Are churches made for extroverts? (Christian content)

[Janna]

Someone in my church passed this very interesting article along to me today. I love the article because I think it gives great food for thought. Before posting this, I searched to see if it had already been posted here. While I haven't seen this, I did see that Susan Cain's book and her talk on TED has already been linked (another source I was going to mention, but now I won't :D).

 

I am posting this here for one main reason - to help those that are introverts not feel guilty at church and to maybe experience the freedom in Christ that might be difficult in such an extroverted society and church. As an INTJ, sometimes I feel guilty that my worship isn't as "worshipful" as others because I do NOT like to raise my arms or clap my hands. I like to really think about the words I'm singing, determine if they're true of me, and sing them in my heart to the Lord. My worship can be very powerful for me, but sometimes I think, since so many in my church will raise their hands or arms, that maybe I come off as arrogant or not as "spiritual," even though in my head I know that is silly and simply untrue.

 

In addition to the point that introverts are most likely to come in to church service late in order to avoid the "meet and greet" portion (Yes! That is SO ME), I especially love the 4 points given on the 2nd page. They are spot on to me.

 

So again, this is to hopefully ENCOURAGE someone who may be feeling less superior because they are more introverted and NOT to start a debate or negative thread. :D

[Embassy]

Thanks for the link. Very interesting. I recently sat through a message where the point of the message was that extroversion was God's will. :svengo: He then proceeded to lead everyone into a collective whoop-whoop to practice. :001_huh: Last week at this same church there was a visitor behind me who ditched the service the moment people were instructed to find someone else in the room to pray together. I agree with the article. It is a real problem in some churches.

Edited April 3, 2012 by Wehomeschool

[abreakfromlife]

This book is a must-read: Introverts In the Church.

 

 

I just bought the Quiet book too and love it.

[PrincessMommy]

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with labeling non-liturgical churches "sociable". Why not just call them non-liturgical? Anyway, I do agree with the basic premise that introverts and extroverts fare about same in liturgical churches. I have definitely found that to be true. But, the rest of the article seems to think that all non-liturgical chruches are more social - greeters, getting "into each other's lives', Bible studies... huh? Obviously, he's not visited many liturgical churches. So, I had a hard time getting past that on the first page.

 

Liturgical churches emphasize relationships ("relationality" - is that word???). In fact, I have found very deep and caring relationships within my liturgical tradition and found some non-liturgical churches to be shallow and surface only.

 

On the 2nd page he starts of with:

But many churches fail to make this distinction. They tacitly set up the following equation for church life: Spirituality = Sociability.

 

This is a good point. I don't know if it is true across the board. Of course, I have heard about non-liturgical churches that have a lot of social groups (mom's groups, men's groups, AA groups, single mom's groups, - I could go on) that people just get very overtaxed. He's right that having all those "ministries" doesn't necessarily make it a more "spiritual" church.

[mudboots]

That's a great article. DH is an INTJ, and going to church has always been an issue for him, even though he doesn't seem to struggle spiritually in other ways. We prefer the style of "sociable" churches over the "liturgical" ones, though. Thankfully, we seem to have found a non-liturgical church that is guided by a large number of intellectual introverts - and plenty of extroverts, too.

 

I'm an introvert, and I often feel guilty for not "welcoming" people around me all the time. I wish the article had gone into more detail about the ways introverts are valuable within the church.

 

This book is a must-read: Introverts In the Church.

 

Thanks for this! :001_smile:

[justamouse]

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with labeling non-liturgical churches "sociable". Why not just call them non-liturgical? Anyway, I do agree with the basic premise that introverts and extroverts fare about same in liturgical churches. I have definitely found that to be true. But, the rest of the article seems to think that all non-liturgical chruches are more social - greeters, getting "into each other's lives', Bible studies... huh? Obviously, he's not visited many liturgical churches. So, I had a hard time getting past that on the first page.

 

Liturgical churches emphasize relationships ("relationality" - is that word???). In fact, I have found very deep and caring relationships within my liturgical tradition and found some non-liturgical churches to be shallow and surface only.

 

On the 2nd page he starts of with:

 

 

This is a good point. I don't know if it is true across the board. Of course, I have heard about non-liturgical churches that have a lot of social groups (mom's groups, men's groups, AA groups, single mom's groups, - I could go on) that people just get very overtaxed. He's right that having all those "ministries" doesn't necessarily make it a more "spiritual" church.

:iagree::iagree:

[LMD]

Thanks for that article - very interesting! I definately feel encouraged!

 

DH & I are both introverts, as is DD (not sure about the boys yet). DH more so than me - probably extreme introvert is a better description of him!

 

Some points in that article really struck a chord with me, our church is very stereotypically social non-liturgical according to the article, and they often do the 'get together with those next to you for a group pray/talk etc.' very painful and DH basically just refuses. However he has had some great discussions with people one on one. Everything the church runs is on a group/social basis, and if you don't attend everything you're sort of out of the loop.

It is actually the biggest problem with our church for us, because small talk is like torture to DH.

[VeteranMom]

Thank you for posting this article. My family has had a difficult time finding a permanent church home over the years. My dh and I are both introverts. I still remember the pastor that said "God doesn't care if you're uncomfortable" when he was asking the congregation to raise their hands in prayer. At another church, during our first visit, we were asked to get into small groups and pray for our city leaders. I've never felt like I've fit in and have about given up on looking for a church.

[Bluegoat]

I go to a liturgical church, and I don't deal with this problem there. But when I visit other types of churches I often find it very stressful.

 

I think that this is actually part of what liturgy is for - to take the emphasis of of ourselves, our abilities, our personalities and preferences, and even our friendships.

[Twigs]

… , I have found very deep and caring relationships within my liturgical tradition and found some non-liturgical churches to be shallow and surface only. …

 

:iagree: with the part I bolded.

 

Putting people into small groups and forcing them to share is.not the way to build real relationships; thus you end up with shallow, surface relationships.

 

Cyber :grouphug: to all us introverts!

[Heather in Neverland]

Thank you for this! It is so true. I dislike:

 

- everyone walk around and shake hands and greet each other

- get in a circle and talk about ... With people I do not know very well

- get in a circle and everyone take a turn praying aloud

 

In fact, I do not like forced group interaction. I get the relationship aspect but relationships should form naturally. I have plenty of relationships but none that were ever forced on me.

 

I didn't even have a receiving line at my wedding because I couldn't bear the thought of it!

 

And the fact that I don't like praying aloud in front of a group doesn't make me LESS Christian than someone else!!!

 

Because of all this forced interaction, I end up coming to church late, or leaving early, or going to the bathroom a lot to escape these activities.

 

.

[PrincessMommy]

Thank you for this! It is so true. I dislike:

 

- everyone walk around and shake hands and greet each other

- get in a circle and talk about ... With people I do not know very well

- get in a circle and everyone take a turn praying aloud

 

In fact, I do not like forced group interaction. I get the relationship aspect but relationships should form naturally. I have plenty of relationships but none that were ever forced on me.

 

I didn't even have a receiving line at my wedding because I couldn't bear the thought of it!

 

And the fact that I don't like praying aloud in front of a group doesn't make me LESS Christian than someone else!!!

 

Because of all this forced interaction, I end up coming to church late, or leaving early, or going to the bathroom a lot to escape these activities.

 

.

 

OMG__ you're bringing back bad flashbacks from my Protestant days! ;) But seriously, I hated some of that stuff too. I'm so sorry you're forced to escape your church. It shouldn't be that way.

[milovany]

And the fact that I don't like praying aloud in front of a group doesn't make me LESS Christian than someone else!!!

 

I'm with you, Heather! I always felt like a weirdee in situations where I was supposed to pray out loud with/for others. It never came naturally to me and it always felt forced/fake. (And I'm more of an extrovert than an introvert.)

Edited April 4, 2012 by milovaný

[Alenee]

Bear in mind I haven't read the article but I can relate to some things posted in this thread. I think our liturgical church is VERY social however not in the way that most of the non-liturgical churches I've attended are. In our parish, people LOVE to stay afterward and socialize for at least an hour, some two to three hours. However, we don't have the myriad social programs you might find in other churches. We tend to get together for meals one-on-one (families). IME, I can definitely see in non-liturgical churches the surface contact but nothing really deep...if it's deep, it's because those few people make an effort only within the confines of their personal comfort zone...and still yet, give off the message that you have to be a part of the social groups or you're odd.

 

Our priest encouraged me to read The Introvert Advantage and though he hasn't been told and hasn't asked, I'm certain he knows why we've been making a hasty exit at the end of services. As another poster said, small talk is painful for my dh and so we've made a deal: leave soon after services end but invite families, one at a time, over for dinner. This is a far better situation for dh and I'm learning (as an extrovert) to honor that.

[trailofsparks]

Yes, and some of us have given up church attendance because it's just too painful...

:iagree:

 

 

Thank you for this! It is so true. I dislike:

 

- everyone walk around and shake hands and greet each other

- get in a circle and talk about ... With people I do not know very well

- get in a circle and everyone take a turn praying aloud

 

In fact, I do not like forced group interaction. I get the relationship aspect but relationships should form naturally. I have plenty of relationships but none that were ever forced on me.

 

I didn't even have a receiving line at my wedding because I couldn't bear the thought of it!

 

And the fact that I don't like praying aloud in front of a group doesn't make me LESS Christian than someone else!!!

 

Because of all this forced interaction, I end up coming to church late, or leaving early, or going to the bathroom a lot to escape these activities.

 

.

 

:iagree: and, to add to your list.....I have had people comment on my and other's prayers! No one asked for your commentary :glare: very much dislike everything on your list, too.

[justamouse]

And the fact that I don't like praying aloud in front of a group doesn't make me LESS Christian than someone else!!!

 

Because of all this forced interaction, I end up coming to church late, or leaving early, or going to the bathroom a lot to escape these activities.

 

.

 

Making me pray outloud, off the cuff, is like jumping up and down on a panic button I never knew I had. I can chit chat, I can mingle, I will bear through socializing, but put me on the spot for a prayer? I want to die. And then the judgement that comes afterward...lack of faith, God will give you the right words, don't be afraid, you shouldn't be afraid...

 

I so understand. :grouphug:

[milovany]

I think that this is actually part of what liturgy is for - to take the emphasis of of ourselves, our abilities, our personalities and preferences, and even our friendships.

 

I like this about our liturgical church. No one person or style is the focus. The liturgy is the focus.