BakersDozen Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 We are not pro youth group - just want to put that out there first. Our two oldest dc are involved in a youth group simply because as part of their participation in Bible Quiz at the Nazarene church they are asked to stay for YG afterward. Both dh and I have stayed with them and while it is highly annoying ("worship" that is so loud we cannot be in the same building, a youth leader who is all fluff and no substance, etc.) there was nothing openly objectionable...until now. The fluffy leader left and a new guy began two weeks ago. The talk he gave at his first meeting was pretty good until the end when he shared that he would be bringing in video games and such for the youth to do. My radar began going off so I had dh pick up the dc tonight early. As it turns out, my radar is pretty darn good. :glare: The youth leader had some game called Call of Duty which I looked up online...:mad:. I am so.stinking.angry and it's a good thing I wasn't the one there because I would have lost it BIG time. My dc love Bible Quiz. We have seen them flourish spiritually and oh my, the Scripture they have in their heads/hearts! I wish I'd had something like this growing up! We do not want them to give this up yet no way am I letting some idiot (couldn't think of a nicer word) get his hands on my dc if his idea of leading them spiritually is bringing in Call of Duty!!!!! Sorry to post yet another YG thread as I know there are threads aplenty on this topic. I am dreading the discussion dh and I are facing with the YG leader, dreading the decision to keep our dc in Bible Quiz or pull them away from it, and hating that a decision has to be made at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Welcome to my life. We've been round and round about this with our youth pastor. Violent video games, inappropriate boy/girl games, the list goes on and on. Good luck getting anything changed. We've talked repeatedly with the staff at our church and are reassured it will stop, only to have it be something else a few weeks later. There seems to be a huge lack of discernment among youth group leaders and I feel like there is no supervision by the senior staff. Our daughter does not attend youth events at our church. It makes me sad but I wouldn't even let my daughter befriend our jr high youth pastor on FB because of his links to inappropriate stuff. How terrible is that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Wow. I know NOTHING about video games and even I know that's a bad one. Please let the senior pastor know about this. I am pro-youth group, but that just should not be happening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 First off, I grew up in a Nazarene church; including youth group. No way EVER would my children attend youth group there. VERY little of what we EVER did had anything to do with spiritual growth. Kids went to youth group to flirt, hang out in cliques, make out, etc. It was as bad as school. No, actually it was WORSE, because of course these were *good* kids; otherwise why would they be at youth group? So, you know, they don't need much supervision. Yeah, right. Anyway, if you're really set on them still participating in bible quiz, talk to the senior or associate pastor, and explain briefly why they will NOT be attending youth group anymore. Don't let any of the staff try to guilt you into changing your mind, or make you feel badly for it. Just tell them that your kids won't be going to youth group, but that they'd like to contine with bible quiz, and will the church allow that. If they won't, well then they've already proven (by who they put in charge of their youth) that they don't have good decision making skills, so eh. There are plenty of places your kids can do bible quiz, if you really want to. JMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Welcome to my life. We've been round and round about this with our youth pastor. Violent video games, inappropriate boy/girl games, the list goes on and on. Good luck getting anything changed. We've talked repeatedly with the staff at our church and are reassured it will stop, only to have it be something else a few weeks later. There seems to be a huge lack of discernment among youth group leaders and I feel like there is no supervision by the senior staff. Our daughter does not attend youth events at our church. It makes me sad but I wouldn't even let my daughter befriend our jr high youth pastor on FB because of his links to inappropriate stuff. How terrible is that? Why on earth are you still attending that church?!?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Why on earth are you still attending that church?!?!? I'm sorry Daisy, but this is a good question... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Why on earth are you still attending that church?!?!? I'm sorry Daisy' date=' but this is a good question...[/quote'] I don't think it is a good question. I think it is a very personal question, and if I were Daisy I wouldn't answer it. I say that as a Christian who is also going to a church with an unfit youth group that my children are not part of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Well, I am pro YG. I think it is important for youth to have relationships with other Christians their age. I will say that we have been blessed with great Youth Pastors and leaders though. However, I would not be happy if I found out that my kids were playing Call of Duty at church!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I don't think it is a good question. I think it is a very personal question, and if I were Daisy I wouldn't answer it. I say that as a Christian who is also going to a church with an unfit youth group that my children are not part of. I don't think just because a question is personal automatically means it's not a good one. And of course Daisy doesn't have to answer it if she doesn't want to. I would question why anyone would attend a church at which they don't feel the leadership is doing its job well. Daisy said: There seems to be a huge lack of discernment among youth group leaders and I feel like there is no supervision by the senior staff. I don't understand why a person would attend a church where they felt this way, and am curious as to the answer, that's all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Bethany, I'm multi-tasking and didn't mean to post as curtly as I did. Came back to edit, too late. Forgive me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 While my almost grown boys play CoD occasionally how in the world does that fit in with youth group? I think our church is fantastic but we do not participate in youth group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Bethany, I'm multi-tasking and didn't mean to post as curtly as I did. Came back to edit, too late. Forgive me? Cetainly. :001_smile: No hard feelings at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 That is so sad. I don't understand why church is sinking to levels that low. I get that they want to reach lots of kids but there are other ways. Good clean fun can still be alot of fun. I remember one of my favorite events was ice cream Olympics - plain silly and made me laugh til it hurt! Keep talking to your leadership team. Be part of the solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Oh, I didn't mean it to be a big thing- it was just a knee-jerk expression of disbelief. I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) Why on earth are you still attending that church?!?!? Sigh. I have no problem answering that question. It is just a difficult one. We are looking for another church. My husband loves our senior pastor's preaching. He has friends there. Part of him thinks we won't find anything better anywhere else, because there seems to be a pervasively secularized culture among the youth groups in this city. We are also very involved in the Awana program at our church so our commitments tie us there until at least May. I think as preacher's kids we've always tried to exhaust every possible avenue before leaving a church. We are so worried about being church hoppers or buffet Christians. We've met with the pastor on numerous occasions, my husband has sat in on the youth group, and he's even taken the jr and sr high pastors out to lunch on several occasions to try and talk with them. But yeah, we both agree that something has to be done and even our parents agree with us. Finding a traditional conservative church isn't easy though. We are trying different churches (Sunday evenings and the few Sundays that we can skip without flaking on our responsibilities). If we haven't had any luck by May, we'll end our commitments and have more time to visit other churches. Edited February 23, 2012 by Daisy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Oh' date=' I didn't mean it to be a big thing- it was just a knee-jerk expression of disbelief. I'm sorry.[/quote'] No, I'm sorry. :grouphug: I've heard that question posed to me, and your 'tone' (which I probably imagined) reminded me of those incidents and I reacted a little more strongly than I intended. Sorry for the distraction to the thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I don't think it is a good question. I think it is a very personal question, and if I were Daisy I wouldn't answer it. I say that as a Christian who is also going to a church with an unfit youth group that my children are not part of. Okay...what's wrong with Call of Duty? Just wondering. My DH owns it, but I've never actually watched him play it, because I'm not really a video game person and he works so much he rarely plays anyhow. I thought it was just a military role playing game?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 There is killing in it. Blood and gore...rated M for intense violence and strong language. Definitely not something I would have being played in my house, let along in our youth group. I'd have been pissed if that was our youth pastor allowing it to be played. Got it. Thanks. :) And I actually just asked DH about it and I fibbed inadvertantly...that one isn't the one that he has. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 In my ward, the guideline is if you would not be comfortable watching/listening/ playing something with or in the presence of JC, then it is out as a media/game choice. Our youth groups are very structured anyway, with yearly themes and very specific lessons. In your shoes, I would be outta there, but that's easy for me to say since I'm so happy where I am. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Sigh. I have no problem answering that question. It is just a difficult one. We are looking for another church. My husband loves our senior pastor's preaching. He has friends there. Part of him thinks we won't find anything better anywhere else, because there seems to be a pervasively secularized culture among the youth groups in this city. We are also very involved in the Awana program at our church so our commitments tie us there until at least May. I think as preacher's kids we've always tried to exhaust every possible avenue before leaving a church. We are so worried about being church hoppers or buffet Christians. We've met with the pastor on numerous occasions, my husband has sat in on the youth group, and he's even taken the jr and sr high pastors out to lunch on several occasions to try and talk with them. But yeah, we both agree that something has to be done and even our parents agree with us. Finding a traditional conservative church isn't easy though. We are trying different churches (Sunday evenings and the few Sundays that we can skip without flaking on our responsibilities). If we haven't had any luck by May, we'll end our commitments and have more time to visit other churches. It's complicated, isn't it? It's not like you "shop" for a church with just one priority. If you were just looking for a good youth group, it would be easier. But there's that little issue of doctrine. :D And the parents getting fed well. Not a simple formula. I think most of the time we have to sacrifice in some areas to meet the needs in other areas, especially the ones we consider more important (sound doctrine) or more necessary (parents ministered to so they in turn have the spiritual stamina to shepherd their own lambs). Items can bob around on the importance scale in different seasons of life. Daisy, hope you can find a welcoming church home that meets the needs of *all* your family members. That would be a great treasure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Wow - my oldest is 12 and we have no experience with youth groups, but I've been wanting to find one for him. I had NO idea that some would play Call of Duty, inappropriate boy/girl games or lack supervision. It never occurred to me. I thought it would all be super, squeaky clean fun, with encouragement in the kids' faith lives! Yikes, I'm a bit leery now. Especially after another recent thread I read about YGs. I guess I need to educate myself a bit more. But I wouldn't even know what to ask when looking for one, "do you have the kids play inappropriate boy/girl games?"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Wow - my oldest is 12 and we have no experience with youth groups, but I've been wanting to find one for him. I had NO idea that some would play Call of Duty, inappropriate boy/girl games or lack supervision. It never occurred to me. I thought it would all be super, squeaky clean fun, with encouragement in the kids' faith lives! Yikes, I'm a bit leery now. Especially after another recent thread I read about YGs. I guess I need to educate myself a bit more. But I wouldn't even know what to ask when looking for one, "do you have the kids play inappropriate boy/girl games?"! To get a better picture, don't ask. Just pop in and see what's going on in the youth area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 We are not pro youth group - just want to put that out there first. Our two oldest dc are involved in a youth group simply because as part of their participation in Bible Quiz at the Nazarene church they are asked to stay for YG afterward. Both dh and I have stayed with them and while it is highly annoying ("worship" that is so loud we cannot be in the same building, a youth leader who is all fluff and no substance, etc.) there was nothing openly objectionable...until now. The fluffy leader left and a new guy began two weeks ago. The talk he gave at his first meeting was pretty good until the end when he shared that he would be bringing in video games and such for the youth to do. My radar began going off so I had dh pick up the dc tonight early. As it turns out, my radar is pretty darn good. :glare: The youth leader had some game called Call of Duty which I looked up online...:mad:. I am so.stinking.angry and it's a good thing I wasn't the one there because I would have lost it BIG time. My dc love Bible Quiz. We have seen them flourish spiritually and oh my, the Scripture they have in their heads/hearts! I wish I'd had something like this growing up! We do not want them to give this up yet no way am I letting some idiot (couldn't think of a nicer word) get his hands on my dc if his idea of leading them spiritually is bringing in Call of Duty!!!!! Sorry to post yet another YG thread as I know there are threads aplenty on this topic. I am dreading the discussion dh and I are facing with the YG leader, dreading the decision to keep our dc in Bible Quiz or pull them away from it, and hating that a decision has to be made at all. I'm familiar with Call of Duty, and it is just a first person shooter game, as if you are a soldier doing an op. You can turn off blood and language. I personally don't consider it much different than watching war movies (and I'm a WW II movie fan). But..... That said, it still has NO PLACE IN CHURCH. Why do they have to play games and watch movies in church? Why can't they do other things? Why can't they talk about important issues that young people face and do fun active things like volleyball or something sometimes? We left a church of ten years after the children's ministry began showing Disney movies every week instead of even attempting to have Sunday school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) To get a better picture, don't ask. Just pop in and see what's going on in the youth area. :iagree: You will learn a lot just from observing. One of the first thing we observe is the youth leader's reaction to parents being there; if he/she balks at parental presence or tries to tell us that the youth will open up more if we aren't there we leave...and never let our dc attend, period. We listen to conversations of both youth and leaders, we observe to see if the youth leader wants to be more of a pal or a leader. Needless to say this is the first time we've allowed our dc to be in a youth group as no others passed our "tests". Now even this one has apparently failed, too. :glare: That said, it still has NO PLACE IN CHURCH. Why do they have to play games and watch movies in church? Why can't they do other things? Why can't they talk about important issues that young people face and do fun active things like volleyball or something sometimes? My 14yos was expressing the same sentiment this evening: Why bring in video games/movies rather than offer activities that require group-wide involvement? If I want my dc to watch movies or play video games I will have them do so but NOT at church or a church sponsored event. The last youth leader was about as substantial as a marshmallow yet one thing she did right was bring in pingpong tables and couches to create an inviting environment where everyone hung out and visited. Her talks, while wading pool shallow, at least hit home with the youth and she walked the talk she was giving. Edited February 23, 2012 by LuvnMySvn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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