extendedforecast Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Actually none of us were invited, but this affects dd13 more, since she is closest with this cousin. The party already happened, and I've seen all the pictures and videos plastered all over facebook. Fortunately, this week we have been moving, and DD has been unplugged from technology, so she has no idea that there was a party. I was hurt a great deal, because my nephews were invited (they were the only boys there), yet my kids were not. If this were a situation where it was adults only, and DH and I were not invited, I would not be hurt, but because it involves my kids' feelings I took it hard. So now that we have our Internet set up, I know DD will log onto Facebook and see what she missed. What can I say to her if she gets upset. I'm afraid I'll get upset all over again. Also, a tiny part of me wants to not invite the cousin to dd's party and post the pictures all over Facebook, except that I know that would be petty and I should be better than that, but also because I don't post pics on Facebook; I just keep tabs on dd and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 What was the reason she wasn't invited? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 What was the reason she wasn't invited? I honestly don't know, and I'm afraid to ask. There can't be a good answer, can there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I honestly don't know, and I'm afraid to ask. There can't be a good answer, can there? There could be. Maybe it's better to ask and clear the air? I would probably stew about it forever myself. But I don't think that's the best option. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I would ask. I'd want to know if something was going on especially if they are close in age. This is family, right? I'd say I saw the pics on Facebook and that I wondering if dd and her cousin had had some kind of falling out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Is it possible that they thought you all were going to be busy with moving and didn't want to add stress? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 Maybe now that I'm getting over it, I can handle the truth, lol. How does this sound? "SIL, I was wondering if there is everything is okay between us. I noticed that we weren't invited to DN's party." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 Is it possible that they thought you all were going to be busy with moving and didn't want to add stress? :grouphug: I don't think so. They weren't aware we were moving. I'll admit that the adults don't communicate much, but the girls keep in touch daily and spend the night or see movies every now and then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I would be terribly hurt. It makes no sense why she wouldn't be invited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I don't think so. They weren't aware we were moving. I'll admit that the adults don't communicate much, but the girls keep in touch daily and spend the night or see movies every now and then. The girls talk daily, yet they didn't know you were moving and nobody mentioned the party? I don't understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 I think that sounds fine! And I hope you get a reasonable answer! :) Thanks for the encouragement. I'm going to do it via Facebook pm or text, because I'm not good with confrontation. Normally I would just assume the best and move on, but for some reason because it involves the kids, I can't. I guess this will help me move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Perhaps they heard about your move and were hurt that they weren't told? That seems like pretty big news not to share with family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 The girls talk daily, yet they didn't know you were moving and nobody mentioned the party? I don't understand. Well, our family (DH's actually) is... interesting. If something good happens to someone, they aren't happy for you, they come up with reasons for why it couldn't be due to your hard work or they decide that something bad will come of it. For example, one person got a promotion, so it had to be because she was sleeping with the boss. Or another couple bought a house, and the others were betting how long before it got foreclosed on. It is sad and sick, and we do not participate in this bashing. So we told DD not to say anything until it was official and we announced it to the family first. We were planning on having family over this weekend to break the news. Also, we had our Internet out during the days before and after the party. And dd's phone charger got packed in the wrong box, so she was without a phone for the whole time. I just found the charger today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Perhaps she tried to contact her? Or maybe they're just mean. I'd probably stew over it, but I think the advice to be direct and ask is more in line with what should be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaz Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Also, we had our Internet out during the days before and after the party. And dd's phone charger got packed in the wrong box, so she was without a phone for the whole time. I just found the charger today. Perhaps the invite was sent through Facebook or a message left on your dd's cell phone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 Perhaps she tried to contact her? Or maybe they're just mean. I'd probably stew over it, but I think the advice to be direct and ask is more in line with what should be done. Perhaps the invite was sent through Facebook or a message left on your dd's cell phone? I hope this turns out to be the case. DH suggested it also, but I do not understand why SIL wouldn't call, as she did my other SIL (my nephews' mom to whom I am much closer). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 I would be terribly hurt. It makes no sense why she wouldn't be invited. Thanks. At least I know I'm not being too sensitive. Perhaps they heard about your move and were hurt that they weren't told? That seems like pretty big news not to share with family. I think it's possible, and I suppose I might be surprised, but I would assume there was a good reason for withholding the news. Still, it's possible they were hurt about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Just ask. There was probably some sort of miscommunication somewhere, and you'll feel better once you know what happened. For all you know, they could be upset, wondering why you never showed up at the party (and assuming you'd gotten the invitation they emailed, texted, or left you a voicemail about.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I hope you can sort it all out. I tend to react poorly to my dc getting hurt. I don't let things that happen to me cause me much angst, but when my babies get hurt, well, I don't tend to be all that cool with it... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) sorry double post Edited May 26, 2012 by Trish double post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I think I'd just call SIL and ask if there's something going on between the girls that you should know about. Let her answer how she may -- if it's a miscommunication great. If it was a "well she only invited her school friends" or somesuch answer, I'd be inclined to be skeptical. (due to the cousins) It does seem odd that kids who talk almost daily wouldn't have discussed an upcoming party. Birthday parties are generally planned more than a week ahead, so it shouldn't have mattered that your dd was out of touch for several days. I had a cousin the same age, so I would've known exactly what was coming up and when, and she would've made sure I knew about it no matter what communication barriers existed. So I would want to know what was going on if I were in your shoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 There was a thread JUST LIKE THIS last week. Once again I vote Let It Go. It's not polite to micromanage someone else's party or to expect an invitation to everything someone else does. I think it's rude to ask someone why you weren't invited. The woman in the other thread DID ask and I think she created an awkwardness that never should have been there. I think it's doing your daughter a disservice to teach her to feel entitled to an invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 There was a thread JUST LIKE THIS last week. Once again I vote Let It Go. It's not polite to micromanage someone else's party or to expect an invitation to everything someone else does. I think it's rude to ask someone why you weren't invited. The woman in the other thread DID ask and I think she created an awkwardness that never should have been there. I think it's doing your daughter a disservice to teach her to feel entitled to an invitation. I would agree if these were friends or acquaintances. With family I think it's nice to know what is going on. Usually there is some simple explanation, but you won't know if you don't ask. And if in fact the answer is "awkward," so what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I would agree if these were friends or acquaintances. With family I think it's nice to know what is going on. Usually there is some simple explanation, but you won't know if you don't ask. And if in fact the answer is "awkward," so what? :iagree: And the family may not be aware of how much it hurt feelings. I had 2 cousins a little older than me, but we always hung out together and were best friends. For some reason they would get to go do things together and I got left out a lot. No one ever said anything and it exploded years later. It turned into an ugly situation that could have been averted with a simple conversation years before. If this is out of the norm, question it. If it is becoming the norm - let them know you're aware of it and protect your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 Maybe your daughter was invited, but didn't want to go, and never told you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 I don't think so. They weren't aware we were moving. I'll admit that the adults don't communicate much, but the girls keep in touch daily and spend the night or see movies every now and then. Ouch. I was the "uncool" kid who was played with when no one else was around. Ouch. FWIW, I'd tell my daughter it is just one day in her life, and one cousin in her life, and everyone who is 13 makes mistakes and would be guardedly hopeful this 13 year old would grow up and invite all reasonable family next time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 Any updates? I'm wondering if you found out what happened. Not that I'm nosy or anything. Far from it. I'm just asking because I know a lot of the other people here will want to know. So it's really more of a community service thing. Not nosy. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 :bigear: I might be nosey.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 :bigear: I might be nosey.... Then apparently, I was asking on your behalf. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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