Will CPS take a kid out of private school?

[Lovedtodeath]

A caring relative pays for the private school, but this kid's parent does not take care of him. I am talking one meal a day, usually fast food, parent sleeping all of the time, trash all over the house.

 

He gets more food when school is in, but the parent will forget to feed him and send him off to church without dinner, then it is bedtime by the time he gets home. Kid also routinely comes to play at my house at 2PM and has not had breakfast. Kid also comes to play at my house after dark.

 

I am very convicted to call CPS, but the relative is afraid that if he becomes a ward of the state they will make him go to Public School instead of the Christian School, and we are all trying to keep an eye on things. It is hard for me though. I stopped having kids for a reason, you know? Having another one to feed and another loud mouth in the house can be wearing on us if it is too often.

 

Thanks for any advice.

[ktgrok]

First, if it is possible to keep him in the private school I imagine they would. As long as the state didn't have to pay for it anyway. But even if they didn't, he would learn much more in a bad public school with a full belly than in a good private school with an empty stomach. Starving him to keep him in a christian school is ridiculous, and un Christlike.

[ktgrok]

also, you could contact the relative and let them know what is going on.

[Lovedtodeath]

When the kid is in school he has a more regular schedule and does not miss meals very often. I have contacted the relative. They are willing to take custody and they are trying to talk sense into the parent.

 

The school he currently attends has a therapy program that is very unique and has helped him tremendously. I have considered enrolling my daughter because of this.

Edited October 4, 2011 by Lovedtodeath

[Laurie4b]

Although in some areas, CPS is about as predictable as rolling dice, it is an unlikely scenario for CPS to take a kid from. They would first do a visit, then if they documented neglect (and you'd be surprised what doesn't get documented), they would work with the parent on an action plan. Perhaps the parent is depressed--they would require that the parent get mental health help. They would require a certain amount of food in the house and would do some drop-by inspections to see if it's there,etc.

 

They are required by federal law if they do take custody to attempt to find a relative who will take him. It can go against relatives if they knew about the neglect and didn't call. But a relative who calls or who calls on behalf of the family would be looked at favorably for custody.

 

They will not have him taken out of private school just because of a CPS investigation. They will not keep him in the private school if he's placed with a foster family unless that private school is close to the foster family's home and the foster family doesn't mind taking him.

[Lovedtodeath]

It can go against relatives if they knew about the neglect and didn't call. But a relative who calls or who calls on behalf of the family would be looked at favorably for custody.

It really annoys me that they are trying to handle this internally, especially since they are planning to talk to the parent with the pastor of the church. :glare:

 

(The pastor has not been notified yet, btw, so maybe the relative will have sense talked into them when they do. I hope.)

[Laurie4b]

It really annoys me that they are trying to handle this internally, especially since they are planning to talk to the parent with the pastor of the church. :glare:

 

(The pastor has not been notified yet, btw, so maybe the relative will have sense talked into them when they do. I hope.)

 

It's actually not bad if they are able to make any progress while handling it internally. If relative is willing to take custody, a third party broker might be very helpful . Honestly, the system is dicey, like I said. You could also have CPS called in and they don't document it as neglect and you're no further ahead.

 

The case actually sounds kind of minor by CPS standards in terms of what they are often looking at in terms of neglect. But once they are involved, you have to wait for them to decide to get uninvolved (or for a judge to decide to "uninvolve" them), even if their involvement isn't helpful.

[Lovedtodeath]

It's actually not bad if they are able to make any progress while handling it internally. If relative is willing to take custody, a third party broker might be very helpful . Honestly, the system is dicey, like I said. You could also have CPS called in and they don't document it as neglect and you're no further ahead.

 

The case actually sounds kind of minor by CPS standards in terms of what they are often looking at in terms of neglect. But once they are involved, you have to wait for them to decide to get uninvolved (or for a judge to decide to "uninvolve" them), even if their involvement isn't helpful.

The problem is that the parent is not going to listen to the church or anyone involved with the church, but is much more likely to listen to a secular source. Those legalistic Christians, you know, judge her for ignoring her kid and not feeding him. She attends the church because that was a stipulation put on her by the relative. You must attend the church and I will pay for this private school and therapy.

 

She might listen to me, or she might decide that her kid can't come over here as often, etc. I am thinking though, that if I were to talk to her it would probably be best I do it alone, rather than in conjunction with this meeting of the relative and the pastor. You think? I told the relatives I would be there to support them, and then I backed out, thinking anonymously calling CPS seemed a better idea, both because I would be anonymous and because a secular source would be telling her to straighten up and take better care of her kid.

 

A third party broker? I am interested in this idea.

Edited October 4, 2011 by Lovedtodeath

[Audrey]

When the kid is in school he has a more regular schedule and does not miss meals very often. I have contacted the relative. They are willing to take custody and they are trying to talk sense into the parent.

 

The school he currently attends has a therapy program that is very unique and has helped him tremendously. I have considered enrolling my daughter because of this.

 

 

Given the above, I would stay out of it and let the relative take the lead on this.

[Lovedtodeath]

Given the above, I would stay out of it and let the relative take the lead on this.

Stay out of it altogether? Don't support the relative or talk to parent privately either?

[Laurie4b]

I thought maybe that the pastor might be the third party. I didn't realize relative sent parent to church and this wasn't the parent's own pastor.

 

But what I meant by third party was that if the relative that is willing to take custody asks for it directly, a lot of parents who actually don't give a toot about the kid will give a toot about "ownership" and may be resistant. If a third party suggests it--especially as a relief to the parent, then the parent *may* warm up to it. There is a better chance, not a good chance, but better. If the relative herself calls CPS, she will be in a position to be chosen as the foster parent. CPS cannot reveal her identity as the caller, but it almost always comes out in court somehow or other if CPS moves to take custody. Additionally, as soon as people are contacted by CPS, they start trying to figure out who reported them. You two would probably be high on the list of "suspects" as would teachers at the school. If relative is picked as foster parent, unless parent has parental rights terminated (highly unlikely given what you describe), relative will likely end up on parents' " Not speaking to you or allowing contact with kid" list as soon as the kid is returned to the parent. It's a tricky situation. I am guessing relative is placing a false hope that the pastor will somehow win the day. So sorry. Keep praying for wisdom.

[Harriet Vane]

Not necessarily. Generally they try to keep the kid's life as intact as possible.

[Little Nyssa]

LTD, I am a friend of a family that recently had kids removed by CPS. (I had had concerns about them, but nothing that rose to the level of being reportable. Someone else did, though, and CPS got involved.) I also have a neighbor situation I am monitoring-- not as severe as yours though.

I went with my friends to all their court dates and held their hands. I have to say the CPS people were overall very good. They looked on me as "community support" from their church & asked my advice. They had a very high priority on keeping as much stable for the kids as possible: same school, same neighborhood, playdates with friends they already knew. So I would think other CPS depts would do the same?

If I were you I would see if the relative is going to get custody and if not I would report it. I would actually worry about talking with the parent-- are they likely to become violent if confronted?

Going to PM you.

[Audrey]

Stay out of it altogether? Don't support the relative or talk to parent privately either?

 

I meant don't call CPS or contact the parent. Definitely support the relative, but let THEM be the one to talk to the parent, and, if need be, CPS.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I meant don't call CPS or contact the parent. Definitely support the relative, but let THEM be the one to talk to the parent, and, if need be, CPS.

Thanks for your advice.

[Lovedtodeath]

LTD, I am a friend of a family that recently had kids removed by CPS. (I had had concerns about them, but nothing that rose to the level of being reportable. Someone else did, though, and CPS got involved.) I also have a neighbor situation I am monitoring-- not as severe as yours though.

I went with my friends to all their court dates and held their hands. I have to say the CPS people were overall very good. They looked on me as "community support" from their church & asked my advice. They had a very high priority on keeping as much stable for the kids as possible: same school, same neighborhood, playdates with friends they already knew. So I would think other CPS depts would do the same?

If I were you I would see if the relative is going to get custody and if not I would report it. I would actually worry about talking with the parent-- are they likely to become violent if confronted?

Going to PM you.

Thank you so much. No not violent, just very, very lazy. Hmmm... kid flinches from parent though and parent has joked about it. "I never hit him, but he flinches anyway" haha. :001_huh: I am hoping parent wouldn't read this or know who I am. Paranoid just a little. he

[Perogi]

If they do take this to a pastor he may be the one to call CPS - as far as I know he is obligated to by law.

[laundrycrisis]

She attends the church because that was a stipulation put on her by the relative. You must attend the church and I will pay for this private school and therapy.

 

 

I doubt she is going to care what a pastor says then.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I doubt she is going to care what a pastor says then.

Yes, that is exactly my concern. I actually am the one who called her because of what I had seen that day, so I was not brought in for help, understand? I feel the relative is bringing the wrong people in for help. People that the parent already has a bad attitude toward. I actually attended this church last week and now that I have I think that actually lowers my credibility in her eyes.

[FaithManor]

In our state, if the tuition and transportation through the foster parents can be worked out, the children can remain in their private school because it is less upheaval for the child. But, since private school means private transportation, it is highly possible that even though the child would ideally be better served remaining in the present school, it doesn't commonly happen. Most foster families have children in ps. plus multiple therapy and doctor's appointments to make it to and so adding drop-off and pick-up to a private school can add craziness to an already crazy schedule. That said, at the private Lutheran school I once taught at, we did have a couple of foster care children whose tuition was paid privately and the foster parents were able to work out car-pooling.

 

The child isn't being fed enough and that is a greater consideration. Malnourishment causes a host of longer-term problems. I'd rather see the child in p.s. well-fed than in private school and malnourished.

 

Faith

[ravinlunachick]

Why isn't someone at school noticing that the kid isn't eating?

[Unicorn.]

I kind of agree with Audrey. I think you should mostly stay out of it. If the woman is a friend of yours, then I might say talk to her gently about your concerns. You said the child receives therapy at the school. Maybe she is exhausted from taking care of a special needs child? She does sound as if she may be depressed. I don't see any red flags from your post that would cause me to think cps needs to be called in though. It also sounds like she is being bullied by the relative by being forced to attend church to receive tuition. By going along with that it sounds like she wants to do what's best for the child. As for only having one meal a day, in TX you are only required to feed a child once a day. The local school district does free lunch for any child that shows up, because sometimes that is the only meal they get. Unless you know of severe neglect or that the child is being abused, I wouldn't recommend calling cps.

[lmrich]

Where does this relative live? Could the child just stay there a bunch? I would also look carefully at the definition of neglect. I think neglect is very hard to prove if the kid is thriving in school and according to medical records. I don't think CPS would take a child away just because mom doesn't seem to care.

 

I would surrond the child with love. Perhaps the church could help with some food for you so that you can provide him with meals at no extra expense to you. Perhaps the church can hook you up with hand- me downs for the child.

 

Just some thoughts..

[Lovedtodeath]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. This is very helpful. I love the idea of the church helping me to provide food for him.

 

To no one in particular, just something I am thinking: I am not going to waste time on this thread justifying my words and actions, as you are not here with this child and I am.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I just asked my children and youth worker about schools (she was here today to close the case). In our county, the child is now kept in their school. So if a child goes to district A but the foster family lives in district B, the child will still attend district A with help from children and youth.

 

She said that around here, if the relative would still pay for private school, the child would stay. They would also fight to keep the child with family.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I kind of agree with Audrey. I think you should mostly stay out of it. If the woman is a friend of yours, then I might say talk to her gently about your concerns. You said the child receives therapy at the school. Maybe she is exhausted from taking care of a special needs child? She does sound as if she may be depressed. I don't see any red flags from your post that would cause me to think cps needs to be called in though. It also sounds like she is being bullied by the relative by being forced to attend church to receive tuition. By going along with that it sounds like she wants to do what's best for the child. As for only having one meal a day, in TX you are only required to feed a child once a day. The local school district does free lunch for any child that shows up, because sometimes that is the only meal they get. Unless you know of severe neglect or that the child is being abused, I wouldn't recommend calling cps.

 

According to the OP, a child is routinely not being fed, and you don't see any red flags? Seriously? I don't find the bolded statement particularly useful because even if it is true, then the standards for child welfare in the state of Texas are shameful.

[Unicorn.]

A caring relative pays for the private school, but this kid's parent does not take care of him. I am talking one meal a day, usually fast food, parent sleeping all of the time, trash all over the house.

 

He gets more food when school is in, but the parent will forget to feed him and send him off to church without dinner, then it is bedtime by the time he gets home. Kid also routinely comes to play at my house at 2PM and has not had breakfast. Kid also comes to play at my house after dark.

 

I am very convicted to call CPS, but the relative is afraid that if he becomes a ward of the state they will make him go to Public School instead of the Christian School, and we are all trying to keep an eye on things. It is hard for me though. I stopped having kids for a reason, you know? Having another one to feed and another loud mouth in the house can be wearing on us if it is too often.

 

Thanks for any advice.

 

According to the OP, a child is routinely not being fed, and you don't see any red flags? Seriously? I don't find the bolded statement particularly useful because even if it is true, then the standards for child welfare in the state of Texas are shameful.

 

No, I don't see any red flags. Why? Because if the child were malnourished or truly neglected, the school would have noticed, and they would call cps. And I think the OP isn't close enough to know exactly what the child is getting to eat, and what they aren't. It sounds more to me like she is being told/manipulated to believe things told to her by the relative, who I feel may have their own agenda of wanting custody of said child. My kids don't always eat breakfast either. And all the kids around here play after dark. Not red flags. Unless this is a very young child, he is probably able to get himself something to eat if he is hungry. Maybe there is more to the story, but based on her op, no, I don't think it's severe enough to call cps.

[texasmama]

CPS investigation does not automatically equal removal of a child to foster care.

 

Also, once a child enters foster care, the caring relative has lost control of the situation. The child will be placed in an appropriate home with little chance that the child will be able to attend private school due to logistical reasons such as transportation and distance traveled to the private school. CPS wold have to approve the placement in private school. I don't know that it could happen. The best shot that the caring relative has at keeping the child in private school and making sure that the child is cared for is to attempt to gain temporary custody. Before placing a child in foster care, CPS will search for appropriate and willing relatives with which to place a child.

 

I would not let the fear of a child being placed in public school stop me from making a CPS report if otherwise warranted. It is kind of you to help this child, but you cannot "fix" the situation at home, of course. It sounds as though it has gone far past that point.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

No, I don't see any red flags. Why? Because if the child were malnourished or truly neglected, the school would have noticed, and they would call cps.

 

Nonsense. Signs of abuse/neglect are missed frequently.

 

And I think the OP isn't close enough to know exactly what the child is getting to eat, and what they aren't. It sounds more to me like she is being told/manipulated to believe things told to her by the relative, who I feel may have their own agenda of wanting custody of said child. My kids don't always eat breakfast either. And all the kids around here play after dark. Not red flags. Unless this is a very young child, he is probably able to get himself something to eat if he is hungry. Maybe there is more to the story, but based on her op, no, I don't think it's severe enough to call cps.

 

It simply is not healthy for a child to not have eaten anything by 2pm. You can rationalize that all you want, but to claim otherwise is simply foolish.

[Lovedtodeath]

No, I don't see any red flags. Why? Because if the child were malnourished or truly neglected, the school would have noticed, and they would call cps. And I think the OP isn't close enough to know exactly what the child is getting to eat, and what they aren't. It sounds more to me like she is being told/manipulated to believe things told to her by the relative, who I feel may have their own agenda of wanting custody of said child. My kids don't always eat breakfast either. And all the kids around here play after dark. Not red flags. Unless this is a very young child, he is probably able to get himself something to eat if he is hungry. Maybe there is more to the story, but based on her op, no, I don't think it's severe enough to call cps.

I live right next door it is unusual if I don't see this kid and parent everyday and I go into the house often. I asked the kid for the relative's number so I could see how they would feel about me calling CPS and be willing to take custody. It was the first conversation I ever had with them.

 

I do not attend this church. The reason I did (one time and after having shared my concerns with this relative) is that my daughter was invited by this kid and wanted to go and I was not about to send her alone. I have never met the pastor or his wife and don't have any clue how they are going to handle this situation.

 

CPS investigation does not automatically equal removal of a child to foster care.

 

Also, once a child enters foster care, the caring relative has lost control of the situation. The child will be placed in an appropriate home with little chance that the child will be able to attend private school due to logistical reasons such as transportation and distance traveled to the private school. CPS wold have to approve the placement in private school. I don't know that it could happen. The best shot that the caring relative has at keeping the child in private school and making sure that the child is cared for is to attempt to gain temporary custody. Before placing a child in foster care, CPS will search for appropriate and willing relatives with which to place a child.

 

I would not let the fear of a child being placed in public school stop me from making a CPS report if otherwise warranted. It is kind of you to help this child, but you cannot "fix" the situation at home, of course. It sounds as though it has gone far past that point.

I am hoping that this is what happens.