So frustrated!

[RebekahnDavidMom]

I am very frustrated with how things are going.... both academically and afterschooling. My daughter is in Pre-K through the school district so it's not like things are imperative or anything, but I picked this Pre-K because they promised to work with my daughter at her level, with only 10 kids in the class and 2-3 teachers, I got told that they assess and work with the kids at their level. So far this hasn't happened at all. They apparently didn't believe me when I told them that my daughter could already read when I signed her up becasue the other day my dd's teacher goes to me "Your daughter is really smart! She's already reading isn't she?" To which i responded yes, why? and she told me that they were suprised when they handed out a worksheet and dd told them what it said. When asked how she knew that she said she sounded it out. GRRRRRRRR I warned them!!!!!!! She also counted to 100 for them and I mentioned that when asked things like what's 4 tens and 5 ones she knows it's 45. They seemed overly impressed like I had been lying before. And they haven't done anything extra from what i can see. They are teaching last names and letters and colors and shapes. When I asked about some books on dd's reading level that I could get from the library becasue I'm having a difficult time trying to find ones that aren't too easy but not overly frustrating either, I got brushed off. I really hope things improve. Am I expecting too much? I really don't know how any of this works with an advanced child in a ps setting. Is this really what I'm going to be facing from now on? :-(

 

Andrea

[Roadrunner]

How old is she? The trouble is even if she was in K and not pre-K she would still be doing letters and sounds and writing out basic numbers (my kid is in K and I am in your situation). This is how I look at it, let her play and have fun with other kids. There is plenty of time ahead for academics and at that age, just let her read fun stories she chooses at home.

In terms of reading, I would start with Frog and Toad books. They are fun and work from there.

[ondreeuh]

I would look at the Pre-K as more of a daycare arrangement for right now, and plan on doing skill work outside of class. It seems like you've done really well on your own. It depends on the classroom, but usually in pre-k the teachers are pretty busy just keeping kids somewhat on track and together. Especially at the beginning of the year, the focus is usually social skills and developing classroom expectations and routines. Most kids need to work on fine motor skills and "the basics" and it's good for your daughter to review them with the group. Even if she doesn't "need" playdoh to build her finger strength, it's still developmentally appropriate for her to use it, you know?

 

I am helping in pre-k this year, and even though there are only 5 kids it takes two of us to deal with trips to the bathroom, coaching the kids through squabbles, redirecting kids to the activity, etc. It will get better as the kids settle into the routine. Once we start focusing on some academics, we will be able to set out more advanced work for the student who is ready for it. It will still be hard, just because of the neediness of preschoolers.

[Nart]

Can you find a good play based/ developmental preschool? It doesn't sound like this school is a good match. I specifically chose a play based preschool over an academic preschool for my 4 year old DS because he can already read. I didn't want him sitting at desk learning letters or doing worksheets. I love that he gets to explore and have 2 hours of outside time every morning. Yesterday he and 2 friends dug a big hole and filled it with water. Then the teacher helped them experiment with objects to see what floats and what sinks. He also helped make pretzel dough, built a ramp for cars, sang songs, listened to his teacher read stories, and pretend played store with classmates.

 

I think it is easier to afterschool reading and math after he has had plenty of time to play. It is so much more efficient to learn academics one-on-one at home. Most teachers in pre-school are not familiar with teaching reading beyond learning letters and a few sight words.

Edited September 14, 2011 by Nart

[SKL]

I don't really have any advice, as I'm in the exact same situation. Except that my kid is in a private preschool.

 

I decided to send her with a book to read, starting yesterday, but at the end of the day, she said she had not read it - unclear as to why, since she adores the book and eagerly read it in the car on the way to the park. Today I asked her what book she wanted to take, and she chose a notebook instead.

 

She's in all-day pre-K because I work full-time, so just letting her chill out and play isn't working. Plus, pre-K isn't a fit socially; all her friends are in KG. She's not happy, won't talk about school, and complains of being "sick" every morning. I'm working on getting the ear of the gifted coordinator for the public schools, so I can talk them into putting her into KG.

 

I'll be looking to see what advice others have.

[momma aimee]

I guyess I have to ask vhy you enrolled her in pre-K to start with?

 

Is there academics you were hoping, expecting, her to get there that you felt you could not offer her at home?

 

Sadly I'd assume most pre-K teachers, rooms and programs are not set up to work with a child so advanced.

 

I am wondering why you don't just keep her home, that seems less fustrating for both of you

[E829YH]

Is this a half-day school? Is DD happy? If so, and you plan to continue with ps I would just leave her and let her enjoy the fun aspects of class and address more advanced material at home.

 

I wouldn't expect the teachers to really differentiate the material regardlessof what you were told. Frustrating.

[RebekahnDavidMom]

I guyess I have to ask vhy you enrolled her in pre-K to start with?

 

Is there academics you were hoping, expecting, her to get there that you felt you could not offer her at home?

 

Sadly I'd assume most pre-K teachers, rooms and programs are not set up to work with a child so advanced.

 

I am wondering why you don't just keep her home, that seems less fustrating for both of you

 

Because DH is against homeschooling since he feels that dd needs "socalization" and being with other kids. And since he won't let me homeschool full time (becasue of socialization issues as well as the fact she wouldn't be able to participate in extracurriculars like band and theater and it's too expensive) he wants her to have the opportunity to get used to school. She was in daycare from 9 months to 3 years due to both of us being college students then came home with me after I had her brother. She was very bored at home without friends (we moved to a new city and it was hard to find others our age) even though we went to storytime and she's in gymnastics. We had our Bible Study group (12 kids) but that seemed to be all we hung out with and DH wasn't cool with that. We also looked into the Homeschool Co-op group but it was too expensive becasue of the rule that you had to stay with your child meaning I would have had to enroll ds into the nursery program for 2 sessions, paying for him twice, because the only class dd qualified for (due to age) was an extended class and it made it too expensive. DH is against homeschooling but okay with afterschooling..... he's just not very good at actually doing the afterschooling part, lol. DD will be going to PS so I guess I'll just suck it up and deal. she does love it and gets to play with friends for 2 hours. It is part time 5 days a week. They made applesauce yesterday and she thought that was the coolest thing. We did figure out how to sqeeze some afterschooling in to our schedule yesterday as well (her doing a reader, some mathbook workpages and me reading 2 chapters of 2 different read-alouds to her!) so i am feeling a bit better. I was stressed that I couldn't figure out how to afterschool becasue of our frantic schedule AND she wasn't getting it in school. Thanks so much everyone for your support! you all are so great!

 

Andrea

[Kathleen.]

I wouldn't stress out about it because no matter what school you go to it will probably be the same thing. The teachers probably didn't believe you actually meant she could actually read (surprisingly, some moms stretch the truth). I was the same way when my oldest was in K (now in 2nd). I even brought in books she could read, but the teacher could have cared less. She explained that K is mainly for socialization. The school had told me as well that they would tailor a curriculum just for her (along with her other 10 classmates)...so not the case. And they will start out with ABCs and 123s no matter what you tell them. Just say whatever, go with the flow if hubby insists on school (same boat by the way) and schedule a little afterschooling when you can while she's still young and wants to do it.

Good luck :)

[SKL]

The teachers probably didn't believe you actually meant she could actually read (surprisingly, some moms stretch the truth).

 

The daycare teachers did tell me this when my kids started at age 2.5. I had mentioned DD2 was starting to recognize and spell a few words, and they said "most of the time when parents say their kids are reading, they really aren't." Which is probably true, depending on how different people define "reading."

 

But one would think it would not be that hard to figure out what a 4-year-old can and can't do with a book.

 

Then again, I'm not sure my dd chooses to read in front of her classmates. They can't read, so she might feel out of place. Kids don't always act the same way at home & at school.

[jennynd]

I tried to warn teachers when ds started preK. They didn't believe and they didn't do anything. I warned the teacher when DS started K, they didn't believe and they did nothing. At the end of K, they start have him working with 3rd grade.. ok.. that is a progress, he still bored, but I gave up. I started afterschool when he start 1st grade. I wish I realize that school is useless earlier, I wasted 2 years waiting for school to do something.. I wish I can homeschool him but financially cannot do it.

Now DD, who is 3, reads most 3 and 4 letters words and many sight words, and count to 100 and starting add/subtract.. Anyway, I didn't even want to bother to talk to teachers. Unfortunately, school become more of a "babysittig" for us. We do most work at home.

[jenbrdsly]

The daycare teachers did tell me this when my kids started at age 2.5. I had mentioned DD2 was starting to recognize and spell a few words, and they said "most of the time when parents say their kids are reading, they really aren't." Which is probably true, depending on how different people define "reading."

 

But one would think it would not be that hard to figure out what a 4-year-old can and can't do with a book.

 

Then again, I'm not sure my dd chooses to read in front of her classmates. They can't read, so she might feel out of place. Kids don't always act the same way at home & at school.

 

Can she read any of the Bob Books yet? It's hard for teachers to argue with the Bob Books. They are so sequential that you can say "She is on set 2, book #1" etc. That would clearly track her progress. You could also try making homemade books, and sending some of those in with her.

[SKL]

Can she read any of the Bob Books yet? It's hard for teachers to argue with the Bob Books. They are so sequential that you can say "She is on set 2, book #1" etc. That would clearly track her progress. You could also try making homemade books, and sending some of those in with her.

 

She's way past BOB and never got into those kinds of books. She's more of a whole-language reader. She can pretty much read any 1st-grade or second-grade level book, and higher if she's motivated.

 

I have been letting her take books to school this week. Yesterday I asked if she read her book and she said no, the teacher read it. Then she said "I can't read this book." That ticked me right off, because not only is it not true, but she has read that book before. So I told her with that attitude, she isn't going to be allowed to take books to school. She didn't like that, so she asked for the book back and read it then and there. ("Joseph and the Amazing Coat."). Since it did have some challenging words in it (travelers, pharaoh, etc.), I explained about "challenging" books and how it's good to read them even though some of the words are new.

 

No idea what is going on in that class of hers. Does she not want the teacher to know she can read? Or are they shutting her down since she's ahead of the others?

[Momling]

I would look at the Pre-K as more of a daycare arrangement for right now, and plan on doing skill work outside of class. It seems like you've done really well on your own. It depends on the classroom, but usually in pre-k the teachers are pretty busy just keeping kids somewhat on track and together. Especially at the beginning of the year, the focus is usually social skills and developing classroom expectations and routines. Most kids need to work on fine motor skills and "the basics" and it's good for your daughter to review them with the group. Even if she doesn't "need" playdoh to build her finger strength, it's still developmentally appropriate for her to use it, you know?

 

:iagree: When public school districts (or states) offer pre-kindergarten classes, they are often doing it to try to level the playing field... encouraging kids who might not otherwise have access to pre-schools get ready for kindergarten. The point is to provide an introduction to school life -- how to line up, how to follow directions, how to use scissors or pencils and erasers or glue, how to raise your hand to talk in a group... It's really not about how to read or do math. I'd be surprised if academics went much beyond letter/color/shape recognition. And that's totally okay for most 4 year olds. If you daughter is ready for more, I'd suggest keeping up what you're working on at home....

[Barb_]

She's little. If academics fit into your schedule and you both enjoy them, then do it. If you aren't getting to them on a regular basis, don't stress it. Anything academic you do at this point is just cake. Really. If she were frustrated and cranky and bored, there would be a problem. But it sounds like she's thriving for now and is happy doing things in Pre-K that you aren't able to do with her at home. That doesn't mean you need to be committed to school all the way through. I think you probably ought to be continuing to work on your husband regarding homeschooling for the long term. But for now, let go and feel good that your current choices are working so well. You have the best of both worlds.

 

Can I also gently say that maybe your irritation at the slow-moving preschool may deep down be misplaced irritation with your husband's stance on homeschooling? I would feel that way in your situation.

[momma aimee]

She's little. If academics fit into your schedule and you both enjoy them, then do it. If you aren't getting to them on a regular basis, don't stress it. Anything academic you do at this point is just cake. Really. If she were frustrated and cranky and bored, there would be a problem. But it sounds like she's thriving for now and is happy doing things in Pre-K that you aren't able to do with her at home. That doesn't mean you need to be committed to school all the way through. I think you probably ought to be continuing to work on your husband regarding homeschooling for the long term. But for now, let go and feel good that your current choices are working so well. You have the best of both worlds.

 

Can I also gently say that maybe your irritation at the slow-moving preschool may deep down be misplaced irritation with your husband's stance on homeschooling? I would feel that way in your situation.

 

excellent point -- I full agree, if my DH insisted on school thent he school turned out less than perfect I'd be very fustrated -- but the fustration'd more realistically about the fact i had to have the child in school as much or more than the school itself.

 

something to ponder. :grouphug:

[Robbin]

I wonder why you put an advanced child in preschool. It is nothing more than a training ground for how to get in a line and follow a regiment. I feel so sorry for pre-K's I see ordered from one spot on a play ground to another all day long. They need time to just be "kids' free to explore.

 

Consider bringing her back home, add exciting books from the library and go outside often. It sounds like gymnastics and Sunday school are plenty for meeting socialization needs at this age. My friend's child did not start kindergarden until he was 6 and it has not effected him socially whatsoever.

 

We choose to homeschool and I can say socialization is an issue in that there is too much of it already at a 6th grade level. HS parents actually have to limit all the activities inorder to accomplish academics. It really is a misconception to think the kids can't do theatre, music, etc. We have been doing plays for the last 7 years. Our friends kids go to the public school just for band. You can use the library and interlibrary loan system (to get books from other libraries) for free and of course there are a multitude of online sources.

 

But if you really want your child in preschool don't expect it to be more then standardization of what the "average" kid must know - as in where to put your coat and shoes. You'll need to do the enrichment at home which is the route another friend took. Her 8th grader has been taught by her after school, and in summers, for the last 8 years so that he is not bored and he does place in 9th and 10th grade classes. But he is mighty young to be mixed with "mature and bigger" teens. Lot's to think about. Good-luck!

[BabyBre]

Am I expecting too much? I really don't know how any of this works with an advanced child in a ps setting. Is this really what I'm going to be facing from now on? :-(

 

Andrea

 

 

You're not expecting too much, but that's what our ps experience has been like. :glare: I've found most teachers don't care what you've done at home because the important thing is not that dc advance in their education from wherever they are, it's that all the kids meet standard. Most teachers are just happy they don't have to worry about your kid. Dd sat idle in grades 1-3, and learned only a handful of things in 4th grade. She's finally in the gifted program studying Greek roots, using textbooks and a student planner, homework every night, and I think I've died and gone to heaven! I'm praying for ds to get in next year. And I'm not a praying woman.

[DianeW88]

Is this really what I'm going to be facing from now on?

 

Yes. Except that it will get worse when your dd's classes have more students and the knowledge gap between what she knows and what her classmates know becomes greater.