Ds has a bad/dangerous habit...please help me "cure" him...

[Sue G in PA]

My ds10 seems to pick up bad/annoying habits all the time. For examply, he used to "hop" when he walked. He would take a few steps and hop (sort of like a skip), take a few more and hop. Really weird. Another time he would make weird snorting noises when breathing (on purpose). Very odd. Well, now, we've discovered that he has been biting the skin on his finger "pads". I saw him do this the other day and thought nothing of it (perhaps he was just nervous). Well, last night I see his fingers on BOTH hands and he looks like an alien or something. His skin is all torn and calloused and there are scabs in places where I suppose he bit hard enough to make them bleed. It's HORRIBLE! Help! I don't know what to do. I'm very concerened about this. Dh and I spoke to ds and he said that his fingers don't hurt and that he doesn't bit hard enough to make them bleed or hurt. So, it doesn't seem to be an issue or self-harm or inflicting pain (like "cutting" or something). I'm not sure WHY he does this (or any of his other habits for that matter!). He's a happy kid, not really the "nervous" type, has lots of friends, etc. I don't know how to "cure" him. I mean, it's like thumb-sucking...what do you do? You can't "take away" the thumb or his fingers, KWIM?

[starlashine]

They sell deterrent stuff for nail biting...maybe you could put something like that on the pads of his fingers?

[Nestof3]

Sue, are you sure your son and my 8 year old are not twins? He comes up with the most bizarre nervous habits. But, then again, nervous habits seem to run in the family. My 8 year old used to bite his bed (the new one my husband made based on an Ikea design) and our dresser edge, snorts in the middle of talking, etc. I remember breathing in certain patterns and having to blinking in paaterns of yhree when falling asleep when I was little. Yes, we're strange.

 

I agree with the nail deterrent. Or perhaps you could suggest another less harmful habit -- like rubbing the egde of his shirt or something? I think most people have some nervous habit. My mother twiddles her thumbs, I play with my hair, my husband picks his neck (I think he stopped this one), and so on.

[ChristusG]

He could have some sort of "tics." I do. I remember having them since I was a kid....and I still do now. I've never done anything like the finger biting, but I have done some things like made a noise when breathing. Yes, the noise is "on purpose" but it is not really under your sons control if he is experiencing tics. He gets an urge to do the "tic" and that urge becomes so strong that he has to do it. I know that's how it works with me. I do not have Tourette's or anything like that.....just some tics. And they can vary, but I usually only have one tic going on at a time. And that one tic can last for months. I have had a tic where I roll my eyes, one where I scrunch up my nose, one where I scrunch my forehead, and right now I'm having a noise when I swallow.

 

It really is embarassing....especailly when someone mentions it to me. Right now we are visiting family in another state. My 12 year old nephew keeps asking me why I make that noise. He states, out loud, "You are doing it again!" It is extremely embarassing and annoying. So try to approach the subject with your son in private. Dont make a scene in public if he does one of these tics. Thankfully, I have a husband that seems oblivious to every tic I've ever had. I dont know if he truly does not notice them, but when I ask him, he never seems to know what I'm talking about.

 

Not saying that he has "tics"....but it kind of sounds like it to me.

[CAMom]

I do not have Tourette's or anything like that.....just some tics.

Not saying that he has "tics"....but it kind of sounds like it to me.

 

I was going to suggest the same. My ds (15) has Tourette's. Usually Tourette's is diagnosed when the "tics" include both motor (the hopping) and verbal (the snorting noises). My son's case is mild on the spectrum and we've always just dealt with it; no meds or anything.

 

If it is tics, he truly can't help it. I find that my son tics more severly when he is stressed, tired or about to get sick. Like Christus, too, his tics will generally pass and he will move onto another. Some will resurface down the road. Some will re-occur later.

 

So, you may want to read up on tic disorders and/or Tourette's just to see if your son fits the descriptions and to try to get an understanding of what the "tic-er" is going through.:grouphug:

[Liza Q]

My 17yo has these tics as well. We joke that they they have traveled all around her body over the years! Right now it is an annoying one with her neck and I am hoping it fades in favor of something less noticeable. The worst ones are the sounds - so distracting :glare: We try to just deal with them as, according to my research, they seem pretty mild. One book that really helped me understand my daughter was the Out-of Sync Child.

 

But - the tics have never been something that involved bleeding. That would really concern me! I think it is worth mentioning it to your pediatrician.

 

And Christy - it was such an encouragement to read you post! Thank you so much for sharing.

[Tracey in TX]

Tourettes or SID (sensory integration disorder). Both have quirks which are similar to what you mentioned. It might also be a stress reliever, if something is bothering him and has become a habit. You might consider taking him to a specialist or at least his pediatrician to discuss this.

 

DS (now 11) had some bizarre behaviors until 9y/o which really concerned us, but his dr said just to watch and see if it progresses. He would gasp between words as if he had breathing issues, and walk on tiptoes. They eventually went away on their own as he became more aware of his peers and 'normal' behavior. Regarding the finger chewing, you might place gross-tasting product on fingers and allow him to chew gum to alleviate the oral desire.

[mcconnellboys]

My younger son has some obsessive/compulsive issues that cause him to do repetitive things - not generally to the extent of anything really serious (thus far) - but we try to keep an eye on things that become repetitive for him and talk him down from them.

 

It really seems to help him if we explain how a behaviour could hurt him or cause problems for him.

 

We then try to watch and remind him every time we see him doing the behaviour.

 

You might try administering some sort of healing ointment and putting cotton gloves on his hands to keep it in place for a while. These type gloves are sold in Wal-mart, drug stores, etc. in the aisles with the beauty aids. They're used to hold in moisture products when women want to soften their hands. You can wash and dry them to shrink them if you need them smaller. They are very inexpensive. They can be washed and dried and reused over and over again.

 

You don't want to soften the skin too much, as it might make things worse. But applying this and the gloves maybe a couple of hours a day might help to make him more cognizant of *not* biting at his fingers and help him to break what might right now be an unconscious habit.

 

After his fingers are well healed, I think you just need to be cognizant of him starting to bite again and constantly remind him, "Don't bite at your fingers; you don't want to get them in bad shape again." If you don't think that will work, there might be some sort of product such as is used for thumb sucking that you could put on his finger tips that would taste bad if he put them in his mouth and so remind him not to do it.

[klmama]

A relative of mine had tics until he started taking taurine as a nutritional supplement. It really did the trick. I'm not sure how much is recommended, or what would be appropriate for your ds's size/age, but it might be worth looking into.

[Sue G in PA]

Wow, I didn't realize this could be more serious than just a bad habit. Tourett's or "tics". Wow. I'll certainly read up on it. My other kids had bad habits, too, but nothing like this. My dd11 used to say something and then repeat it in a whisper. It was really annoying and really funny, but she eventually stopped. Wow. Okay, thanks for the responses. I find that if I keep him busy...he doesn't do it as much. It's worse when we're riding in the van on a long trip or when he "zones" while doing school work.

[teamturner]

My 6dd constantly chewes her fingernails, skin on the tips of her fingers and toes. With her I truly believe it's just an oral thing. She chews up toys, erasers, just about anything. I'm going to try the yucky fingernail stuff and painting her nails pretty colors. We've been trying the gum as well but I've already found gum in various places in the house....ugghh! She used a pacifier up until 2 1/2 yo and when we stopped it she began putting toys in her mouth but it has just progressively gotten worse each year. But I'm not one to scold since I chew my nails now and I know I did similar things when I was her age. But I guess I really need to try something and not just ignore it. Sigh... I think I've been avoiding it since it means I'll need to stop chewing on my nails as well. ;) Blessings to you as you work through this with your ds.

[Chris in VA]

Sue,

not to alarm or anything, but doesn't one of yours have Asperger's? This is a classic sign. Not a huge deal, but a deal.

 

It doesn't have to disrupt his life, and can be unlearned, if it's not a tic or Aspie-based. If it is, well, you just pick up and keep going, and try to remind ds not to do it in public if he can help it.

[Nestof3]

Wow, I didn't realize this could be more serious than just a bad habit. Tourett's or "tics". Wow. I'll certainly read up on it. My other kids had bad habits, too, but nothing like this. My dd11 used to say something and then repeat it in a whisper.

 

Sue, I read up on this regarding my 8 year old as well. Even if he does have it, it can often be very mild and very often fades off around puberty and the teens. I just took it as it's possible my son has a form of this, but most of his "quirks" seem to fade away, a new one takes its place, and I honestly find they are getting less frequent.

 

All I am saying is, it's not like being diagnosed with cancer -- it can end up being something you just accept and learn to live with. There are much more extreme cases which would be more concerning.

 

Honestly, I think the gum chewing is a great idea! Anything to replace the current problem with something less destructive.

[Sue G in PA]

Sue,

not to alarm or anything, but doesn't one of yours have Asperger's? This is a classic sign. Not a huge deal, but a deal.

 

It doesn't have to disrupt his life, and can be unlearned, if it's not a tic or Aspie-based. If it is, well, you just pick up and keep going, and try to remind ds not to do it in public if he can help it.

 

 

Yes, my ds7 has Asperger's and if it were him, I'd say, yeah, this is def. Aspie-related. Ds10 does not have Asperger's. Nothing in his behavior (other than this) makes me think Asperger's, KWIM? Not even a little. This is just some oral fixation or possible a "tic" (haven't researched it yet and haven't ruled it out!) or just a bad habit. Thanks for that reminder, though...believe me, if ds10 had ANY sort of Aspie-related behavior...we'd look into it.

[mktkcb]

You aren't alone. ALL my kids, and myself, are quirky that way. I've bitten my nails since I don't know when, and have never been able to quit. ALL my kids have been very "oral". Always putting something in their mouths. Twitchy/flappy (for lack of a better word LOL!). picky (scabs, noses......you name it :o) ) You mentioned "snorting", which my ds 11 started doing about a year ago. My least twitchy/oral/flappy middle dd 15 has struggled with Trich (hair pulling) since age 11. I am convinced there is a genetic component in our case. My mother was a nail biter/rubber band chewer (?? not sure why she did this) until she began taking medication for depression as an adult. The skin picking behavior you describe is just one of a whole range of behaviors that are often difficult to classify. What you describe, though is NOT in the catagory of "cutting". These are just strangely compulsive behaviors. As others have said, They have been thought to be connected to tourettes, or OCD but no one has really come to any airtight conclusions. My oldest dd 17 has grown out of most of her quirks. My middle one will probably deal with trich her whole life (she is comparatively mild compared some others, we used a book about trich that focused on behavioral management stuff, she pretty much "owns" it now, meaning I don't make it an issue/nag her/ etc.., and that helps the most in her case), and my youngest ds 11 is still very sensory - everything in the mouth, does the snorting thing (I alert him when he does it by asking if he is blowing out candles again :o) ), and I can't think of what else....there's other stuff. Anyway if you google "skin picking", you'll get lots of insightful info on these sorts of things. Here's an article thats fairly informative http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/skinpicking.html. Anyway, don't freak out. Get informed. Thats my best advice. HTH.

[mktkcb]

I second (or third or fourth) gum chewing. Gum is a staple in our house, just as playdough was a staple when my oldest dd was little. We should take out stock in trident LOL! Another tip is finding fiddling "stuff" for them to keep their hands busy at odd times. Koosh balls, silly putty, doodle pads, legos, .....be creative. See if you can keep track of when he is most likely to do it, as a help to finding alternative things during those times. Anyway, thumbs up to gum.

[Adrianne]

My ds10 seems to pick up bad/annoying habits all the time. For examply, he used to "hop" when he walked. He would take a few steps and hop (sort of like a skip), take a few more and hop. Really weird. Another time he would make weird snorting noises when breathing (on purpose). Very odd. Well, now, we've discovered that he has been biting the skin on his finger "pads". I saw him do this the other day and thought nothing of it (perhaps he was just nervous). Well, last night I see his fingers on BOTH hands and he looks like an alien or something. His skin is all torn and calloused and there are scabs in places where I suppose he bit hard enough to make them bleed. It's HORRIBLE! Help! I don't know what to do. I'm very concerened about this. Dh and I spoke to ds and he said that his fingers don't hurt and that he doesn't bit hard enough to make them bleed or hurt. So, it doesn't seem to be an issue or self-harm or inflicting pain (like "cutting" or something). I'm not sure WHY he does this (or any of his other habits for that matter!). He's a happy kid, not really the "nervous" type, has lots of friends, etc. I don't know how to "cure" him. I mean, it's like thumb-sucking...what do you do? You can't "take away" the thumb or his fingers, KWIM?

 

If you find what works please let me know. My ds has been bitting his nails down to the stubs for years now. I have tried EVERYTHING!!! bribery, lectures, punishment, yelling, lectures by doctors etc. His fingers have gotten infected but he will not stop.

 

(throwing my hands up) I have no idea what to do. :banghead:

[Kay in Cal]

My son has SID (sensory integration disorder) and is "sensory seeking". He likes more intense sensations, touch, sound, etc, and then has others that he finds overstimulating. When he was very young he used to twist and rip his nipples--ouch! Yeah, I know... Anyhow, we basically trained him to keep his shirt down always, and then he started chewing on his shirt collars. He'd ruin a new shirt in a week or less.

 

We decided to "feed" his oral fixation... I bought latex tubing (like for a fish tank) and made a necklace for him out of it--just tied it in a circle large enough to fit over his head. I think it's a fairly common OT thing, but I first read about it on the old board. I used blue, his favorite color, and anytime he'd start to chew on anything I'd remind him he had a necklace to chew on. Worked like a charm! He hasn't ruined a shirt for months and finally stopped wearing the tubing fairly recently.

 

He still bites his nails, but I'm not quite so worried about that...

[Sue G in PA]

My son has SID (sensory integration disorder) and is "sensory seeking". He likes more intense sensations, touch, sound, etc, and then has others that he finds overstimulating. When he was very young he used to twist and rip his nipples--ouch! Yeah, I know... Anyhow, we basically trained him to keep his shirt down always, and then he started chewing on his shirt collars. He'd ruin a new shirt in a week or less.

 

We decided to "feed" his oral fixation... I bought latex tubing (like for a fish tank) and made a necklace for him out of it--just tied it in a circle large enough to fit over his head. I think it's a fairly common OT thing, but I first read about it on the old board. I used blue, his favorite color, and anytime he'd start to chew on anything I'd remind him he had a necklace to chew on. Worked like a charm! He hasn't ruined a shirt for months and finally stopped wearing the tubing fairly recently.

 

He still bites his nails, but I'm not quite so worried about that...

 

That might be an option for us. Ds also used to chew his shirt sleeves or collars. He also ruined many a good shirt before I figured out what he was doing. I had blamed my new washer! :glare: I'm not really keen on the gum chewing b/c of all the dental problems he's had. So, perhaps I'll try just giving him something to chew on instead! Thanks everybody!

[Mrs Mungo]

Lots of different disorders come with tics. I'm ADD as is my middle daughter. I try to give her replacement behaviors for anything harmful she picks up. Instead of picking her skin I have her rub her fingers together. Instead of shaking her leg (and whole desk, making lots of distracting noise) I have her tap her foot against her leg. Things like that. Other suggestions in the thread-gum, balls to squeeze, silly putty, etc are all good ideas.