WWYD? Friend wants to use some of 9 yo son's earnings for family expenses

[KarenC]

I'm not disagreeing with you. Are you speaking in general terms or this specific instance? I don't see how many problems the kid's $25/week is going to solve. I think Halcyon mention it going toward food and clothes. I'd rather buy a few items of clothing on sale (I can get brand new clothes for the kids for 2 or 3 dollars) than take my kids' earnings. I'd rather eat very cheaply than take my kids' earnings. My ds7 has been offering to buy food with his birthday money. I'm not sure where he got the idea as we are not living in want. I've been toying with the idea of letting him just so that he gets a taste of providing. But I would not take it from him.

 

But, a $100 a month would have gone a long way. When your electricity has been cut off or you have to move again because you can't pay the rent, that $100 a month really makes a difference.

 

I think families stick together and help out, no matter what.

 

Karen

[Momma2Many66]

$ 100 dollars a month is my weekly grocery bill for our family of 6.

 

That is a lot of money to our family.

 

As I said earlier, I think it is important that everyone in "our" family helps out and the child contributing half of his earned income to help pay bills or groceries would be a huge asset to our household.

 

My family has always done this, it is how I was raised and how I am raising all of my children. My children are also the first to step up if a brother or sister needs something to offer to help pay for it. They do it because they want to do it, they feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in helping out a sibling or the rest of the family.

 

In our extended family of grandparents, adult grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, ectera.... everyone also helps provide for our elderly by sending some money "home" if possible. It helps to make their "senior years" a little less stressful and hard with them living on a limited income. We help take care of our own here and help each other out, everyone feels a great sense of pride and duty to give back to our older generations for all they gave to us.

 

It is just how we roll !

[JadeOrchidSong]

Never mind.

Edited October 11, 2011 by aomom

[JadeOrchidSong]

$ 100 dollars a month is my weekly grocery bill for our family of 6.

 

That is a lot of money to our family.

 

As I said earlier, I think it is important that everyone in "our" family helps out and the child contributing half of his earned income to help pay bills or groceries would be a huge asset to our household.

 

My family has always done this, it is how I was raised and how I am raising all of my children. My children are also the first to step up if a brother or sister needs something to offer to help pay for it. They do it because they want to do it, they feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in helping out a sibling or the rest of the family.

 

In our extended family of grandparents, adult grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, ectera.... everyone also helps provide for our elderly by sending some money "home" if possible. It helps to make their "senior years" a little less stressful and hard with them living on a limited income. We help take care of our own here and help each other out, everyone feels a great sense of pride and duty to give back to our older generations for all they gave to us.

 

It is just how we roll !

:iagree:

That is what family is for.

[JadeOrchidSong]

I agree.

 

I know several families whose dc have part-time jobs and use the money for electronics, trips, hairstyles, trendy clothes, etc. But the family is struggling and taking money from other people to help pay the bills and eat. I just think we live in such an odd society that the neighbors bring over bags of groceries to feed the hungry child who is listening to his brand new iPod. :confused: (Not that this is the OP's family's situation, but I keep seeing similar situations IRL.)

 

But we're odd, because we pool all of our money. My dc rarely earn money, because we prefer them to volunteer their time and study at this age, but when they do, it's just part of family money.

 

So many kids are in trouble because they are looking for meaning in their life. Being a contributing member of a family can give them that, whether it's through working outside and earning money to bring in or doing work within the home.

:iagree:

Edited October 11, 2011 by aomom

[TerriMI]

It's not your concern

[mo2]

No, not at that age. BUT, he can be expected to use that money to buy "extras" for himself, instead of asking mom and dad for them, i.e. candy, toys, going to the movies.

[PeacefulChaos]

It depends. I mean, how much? Like if I don't have cash for tolls and I'm going to be going through them, I'll grab some change out of DS's piggy bank rather than bother with going to the atm and get an entire 10-20 out. I just put some cash back in when I do have some.

I don't think stuff like that is a big deal. However, if one of my kids made money for something, I don't think I would intend on using that money for household expenses. It doesn't make sense to me anyway... one should not be spending more than they have in the first place, kids' money shouldn't even be a part of the equation. ???

 

ETA: My kids still haven't ever made money off of anything. The money they have has been given to them for birthdays and such, so I guess I also don't have any perspective of someone with a child who has a regular 'income', regardless how small. I can't personally see it being an issue, honestly - I can't imagine making so little that you have to take that little bit of money from your kid. And no, I'm not a rich snob saying that, we don't make a whole lot. But it's called living within your means...

Edited October 11, 2011 by PeacefulChaos

[Laurie4b]

Well, I clicked an answer that I didn't mean to : that he should be expected to contribute it all. I would have chosen "some" and thought that was the next option since "only a small portion" was the first option.

 

I think this is clearly an issue of family values, not that there is a right or wrong answer to it. There are some strong positives in his contributing in terms of the ds feeling a sense of worth and importance to the family. It wasn't always the case that families revolved around their children or that a child's earnings were considered his own. Legally, they belong to his parents to use at their discretion. If the mother is not taking advantage--ie if she is not lying around eating bonbons and drinking their earnings while her son is out walking dogs, I see no reason why he shouldn't contribute if they need the money. I would let him keep some for his own.

[PeacefulChaos]

Well, this is a situation where you're d*mned if you do and d*mned if you don't. If you take gov't assistance, you're a lazy lout who's sucking up other people's hard-earned money that you have no right to (according to some people). If you ask for a contribution from your money-earning child, you're apparently an awful person who's sucking up your child's hard-earned money that you have no right to (according to other people). I wonder if where people fall on the political spectrum has anything to do with how they feel about the child contributing the household? In the days before public assistance, families frequently alleviated (or attempted to) their money problems by sending their child out to work.

 

Tara

 

I agree that if the family is extremely poor, they could probably easily get gov't assistance. And I don't think it is a bad thing. Do I think the system is abused? Absolutely. But it is also very helpful, and a wonderful thing for those who need it, for as long as it takes them to be able to get out of it. As long as they are working to try to do better for themselves, I really don't see anything wrong with assistance.

 

It depends...

 

If their financial situation is we can't afford a manicure and Starbucks or we are thinking about cutting the cable and letting the cell phone go, no I don't think the child needs to contribute much if anything.

 

But if it's we aren't sure we can buy groceries or keep the heat on, absolutely he should contribute. It's ridiculous for a child to have an ipad if the family can't eat.

 

I would assume that if he's saving for an ipad then there is plenty to eat and they are able to pay the bills.

:iagree:

 

 

The reality may be that this child NEEDS to contribute that money to his family. Whether I think that is ideal or not may be irrelevant.

 

If it was our family given our current financial situation (which is NOT in dire straits) I'd have my child use that money to buy extras. That is already the expectation in our family. A prime example was our shopping trip this past Saturday. I was willing to pay $25 for new shoes for my daughter. She found $40 boots she wanted badly. I paid $25 towards them and she paid the rest out of her birthday money.

 

I voted other. The boy should be WILLING to contribute it all to help his family, but I'm not sure it should be expected.

:iagree:

 

I think this is where the various family dynamics come into play. In our home, it's a family problem - not an adult problem. It can still be addressed in an age-appropriate way IMO/IME.

 

In my family, we've always sent money to relatives for various things. So I grew up with the idea that there is a family pool of money, and sometimes you give while sometimes you get.

 

When my son wanted a bike to ride to soccer practice, he set out to earn enough. My daughter worked along side him doing chores for neighbors and gave him all of her earnings. She thought nothing of it. Neither did he when he put that money towards his bike. He also uses that bike to make library runs for her, to pull her around the park on her roller skates, and to take himself to soccer practices so I am available to run errands during that time (errands that benefit them both). None of us feels he was taking advantage of her, and she doesn't feel used.

 

I have no problems asking my kids to contribute, even though we're not destitute. Some people suggest kids save (for college, for general savings) or they have the kids tithe. Those are all fine ways of investing; in our family we instead direct/expect the kids to re-invest in our family. When the time comes for college, need for savings, and tithing ... we'll collectively provide for it.

Getting a bike is still an 'extra' expense though. I mean, he worked and paid for his own bike. With that as his goal. I see that as being completely different than what the OP is talking about. And sister worked to help him.

 

I understand the basic concept of the "family pool" and I think there are appropriate times to implement this philosophy on a smaller scale. However, I strongly believe that it is the parents' primary job to provide the needs of the children, and children learn responsibility and work ethic from their parents' example; not through providing their own needs.

 

I realize that there are parts of the world and parts of history where this practice was/is accepted or deemed necessary, but IMO it is not ideal for the security of a child and his total sense of well being.

 

Frankly, I find it repugnant (strong word, I know--but honest) that a mother would be having financial difficulty and the solution she comes up with is to take her child's money. That goes against every maternal instinct for me. The OP said that the friend is "not in great financial shape." Sometimes this is due to circumstances beyond one's control, and if it's about getting food on the table, I suppose it could be a last resort as a previous poster mentioned. Sometimes this is due to being a bad money manager and it's my feeling that using your child's money is only a temporary and partial fix at best, and is akin to punishing the child for your own poor choices. What does that teach a child? You make bad choices, so you go ask someone else for their money that they worked hard to earn???? :001_huh:

 

:iagree: with the last paragraph in particular

 

I voted maybe. I think that $25 - $30 a week is way too much money for a 9yo to have AND it isn't a reasonable wage. I have neighbor who paid our family $80 a month to feed her cats twice a day. My boys did all the feeding, but she gave the check to me, I cashed it and paid each kid $10. It was a ridiculous amount of money to do the job. I tried to convince her that we would just do it for free, but she wouldn't hear of it.

 

If the boys had control over the entirety of that money, we would have just been swimming in that many more LEGO's. I kept the majority and we used it for stuff like sports fees, going to the batting cages, etc...

 

So, I wouldn't give a kid that much money in the first place and I would "redistribute his wealth."

 

I like this idea. Then the money isn't being used for selfish extra things, but for extras for the family. If it isn't an instance of needing food, electric, etc, then I can see this option as being the ONLY other viable reason for taking a kid's earned money.

 

In this situation, I would expect kids to contribute before getting help from any other source - neighbors, church, government. I wouldn't take the kid's money just to make life easier, though.

:iagree:

 

 

That's a hard one. If they truly are desperate, yes, I think the son could help and should be informed every step of the way and told how much he is helping.

 

But I do think every other "luxury" of any type in the parents' budget should be eliminated first and that should be a truly last resort. JMHO.

:iagree: 100%

 

Not ignorant.:001_smile: I grew up poor. My family lived in an unfinished basement for a while. My parents could have justified using any money we earned quite easily. The OP mentioned that, if taken, the money would be used for food and clothes. I'm not saying that $100 is insignificant in a budget, but presumably the family was wearing clothes and eating before the kid got the job. In my opinion, needing the money to keep body and soul together is different than needing the money to make things easier. I'm not criticizing anyone who views this differently than I do.

 

:iagree: bolded especially

[Parker Martin]

If the family needs the money, then absolutely have him contribute and have the family be appreciative about it. I think that's great. Think of how important and responsible a nine year old would feel to make a real contribution to his house. Few children have the opportunity to matter in that way.

[Walking-Iris]

If this were my situation, I would talk to my son about finances and put some of that (that's quite a bit of money for a 9 year old) into his savings account, and let him have the rest to spend. I don't think a 9 year old is of an age to be expected to help out in financial difficulties. It's a parent's responsibility to provide for a child. A child contributes to a family by doing chores and other helpful things around the home.

[Mommy22alyns]

A 9 yo? No. I can see asking a teen to contribute.

[melissel]

This has been an enlightening discussion. In the poll, I answered absolutely not, but I'm finding myself agreeing with some of the arguments to the contrary. To cap it off, I asked my own entrepreneurial 9-year-old how she would feel about being asked to contribute some of her earnings to the family's well-being. She said it made sense to her. She also said, "I get some things I want, you put a roof over my head. I'm good with that." It's kind of hard to argue with that!

 

I think it sounds like the boy is the kind of kid who would be proud to contribute to the family's needs, as long as the mom handled it right. If someone came to me and said, "Well, now that you're earning some money, you'll be expected to contribute X amount to the family," it might get my hackles up. But if someone came to me and explained the situation and how families pull together, and I might need to contribute, I'd be happy to do it. I think most well-raised kids would be.

Edited October 11, 2011 by melissel

[Halcyon]

This has been an enlightening discussion. In the poll, I answered absolutely not, but I'm finding myself agreeing with some of the arguments to the contrary. To cap it off, I asked my own entrepreneurial 9-year-old how she would feel about being asked to contribute some of her earnings to the family's well-being. She said it made sense to her. She also said, "I get some things I want, you put a roof over my head. I'm good with that." It's kind of hard to argue with that!

 

I think it sounds like the boy is the kind of kid who would be proud to contribute to the family's needs, as long as the mom handled it right. If someone came to me and said, "Well, now that you're earning some money, you'll be expected to contribute X amount to the family," it might get my hackles up. But if someone came to me and explained the situation and how families pull together, and I might need to contribute, I'd be happy to do it. I think most well-raised kids would be.

 

:iagree:

[Cricket]

$100-120 per month is a lot of money for a 9 yo to just blow on junk. Our oldest dogsits during the week and also does mowing jobs. His younger brother helps him out. Our oldest pays his brother for helping him. We don't take their money but we expect them to use it wisely. They save 50% of what they get. They will get it when they leave home. Hopefully by then they will have enough to get a car and get started. They are also expected to use that money for extras. In a couple of weeks we are going to the state fair. Each kid needed $20 for a wristband. All of them have already saved that. They still have plenty left to get a Lego set now and then. I took my oldest to a consignment store the other day. He spent $20 of his own money for a couple of shirts and a couple pairs of jeans. They are learning to be wise with their money and also learning that money is a tool for getting what we NEED and not just for buying what we WANT.

[LizzyBee]

I can see both sides of this. On the one hand, I don't think a 9 yo should be made to feel responsible for the family finances. But I do like the idea of having a 9 yo with an income pay for his/her extras and start a savings account, just like I'd do with a teen. That sort of thing teaches responsibility and gives the child a sense of control and achievement.

 

OTOH, some 9 yos might want to contribute financially if they are able, and in that case, it would give him/her a sense of responsibility and achievement. When I was diagnosed and had to take six weeks off from work, we explained to the kids that until further notice, we could not spend any money that wasn't essential. (I'm the breadwinner in the family.) My 10 yo immediately piped up and cheerfully said, "I'll go get a job." We explained that wasn't necessary and this is a temporary situation, but I was impressed with her willingness to help out in whatever way she could.

[Mandarinmom]

I say yes. He is a part of family. It is not a hard labor or anything that can be considered a work (child labor). Family is in need. I think if she talks to him and explains a situation he will be glad to help. If he is not OK with it, then he would be wrong. I asked my 9 y.o., and she said she would be happy to, and she would feel really good about it.