How often do you get away on your own?

[Marie in Oh]

I am really feeling a huge need to get away by myself. I know this is a true need and not me being selfish becasue I am not the alone type. I usually thrive on groups and interactions with friends.

 

However, I just need solitude. I need to be by myself. I feel like exploding. I am not angry, I am not resentful. I just have 6 small people who pull me in 6 different directions every waking hour and I am spent. So. . .

 

How often to you get away by yourself? How do you accomplish this? When does this happen, ie. evenings when dh is home, baby sitter, etc? What do you do?

 

Thanks.

[Chris in VA]

Because my kids are older, I have the luxury of taking a nap in the pm if I need to. I often retire early at night, too.

 

As far as actually leaving the house, I get together with two friends (I'm not alone, but they fill me up!) about once a month. I also take Friday mornings to go to Bible study (but that will change b/c I start work in August).

 

Once in a while, I go shopping alone, or go to the library, or do something else. If dd asks to come along, I just tell her I need some alone time, and promise to play with her when I get home.

 

It's so hard when dc are young--

 

One of my friends, who has 5 kids, told me her husband watched the kids early Friday mornings, so she could swim for an hour and a half. I thought this was brilliant--she got exercise, she got to be alone, the kids got to be with Dad (they weren't homeschoolers, so he would give them b'fast and help them get dressed/ready for school, then see them off), and Dad got to minister to Mom. Maybe you can do the same.

[Rebecca in GA]

Rarely. But I do recognize your desperation for alone time as a kindred spirit.

 

I'd opt for a babysitter and a full day, if possible. If not, perhaps your husband could give you a Saturday or Sunday afternoon?

 

My mini recharge is naptime, which has evolved into quiet time as the children have gotten older. I forget about everything and read a light mystery and nap for a few minutes, and then I'm ready to tackle the day.

 

Hope you get a chance to refill your well soon! :grouphug:

[sdWTMer]

Not enough for this introverted soul!

[Tess in the Burbs]

I have gotten away with friends a few times over the last few years. but just me? last year I got it on occasion on Awana nights if dh worked late. But no, I rarely get just me time. Hardly ever in my own home!!!! But I don't get away to be alone. I am going out of town with two friends next week for 2 nights.

 

I do get cravings for me time. but a weekend away alone would cost more than a weekend with friends....so for now, it's rare.

[starlashine]

:iagree:

It is a constant struggle for me, even with only one ds who does visitation with his father. If he is not around, my fiancee is, or my brother's visiting, and it just drives me crazy. And when I ask for accommodations to have some time to myself, the fiancee or the brother gets offended! Maybe I just don't approach them correctly, I don't know anymore. Anywho, I feel your pain.;)

[AngelaC]

Something that kept my sanity when my children were all young: QUIET time.

 

It will take time to train them and that may not be fun:) Work around the naptimes of the younger children. This was a daily lifesaver for me. Even if I only got 30 minutes because the baby didn't go to sleep until later, it was nice. You can train your children to LEAVE you ALONE (!) in your room every day. My kids know if my door is shut, Mom needs time alone:)

 

Another suggestion would be to schedule a time each week that is YOUR time. Make it the same time each week. This way you can have it to look forward to as well as make the separation time easier for your dc. So, perhaps every Tuesday evening you have from 6:00 until 8:00. EVERY week. Hire a sitter, get your mom to come over . . .

 

Older children can help with the younger ones for a bit. Even just a daily 30 block of time where the little ones are watched over and you are shut away somewhere could help.

 

Remember, whatever you decide to do, do it CONSISTENTLY.

 

Even though my dc are not spaced as closely as yours, I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes just need some alone time.

[Pensguys]

My dh watches the boys for me every Sat morning for me to have a few hours away. During the summer, I usually have more alone time because of the boys doing VBS or Day camp (this was new for us this year through a local church just for 3 days) or playing at a friend's house, etc. Every now and then (like maybe once/year) I'll go to a nearly larger town (1 hr away) with a friend for the day.

[GSMP]

My husband and I talked about this when we started home schooling.

 

My devotions started to suffer because I wasn't taking time for myself. He told me when I need this time just let him know.

 

Even if it is just going into the bathroom to soak in the tub or some quiet time alone in the bedroom, he herds the kids up and keeps them busy so I can have some quiet time.

 

If it is time away from the house...I just let him know I need to go to Walmart or call a friend and we go to Awful Waffle for the worst coffee you've ever had. They do have good waffles though.

 

He's been really good about that.

 

Is this something you can discuss with your husband...? Would he be willing to keep an eye on the kids for you to just get away for an hour or two?

 

You need to keep you emotional tank full...I find when I am feeling like you are right now...it doesn't bode well for the house hold.

 

Talk to him and see if he can help you......I hope he is the kind of father and husband who would be receptive to your needs. I am finding (sadly) that there are more that are not than are.......

 

Keep you in my prayers.....:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

I sneak away for a nap in the afternoon. Often times I will call dh and tell him that I need some me time. I sneak away at least once during the weekend to get out by myself. One night a week the boys cook dinner so that gives me a little relief.

[ClassicMom]

I've trained my kids since they were little to have quiet time. There is always a quiet time in the afternoon for 1/2 hour wether they take a nap or not. We have found that the Jim Weiss tapes work great for the little ones for that time. There is another quiet time before dinner when I try to talk to dh and get dinner prepared. I do use videos sometimes :w00t:

 

Once a year, I do take a vacation by myself. My husband takes some vacation time and watches the kids. He has had to do less of this since some of the kids are older now and can care for the younger ones until he gets home from work. I usually go somewhere warm in the winter or spring where it will help my migraines. It is somewhat of a financial strain, but we plan for it and I come back a much better wife and mommy.

 

I have no guilt since dh goes on men's retreats at church so he gets his vacations in as well. And we take weekend trips together.

 

That's how we do it.

[bairnmama]

My dh is in the military, so there are stretches where I am the sole caretaker for months at a time with no family within 800 miles (literally!). I've found a drop-in childcare place in town where they can play safely, have a snack, and such for up to 4 hours in a day. I usually plan around doctor's appts and then utilize the entire 4 hrs for some me time then.

[TraceyS/FL]

rarely.....

 

but i'm running away in a few weeks out of town. I'm going to a scrapbook retreat with some friends. No, i'm probably not even taking anything to do... i just want to enjoy visiting with friends and NOT be "mom" for the weekend.

 

Ahhhh......

 

But week to week? True "alone" with my thoughts time, rarely happens. I crave being alone.....

[Lizzie in Ma]

I am really feeling a huge need to get away by myself. I know this is a true need and not me being selfish becasue I am not the alone type. I usually thrive on groups and interactions with friends.

 

However, I just need solitude. I need to be by myself. I feel like exploding. I am not angry, I am not resentful. I just have 6 small people who pull me in 6 different directions every waking hour and I am spent. So. . .

 

How often to you get away by yourself? How do you accomplish this? When does this happen, ie. evenings when dh is home, baby sitter, etc? What do you do?

 

Thanks.

 

First :grouphug:, now on to the practical. It is not nor has ever been doable for me to "get away" in the actually going sense. The last 10 years, I have gotten up at 5:30 in the morning. It is about 1/2 an hour to do chores and make lunches and feed the pets and then I normally have 2 hours all to myself. I can go for a walk, read my devotions, have my computer play time and coffee. It pretty much saves my sanity and it is so lovely and peaceful at that time of day. I have to say, given the opportunity to do so, getting out in the evenings is something I would not choose to do, not my idea of relaxing. I like to be in my own little home with all my own things.

For whatever it is worth. :001_smile:

[Sue G in PA]

These days? NEVER. Really. I used to go our at least once each week. Just out to shop or to dinner w/ friends or just to take a drive (hah!). Now? NEVER. Can't afford the gas. Can't afford the dinner out. And, my friends seem to have all fallen off the face of the earth anyway. :001_huh: I AM bitter and very resentful. At least you are ahead of me there. I wish I had some advice. I guess I was just feeling your pain.

[iquilt]

Dh travels a lot and racks up points for major hotel chains; every so often he books me a room locally, using the points, and sends me away for the night. I've also been known to announce to him that I feel like it's time for me to run away for a night and he'll set it up according to his schedule and when he can be around for the kiddos. Since mine are all still young I also put them to bed early with lights and books to read if it's been a long day for me - that way I can sit and read for a bit before I collapse.

[Tammy]

I did nothing when my children were little.....never had a babysitter....now that my kids are older....I SOOOOOO enjoy spending time with my friends and doing things outside the home now :-)

 

Tammy

[LauraGB]

What? We're allowed to leave? Alone? Really?!

 

Just kidding. Rarely do I get to go. When the kids were younger, I had an arrangement with dh for 1 day each week. That hasn't happened in years (planned days, anyway). Just too busy, or too broke, or too exhausted to figure out what I'd want to do if I could. An occasional nap is nice, though. I've actually done this on the couch with dc watching a movie.

 

That time to yourself is precious. If you can beg for it, demand it, whatever, take it. It is essential to your own well being to get that recouping time, not to mention for the well being of those who thrive on what you have to offer. If you're all spent, there's nothing left to give, is there?

[jenn-]

I normally don't go out by myself. Last time I tried doing that so I could go bra shopping and that was just depressing. It is so much more fun to unwind with friends. My local homeschooling group tries to pull off a Mommies Night Out once a month. We are about to bump it to every other week.... lol. I would love to say I get the support I need from DH, but honestly he tells me to go out and then guilts me once I actually leave.

[yvonne]

My husband takes over on Sat or Sunday afternoon from around lunch time till 4 or 5:00 to give me time to be alone. I usually go out to the library or whatever. I've found that I am really dependent on that one afternoon "off" a week; when I don't get it, it is very hard to get through the week. I'm an introvert, and it's hard to be "on" all the time with the kids. Just that one afternoon a week gives me the energy for the rest of the week.

 

Now, if I could just convince him to take the kids out during that time so I could be home alone!!! Even cleaning the house is enjoyable when I'm home alone...

[Tweed]

Never. When they were all infants and toddlers, I craved solitude and would cry to my husband, and he would give me that blank stare that said, "What? Me watch them?":001_huh: Sooo, never. Now that they are older and easier all around, I do like to go away to NYC for long weekends and take one or two with me and we putz around the city eating and visiting museums. This, for me, at this point, is perfect. I am no longer at the place where I would want to go away alone. As a matter of fact, I think my dh would now be okay with me going away for a weekend alone, but I don't think I would like it. I would still want to take one of the kids with me or my sister or mother. I would LOVE to take one of the kids and my mother and fly to Europe for a week. I try to work this dream into almost every conversation I have with my dh. ;)