maybe a "proper" gifted school?

[serendipitous journey]

:confused:

 

A lovely friend of DH sent a link to a nearby school for gifted children, the Dunham Academy, and of course it arrived in the middle of a Very Difficult time with Button. He's so mercurial and temperamental and breaking down more than once each day. Sigh. We are definitely _not_ pushing too hard right now; he's outside about 2 hours each day; I'm gentle but firm ... he's just hitting some sort of developmental thing.

 

I am wondering if he might be better served by teachers who specialize in gifted children, who have had time to learn more strategies for dealing with intensities and sensitivities (and who prob. have continuing ed each year or so), &c. We didn't consider this option originally b/c I like the relationship-building aspects of homeschooling so much, and the character development potential, and b/c I don't want him in a school where he's made to feel "special" relative to other people who don't have his particular intellectual gifts. -- please understand he knows that he is very special to us, and that we really value his personality and his various uniquenesses, it is just that I want him to learn that a person's inherent value is not related to their academic, physical, artistic, &c gifts.

 

any thoughts?

 

:bigear::bigear::bigear:

 

... off for take-out tonight: DH is traveling. !!!

Edited February 1, 2012 by serendipitous journey

[LittleIzumi]

No harm in checking it out. :001_smile: Some schools are wonderful, and you won't know if this could be a good fit or not until you see it for yourself. Don't go by the Website. ;)

[Beth in SW WA]

No harm in checking it out. :001_smile: Some schools are wonderful, and you won't know if this could be a good fit or not until you see it for yourself. Don't go by the Website. ;)

 

:iagree: Go check it out.

Tonight is an info-night for a new STEM school which opens in the fall. I hear the Sirens' song.... :)

[beaners]

 

A lovely friend of DH sent a link to a nearby school for gifted children, the Dunham Academy, and of course it arrived in the middle of a Very Difficult time with Button. He's so mercurial and temperamental and breaking down more than once each day. Sigh. We are definitely _not_ pushing too hard right now; he's outside about 2 hours each day; I'm gentle but firm ... he's just hitting some sort of developmental thing.

 

.....

 

... off for take-out tonight: DH is traveling. !!!

 

Is there any chance there is a connection between these? My husband doesn't travel often these days, but he still has stretches where he isn't home while the children are still awake. It throws everyone off, and then we get out of sorts again when he has his time off and everyone soaks up their time with him.

[serendipitous journey]

No harm in checking it out. :001_smile: Some schools are wonderful, and you won't know if this could be a good fit or not until you see it for yourself. Don't go by the Website. ;)

 

:iagree: Go check it out.

Tonight is an info-night for a new STEM school which opens in the fall. I hear the Sirens' song.... :)

 

!!!! That's probably good advice. Less biased toward stick-with-hsing than I'd expected :D

 

Is there any chance there is a connection between these? My husband doesn't travel often these days, but he still has stretches where he isn't home while the children are still awake. It throws everyone off, and then we get out of sorts again when he has his time off and everyone soaks up their time with him.

 

I don't think it is, he was crazy difficult well before dh headed out. It _is_possible that it's associated with an academically lighter schedule, which we've had since the holidays (which is to say, since Bot-bot turned 18 mos and became very difficult to distract & ignore; also developed an aversion to DVDs :tongue_smilie:). -- though thinking on it, DH's schedule has picked up a lot since the holidays too; he hasn't traveled 'till now, but he's working until/past bedtime once a week or so .... maybe that is related; Button did so well with DH home over the holidays. How do you help even things out in your household?

[Grover]

_is_possible that it's associated with an academically lighter schedule,

 

This was my "Button"'s problem. He was DIABOLICAL until we restarted school. I mean AWFUL. HORRIBLE. 6 hours a day at school was looking very tempting. As was boarding school, lol!

[Greenmama2]

Ugh, I'm no help. I'm just posting to say I feel your pain. I'm feeling a constant pendulum swing from sooooo happy with what we are doing to wanting to send DD 5.5 to school tomorrow. Which is not really an option as we would have to move back to the city we came from to access a decent private school let alone public.

[boscopup]

he's just hitting some sort of developmental thing.

 

This too shall pass. :)

 

We didn't consider this option originally b/c I like the relationship-building aspects of homeschooling so much, and the character development potential, and b/c I don't want him in a school where he's made to feel "special" relative to other people who don't have his particular intellectual gifts

So have these ideals changed?

 

I find that when I'm having a relationship issue with my children, I usually need to stop and fix that issue rather than send them off and sweep the issue under the rug. ;) Though I also had my son in school (not a gifted school - just a regular private school), and our relationship and his relationship with his brothers really suffered while he was in school. Now we're back to "normal". :D

 

It is stressful to homeschool with an 18 month old in the house!!!!! When I pulled DS1 from school, DS3 was 18 months old. A year later, it's easier than it was. Easy? No. Easier? Yes. :) I just remember my oldest's age... He's working above grade level, so if I slack off on school now and then, he's not suffering. Yesterday, we only did Bible. We got no other school done. Monday, we did math and later played Set. Oh, and he did reading. That was it. Today, we'll do more official school stuff. I'm not at all concerned that we didn't do a lot because my 7 year old had so much fun playing with his brothers yesterday morning, and I figured that was more important than progressing through 4th grade math. And in the afternoon when we got home, he and his brothers played outside, running and climbing and enjoying the 65 degree weather. Again, I felt that was more important. We have plenty of time for academics (and no, I don't slack off everyday all year long - THAT would be a problem!). We're in good shape, we're learning things, and I keep it relaxed.

 

Btw, I do a lot of one-on-one during little one's afternoon nap time. And even if he doesn't want to nap, he still goes to his room for quiet time. I need that toddler-free time. I can get everything done during that nap time if necessary. Our school only takes roughly 2 hours a day for 2nd grade.

[Nan in Mass]

 

I noticed that the new baby didn't negatively affect the previous children until the new baby was about 18 months and began to have an impact on their lives, mobile enough to get into their things, interested in what they were doing, sucking up Mum's attention, not just her lap, ... Possibly that is what is wrong with Button? He was an only child for quite a long time, there. School probably would help by giving him someplace to be away from the baby and other people to pay attention to him. It will come with its own set of problems, though. Just a thought...

 

Nan

[SorrelZG]

:grouphug: It's all I have.

 

 

Ugh, I'm no help. I'm just posting to say I feel your pain. I'm feeling a constant pendulum swing from sooooo happy with what we are doing to wanting to send DD 5.5 to school tomorrow. Which is not really an option as we would have to move back to the city we came from to access a decent private school let alone public.

 

Same here, except my "not an option" is for different reasons.

[Crimson Wife]

FWIW, I was very relieved when I started meeting families in our local HS support group who had pulled their kids from the chi-chi private GATE school in the area because it did not live up to its hype. I had been feeling guilt over the fact that we could not afford the $25k per child per year tuition so it was good to know that this school doesn't actually do much for HG+ kids.

[FairProspects]

FWIW, I was very relieved when I started meeting families in our local HS support group who had pulled their kids from the chi-chi private GATE school in the area because it did not live up to its hype. I had been feeling guilt over the fact that we could not afford the $25k per child per year tuition so it was good to know that this school doesn't actually do much for HG+ kids.

 

:iagree:This is about the cost of the private gifted school in our area too. As good as it looks, that price tag always causes me to choke! :tongue_smilie:

[Crimson Wife]

:iagree:This is about the cost of the private gifted school in our area too. As good as it looks, that price tag always causes me to choke! :tongue_smilie:

 

The thing is, this school does a much better job marketing itself than it apparently does when it comes to actually appropriately challenging kids at the higher end of the gifted range. I thought the school looked great when I read their website and went on the tour, but then I started hearing all these negative experiences from fellow HSers whose kids are at a similar level to my DD. :( So I'm actually kind of glad that we didn't have the money to try this school, because it sounds like it would have been a waste.

[Beth in SW WA]

This thread reminds me of the documentary I watched last week on Netflix called Nursery University. Oh, my heavens to mergatroid. I was in shock & awe at the parents who paid up to $20K per semester for preschool. SWB posted a link on FB this week about $40K/year elementary school in Manhattan.

 

Thankfully this new stem school that I'm eying is public.

[boscopup]

This thread reminds me of the documentary I watched last week on Netflix called Nursery University. Oh, my heavens to mergatroid. I was in shock & awe at the parents who paid up to $20K per semester for preschool. SWB posted a link on FB this week about $40K/year elementary school in Manhattan.

 

Thankfully this new stem school that I'm eying is public.

 

:001_huh: It is kind of crazy. My son's private school was only $5k, and even that, I think, "I paid THAT for Kindergarten?" now that I'm homeschooling. :lol: I wouldn't mind giving DS2 the K classroom experience there, just for a year to see how he does, but not for $5K. I can buy a LOT of nice curriculum and BOOKS for a lot less than that. :tongue_smilie:Plus I can't imagine trying to get him there by 8am again or having to deal with fund raisers and activities. Just makes me cringe. Yeah, I really don't want a kid back in school. :001_smile: I do love the K teacher though. She was wonderful.

 

My public school isn't an option. It's a rural elementary school that was failing for a while there. Definitely not the place for a gifted student. We use them for speech therapy, and that's it!

[HappyCamper]

I would check the school out. DS11 is at private HG school for four years and it has been the answer to our prayers (his and ours).

[Greenmama2]

:grouphug: It's all I have.

 

 

 

 

Same here, except my "not an option" is for different reasons.

 

There are many reasons, that's just the simplest.

[beaners]

 

I don't think it is, he was crazy difficult well before dh headed out. It _is_possible that it's associated with an academically lighter schedule, which we've had since the holidays (which is to say, since Bot-bot turned 18 mos and became very difficult to distract & ignore; also developed an aversion to DVDs :tongue_smilie:). -- though thinking on it, DH's schedule has picked up a lot since the holidays too; he hasn't traveled 'till now, but he's working until/past bedtime once a week or so .... maybe that is related; Button did so well with DH home over the holidays. How do you help even things out in your household?

 

I could be honest and tell you we just live with the chaos, but that isn't too helpful. Actually, one thing that does seem to help is our whiteboard calendar in the kitchen. I always list when my husband goes in for work and whether he is home before bedtime. It reduced the questions about his schedule to once or twice a day instead of every five minutes. It throws a wrench in things when his schedule gets changed though.

 

I hope you find something that works for both you and him! :grouphug:

[Beth in SW WA]

DS11 is at private HG school for four years and it has been the answer to our prayers (his and ours).

 

How wonderful. What types of things does he do at school?? I'm :bigear:.

[HappyCamper]

DS 11's school (as we expected) is a terrific fit in terms of challenge. Students take math placement tests at the beginning of the school year to ensure appropriate instruction. All math classes start at 8 am, so that students can move to alternate classes for appropriate instruction. We knew all of this going in. The joyful surprises were the understanding that just because a 10 year old understands advanced math, he still may need help (lots of it) in learning how to be responsible re: homework, etc. The teachers' expecations are developmentally appropriate. The most wonderful surprise of all is the acceptance by the students that everyone has different strengths and it is expected that someone can write brilliant, insightful poetry and/or be a math mover and/or be working very hard on a music piece. They really seem to have figured out how to motivate my son to take pride in and love his school work. Of course, the tuition is a shock. I wish our public school had worked out.:glare:

[serendipitous journey]

... thanks to everyone for the advice, support, and esp. the :grouphug:!

 

We are all doing much, much better now. It's been sort of wonderful and sort of disappointing in terms of what I can actually do, academically, with Button and have a happy family. I'll share what's been going on here ...

 

The specific class of behaviors I was having such trouble with was Button screaming at me, often and I thought with no warning or provocation, and also him having nearly-uncontrolled tantrums: he would be hollering and flailing, but didn't hit or kick people and didn't use hurtful language (those being my baseline criteria for what we do not allow under any circumstances, even in a tantrum).

 

After looking at people's comments, and noticing the reactions of some friends and guests to my dynamic with my son, and re-evaluating my goals -- which have NOT changed, and are not goals that can be met by any school no matter how educationally ideal it is -- I made some changes, and the behavior got better, and I'm not sure how much these are related. Generally noticed that afternoons/evenings were his hardest time and that he was esp. prone to cracking up when I asked him to do something with his brother, but the toddler wanted to stay around me instead.

 

I streamlined our evening schedule by not giving our pet bunny afternoon free-running time, which requires putting up fences that severely limit the outdoor space my children can easily reach (they basically end up penned in with the bunny :tongue_smilie:). Instead he gets an extended morning run and a PM petting session. The little ones have spontaneously spent much more time playing outside because of this. I also arranged for Button to have time for video-watching during these hours which is normally not allowed: he's mostly been watching How the Universe Works, though I rented Wall-E for a treat.

 

I have stopped asking him to do things with Bot-bot that involve taking the toddler away from me OR playing with the toddler while I go somewhere else. This means I never go to the bathroom alone during the day :D but it's helped.

 

Also, if I am going to give Button an unpleasant instruction, like to start school or chores, I warn him that I have something to ask him and ask him to think about how he wants to respond, and to please reply kindly. When he screams at me or is rude, he gets time-out and usually I ask him to do some extra work for me.

 

I've made an extra effort to correct Button very gently, to let things go a bit if they aren't critical, and when he's having trouble with Bot-bot to ask him if needs help before correcting him (when possible).

 

I switched us to AO Year 1. That's prob. not a very good description of our day; we have all sorts of skill-related work from WTM and don't have most of our AO books yet, but mentally I transitioned and I think the zeitgeist is much better for us right now.

 

Button is just thriving, though still sensitive and sometimes mopey. Screaming fits are almost eliminated. I'm exhausted but relieved: Wednesday, Thurs. and Fri were spent consolidating our gains and Friday PM (when I hoped to post this) I got hit by some hideous 24-hour bug. But all's well on the home front. I think it's a combination of his growing a bit and of me restructuring our days with Wellness as the goal. thank you thank you thank you for all your help and support! which encouraged me to do my best, and to feel like I'm not alone in struggling with these precocious, temperamental, crazy-making little treasures :).

 

:grouphug:

 

ETA: regarding the academics, they are rigorous, but Button interacts so uniquely with his materials that very little can be done quickly if I'm actually teaching him. Math drills, spelling copywork, are fine; but teaching new material is slow going. Period.

Edited February 5, 2012 by serendipitous journey

[Beth in SW WA]

DS 11's school (as we expected) is a terrific fit in terms of challenge. Students take math placement tests at the beginning of the school year to ensure appropriate instruction. All math classes start at 8 am, so that students can move to alternate classes for appropriate instruction. We knew all of this going in. The joyful surprises were the understanding that just because a 10 year old understands advanced math, he still may need help (lots of it) in learning how to be responsible re: homework, etc. The teachers' expecations are developmentally appropriate. The most wonderful surprise of all is the acceptance by the students that everyone has different strengths and it is expected that someone can write brilliant, insightful poetry and/or be a math mover and/or be working very hard on a music piece. They really seem to have figured out how to motivate my son to take pride in and love his school work. Of course, the tuition is a shock. I wish our public school had worked out.:glare:

 

Thanks for explaining. Sounds fantastic. :)

[serendipitous journey]

-- also wanted to esp. thank folks for empathizing with the 18-month-old challenge. It seems so wimpy to find things difficult, since I have only the two children, but my sweet Bot-bot seems to throw monkey wrenches left and right!!! I am in awe of you mamas with larger families, and fervently read your posts for inspiration & perspective.

[Bang!Zoom!]

I have some legendary tales I could share about the concept of "gifted schools" and "specialized/trained" teachers.

 

There is both pro/con to the issue and question you originally poised.

 

On the "con" side of it, a parent must be hyper-vigilant about investigating the school and vetting the teachers. Not only the teachers, but their backgrounds, specialties, and the ability of the school to wax and wane with each individual child, their learning style, their interests, and any curriculum that is ascribed within the framework of the school if it's there. Flexibility to move throughout subjects, at individualized levels is a really big deal. Customization of an individual child's pathway in a school, class-size, outside activities, enrichment, parental groups if they are there, testing, philosophies, expectations...can you see how this is moving into the realm of near impossible?

 

Working en masse, and trying to tailor to learning traits is very ambitious. Have I seen it done, and done well? Yes. Is it rare? Yes.

 

Along the lines of "con" to this type of situation is also the realistic situation that if you consider a school FULL of individuals with very unique needs, temperaments, accelerations and remediation issues even...what you end up with is a very oil/water sort of grouping of kids.

 

You may walk into a classroom full of brilliant kids who are all over the place, and with vastly different degrees of approach and ability. It is NOT mainstream anything. It's like packing an auditorium with the most disparate and uneven and asking them to all get along and get on one page all at the same time for one educator...much less to take the hawk-eye view of an entire school population.

 

Daunting, isn't it?

 

These brief thoughts on the "con" side of wading through the process of evaluating a school. I'm pressed for time right now, but just wanted to add a few thoughts to ponder from my direct experience.

 

I have seen schools that were able to accomplish this with incredibly high standards and achieve the goals they set before a parent and family at interview.

 

Gotta jet, there's lots more to say, but - you know, it's Superbowl and Homework time. :)

[Runningmom80]

I'm in this situation as well! Almost exactly, but I have two 19 month olds. :lol::lol::lol:

 

 

Anyways, we have access to a FREE gifted school. But, it's a charter, and the class sizes are large. Also DS has multiple food allergies, so we are very concerned about his safety.

 

 

Of course my gut says keep him home, DH wants to send him. He'd have to do kindergarten, highly differentiated. (hes a november bday, turned 5 last fall. He'll be al,ost 6 starting.) Between that and the food allergies, I'm kind of :001_huh::001_huh::001_huh: about it all.

 

 

Sorry to high jack your thread! Hang in there, we'll get sleep someday, right?

[serendipitous journey]

I have some legendary tales I could share about the concept of "gifted schools" and "specialized/trained" teachers.

 

There is both pro/con to the issue and question you originally poised.

 

...

 

I have seen schools that were able to accomplish this with incredibly high standards and achieve the goals they set before a parent and family at interview.

 

Gotta jet, there's lots more to say, but - you know, it's Superbowl and Homework time. :)

 

This is good food for thought for me. I have no experience with private schools (well, was in a parochial school, but that was a different situation to this one).

 

I'm in this situation as well! Almost exactly, but I have two 19 month olds. :lol::lol::lol:

Anyways, we have access to a FREE gifted school. But, it's a charter, and the class sizes are large. Also DS has multiple food allergies, so we are very concerned about his safety.

Of course my gut says keep him home, DH wants to send him. He'd have to do kindergarten, highly differentiated. (hes a november bday, turned 5 last fall. He'll be al,ost 6 starting.) Between that and the food allergies, I'm kind of :001_huh::001_huh::001_huh: about it all.

 

Sorry to high jack your thread! Hang in there, we'll get sleep someday, right?

 

-- not derailing the thread at all! Oh sweetie, I am sure with two 19 month olds and your DS you are one beloved & exhausted mama :grouphug:. Why does your DH want to send him? (could be just All the Usual Reasons, I suppose)

[Runningmom80]

Socialization, kids like him, etc etc etc.....

 

 

He's not 100% sold on it, but he leans more that way, I lean more toward homeschooling.

[serendipitous journey]

... to our earlier problems, add: lying. :(

 

Things are better than they would be without our various strategies, but still struggling. Sigh. Real Life is so much more complicated than I'd like sometimes :tongue_smilie: