare, unfortunately. I think it's a stretch to say that it effects the majority of people and it's completely fair to question the statistics. Statistics are not meaningless, even if they don't paint a full picture.

 

And the fact that the statistics don't say it's the "majority" shouldn't diminish it the need for people to be aware of these issues and to support victims and so forth.

 

And while I don't quite share the cheers over the killing of the man who did that terrible crime in the other thread, I do think the overwhelming response helps show that people do care and if anyone saw such clear evidence, the majority of people would act. Unfortunately, people like to ignore evidence and it's rare to see anything that stark.

Edited June 11, 2012 by farrarwilliams

[Dory]

Hi. Nice to meet you. I've never experienced any of those things. Nor are any close relatives of mine the victims of abuse to my knowledge. I have known people who were abused in their past, but it's not the majority of my few close friends (the people who would reveal that sort of thing to me) by a long shot.

 

I think it's fair to say that sexual abuse of minors is a serious problem that exists in our society and that is far from rare, unfortunately. I think it's a stretch to say that it effects the majority of people and it's completely fair to question the statistics. Statistics are not meaningless, even if they don't paint a full picture.

 

And the fact that the statistics don't say it's the "majority" shouldn't diminish it the need for people to be aware of these issues and to support victims and so forth.

 

And while I don't quite share the cheers over the killing of the man who did that terrible crime in the other thread, I do think the overwhelming response helps show that people do care and if anyone saw such clear evidence, the majority of people would act. Unfortunately, people like to ignore evidence and it's rare to see anything that stark.

 

Wow would I love to trade worlds with you. I know very few people that haven't experienced abuse. Some of it was not very severe, but it was still there. I'm actually a little jealous of anyone that lives in a world where that isn't the way it is.

[kalanamak]

After all, a large majority of young girl are molested, where are all these people that think that it was awesome that the dad killed this guy.

 

 

Is this an statement based on data? A majority is 50.01%. I don't think that many are molested. A "large majority", in my mind, is 80%. Do you honestly think 80% of girls are molested?

[tntgoodwin]

Hi. Nice to meet you. I've never experienced any of those things. Nor are any close relatives of mine the victims of abuse to my knowledge. I have known people who were abused in their past, but it's not the majority of my few close friends (the people who would reveal that sort of thing to me) by a long shot.

 

I think it's fair to say that sexual abuse of minors is a serious problem that exists in our society and that is far from rare, unfortunately. I think it's a stretch to say that it effects the majority of people and it's completely fair to question the statistics. Statistics are not meaningless, even if they don't paint a full picture.

 

And the fact that the statistics don't say it's the "majority" shouldn't diminish it the need for people to be aware of these issues and to support victims and so forth.

 

And while I don't quite share the cheers over the killing of the man who did that terrible crime in the other thread, I do think the overwhelming response helps show that people do care and if anyone saw such clear evidence, the majority of people would act. Unfortunately, people like to ignore evidence and it's rare to see anything that stark.

 

:iagree:

 

Is this an statement based on data? A majority is 50.01%. I don't think that many are molested. A "large majority", in my mind, is 80%. Do you honestly think 80% of girls are molested?

 

Thank you.

[Dory]

Is this an statement based on data? A majority is 50.01%. I don't think that many are molested. A "large majority", in my mind, is 80%. Do you honestly think 80% of girls are molested?

 

No that was simply a rant of sorts. In reality the amount that I was taught in classes was 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 4 boys, so yes you are right, it's not a 'large majority'. Exaggeration is something I do too well when emotionally involved in something. As I said, this does his a little close to home for me.

[mommymilkies]

Wow would I love to trade worlds with you. I know very few people that haven't experienced abuse. Some of it was not very severe, but it was still there. I'm actually a little jealous of anyone that lives in a world where that isn't the way it is.

 

:iagree: Seriously. Consider yourself very blessed. Wasn't there a poll awhile back where boardies voted if they had been abused or something? And remember, it's "to your knowledge". My dh did not know about mine until last year. We've known each other for 14 years.

 

And even then, your knowledge of abuse shows a statistical probability higher than 1/10 of 1%, correct?

[Denisemomof4]

I read your first sentence and thought, Is she serious? Then I read the rest. I am SO sorry for your pain.

 

YES, I would act upon seeing ANY child being m*lested. I wouldn't think twice.

 

I understand your pain. I nearly lost. Life at the hands of a crazy person when I was 18. As painful as that was, having the FIRE DEPARTMENT call police instead of stepping in to save me was more painful than nearly dying. I still fail to understand that. So I can relate to your pain.:grouphug:

[lionfamily1999]

:iagree: Seriously. Consider yourself very blessed. Wasn't there a poll awhile back where boardies voted if they had been abused or something? And remember, it's "to your knowledge". My dh did not know about mine until last year. We've known each other for 14 years.

 

And even then, your knowledge of abuse shows a statistical probability higher than 1/10 of 1%, correct?

 

That is a problem for both those who have and those who have not experienced abuse. How often does someone say they have never experienced or known someone who was abused? If you are in that situation it does not seem like something you would mention, unless confronted by something that directly contradicts it. Sort of like mentioning you have never had caffeine or known anyone personally who had. It wouldn't come up, I wouldn't guess, unless someone said everyone has had caffiene at some point. Sort of like the lusting husbands/p*rn threads that come up. People simply cannot believe something so far from their side of reality.

[KnitWit]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to all the victims in this thread. I am so sorry for those of you for whom noone stepped in!

 

Yes, I would in. a. heartbeat. take action if I knew of anything going on. If I suspected something and had ANY evidence at all...even a SHRED, I'd report it.

 

Also...victims of molestation are not just females.

[Unicorn.]

I'd call the police, CPS, anyone I could think of that could investigate. No way would I not do anything.

 

If I walked in? If Wolf walked in? Honestly, I don't think our reaction would be any different than if it were our child. I think both of us would flat out snap.

 

:iagree: If I walked in on it... it wouldn't matter whose child it was, mine yours... all the same.

 

Dory, :grouphug:, I'm sorry no one helped you or your friend.

[Dustybug]

When I was 13, my father twisted my arm behind my back while calling me awful names and screaming at me in the mall. I remember very clearly that my first reaction was a flood of happiness and elation--finally, he made the mistake of abusing me in public, and I could get out of that situation.

 

No one helped. He worked himself into more of a frenzy, twisting my arm until I was forced to sink down onto my knees, perspiring and crying out from the pain. My little sister was crying, begging him to stop. We were near an exit, so many people walked past us. About ten people continued to shop within eyesight/earshot, pretending not to notice. Finally, I began begging for help, fearing my arm would be broken.

 

"Please! Someone help! Please help me!" No one helped. Not a group of young men in their twenties. Not three middle aged men, who scowled but kept walking. No one even called mall security or 911. My fater laughed and asked why I thought anyone would want to help someone like me. Eventually, he released my arm. It was severely bruised and I couldn't use it for several weeks after that -- I don't know if it was sprained or if there were hairline fractures. That doesn't matter. There was nothing he could do that could have hurt me more than those people who didn't help me. I lost my faith in humanity that day. I will always remember their faces. The way they stood up a little straighter but wouldn't look me in the eye. The ones who continued to shop as if everything was fine.

 

So yes, I am extremely skeptical when I hear people boast that they would have done something. And as a survivor of s*xual abuse, I know what you mean about people not wanting to hear about it at all. But I have a conceal carry permit, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that I am 100% prepared to kill any monster I come across. And I firmly believe anyone claiming nonviolence because the victim would witness it, doesn't understand the hellish nature of what being abused is really like.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I have been in very similar situations and just couldn't believe that someone could blatantly ignore cries for help.

 

My mother was also raped on the side of the road in broad daylight at gunpoint while walking to work when I was a senior in high school. No one stopped to help her at all.

 

True, but the fact is data can only be compiled (in this case) by #s of charges filed, indictments, convictions.

 

Any *anyone* that works in the system, dealing w/victims will tell you, loud and clear, that the vast majority of s*x crimes are NOT reported. Period. Everyone who works w/victims knows this...so they know that the data compiled is woefully incomplete.

 

To not acknowledge that fact is to get an utterly false picture of the nightmare landscape that is s*xual abuse/assault.

 

:iagree:

[LucyStoner]

I would, and have, taken action to protect other girls and women. Once I was on a downtown block and a young woman was being followed and harrased in a lewd manner. I didn't want to get killed, but I was not going to let her be followed any longer. I grabbed the arm of the biggest kind looking fellow I could see who was also obviously concerned about what was happening, raised my eyebrows to convey "go along with it" and approached the young woman and, betting this dude who was following her did not know her, said loudly "OMG, Mary it is so good to see you? How are you? Where are you headed? Lets ride home together" and together with random dude we walked that girl around until this icky guy backed off. We then made sure she got home safe. There are other things I have done but that is the one that sticks out in my head because so many people saw what was happening and did not act.

 

I will not be that person who heard the woman getting raped and kept my head down. No can do.

 

That said, I personally think that rape is a symptom of a larger problem and not the problem on its own. Everyday, well meaning people contribute to the issue by blaming victims, sexualizing violence, refusing to see the signs of sexual abuse and avoiding fully addressing child abuse and neglect under the guise of parental privacy. Nearly all sex offenders were once abused children. Maybe we can't do much to effectively change a 30 year old offender but we should be able to do a better job of helping that 5 year old who is being victimized by his uncle or cousin, because not only is he a child he is perhaps the sex offender in the making.

 

I think I see what you are getting at OP. It is all well and good to say "kill him!" but what really matters is what we all do to change our culture so this STOPS happening to so many people. And that we stop treating survivors like it was their fault.