10yr old and hair dye...poll!

[AngelBee]

All of my girls had feathers this summer. And myself. Yup.....even dd2 who kept hers in longer than dd4 and dd9. lol

 

Also clip in color pieces are an option. Get real ones that can be curled or straightened.

[mommaduck]

I voted no. My first concern is that most dyes are laden with chemicals. My second concern is that she's too young. My third concern is that she's becoming too self-centered.

 

Dissatisfaction with oneself and the world around her.... Hmm... Time for some APPRECIATION! Take her to a nursing home, a hospital, an ailing friend, etc. Encourage her to volunteer, or sign her up for an art class (with a large percentage of retirees). Read Pollyanna. Keep a gratitude journal writing 3-5-10 (whatever) things she appreciates every evening. (All this without telling her any *reason*. Just no to the hair, then get her out of herself a little.)

 

I remember being 10 so clearly. Sigh! ;)

 

My dad took me on his rounds to the hospital, where elderly and chronically people were so happy just to look upon a young face. I realized that my life was better that I thought; I had worth beyond the mirror. I took art classes with people 50-60 years older than I. How they appreciated my youth and energy! How I learned to be both grateful and yet humble for my gifts/youth/life. I read a book about girls with leukemia and realized just how happy I was not to wear a wig. Etc.

 

I don't know to this day whether my parent's sat down and decided to do these things. (I seriously doubt it.) But they did do these things; and I'm extremely GRATEFUL!

Just to be clear, there is a difference between self centered and dissatisfied. Her dissatisfaction is part of her trying to over evaluate everything and every move people make. Yes, she's self centered in some ways...more along the lines of identification and wanting to be somebody. She didn't look like any of her siblings until the baby came along. She also is slow at recognising and understanding social cues, though she is a very bright child. She IS very giving though...but she wants to give away not only her things to friends, but her sisters' things to friends as well. Elderly? One of her nounas is 94yrs old. She knows what old is, how it affects people, etc. She also knows what poverty is and has helped at soup kitchens and donating things or putting together diaper bags for displaced people in transitional living.

[Medieval Mom]

Just to be clear, there is a difference between self centered and dissatisfied. Her dissatisfaction is part of her trying to over evaluate everything and every move people make. Yes, she's self centered in some ways...more along the lines of identification and wanting to be somebody. She didn't look like any of her siblings until the baby came along. She also is slow at recognising and understanding social cues, though she is a very bright child. She IS very giving though...but she wants to give away not only her things to friends, but her sisters' things to friends as well. Elderly? One of her nounas is 94yrs old. She knows what old is, how it affects people, etc. She also knows what poverty is and has helped at soup kitchens and donating things or putting together diaper bags for displaced people in transitional living.

 

 

That's wonderful! It's sounds like she's living a wonderful life. :)

 

Re-reading my post, I see that my tone sounds a bit off. I apologize. (By self-centered, for example, I meant "thinking a lot about herself"-- which is totally and completely natural at this age. Again, I apologize if my post in any way read snarky.)

 

When I think "dissatisfied", I consider the opposite--"satisfied." I think many times what we need to do to feel satisfied is often to simply appreciate what we already have.

 

That said, hair color is hardly the end of the world one way or the other. Do what you and she feel is the best. ;)

 

Peace,

MM

[mytwomonkeys]

i voted yes to a few color strands. my daughter has had purple streaks before. she currently has 4 feathers in her hair. my husband and i have dyed our hair every color in the rainbow -- so it isn't a big issue to me really. the whole head wouldn't be allowed here though. my daughter would have to be older for that.

[OrganicAnn]

I'm an old fogey and I just don't like to see young kids with dyed hair. I guess a few strands would be okay in my books.

[Veritaserum]

Yes. It's just hair. :)

[Impish]

Well, when we pulled Diva from ps, she was 9.

 

One of the first things we did was dye her hair purple. (Wash out in 6-8 wks dye). It was a celebration for her.

 

So no, I don't have an issue with colouring hair, esp with one that will wash out.

[Rosie_0801]

Personally, I wouldn't do it *because* she is "dissatisfied with most things in life."

 

That's why I would let her do it. :lol:

 

I'd hazard a guess she's dissatisfied with everything because she doesn't feel she has enough power over her own life. I can't see any harm done by letting her have control over her own hair, providing it is kept reasonably clean and tidy. I wanted to grow my hair when I was three, and they were the conditions. My grandfather warned that allowing me to make such decisions was encouraging me to be a delinquent, but I turned out ok except for that refusing to shower phase in my early teens. :lol: But Mum kept the bargain and cut my hair off. :(:lol:

 

I'd much rather mine avoided icky chemical products, though.

 

By just doing the tips, the chemicals never came into contact with her scalp or skin — I put her hair in a pony tail, brushed the bleach or dye on the tips, and put the treated hair in a baggie with an elastic band around the top, for the required length of time. Then I rinsed and shampooed the tips in the sink. It looked really cute, she loved it, and when it started to get faded and frizzy we just cut it off. That way, there are no "roots" to hide, no damage to grow out, etc.

 

Jackie

 

That's a great compromise!

 

Rosie

Edited October 27, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Catwoman]

She has decided that she wants to dye her hair copper red (regular hair dye, not cool colours like pink, purple, or blue streaks). She's a strawberry blonde with copper in her hair. She wants to go REALLY copper redhead. I

 

I would be very afraid that she would end up with bright orange, brassy hair, even if you use a cool-toned dye. Shades of red are hard to maintain because they tend to fade (and not usually in a good way.)

 

How about buying her something like Fanci-Full color rinse? It would be a temporary way for her to try out a new color.

 

But whatever you use, even if it says it's temporary, remember that blonde hair can sometimes grab onto the color more than you think, and it may be more permanent than you expect. (I'd call the 800 number on whatever brand/type of color I chose, and ask for advice before using it -- and definitely test the color on a few strands of hair before using it on her whole head.)

 

Personally, I wouldn't use permanent color on a child. I would be concerned about the long-term effects of all of those chemicals. If she only dyes her hair once, it's no big deal, but what if she loves it and wants to color it every 4-6 weeks?

[celticmom]

I started to vote yes to coloring a few strands, but since being diagnosed with leukemia and having my oncologist explain that cancer is caused by a change to the DNA for unknown reasons, my feelings about unnecessary use of chemicals and plastics is changing. Cancer used to be very rare; now 1 in 4 people will have it, and it's not just because people are living longer; very young people get cancer, too. Someone posted in a curly girl thread about using henna, and the brand she linked to is supposed to be chemical-free. I might consider something like that instead of conventional dyes.

 

I voted no because hair dyes generally do contain toxins. I might would consider henna but almost definitely not conventional hair dye on a child that is still growing that much.

[Amy1k]

I'd probably want it done by a professional, and I'd try to convince her to get feathers or something instead. Or hair clippies of different colors. Just because I have a daughter that age who also wants her hair colored. She wants highlights, which I'm fine with, but I don't feel like paying for them...considering I already shell out ever 8 weeks to get mine done. ;) Anyway, she has gone with me to the salon the last few times and my stylist has put feathers in her hair each time and once did a pink streak extension (or whatever that's called). I don't know the going rate, but my stylist charges only $5 a feather (I think that might be a great bargain, I overheard a girl at cheerleading say she paid *only* $16 for hers).

[cloversandlions]

That's why I would let her do it. :lol:

 

I'd hazard a guess she's dissatisfied with everything because she doesn't feel she has enough power over her own life. I can't see any harm done by letting her have control over her own hair, providing it is kept reasonably clean and tidy. I wanted to grow my hair when I was three, and they were the conditions. My grandfather warned that allowing me to make such decisions was encouraging me to be a delinquent, but I turned out ok except for that refusing to shower phase in my early teens. :lol: But Mum kept the bargain and cut my hair off. :(:lol:

 

I'd much rather mine avoided icky chemical products, though.

 

:iagree:, I think, although there are so many good (and conflicting) points made here that I still haven't voted in your poll. :lol:

 

I don't know that I'd require her to do a big project, but I definitely think both of you should do any research on that together. I also like the idea of temporary vs. permanent (although that color? hmmm...it's a hard color to achieve even professionally, isn't it?), or strands, or even just doing the tips. Cost would definitely be a consideration, and should be part of the discussion.

 

Your dd sounds sooo much like my middle girl - goodness! The only difference is that my dd *does* have that color hair already, and let me tell you, she knows it. People have been commenting on her hair since it started sprouting and there was enough to see the color. :tongue_smilie: (She had lovely little ringlets, too, until she was about 5yo.) I've had quite a lot of folks ask me if her hair color was natural - even when she was 2yo. Really? You think I'd dye my 2yo child's hair? When she was 4yo, she hopped up into the chair at the hair salon (for a hair cut, not a color job, of course) and said, "Don't you love my hair color?" :lol:

 

I think I'd cry if she wanted to put chemicals in her hair, but...I'd maybe consider the temporary stuff, or else would suggest just doing the tips. I'd strongly encourage her to do more research about anything more permanent and see if there was something else that she might want to do that was less...chemical. (What about a manicure with some fun nail color?)

[mommaduck]

:iagree:, I think, although there are so many good (and conflicting) points made here that I still haven't voted in your poll. :lol:

 

I don't know that I'd require her to do a big project, but I definitely think both of you should do any research on that together. I also like the idea of temporary vs. permanent (although that color? hmmm...it's a hard color to achieve even professionally, isn't it?), or strands, or even just doing the tips. Cost would definitely be a consideration, and should be part of the discussion.

 

Your dd sounds sooo much like my middle girl - goodness! The only difference is that my dd *does* have that color hair already, and let me tell you, she knows it. People have been commenting on her hair since it started sprouting and there was enough to see the color. :tongue_smilie: (She had lovely little ringlets, too, until she was about 5yo.) I've had quite a lot of folks ask me if her hair color was natural - even when she was 2yo. Really? You think I'd dye my 2yo child's hair? When she was 4yo, she hopped up into the chair at the hair salon (for a hair cut, not a color job, of course) and said, "Don't you love my hair color?" :lol:

 

I think I'd cry if she wanted to put chemicals in her hair, but...I'd maybe consider the temporary stuff, or else would suggest just doing the tips. I'd strongly encourage her to do more research about anything more permanent and see if there was something else that she might want to do that was less...chemical. (What about a manicure with some fun nail color?)

:lol: Mine used to have ringlets also! It was funny, I have pictures from when her hair was longer...we used a curling iron and gave her "Nelly Olsen curls"...she pulled of the Nelly look! Mine used to comment on her blue eyes. She used to be our only blue eyed child till the three yr old was born. She was very self conscious about it. She didn't understand why she was born with blue eyes when her siblings had brown eyes. Roll of the genetic dice...she takes after a great grandmother and a several great great grandfather (one on dad's side, one on mine) that both had BRIGHT red hair.

[cloversandlions]

:lol: Mine used to have ringlets also! It was funny, I have pictures from when her hair was longer...we used a curling iron and gave her "Nelly Olsen curls"...she pulled of the Nelly look! Mine used to comment on her blue eyes. She used to be our only blue eyed child till the three yr old was born. She was very self conscious about it. She didn't understand why she was born with blue eyes when her siblings had brown eyes. Roll of the genetic dice...she takes after a great grandmother and a several great great grandfather (one on dad's side, one on mine) that both had BRIGHT red hair.

 

No blue eyes here (except mine); dh is half-Japanese, and all three of our children have brown eyes. Neither of us know of any relatives who have red hair, either, so dd's hair color was the most unexpected of all. DH hoped that at least one of his children would have blue eyes, but I think he's accepted that that's not going to happen. :lol:

 

Like angela in ohio, I agree that

 

Every spot in the family has its ups and downs.

 

but my middle child seems to struggle the most with ...things: being a little sister, being a big sister, finding her own niche... She's very artistic, but loves animals and wants to be a wildlife biologist. Mind you, she doesn't want to study biology - she just wants to grab a notebook, head out into the field, and take notes. :tongue_smilie:

[mommaduck]

No blue eyes here (except mine); dh is half-Japanese, and all three of our children have brown eyes. Neither of us know of any relatives who have red hair, either, so dd's hair color was the most unexpected of all. DH hoped that at least one of his children would have blue eyes, but I think he's accepted that that's not going to happen. :lol:

 

Like angela in ohio, I agree that

 

 

 

but my middle child seems to struggle the most with ...things: being a little sister, being a big sister, finding her own niche... She's very artistic, but loves animals and wants to be a wildlife biologist. Mind you, she doesn't want to study biology - she just wants to grab a notebook, head out into the field, and take notes. :tongue_smilie:

I think our girls would get along :D

[MamaBirdX7]

I have 6 kids, with my 10 yr old dd in the middle of it all and this post makes me smile. For her birthday she begged, offered to pay, hounded me for colored clip-in extentions. I ended up ordering 5 strands each of red, purple, blue, and green so she can have some variety, lol. And then we order some fake bangs. A fringe wig, giggle.

 

When she was THREE years old, were cruising the hair aisle in a big box store. She pointed to a box of very R-E-D dye and said, "I want to dye my hair that color." That was the day we crossed conformist off her "list of possible future traits." (lol)

 

Anyway, I have gray hair and have to dye it every few weeks so first and foremost in my mind is what a pain caring for dyed hair is. I'd see what she thought about the clip-ins and if it's a no, then I'd do some streaks.

 

I often buy my hair dye from Robert Craig and in his tips he suggests that instead of jello or kool-aid one should, "Try straight food coloring. Every city has a professional bakery supply store (look in the yellow pages under bakery supplies). That is where you'll find 'paste' foodcoloring in every color imaginable. It's very inexpensive and has an excellent consistancy for application.Do not get it on anything you don't want to stain and be sure to use gloves during application and rinsing your hair. It works best on prebleached hair but can be used on hair that has not been colored. You can also add it to shampoo to help refresh your color. Just remember it stains everything."

 

So there you go...

;)

[Dolphin]

My mom let me start at that young age, and now in my 30's I am still grateful. She figured it wasn't permanent, I felt that my mom respected that I was old enough to be in charge of my hair. I died it jet black was I was 15, she kept telling me how horrible and flat that color looked, but never that I couldn't do it.

 

I had to pay for it, and do it, and clean up after myself, but she took the approach that it was my hair. She was then able to remind me that she let me start dying my hair before the other kids were allowed when she said no to the extra piercings and the tattoo. It stopped a lot of fights during the teen years. Almost like you are getting the first move in.

 

It really did help me to be closer to my mom, and I felt heard.

[happypamama]

What a tough question! I would not allow my almost 10yo DD to dye her hair. I think she's too young, and I don't want that sort of focus on her looks yet (if ever, but especially not yet).

 

Now, in theory, I'd be okay with allowing a teen to dye her hair. It's pretty tame as far as "rebellion/experimentation" goes, will grow back, could be fun, etc.

 

However, in practice, this is one I'm going to fight with my kids, hard. My parents never let me color, perm, etc. my hair, and while I thought them terribly unfair at the time, now I am grateful, because I'm 34 and still have really nice hair, no grey, and my hair is pretty healthy. It could be coincidental, but I can't help but wonder if keeping chemicals away has helped.