ugh, I threatened with ps today

[musicianmom]

I told dd6, "You know, if you go to school next year, you're going to have to start over again with 2nd grade math."

 

She said, "But I'm not going to school next year."

 

I told her, "You are if you don't straighten up, because I can't keep on like this."

 

If she DOES know the math answer, she acts insulted and doesn't want to say the answer. "Seriously? That's TOO easy!" (said in teen voice), and I have to get all mean mom and insist that she give me the answer.

 

If she doesn't know it immediately, she freaks out and starts whining that it's too hard, and rolling around. So I try to lead her (gently!) through the steps to work the problem. Then I get, "QUIET! I'm trying to think!" which usually means that she's trying to get the answer by guessing or counting rather than using her mental math strategies. So I have to wait for her to get it wrong, go through her freakout, then finally she might let me help her through it.

 

We go through the same with piano. Every time she gets a new piece, she acts like she's being put through medieval torture. Every wrong note is the end of the world. When she finally learns the piece (which takes maybe 15 minutes total), then she usually loves it and plays it over and over till even I'm sick of hearing it. But why the drama?

 

And I don't have the fortitude to force her through anything else. Math, handwriting, and piano. Everything else is unschooled right now, I guess. She reads books and is working on a bird notebook on her own.

[EKS]

I feel your pain. I have a kid who thinks that everything is either too easy or too hard. It's very difficult to find resources that work for him and very difficult to figure out pacing.

 

It *has* gotten easier over the years (he is now 10), but back when he was 6, it was a nightmare!

[Beth in SW WA]

But why the drama?

 

 

Control. Perfectionism. Fear of failure. Add a bit of sass for good measure. It's a perfect storm. For dd8 anyway.

 

She performs better for other teachers than for me. There is zero drama with her outside teachers. The bar can be raised so much higher because she wants to please and perform -- and she is fully engaged without the distraction of drama or emotion. With me she gets a bit more dramatic but she has learned it doesn't get her anywhere. There is no payoff.

 

Just today she got dramatic during a TT alg word problem. It took awhile to write out all the variables and diagram the problem. She had to stop and really think it through. The answer did not come easily but she got it.

 

Translate the word problem below into an equation; then solve.

 

Rosalyn and Naomi left their homes which are 330 miles apart, and drove straight toward each other. It took 3 hours for the two to meet. If Naomi's speed was 10 mph slower than Rosalyn's speed, what was Rosalyn's speed?

 

So much comes easy for her that it's good to persevere through tougher problems.

 

All this to say...Be strong. Be patient. Be consistent. Have appropriate expectations. Only you will know what is appropriate for her.

 

Abi told some guests on Saturday that her favorite subject is math. :001_smile:

[quark]

Control. Perfectionism. Fear of failure. Add a bit of sass for good measure. It's a perfect storm. For dd8 anyway.

 

She performs better for other teachers than for me. There is zero drama with her outside teachers. The bar can be raised so much higher because she wants to please and perform -- and she is fully engaged without the distraction of drama or emotion. With me she gets a bit more dramatic but she has learned it doesn't get her anywhere.

 

:iagree:Well said Beth. I've threatened PS quite a few times. Once, both DH and I did it at the same time and perhaps we shouldn't have. But the drama can be intense here at times and it really wears me out.

 

I also agree with Kai that it can get better. Take care.

[atara]

Lots of positive encouragement and let her have her process. It's how she is to an extent. Some kids just have that personality type. It's the possible the more you are pushing her to think a certain way the more she rebels.

 

Curious: What would she play if she didn't get hard pieces? Another thought...from a piano teacher perspective: have the teacher give her easier songs she can learn quickly and throw in a hard one every now and then.

 

Same for math - do more review before a new concept. It's almost like you sneak in a new concept for students like this.

[acurtis75]

I feel your pain. Dd fluctuates between doing hours of beast academy and life of Fred reading voluntarily and crying because I asked her to do one page of simple fractions or division. If she doesn't know the answer immediately she acts offended. She rolls her eyes that the fractions are too easy but if left to her own will take an hour to complete the page. I have found her tolerance to be better with beast academy because she really likes it. I've found that for the last year math is the one subject where I must stay totally engaged the entire time she's doing it. She CAN do it by herself but she won't. Math is the one subject that could potentially push me to threaten ps but dd is too smart to take me seriously. She knows all the reasons we homeschool and that the ps schedule wouldn't fit our family schedule very well.

 

I aree with Beth...so much comes way to easily to my dd that having to work hard in math is a necessary character building exercise. As we get more in to challenging problem solving I think she'll even like it better.

[nova147]

A very wise mama told me "you don't have to attend every argument."

 

Set down your expectations. Can she work through her math independently? (As in, is it structured in a way that needs little or no instruction?) DS is doing LoF Fractions. I give him the book and his notebook and tell him to let me know when he is finished with the chapter. (Or if he has trouble.) I try to stay close in case he has questions and to make sure he stays on task. But I ignore any whining, crying, etc. If he wants to ask for help, ok. But I just ignore all side commentary.

 

Sometimes I have to give him a time limit and potential consequence. Today I told him he had to finish in half an hour or he wouldn't get to go to martial arts tonight. He loves martial arts, so he was strongly motivated! I'm all for threats, but only if you can follow through.

 

If you find a perfect solution, let me know. It"s still a big problem here!

[Bluegoat]

I told my dd7 the same thing today. I've actually considered it lately as well. When I tell her it is time to do work lately, she freaks out, rolls on the ground at times :001_huh:, whines, whatever. It is absolutely infuriating to me, especially since she has sooo much more time to have fun than ps kids do. She also wants me to sit right next to her while she works which is not always possible with a two year old and a four year old who is a runner/daredevil sort of child.

 

She is also one who gets ticked at anything she has to work at. She has got oer that somewhat with piano, but as far as say, memorizing math facts, or even choir which she used to love, she complains that it is "too hard". Which really just means she needs to spend time on it rather than getting it right away.

[blondeviolin]

I told my dd7 the same thing today. I've actually considered it lately as well. When I tell her it is time to do work lately, she freaks out, rolls on the ground at times :001_huh:, whines, whatever. It is absolutely infuriating to me, especially since she has sooo much more time to have fun than ps kids do. She also wants me to sit right next to her while she works which is not always possible with a two year old and a four year old who is a runner/daredevil sort of child.

 

She is also one who gets ticked at anything she has to work at. She has got oer that somewhat with piano, but as far as say, memorizing math facts, or even choir which she used to love, she complains that it is "too hard". Which really just means she needs to spend time on it rather than getting it right away.

 

This is also my five-year-old. This thread is really old, but has great advice. ;)

[PIE!]

No advice - but it's good to know so many other kids are just like my dd7.

[Greenmama2]

That's my go to threat. Which is stupid because it's an empty threat. But both my boys wear on me regularly. They are the sweetest things for everyone else and I'm regularly complemented about them, but no for me..they have my number. :glare: It doesn't help that I'm pretty soft.

:lol: It's my go to as well. Some weeks I threaten many times a day. Some not at all. Mostly it's empty, sometimes I wish it wasn't an empty threat.

Sigh. Perfectionism. The thread Blonde Violin linked to was quite useful :)

[chepyl]

My son is the same way. When he shines that it is too easy, we push through and I have to stand over him. He is still memorizing multiplication, but he gets it so he does not want to practice. When he complains it is too hard, I pull out an easy drill workbook from Walmart and tell him to do that in stead; remarkably, he then starts to do the harder problems with no more complaints ;) On really bad days, we cut lessons short.

[musicianmom]

Update:

 

For the moment, math drama has been fixed. I have started giving her the option of doing her math at bedtime. The deal is that if she does a lesson at bedtime, she doesn't have to do it the next morning.

 

The strange thing is that even though she's yawning and so half-asleep she can barely say her answers, she still is quicker and more competent with the lesson than in the morning, because she is mellow and cooperative.

 

Kids are weird, I tell you!

[Danielle1746]

Update:

 

For the moment, math drama has been fixed. I have started giving her the option of doing her math at bedtime. The deal is that if she does a lesson at bedtime, she doesn't have to do it the next morning.

 

The strange thing is that even though she's yawning and so half-asleep she can barely say her answers, she still is quicker and more competent with the lesson than in the morning, because she is mellow and cooperative.

 

Kids are weird, I tell you!

 

I just wanted to say thank you for this. We are going to start our first year of homeschooling next year. I'll be teaching our then-6th grader, 3rd grader, and K-er.

 

What you just wrote about in your update is one of the main reasons we are going to try homeschooling. Our now-2nd grader's teachers have called us often to express concern over his lack of motivation and refusal to do his work. It's not that he doesn't understand the material, because when he does do the work, he usually gets 100's. I really think he's just bored, and it sounds like he does so much busy work/repetition, he really doesn't see the point in it.

 

I am really hoping that homeschooling will give us the opportunity to tailor his work to his personality, so we can continue to build on his strengths while gradually helping him overcome his weaknesses. Your post sounds like exactly the kind of flexibility I'm hoping for that ps just can't provide. Thank you!

[musicianmom]

Curious: What would she play if she didn't get hard pieces? Another thought...from a piano teacher perspective: have the teacher give her easier songs she can learn quickly and throw in a hard one every now and then.

 

Well, I *am* her piano teacher. The pieces are not difficult for her, they just require effort. I have to sit with her while she learns it and be ready to correct her ever-so-gently when she misreads the notes (because she refuses to do the drill work to learn her notes cold). If I can coax her through the piece about 3 times, then she knows it well enough to play it by herself. Then she's happy.

 

Easy pieces would require just as much effort because of the note reading difficulty, which is due to her refusal to drill. We would be going through the same thing with math, except thankfully I found multiplication.com and she loves to play those games.

[SunnyDays]

I've been there. Not yet this morning, but the day is young... ;)

 

My go to line is, "If you were in school, you'd have to do x, is that what you want?" When the work is easy, we have to remind him that he doesn't already know everything. When he hits something challenging, we have to remind him that he doesn't already know everything :D, and that there are things he will have to work at in order to be good at them. Sigh.