What's your comfort level with the "physical intimacy" threads?

[dragons in the flower bed]

Heck, I'm probably the only woman I know who says the word "vulva" instead of "vagina" when it's appropriate. So I'm all about calling things what they are. (However, my husband is never allowed -- EVER -- to say publicly that he likes Volvos (the car)

 

My partner is a performance poet, and he tours. As was not unusual, one night after a slam he found himself in a diner with three or four other counterculture, hip, genderqueer poets.

 

One of the waitresses in the little Mississippi diner comes up to their table between drink orders and asks in thick southern accent, "Duh enny uh ya'll haive uh vulva?"

 

The poets, who have surely been using or hearing such words in the slam they just came from, all look at each other, then ask, "WHAT?!"

 

"A vulva? . . . There's a vulva in the parking lot with it's lights on."

 

I'm in the camp that thinks sex should stay off this board. It is interesting and I have no qualms chatting with close friends about it openly. In fact, we do, and frequently, because who else are we going to ask? Local homeschool moms with whom I am close chat about it when we have our mom's night out (in more general terms than I use with my best friend), so it's not like I need to keep those worlds separate. It's just that I'm not going to transcribe the details of my sex life for anyone with a search engine to find. Some information simply should not be available to the public. Even if I didn't believe in the value of a little mystery, I have to keep in mind that my dad reads the internet.

[Rosie_0801]

As long as we are speaking in euphemisms and keeping it light, I don't see a real problem.

 

:iagree:

Besides, many people don't have the answers they need to important questions and online is a safe place to conduct necessary surveys. If we can answer the occasional "Am I the only one like this?" question, we've made someone feel better about themselves. I mean these aren't the sorts of things you are going to ask random shop assistants like you might ask about favoured brands of chocolate milk or something! Is it better that we ban these conversations and leave people with no comfortable way to find out answer? Anyone who wants to avoid these threads is able to. The thread headings make the content pretty obvious.

:)

Rosie

[Doran]

Okay, Doran... I'm beginning to think we're not talking about the same thing. The only thread I saw was when people were talking about whether or not they wake up in the middle of the night and have sex. When it comes to talking about what we do in private, I just ask myself if I would feel comfortable if my dh were joking around about it with his friends and if not, then I shouldn't do the same.

 

On the same hand, if my dd had a sensitive, embarrassing problem, I would NEVER discuss it in public. This is a public place, not a private living room with just a few invited friends. If I needed to talk to someone I would talk to a trusted friend in private, just out of respect for her dignity.

 

But you seem to be talking about either 1) serious questions about serious issues, or 2) the topic of sex in general, not about any one's specific sex life. I think those are both okay, as long as in the case of #1 you aren't saying anything that wouldn't embarrass someone else (just because Ive talked about it with my husband doesn't mean he wouldn't be embarrassed if I talked about it with someone else).

 

I didn't think the threads I've read were anywhere helpful to anyone... just more for entertainment. Maybe I missed something? And they were funny, so that's why I think they're fine.

 

And I don't think that just because you're tight lipped about private issues like sex means you have an unhealthy attitude about them. I actually think our culture puts WAY too much value on talking about everything. There is actually some dignity in not verbalizing one's every thought. I'm not saying that others shouldn't talk about what they want to (including sex), I'm just saying that there's nothing wrong with the people who *don't* want to do the same, and one way is not really better or healthier than the other.

 

 

You're correct, Robin -- we were referring to two different threads. I had contributed to the post which centered on differences in desire, while I now presume you read the thread about "chatting" in the middle of the night. I never read that particular thread, but I'm not sure it matters which one we were responding to. The bottom line is that you feel strongly that sexual matters should remain private, and I feel strongly that they have relevance in a public or even semi-public (ie: among friends) discussion. That's okay. I would never try to convince you or anyone to change your opinion about this because it doesn't trouble me in the least. I would not assume that because you chose to keep these subjects close you have an unhealthy attitude about sex. However, neither would I want to equate being more verbal about sex with having less dignity. In both scenarios, I think there is great potential for the negative implications: that not feeling comfortable discussing sex could mean there are some unhealthy attitudes about it, and that being verbal about sex could mean that there is a loss of dignity and respect occurring. Only the individual knows which applies to her.

 

:)

[Robin in Tx]

You're correct, Robin -- we were referring to two different threads.

 

Okay, now I know why I'm so confused about this! LOL

 

To be clearer, though, I wasn't saying that a person who discusses sex in public has reduced dignity... I was trying to explain that to some people, it isn't a matter of being all straight laced taboo about it, but a matter of personal dignity to keep private things private. If you look hard, there is dignity to be found in this (instead of looking for a fuddy duddy, for example).

 

I really don't care who else discusses what, though. Even among my irl friends, I stand out as being very private about my private life.

 

I still stand by the opinion, though, that if what one discusses in public would in any way embarrass the partner should the partner stumble upon or hear about the conversation, then you should not be having that discussion. I do think that anyone (male or female) who has a discussion about a private matter (any private matter, not just sex) that would embarrass, shame or put their spouse on the defensive, that is a betrayal. Y'all can call me a fuddy duddy on that one... I feel very strongly about that one. The only exception would be in the context of counseling. I honestly believe this to be the ultimate premise behind the "no spouse bashing" rule on these boards... it's not because you can't get good advice from strangers on the forums, it's because you don't have any business talking about your spouse like that in public without their knowledge.

 

Okay, that's my soap box for the day, and I realize it has little to do with the op (it does have a little, but only a little). I also see the irony of my commenting on how I don't like to comment on these things! LOL

[Colleen]

I'll echo Plaid Dad's earlier remark: "At base, I believe certain things should be kept private, and if the details of one's s*x life aren't in that category, I don't know what is." To that end, I don't think this is an appropriate place to talk about sex ~ despite the fact that I have a healthy attitude about the subject. Healthy discussions about sex, imo, are mature discussions. The tone of the previous discussion felt distinctly immature to me ~ in part because of the euphemisms. With or without euphemisms, though, I prefer this not be a place to discuss one's sex life.

[Colleen]

anj, your reply to Confuzzled (Kim) feels to me like an admonishment toward those of us who don't share your stance on this subject. She said she'd feel she was dishonoring her husband and their marriage if she talked about their sex life on a public forum. You assured her, "Fortunately no one did that here." You asked about our comfort level re "physical intimacy" threads. Kim provided her answer ~ how it would feel to her to engage in such discussions. Imo, your reply to her came across as somewhat corrective. You provided the analogy:

 

"It's like the example that Jesus gave of a donkey falling into a ditch on the sabbath. Do you leave it there just to make sure you haven't broken the sabbath? Or do you try to help, understanding that one of the reasons we are here is to bless others?

 

What I hear you saying is, Kim (and those of us who share that opinion) are being legalistic at the cost of helping others. Whereas you (and those who share your opinion) are blessing others as Christ expect us to. That feels highly condescending.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I'll echo Plaid Dad's earlier remark: "At base, I believe certain things should be kept private, and if the details of one's s*x life aren't in that category, I don't know what is." To that end, I don't think this is an appropriate place to talk about sex ~ despite the fact that I have a healthy attitude about the subject. Healthy discussions about sex, imo, are mature discussions. The tone of the previous discussion felt distinctly immature to me ~ in part because of the euphemisms. With or without euphemisms, though, I prefer this not be a place to discuss one's sex life.

 

Well, Colleen, you've discussed your own sex life here, mostly pre-marriage and no gritty details (much like the current discussions), but still. Or are we just talking about marriage?

 

One person's funny is another person's sophomoric. One person's search for commonality and affirmation is another's finding oneself on the outside merely looking in.

 

ETA: I fully respect your right to object to those kinds of discussions, to not post on these kinds of threads, and not to use or like any euphemisms you consider immature.

[Colleen]

No, Pam, I haven't discussed my sex life, past or present, in nearly the detail that's been shared in the discussions we're referencing. I'm glad you respect my right to object to said discussions. Actually, "object" is an overstatement. If the powers that be allow it, and if others care to engage, I care not a whit. It's my choice not to participate. I was answering a question posed by anj.

[*anj*]

Hi Colleen!

I'm glad that you responded. I am finding this mode of communication to be somewhat limiting right now. It's not easy to have conversations in this vein and I'm concerned that I'm not getting my point across well.

 

anj, your reply to Confuzzled (Kim) feels to me like an admonishment toward those of us who don't share your stance on this subject. She said she'd feel she was dishonoring her husband and their marriage if she talked about their sex life on a public forum. You assured her, "Fortunately no one did that here." You asked about our comfort level re "physical intimacy" threads. Kim provided her answer ~ how it would feel to her to engage in such discussions. Imo, your reply to her came across as somewhat corrective. You provided the analogy:

I don't know that I have a "stance" on this subject per se. I'm certainly not trying to convince anyone to change their behavior. I started the poll because I noticed that in both of the other threads people were making disapproving comments. You were one of those people. In a private message chat with someone I wondered aloud (well, not aloud because I was typing, but you get it) whether there were a lot of people who are uncomfortable with this topic and I wondered why they were.

 

Into every conversation such as this comes an inevitable call for each party to define their terms. I am beginning to think that several of us are talking about different things. And because we don't totally know what we each mean by for instance "talking about your sex life" we're kind of shooting spitballs at a moving target, hoping that one will stick.

 

What do I consider "talking about one's sex life"?

~mentioning specific acts

~mentioning specific positions

~describing the sensations involved

~talking about one's own preferences or those of their partner

~describing anatomical features

 

What do I consider not "talking about one's sex life"?

~mentioning that one is indeed sexually active

~laughing about the words to a song by Flight of the Conchords

~reminding friends that it is Wednesday night

~talking about very general topics in very general ways (ie. answering someone when they ask a pointed question such as "Am I the only one whose husband has a lower drive?")

 

And you're right, Confuzzled did answer by saying what it seemed like to her. I wasn't aware that I sounded corrective in my response. I didn't mean to sound that way, although I have to admit that I felt chided by her comment and some others as well. Others have shared with me that they felt the same way. So if the people who are against the discussion feel "corrected" I'm sorry that I gave that impression, but please know that the talk of dignity and so on felt judgmental to some of us.

 

And after going back through one of the threads, I will admit that I think a couple of people maybe went a little far for my taste. There were maybe two comments that made me sort of wince. But I don't think that a few remarks negate the validity and helpfulness of the whole thread.

 

What I hear you saying is, Kim (and those of us who share that opinion) are being legalistic at the cost of helping others. Whereas you (and those who share your opinion) are blessing others as Christ expect us to. That feels highly condescending.

 

No, I don't want you to hear that. I am not saying that any of you are necessarily legalistic. For all I know, you may be, but I am not saying that I think that about you regarding this topic...not necessarily. But I am asking a question: What would you do? How would you handle it? If a woman comes here and asks a question like the one that started the "chatting" thread, how should we respond?

 

I know that the obvious answer would seem to be private messaging. But that would actually fly in the face of so much that is valuable in this forum. How many times have any of us read someone else's question, a question that we've grappled with ourselves, and been so relieved to read the replies?

You have only to look at the number of views in a thread to see the immense interest that some people take in a given topic. Of course some of those people are only looking around, but how many people have to be legitimately helped in order for a thread to be of value?

 

I think that the open exchange of ideas is one of the best things about this forum. I completely understand that people have varying levels of comfort regarding the discussion of personal matters. I read many answers to the question in my OP, but now I'd really like to know (and I say this with no malice or anger or desire to be corrective) what should we do? How should we answer, if at all? And do you accept or take issue with my definition of the term "talking about (one's) sex life"?

 

It is not my desire to be condescending in any way (and certainly not "highly condescending"! :)) but I would challenge all of us to consider the reasons that we take a particular stance, that's all.

Thank you for challenging me.

[Robin in Tx]

I wasn't aware that I sounded corrective in my response. I didn't mean to sound that way, although I have to admit that I felt chided by her comment and some others as well.

 

Gosh, anj, I sure hope you didn't feel chided by *my* remarks. You wanted to know why I do or don't participate in the threads, and I told you. How can I answer honestly without saying that it's a matter of honor or personal digity to me? That doesn't mean I'm passing judgment on or chiding others who don't feel the same way!

 

Surely, though, you knew when first asking this question that people who are not comfortable with these conversations were going to give their reasons why (since you asked them to), and that surely those reasons were going to be from some sort of view that they find it inappropriate. Did you *really*, in all honesty, want to know why anyone would find it inappropriate? Because this thread is looking more like defending opinions than sharing them (high fiveing those we agree with, etc.). I'm really confused... I honestly thought at first that you were genuinely wanting to know how people felt, but after reading your response here, and how there were private conversations going on about this behind the scenes, I'm now beginning to think that you and several others came up with this poll as a reaction to negative feedback you saw in other threads... that what you really wanted to open up the argument in a new thread. People like me came into this sort of as a new conversation, when really it was a simmering leftover from an old conversation. I think y'all assumed that everyone who responded to this poll would be the same people who read and kept up with all the conversations you were referring to, when in fact some of us were just saying, "Yeah, I've seen those subject lineis before but I skip over those conversations because...."

 

For some reason, I'm feeling somewhat baited into an argument... like perhaps the poll was a tad disingenuous. Is there a single answer to "why I don't like to have these conversations" that would have been accepted without defense or refute from the collaborators?

 

I think that the problem with Kris's post and your response to it is this... you asked how we felt about open discussion of sex on the forums. Kris responded by saying that she felt like it would be dishonoring her husband to talk about their sex life in public. You responded by saying that's not what happened (which was an attempt to delegitimize her position). This is where we disagree. If you are talking about your husband's libido and how it makes you feel, then you are talking about your sex life, and Kris's comment is relative. You ask how we should answer these questions in the future. I say for those who want to discuss it, fine. And for those who don't, fine. I really couldn't care less... but *I* would never post a question on these boards about my husband's low libido because it would humiliate him, and you know... there is nothing wrong with that. It is not the answers to the question, but the question itself that I am addressing. It *is* an issue of honor and dignity for me. But surely the op in that thread would have never shared such an intimacy if it were embarrassing to *her* dh, right? And there is nothing wrong wtih that, either.

 

So, you know... if you and your spouse are comfortable with the open discussions... post away and have a ball! (pun intended :D).

[LisaNY]

Gosh, anj, I sure hope you didn't feel chided by *my* remarks. You wanted to know why I do or don't participate in the threads, and I told you. How can I answer honestly without saying that it's a matter of honor or personal digity to me? That doesn't mean I'm passing judgment on or chiding others who don't feel the same way!

 

Surely, though, you knew when first asking this question that people who are not comfortable with these conversations were going to give their reasons why (since you asked them to), and that surely those reasons were going to be from some sort of view that they find it inappropriate. Did you *really*, in all honesty, want to know why anyone would find it inappropriate? Because this thread is looking more like defending opinions than sharing them (high fiveing those we agree with, etc.). I'm really confused... I honestly thought at first that you were genuinely wanting to know how people felt, but after reading your response here, and how there were private conversations going on about this behind the scenes, I'm now beginning to think that you and several others came up with this poll as a reaction to negative feedback you saw in other threads... that what you really wanted to open up the argument in a new thread. People like me came into this sort of as a new conversation, when really it was a simmering leftover from an old conversation. I think y'all assumed that everyone who responded to this poll would be the same people who read and kept up with all the conversations you were referring to, when in fact some of us were just saying, "Yeah, I've seen those subject lineis before but I skip over those conversations because...."

 

For some reason, I'm feeling somewhat baited into an argument... like perhaps the poll was a tad disingenuous. Is there a single answer to "why I don't like to have these conversations" that would have been accepted without defense or refute from the collaborators?

 

I think that the problem with Kris's post and your response to it is this... you asked how we felt about open discussion of sex on the forums. Kris responded by saying that she felt like it would be dishonoring her husband to talk about their sex life in public. You responded by saying that's not what happened (which was an attempt to delegitimize her position). This is where we disagree. If you are talking about your husband's libido and how it makes you feel, then you are talking about your sex life, and Kris's comment is relative. You ask how we should answer these questions in the future. I say for those who want to discuss it, fine. And for those who don't, fine. I really couldn't care less... but *I* would never post a question on these boards about my husband's low libido because it would humiliate him, and you know... there is nothing wrong with that. It is not the answers to the question, but the question itself that I am addressing. It *is* an issue of honor and dignity for me. But surely the op in that thread would have never shared such an intimacy if it were embarrassing to *her* dh, right? And there is nothing wrong wtih that, either.

 

So, you know... if you and your spouse are comfortable with the open discussions... post away and have a ball! (pun intended :D).

 

I pretty much share Robin's thoughs on this. People answered the poll with their honest feelings about it. I would assume also if the question were asked, the person was prepared to hear the answer.

 

When I read this poll/post, my reaction was, "Okay, since you asked..."

 

I would never have started a thread just to let people know how I felt. I would have kept my feelings to myself - really.

 

I don't have the right to tell people to speak about, or not speak about their s*x life. I can avoid those threads - nobody is forcing me to read. If it is helping people, who am I to tell them to stop?

[Doran]

There is a fine line, a very fine line, between posting one's opinion about a topic and posting a reply that sounds more like chastising those whose opinions differ from our own. And, let's not forget the filter on the person doing the reading which can [mis]construe a comment to the point of being hurtful when no ill intention existed.

 

I think that's where we're going here, ladies (and gents). It's difficult if not impossible, in my opinion, to craft our personal opinions into sentences that don't come off sounding judgemental - that's true on both sides of this debate. And, similarly, when either "side" asks further questions, for clarification, it complicates matters all the more because it appears as though the person is simply trying to ram an opinion down the throats of others.

 

Some feel comfortable with these discussions, and some don't. Opinions behind those feelings were described and defended. I think when we agree with the opinion, whichever side it happens to take, we tend to feel supported and when we disagree, we feel rejected or chastised. It goes both ways. Surely we needn't get to the place of thinking there was a conspiracy behind the entire thread.

[*anj*]

Wow Robin.

I haven't felt so misunderstood in a really, really long time.

 

I'm actually kind of blinking in disbelief, I'm getting a butterflies swirling my stomach kind of feeling from reading what you wrote.

 

Yeah, I *really* wanted to know why and how. I'm an asker of questions. I don't walk into things with an agenda. I just don't work that way.

 

I'm now beginning to think that you and several others came up with this poll

Ouch. No. Just...no.

 

For some reason, I'm feeling somewhat baited into an argument... like perhaps the poll was a tad disingenuous.

Again...nope. I'm just not that complex a person. Honestly. Disingenuous? In all humility I don't think so.

 

Kris responded by saying that she felt like it would be dishonoring her husband to talk about their sex life in public. You responded by saying that's not what happened (which was an attempt to delegitimize her position).

I really take exception to that. I was not attempting to do that. I was attempting to say that I don't think that it dishonors one's husband to mention certain things in very general terms. And then in a different post I defined those terms.

I think that there is a tendency on both sides of this discussion for people to see personal statements as blanket ones. I can admit that when I read words like "I feel that my spouse would be dishonored if I discussed xyz" I interpret that as saying that it is generally dishonoring to one's spouse to mention such things. And so it seems like people are either saying that or they're being morally relativistic. And Doran is right, I can easily see how that could be said of either "side."

 

I'm sad that this thread has taken such a turn.

I'm sad that my intentions have been misconstrued and that people are thinking there's some kind of conspiracy.

 

I'm glad that I have about a million things to do today and cannot give this any more mental energy or time.

:auto:

[LisaNY]

There is a fine line, a very fine line, between posting one's opinion about a topic and posting a reply that sounds more like chastising those whose opinions differ from our own. And, let's not forget the filter on the person doing the reading which can [mis]construe a comment to the point of being hurtful when no ill intention existed.

 

I think that's where we're going here, ladies (and gents). It's difficult if not impossible, in my opinion, to craft our personal opinions into sentences that don't come off sounding judgemental - that's true on both sides of this debate. And, similarly, when either "side" asks further questions, for clarification, it complicates matters all the more because it appears as though the person is simply trying to ram an opinion down the throats of others.

 

Some feel comfortable with these discussions, and some don't. Opinions behind those feelings were described and defended. I think when we agree with the opinion, whichever side it happens to take, we tend to feel supported and when we disagree, we feel rejected or chastised. It goes both ways. Surely we needn't get to the place of thinking there was a conspiracy behind the entire thread.

 

Well said, Doran. :001_smile:

[LisaNY]

Wow Robin.

I haven't felt so misunderstood in a really, really long time.

 

I'm actually kind of blinking in disbelief, I'm getting a butterflies swirling my stomach kind of feeling from reading what you wrote.

 

Yeah, I *really* wanted to know why and how. I'm an asker of questions. I don't walk into things with an agenda. I just don't work that way.

 

 

Ouch. No. Just...no.

 

 

Again...nope. I'm just not that complex a person. Honestly. Disingenuous? In all humility I don't think so.

 

 

I really take exception to that. I was not attempting to do that. I was attempting to say that I don't think that it dishonors one's husband to mention certain things in very general terms. And then in a different post I defined those terms.

I think that there is a tendency on both sides of this discussion for people to see personal statements as blanket ones. I can admit that when I read words like "I feel that my spouse would be dishonored if I discussed xyz" I interpret that as saying that it is generally dishonoring to one's spouse to mention such things. And so it seems like people are either saying that or they're being morally relativistic. And Doran is right, I can easily see how that could be said of either "side."

 

I'm sad that this thread has taken such a turn.

I'm sad that my intentions have been misconstrued and that people are thinking there's some kind of conspiracy.

 

I'm glad that I have about a million things to do today and cannot give this any more mental energy or time.

:auto:

 

(((anj))) I never for once thought that this was a conspiracy. I think Doran summed up pretty well how both sides have felt. I am sorry if you are hurt over this.

[Amy in NH]

I read both threads. I found them to be funny and informative. I might have participated in one of them, but there isn't enough anonymity here. Even though I didn't participate, one thread made me feel better to know that I'm not alone and gave me some good tips on books that might help my situation.

 

I have been a member of another message board with a separate section for topics like these. The general section of the message board was open to the public for reading without registration. The section with the topics where one might like a bit more anonymity was only open to members with a certain number of posts. Having those topics in a separate section also made it easier for members who found them offensive to keep from happening upon them. Just a thought...

[Colleen]

I wasn't aware that I sounded corrective in my response. I didn't mean to sound that way, although I have to admit that I felt chided by her comment and some others as well. Others have shared with me that they felt the same way. So if the people who are against the discussion feel "corrected" I'm sorry that I gave that impression, but please know that the talk of dignity and so on felt judgmental to some of us.

 

No doubt, there are people on either "side" of the discussion who feel somewhat chided by others. That seems to be the norm for potentially hot-button topics. So we can all say we're even.;) But it strikes me as odd. A question was asked and I don't know how we can answer if, by sharing our preference that it not be a subject of discussion here, we're accused of passing judgment. How should we answer? What should we say? It feels to me like you aren't satisfied with the answers, which leaves me scratching my head as to what you expected when you asked the question. I mean, I know you didn't ask the question out of malice or anything of the sort. Goodness, no! You wondered why some were uncomfortable with the topic. Fair enough. But when I say, "I'm not comfortable with it because I don't think this is an appropriate place to talk about it" ~ I'm offered the myriad of reasons why you do think it's appropriate. That feels invalidating.

 

I am asking a question: What would you do? How would you handle it? If a woman comes here and asks a question like the one that started the "chatting" thread, how should we respond? I know that the obvious answer would seem to be private messaging. But that would actually fly in the face of so much that is valuable in this forum.

 

On that particular topic, yes, I'd go with a pm or email.

 

I think that the open exchange of ideas is one of the best things about this forum.

 

Agreed!:)

 

I completely understand that people have varying levels of comfort regarding the discussion of personal matters. I read many answers to the question in my OP, but now I'd really like to know (and I say this with no malice or anger or desire to be corrective) what should we do? How should we answer, if at all?

 

Imo, a succinct answer would be sufficient, (e.g. "Yep, you're not alone!") and then, as I said above, I'd take it off the board.

 

And do you accept or take issue with my definition of the term "talking about (one's) sex life"?

 

Oh, anj, we can go 'round and 'round splitting hairs as to what does or doesn't constitute "talking about one's sex life". Suffice it to say the previous thread was too specific for my preferences. But if you hadn't asked, I certainly wouldn't have gone about it at the length I have now. It isn't against board rules and many are comfortable with it, and that's fine.

[Robin in Tx]

Anj, if I misunderstood then I take complete responsibility for that, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I, too, felt very misunderstood when responses like mine (therefore mine included) were received as chiding.

 

This is the way things look from my side - not as a *conspiracy*, but that this thread had its genesis in another complex situation and therefore it was already a moving train when I hopped on... conspiracy is really too strong a word for what I was trying to describe. I think that if you go back and re-read my post, you will see that I'm saying this to express why I think perhaps opinions like mine and a few others in this thread were doomed to either insult or incite ~~ it's because of the "baggage" this conversation was already carrying. That's why the poll feels a little misleading to me... to answer you honestly was to risk offending you over your participation in the other thread when my comments didn't have anything to do with the other thread at all (and I'm not sure Kris's comment did, either). I was trying to get you to see what a dilemna this had created. I hope this explanation makes more sense. Please reread my post to see if you can view it through my eyes (flawed as they may be).

 

One thing is for sure... I am very sorry to have added to the misunderstandings in this thread. And I am especially sorry for hurting or offending you in any way at all.

 

Robin

[Parrothead]

I'm okay talking about sex in general. I don't think I'd give a play-by-play account about the details that occur between me and dh though.

[Robin in Tx]

we needn't get to the place of thinking there was a conspiracy behind the entire thread.

 

Doran, please read my response to anj below... I worded my comments poorly if it sounds like I was saying it was a conspiracy... what I was trying to say was that I think there was already a lot of history/context to this poll before it was ever posted, therefore someone like me who wasn't familiar with the other threads and discussions were at a severe disadvantage when we answered *this* poll as we thought we should - quite openly and honestly. Had I had the benefit of the other conversations, I might have cautiously worded my response differently or perhaps not participated in the poll at all. That's what I meant about feeling a little baited, or set up, or whatever you want to call it... all of which is too strong of terminology but I am at a loss as to how else to describe how it feels. Take "baited" or "set up" and divide it by about 30 or 40. Or I guess you can say I feel like I unknowingly walked into a bee's nest :).

 

Hope that makes more sense...

[Snickerdoodle]

I'm not that interested in talking about the subject on a hs forum so I don't bother to click those threads. I don't care that the threads are there or that others might want to talk about it.

[gardenschooler]

Honestly, I think it is helpful at times (remembering one recent thread in particular). I do know that some of the silliness (mine included) is not appreciated by a lot of people, but then again, I've heard that about numerous goofy threads that were on a different subject altogether.

 

I feel comfortable talking about it *in general*, and certainly if there is an area where someone needs to just ask, "Am I normal?". There was one thread a while back (it was on the old board, I think) where we discussed how visual you are, and I felt I fell outside of the range of most women on that, so that was very helpful to me.

 

I do feel uncomfortable with how much I shared in some of these threads, so I deleted them. I don't necessarily want to be known for my sex life here, or whether I do/do not wake my dh up in the middle of the night. I think if we can keep the threads to being helpful without telling all (and info that is just not needed), that would be good (for me, anyway).

 

Thank you for bringing this up, Anj, as it did need to be addressed. Not everyone is going to appreciate all threads, but it helps to know in general how people feel about different degrees of personal information.