HappyLady Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Do you continue to invite people to events that you're hosting when they repeatedly come up with an excuse not to come? I have an old childhood friend that I reconnected with on Facebook a few years ago. I invited her to my DD's birthday party and she "couldn't come" (I can't remember why), but the next time I saw her she did give a gift for my DD to me. Then, I invited her to my DD's next birthday party and she was "already invited to another party." :glare: Then I invited her to my son's birthday party and her boyfriend had to work (she doesn't drive so would have needed him to drive her). He works an 8 - 5, M - F job and the party was on Sunday. :glare: I don't have an issue with her not wanting to come and don't really understand why she wouldn't (she knows my family and isn't shy by any means), but if she's going to continue to turn down my invitations should I continue to invite her to be nice or just stop inviting her so it makes her not have to come up with excuse after excuse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jplain Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 She cared enough the first time to get a gift, even though she didn't attend. The second time is a legitimate excuse. (And I hate when that happens to us!) The third time doesn't sound suspicious either. Even 9 to 5'ers end up needing to work on weekends once in a while (ie. inventory, project deadlines, etc.). I'd give it at least a couple more tries. If transportation comes up as a problem again, could you offer a ride? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 How does she respond to one-on-one invites instead of parties or group things? Some people don't like situations where they don't know anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I wouldn't just consciously stop inviting. But I would not count on her being able to accept either. It would begin to be one of those causal things like," Oh if you are not busy x's birthday is Saturday and you are welcome to come over for cake. Just give me a call if you are interested." This way she can come or not but not have to give excuses if she has other things she'd rather do. Also keep in mind that some adults do not care for children's parties. Personally, I hate them. I'd rather come over for dinner or some other event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Have you invited her to do something more adult focused? The only children's party I would attend would be very close friends or family members. Kid's parties are typically noisy and, well, kid focused. Maybe she's looking for a different type of interaction. Also, maybe she doesn't want to cough-up the gift. If she's having money issues, like so many now-days, gift giving could be an issue. Do you continue to invite people to events that you're hosting when they repeatedly come up with an excuse not to come? I have an old childhood friend that I reconnected with on Facebook a few years ago. I invited her to my DD's birthday party and she "couldn't come" (I can't remember why), but the next time I saw her she did give a gift for my DD to me. Then, I invited her to my DD's next birthday party and she was "already invited to another party." :glare: Then I invited her to my son's birthday party and her boyfriend had to work (she doesn't drive so would have needed him to drive her). He works an 8 - 5, M - F job and the party was on Sunday. :glare: I don't have an issue with her not wanting to come and don't really understand why she wouldn't (she knows my family and isn't shy by any means), but if she's going to continue to turn down my invitations should I continue to invite her to be nice or just stop inviting her so it makes her not have to come up with excuse after excuse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jplain Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 How does she respond to one-on-one invites instead of parties or group things? Some people don't like situations where they don't know anyone else. Very good point. I usually attend those kind of things anyway. But given the choice I prefer an activity that will allow me to spend time connecting with my friend and her family. At a birthday party, I go knowing that I'll probably spend the whole time making small talk with my friend's friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvnlattes Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Also keep in mind that some adults do not care for children's parties. This was my first thought. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, they may all be interested in coming but other adults, not so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 All good questions. :) She knows my family (my mom and sister) and I know would love talking to them so knowing people wouldn't be an issue. She's not hurting for money (she buys purses for $600 and has MANY of them, plus she didn't work for about a year and only took a PT job at night for something to do) so money isn't an issue. I know she doesn't care for kids BUT the only kids that are at my parties are mine and MAYBE 1 or 2 more kids. My kids' parties are all adults because I haven't started inviting kids yet. Like I said, I really don't care if she doesn't want to come, but she complains that she never sees me and these are opportunities for her to see me. I couldn't go get her myself if her boyfriend couldn't drive her because she now lives 45 minutes away. And since she's had her boyfriend she hasn't asked to do anything one-on-one. I just don't want her to feel bad about coming up with excuses which is why I thought maybe I shouldn't invite her anymore. Maybe I will just do the casual "if you're not doing anything...." invite and just assume she's not coming. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I would make an effort to meet up outside of kid-centric activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabeth in IL Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Don't give up. I declined a good friends invitation to her annual Christmas party for a couple of years in a row. I was stressed with my boys and just didn't have the energy. Now my boys are older, I'm medicated and I would love to go but she stopped inviting me. An invitation doesn't cost you anything so keep inviting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I would invite her and her boyfriend over for dinner one night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Another vote for inviting her to an adult activity, rather than kids. I love my kids. I love my best friend's kids. Still, attending a children's party is, to me, something Dante should have written about. I'd go to help out, but I wouldn't go if the reason was just socializing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in MA Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Another thing to consider. . . how far ahead of time are you inviting her? I know our schedule is very busy and if it's less than a week's notice, it's likely something else has already been planned. I can plan around things that are on the calendar the earliest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 what's the goal? do you want to spend time with her in person? do you want her to reconnect with your family? i'd suggest choosing an activity that doesn't require a gift and that is focused on what you're hoping to accomplish re the relationship. then see what happens. many folks just have lives that are already so overprogrammed that they can't imagine one more thing.... something simple like "i'd love to meet you for coffee thursday afternoon; any chance?" fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 Another thing to consider. . . how far ahead of time are you inviting her? I know our schedule is very busy and if it's less than a week's notice, it's likely something else has already been planned. I can plan around things that are on the calendar the earliest. I usually send my invites between 2 - 3 weeks ahead of time. That's why I find her excuses to be a bit *made up* because I highly doubt she was invited to another party that far ahead of time and that she knew her boyfriend would be working that day. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I usually send my invites between 2 - 3 weeks ahead of time. That's why I find her excuses to be a bit *made up* because I highly doubt she was invited to another party that far ahead of time and that she knew her boyfriend would be working that day. :glare: Since you said that it appears that she would like to catch up with you and your family, yet she doesn't attend the birthday parties she is invited to, I think I would assume that she would rather plan a visit when it is not a birthday party. Why don't you invite her over (include her boyfriend if that makes things easier and even your family if you think everyone would enjoy that!) and just see. If she continues to turn you down for EVERY invitation (not just birthday parties), then you might decide to stop inviting her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunD Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I would stop inviting her to birthday parties. It seems she doesn't want to come. From now on I'd just mention it casually, a couple weeks ahead of time, like, "Oh, you went shopping today? Find anything good? I need to shop for Bobby's birthday myself. We're having his party at 2:00 on the 4th if you want to swing by. It will just be little, a couple of kids but mostly adults. And how's your new puppy?" Don't even ask whether she'll come. Just be pleasantly surprised if she does. Invite both of them to dinner (after he gets off work), offer to pick her up for coffee or brunch, invite her on an outing with your family, etc. You might have to try a few things to see what sort of invite she'll accept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Some people just don't like children's birthday parties. It is no reflection on the child but they just rather not attend. Plus she could be genuinely too busy. Invite her over for lunch or coffee/tea/juice and snacks. Just ask if she can pop by for an hour and visit. Send her a note and let her know you'd love to have lunch with her. Tell her you'll be in town on - insert date about two weeks from the time you write. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I would not invite her to any more kid's parties or parties for which gifts are traditionally expected. I might invite her to lunch out, or over for a barbecue, or for a general purpose party, or something like that, but not any more events in which someone in your family is the center of attention. If she turns you down for THOSE kinds of events, too, then, yes, I'd stop inviting her to stuff and let her take the next move (if any.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.