I am now officially hairless...

[nancypants]

Did I draw you in with that line or what? :^) Now, the reason for this post is far from :^) It's more like and maybe a little something like and somewhere in the neighborhood of Yeah. That about sums it up.

 

My second son, Lord love him, is my dimple cheeked thorn in the flesh. He hates school. He hates having to focus on anything (and it's not that he can't... he really can when he wants to!). He generally hates anything that requires effort. This goes for stuff that is obviously review, that he knows from previous lessons and just. doesn't. feel. like. doing. And he starts doing anything but his assignment if I turn my head even (forget my whole back!) to check on something his little brothers are doing. My poor toddler gets very little one on one time due to how intensely I must focus on this child. He will literally do nothing unless I am hovering over him.

 

We are about halfway through MUS Primer and this morning were working on some review pages about skip counting by 2s. Now I have a whole number chart (to 100) up right next to him and all of the even numbers are circled. We've done it several (THOUSAND!!) times together to the point that I know for certain that he can easily count by 2s to 20 and has gone up to 100 a few times.

 

This morning I helped him through one entire page - we did it all together. I wanted him to do one more page (these are very short pages) alone. I am definitely not about pushing someone hard when the issue is comprehension. When it's that, I am all about slowing down, helping them get it and moving ahead only when it is mastered. I simply cannot just "ease up" and hold off on anything that he comes at with this attitude or he would never do any school work (other than listening to someone read, he is great about that.) I have to insist and hover and direct almost every single movement and I hate it!! It's emotionally exhausting.

 

I'm not asking for advice really... I know in my heart that I am not being too hard on him and that I am doing the right thing. I do not ask a great deal of him as far as time or amount of subjects. I am doing my level best to work with his exuberant personality type (something that manifests in many wonderful ways but of course many equally maddening ways). I guess I just need a hug or some commiseration that this too shall pass today because this is just plain exhausting work.

 

I don't want him to be someone else. I don't want to squelch his fun personality. I just want to teach him the value of working hard, the importance of not being lazy (because that really is the main issue here... when the answers are circled on the wall and you just don't want to look up and copy them... it's laziness for sure!) and most importantly that he is really intelligent when he actually tries because once he decides it is worth the effort for whatever reason, it is quite clear that he knows what he is doing.

 

I'm just so spent. It's days like this where the morning just does me in and I don't want to do school for the rest of the day but... these mornings are so frequent that I just don't have that option. **sigh**

 

Okay. That's all. Be nice to me. I'm fragile (oh... and on my period... I'm sure that's not helping... though amazingly I managed to keep from 1. Exploding and 2. crying which I'm pretty darn proud of! LOL)

[Rich with Kids]

Nancypants! I was just looking for you! Can you direct me to the video about the Mesopotamians? Please?

[Elaine]

Awww shucks! I thought this was going to be a Brazilian thread.:eek:

 

 

 

Sorry, couldn't resist.:o

 

Hope tomorrow is better, Nan.

[nancypants]

Nancypants! I was just looking for you! Can you direct me to the video about the Mesopotamians? Please?

 

Sure.

. :cool:

[Pajama Mama]

(((Nancy)))No advice but I'll share my chocolate with you.

[nancypants]

Awww shucks! I thought this was going to be a Brazilian thread.:eek:

 

 

 

Sorry, couldn't resist.:o

 

Hope tomorrow is better, Nan.

 

 

HA! This would be me:

 

Sorry to disappoint! ;)

[Rich with Kids]

Sure.

. :cool:

 

Thanks! I like your smileys!

[Verena]

Hi Nan-

I don't come "over" to the general board anymore, but your post caught my eye :D.

 

I'm sending big hugs your way. BIG ones!! I have one of those kids, too and I know exactly how you feel!

 

Just this year (ds is in 3rd) has it become somewhat better. I actually catch myself smiling and having fun every now and then :).

 

Hang in there- it will get better, truly!!

 

Love,

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

Join the club! I have one like that - he is gifted, but just drags- When he has a reason or motivation (skiing, sports or friends) he works like crazy. I think it is attitude. I am trying to fix that this semester- My days seem 4 years long. My daughter just works straight all day no problem! Wow! She used to drag and now she is a self starter- So there is hope!

 

By the way- I checked out your blog- Nice Job!:rolleyes:

[Jennifer in MI]

This is my 7 yo to a T!! That scenario you describe above where you ask him to complete one page by himself is exactly what happens here. Today my ds balked over doing 8 math problems by himself for two hours. It's ridiculous! The only things that works consistently are threats and I hate that. (Today it was, no lunch until that's done. (He could have bread and water - so I'm not withholding food!))

 

Does your ds do this with everything - getting ready for bed, household chores, etc too? We literally have to stand near him and "remind" him what he's supposed to be doing every step of the way.

 

I'm praying that by being consistent that it will eventually sink in. Right? RIGHT?????

[nancypants]

This is my 7 yo to a T!! That scenario you describe above where you ask him to complete one page by himself is exactly what happens here. Today my ds balked over doing 8 math problems by himself for two hours. It's ridiculous! The only things that works consistently are threats and I hate that. (Today it was, no lunch until that's done. (He could have bread and water - so I'm not withholding food!))

 

Does your ds do this with everything - getting ready for bed, household chores, etc too? We literally have to stand near him and "remind" him what he's supposed to be doing every step of the way.

 

I'm praying that by being consistent that it will eventually sink in. Right? RIGHT?????

 

 

Um. Yes, yes and yes. Took him from 9:30 to 12:30 to complete the work I asked him to do with the threat of no Wii and lunch only after he completed it. I hate having to threaten. I know what you mean. I just hate it. But he leaves little choice. I know if he went to my school growing up (private school) he would have spent most of his days in the office making friends with the secretary and the principal's spanking paddle! :rolleyes:

 

And yes, it's pretty much everything. If we don't hover, he is up to mischief. He schemes against his brothers and laughs when his plans come to fruition (gosh, he's starting to sound more and more like a bony fingered villain!) BUT my husband tells me that he was much the same way as a child... and while he can still be ornery at times, he's a minister and a wonderful father and husband now... so I know there's hope And his parents didn't always use the brightest discipline methods either! LOL

 

I always say that this child is probably the most likely out of our kids to follow in Dad's footsteps and become a minister because he has so much to repent of! :p

[Old Dominion Heather]

 

I always say that this child is probably the most likely out of our kids to follow in Dad's footsteps and become a minister because he has so much to repent of! :p

 

Heh... Sounds like his friend in VA!

 

My kids have lost tv :( AND the Wii:mad: until the Superbowl Party.

 

AND (can we talk about perfectionism in oldest children?) because that is driving me UP THE WALL!! (I need some sort of font that gets one point bigger with every letter so it will look like I'm yelling louder and louder!):mad:

[WTMCassandra]

No advice but lots of commiseration. (((Nancypants)))

 

I was just explaining to someone on the phone today that we have a daily recess. Although the children love it, it's for me. I have one distracted hopping bunny that does half jobs and forgets everything and one verrryy sloooowwww argumentative turtle. By the time I get through our teacher-intensive math and a Latin lesson, I'm ready for recess!

 

This mothering gig seems to be just slogging it out one day at a time. It's just tough. But, you are building much more character in the child than if he were just sitting in the principal's office all day killing time. I firmly believe your hard work will pay off someday.

[Mrs Mungo]

My middle daughter is like this. When she was learning to read I had stacks of "word family" flash cards. Things like man, pan, ran, can then mat, sat, rat, pat, etc. She'd get bored so she'd read "man, pan, fish? Bob? elephant?" Until one day I sat down with the flash cards and a bowl of m-n-ms. I said "you'll get one m-n-m for each word you read correctly on the first try." She read the entire stack without even hesitating on a single word. That's when I knew I was in trouble.

 

I really think she's ADD-not focusing on things that are boring to them is one of the hallmarks. Hyperfocusing on things that are interesting is another. You might consider getting a book on ADD and decide if maybe your son might fit the profile. Mind you, my daughter has not been officially diagnosed and has never been medicated but reading books about it really helped me understand how frustrating it is for her as well as me (and believe me, I *really* feel your pain). She's now 9 and it still hasn't passed although the ideas I've gathered and used over the years have helped.

 

I love my daughter. She's fun, outgoing, creative, highly intelligent she just can't do work that she finds unnecessary or boring. And yes, it's *can't*, not just won't (even though it sure seems like won't sometimes).

 

Things that have worked/helped:

Doing some of the work aloud, on the white board or on the computer instead of writing everything down or doing it in the workbook.

 

Movement-let them wiggle. An exercise ball to sit on, a small ball to squeeze in the hand, a rubber band to snap on the wrist, skipping rope while "skip counting" (skip counting? get it? my daughter finds this hilarious), pacing while reciting memory work, etc. She hears and remembers *better* when she's moving than when she's not.

 

Food-I really do think part of it is diet-related. My daughter *cannot* have carbs for breakfast or she will be a total *mess* for the entire day.

 

Punishment/reward-5 m-n-ms for a 100% on their math, a token for each subject they complete and keep a small box of fancy pencils, erasers, stuff like that they can spend the tokens on at the end of the day. It's important that the reward (even in the form of a token so that the *real* reward is delayed) is immediate.

 

Checklists-chore lists, what you expect from homework, etc. Instead of standing over him make *very specific* chore lists. They *must* be *specific*. Instead of "get ready for bed" my middle daughter's list says "take off clothes, take a shower-make sure you wash your hair, dry off, hang up towel, get undies and PJs on, put dirty clothes in hamper, brush teeth" and so on.

 

I'm sure I'll think of something else later but maybe this will give a start.

[WTMCassandra]

Nancypants, this is OT, but where do you get all of those cool smileys?

[nancypants]

Nancypants, this is OT, but where do you get all of those cool smileys?

 

Google for them and then save them in your Photobucket account. (If you don't have one, they are super easy and free to set up.) Then copy the "Direct link" code, come back here click the picture button (the little mountain) and paste the link in there. It sounds like it takes longer than it does. :)

 

HTH

 

And Mrs. Mungo, Thanks! I have definitely considered this as a likely possibility. I refuse to medicate him even if he is diagnosed at some point because my brother was medicated and it was awful what it did to him. Just awful. But I really like some of your ideas. She sounds a lot like my son. A LOT! Thanks a bunch!

[Chris in VA]

Cadam,

I can so relate--Dh called my boys into his office during the day (the *church* office, he's a minister) if he sensed problems with attitude. (We are on church grounds, so it's not far. )They have to walk past the secretary and everything.

I really appreciate the back up.

[nancypants]

Cadam,

I can so relate--Dh called my boys into his office during the day (the *church* office, he's a minister) if he sensed problems with attitude. (We are on church grounds, so it's not far. )They have to walk past the secretary and everything.

I really appreciate the back up.

 

Oh we do this... frequently. Let's just say this kid has umm... an impervious set of buns. LOL My dh is also a minister and works out of the house so the kids do occasionally have to take a trip to the principal's office. He is just as obstinate with him.

 

My hubby is quite good at speaking straight to the heart of the issue... and sometimes it takes immediately... other times, not so much! :rolleyes:

 

Thanks ladies!

[KidsHappen]

:)

[Brigitte]

Awww shucks! I thought this was going to be a Brazilian thread.:eek:

 

 

 

Sorry, couldn't resist.:o

 

Hope tomorrow is better, Nan.

 

I thought the same thing! Glad to know I was not the only one....:p

[readwithem]

No words of wisdom but I'm giving you good vibes for a FUNNY subject line :)

[RenJac1501]

Bahahahahaha Cumingirl

 

:eek: rofl

[ThriceBlessed]

No words of Wisdom, but I *really* understand. My oldest is just like this.In fact, there are only a couple of people I can talk to about my son's ...shall we say...unique discipline challenges. Some of the measures we have had to take with him would seem harsh to someone who has "compliant" children and truly has no point of reference for understanding. We are *not* abusive with our son, but he does require a firm hand or *HE* would rule this house :eek:

 

Blessings,