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Found 10 results

  1. I received news last night that my 70 year old aunt had died. Apparently, the police were contacted by her workmates after she failed to show up for work for two days. The police discovered her body yesterday. They are not sure the circumstances of her death. Her unmarried, sporadically-employed, 48 year old son has been living in the basement/downstairs of her home his whole life. He did not know she had died until the police came. My mom, who has been nearby visiting other siblings, has been trying for the last two weeks to meet up with this aunt, but she had been rebuffed. My aunt made all kinds of excuses as to why they couldn't meet up (too much going on at work, fell asleep, cell phone not working). My mom's siblings that live near this aunt tell her that they have tried to see her too, but she does/did the same to them. This is the second sibling from the family to have died alone. The oldest sister had lung cancer and did not let anyone know she was ill until she was in the final stages. There is also a younger sibling (male) that has not kept in contact with the family. We only know that status of him via his daughter-in-laws facebook. He divorced decades ago and live alone (AFAIK). I find this all very odd. My grandparents (the parents of all these siblings) were very social people. Their lives included parties, bridge club, alumni lunches, family picnics that included aunts, uncles, cousins. How is it that a family becomes a family of strangers? Why are all these people disconnecting from the family of origin? Thankfully, it appears that my cousins and their children and pretty firmly connected with the exception of a few (the one that lives in the basement!). Has anyone experienced this in their own family? BTW, there is no alcohol or drug abused involved. I am just dumbfounded.
  2. My family is kind of like a square peg and we often encounter "round hole" situations where we don't fit in. I realized once again at a church function this afternoon that we really need to find a way where we can force ourselves to fit without compromising who we are. I'm in tears and ready to leave my church (where we've been for only a year), but I hate to uproot my kids again because it seems like a cycle where we'll be looking again in another year or so. My heart is really hurting about this. :( Anyone find that their family is like this and have found solutions on how to work in situations where you feel you just don't fit?
  3. I don't think this has been posted before. For my fellow introverts:
  4. Someone in my church passed this very interesting article along to me today. I love the article because I think it gives great food for thought. Before posting this, I searched to see if it had already been posted here. While I haven't seen this, I did see that Susan Cain's book and her talk on TED has already been linked (another source I was going to mention, but now I won't :D). I am posting this here for one main reason - to help those that are introverts not feel guilty at church and to maybe experience the freedom in Christ that might be difficult in such an extroverted society and church. As an INTJ, sometimes I feel guilty that my worship isn't as "worshipful" as others because I do NOT like to raise my arms or clap my hands. I like to really think about the words I'm singing, determine if they're true of me, and sing them in my heart to the Lord. My worship can be very powerful for me, but sometimes I think, since so many in my church will raise their hands or arms, that maybe I come off as arrogant or not as "spiritual," even though in my head I know that is silly and simply untrue. In addition to the point that introverts are most likely to come in to church service late in order to avoid the "meet and greet" portion (Yes! That is SO ME), I especially love the 4 points given on the 2nd page. They are spot on to me. So again, this is to hopefully ENCOURAGE someone who may be feeling less superior because they are more introverted and NOT to start a debate or negative thread. :D
  5. Great article as a follow up to all the discussions on introverts! http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2012/mar/13/why-the-world-needs-introverts :001_smile:
  6. I really want to pull my middle ds out of his charter school and homeschool him. He was homeschooled for K and we put him into PS in 1st because we enrolled his brother (long story). He is now in 5th grade and has been miserable for these past 5 years. He is introverted and shy by nature and got lost in his former school, so the plan this past year was to homeschool him. In August, we were contacted by a small charter school where he has been on the waiting list and there was a spot for him, so we sent him to see if it would work better for him than the larger PS. At that time we told ds that if he was still miserable, we would allow him to come home. Fast forward to now. Ds liked the school for a while, but we are back to daily complaining about hating school and not wanting to go. He is miserable again. He will not return to this school next year as we are not happy with it, and we are moving in June so he would need to change schools anyway for middle school next year. I see this as the perfect time to begin homeschooling. I want to pull him and homeschool him like we said we would if this school didn't work out. DH says no, that he needs to go to school. He thinks forcing him to go to PS will "help" him overcome his shyness and introversion. I think that is baloney and as an introvert myself, I'm offended that he thinks ds's personality is a "problem." I'm also very disturbed that we told ds we wouldn't let him stay in this school and be miserable, but now we are going back on that promise. I've tried to talk to DH but am not getting anywhere. Help. I am quite upset and could use some advice!
  7. Why does introvert seem to automatically equal "lacking social skills" to so many people? My oldest ds is an introvert. Since birth he has been perfectly happy with his own company. He has never sought out nor had a huge number of friends, usually just one or two at a time. He has always enjoyed playing by himself. Now at almost 14yo, he is perfectly content to spend hours by himself on the computer (his thing is making and editing short films with Adobe Aftereffects). He does very well with online courses or subjects on DVD, etc. When we first arrived here we tried a full day of school for him. He was MISERABLE. Then we did a half day of school and it was better but not great. But his preference is at home, by himself, online courses. Now, he does socialize in small doses in things that interest him with people he likes. But he doesn't "need" it and in fact, too much of it and he gets really crabby. Social skills: he is perfectly fine. Yeah, he leans towards quirky but that is just who he is. He has unique interests from mainstream teenage boys (although he can play Call of Duty with the best of them). Ok, my point... Finally... Dh thinks we should put him in school full time next year for high school because he "needs" to be around other teens more. My son's response was "why?" Dh is very social. Everybody loves him and he can make friends with anyone in 5 minutes no matter where we go. I am more like ds. I like people in small doses but deep down I am introvert and like lots of alone time. So dh seems to think introvert means socially inept in some way and we need to "force" ds out of his shell by sending him to school all day. I say ds is who he is and we should let him be who is and there is nothing wrong with being an introvert and we should let him continue to homeschool. What says the hive? .
  8. I finally got this book from the library and have started reading it. I'm only a few chapters in, but I'm loving how she explains things. I'm finding it quite enlightening so far.
  9. I've realized recently that part of the reason I feel like I'm going bonkers of late is that I am just not getting my need for solitude met. I feel like I'm suffocating under all the dang social input. I love my family and I would not trade them for the world, but they just seem incapable of understanding the level of "alone" I need in order to stay sane. If they could leave me alone for two or three hours a day I'd be a lot more pleasant to live with, and able to get a lot more done. But they can't. Two family members especially (one of them dh) just cannot comprehend that I sometimes need them to just LEAVE ME ALONE. Just ALONE. Dh and I do have a longstanding agreement that Wednesday nights are my nights off. After supper he takes over with dishes and homework and baths and find this and help me with that, and I am THEORETICALLY able to just go off and do my own thing. The thing is, a lot of the activities I would enjoy doing all alone by myself are things that are at-home kinds of projects like quilting, or curling up with a good book, or researching a topic of interest on the computer, or journalling, or writing a book that will never be published, or cooking something fun. And if I'm at home, they can't help talking to me or wanting to do the activity "with" me--to them it's a social event. I've even laid down the law and instructed them to just pretend I'm not even there on Wednesday nights, but that just results in comments like "Hey look, there's a chick flick on the tv, but nobody is even watching it", or "Hey Mooooom! I'm ignoooooring yoooooou!" They just can not leave me alone. They're constitutionally incapable. And the pick-picking just shreds me raw. Going out is also problematic. Dh understands completely if I want to go out with a friend for dinner or a movie or whatever. And I enjoy that too now and again. But it does not meet the same need as just having quiet time alone in my own head with nobody poking at me (physically or verbally). And if I go out alone very often, dh will sometimes get pouty because although he intellectually "understands" that I'm different from him and sometimes I just need to be alone, his gut emotional reaction is that there must be something wrong in our relationship if I'd rather be alone than with him. For that matter, if I stay home he often seems to think that my "everyone leave me alone" edicts only apply to children, and he is somehow exempt because he is my friend and my lover and my everything and therefore I should want to be with him at all possible moments of the day and night. Sometimes I will stay up an hour or so after he goes to bed just to have a few quiet minutes to myself, but he'll wander down after a while looking forlorn and ask if I'm EVER coming to bed--like he can't even sleep without company. It's gotten a little better since dd went back to school this year, which reduces the number of people NEEEEEEEDING me during the day by one. Ds is still just not ready to be in a classroom environment all day (though he's doing remarkably well with the one outside class he's taking this year), so if I want any level of sanity out of him I really have no option other than homeschool. But these days he's quite mellow and independent and introverted himself, and he and I can leave each other alone for hours and be quite content. Unless his sister is annoying him and he's nagging at me to make her stop, he is not usually the problem. But dh is back working from home again--and don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy having him here, I just need to ALSO work out a way to get MY needs met. At any rate, I feel tag-teamed. I expend most of the social energy I have in me just getting through school. But then dh pops out of his office at unexpected intervals just to chat (which he needs, I get that, but it would be nice if the chatter had a POINT and an END). Or if ds is working independently on something for a while and I step into the office to check messages or look up something on the internet, dh can't just keep working while I quietly do my own thing in the other corner, he has to stop and talk with me, or "think out loud" or interrupt with some "social" comment every couple of minutes (which interrupts my train of thought with no purpose and makes whatever I'm doing take twice as long and feel choppy and tense instead of like a "break" from school as it is intended). Then about the middle of the afternoon when school is over, dd comes home and the level of social chatter (aka small talk) explodes. It's not so bad if she brings a friend home and they can bounce off each other, but she does need a little time with Mom, and I really do want to spend a little time with her. Then I TRY to take an hour or two to recharge before it's time to make dinner and do the family evening social thing, but again they just can't leave me alone. I cannot have one restful moment to myself and it is seriously frying my nerve endings. I would have a lot more to give if they would just let me recharge a little now and then. Whew! Sorry that was so long. Evidently I needed to vent a little...lol. Really I just wanted to ask other introverts here (I know you're out there) what you do to maintain some space and get a little quiet time to regroup and decompress. It would be so much easier if either everyone went away to work and school and I stayed here by myself, or if I went away to a nice, quiet, nonsocial job somewhere and left them to their own devices. But neither of those is a good option for our family, and I need to figure this out before I explode and take them down with me. Strategies? Ideas? Help?
  10. I honestly have no friends IRL and don't really feel like making any. There are about 1-2 people at work that I talk to but NEVER speak to them outside of my job. I am not a very talkative person and making conversation or even being in places where I might have to potentially speak to others is VERY stressful to me. Even having to hear other chatting tends it irritate me. (the noise not the fact that others are social) My family actually harasses me all the time about not answering my phone or emails. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and am wondering if that is just pinned on anyone who is an introvert. Does anyone else here feel the way I do?? Funny thing is my job requires me to have interaction with people and that doesn't bother me at all. It is more teaching then actual chit-chat. Sorry for rambling. This is just a random thought that keeps going through my head.
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