Sure wish I could be Anon. on this one...

[RhondaM.]

For the past few year I have spent every single break we took from school to research curriculum or schedule the next year. I was in hot pursuit of the latest and greatest. This year I had a 1st, 6th and 9th grader. The younger two were a breeze, the oldest left me ...err...frustrated...daily. My mom has Alzheimer's Disease and my dad was in and out of the hospital and eventually put on Hospice back in November..he had Emphysema. Knowing that he did not have long to live and that this coming school year was bound to be a rough one I purposely picked curriculum for next year that would be easy, pick up and go and did not require much of me.

That done, near the beginning of April with 2 months left of school work to finish, I suffered complete burn out and just shelved everything. For the first time in years I could not stand the sight of anything educational.

 

I did nothing but play Sims for an entire month. I felt my stress slowly and completely dissolving. I got to know my dh all over again. May came and I was feeling like a new person. I started to peek at the curriculum we were supposed to start June 1st. (If we start in June we have lots of built in breaks and flex time.)

 

Then on May 13th my father died. I've posted before on the old board (anonymously) about how my dad was...abusive...and how that made it difficult to be around my mom. I had a lot of guilt about it...

The feelings I was left with in the few days before, during and after his death were so conflicting that it just left me tearless and completely shaken and I'm not at all sure how to deal with it all even now.

 

All that...and now I have all the time I want with a mom who really doesn't even know who I am any longer.

My sister lives there with her. At least once a week I am going to her home to stay w/ mom for the day...and during the rest of the week I'll be popping in and out, plus my mom will come here when my sister needs her to. I have another sister who will be helping too.

 

So...Monday we are supposed to start school. And we really need to. So that we have all those week long breaks to take advantage of. My oldest will be repeating 9th grade. The books I've picked look too easy, but honestly I just don't think I can handle any more right now.

 

And all of a sudden I feel like I have not recovered from burn out at all. I think about dealing with my highschooler and I just feel like hyperventilating.

 

My gut is telling me to keep things low key this year. I will have my mom to care for...and I think she is probably in stage 6 (out of 7). Every time I am with her ....the rest of the day and the next I am soooo depressed I feel as if I cannot function. I know I need to get a handle on this. I am a bit...errr...co-dependent in the best of times...and now I am feeling really needy of my husband. I so much need his strength right know.

 

My dh has been telling me that I should try an anti depressant for some time now...yes I am a bit high strung and nervous and get depressed. But I'm not the stay in bed all day cannot function depression type. In fact, the more depressed I am the more I feel the need to do, to get done. But then I feel worse because I can never get enough done.

 

Ok...so I've written all of this out. I have no idea why....I just needed to get it off my chest I guess. I can't seem to talk with anyone about it. I don't know how.

 

I dunno. Can I just unschool for the year? How do you keep pushing on when you feel like you have nothing left inside of you to push with?

[Elaine]

Oh, (((Rhonda))) You have had so much to deal with in the past months. I am so sorry. Is there any way your children can work independently to take some of the pressure off of you? Online or DVD's?

 

You are grieving, plus you are going to care for your mother. That's a lot on your plate again.

 

I hope that you find some balance and some peace.:grouphug:

[Kay in Cal]

I think you should listen to your dh. Depression may be the "common cold" of mental health, but even a cold can lay you low and make you miserable. Use the resources you have (supportive dh and kid) and get yourself healthy. Find the easiest thing possible (K-12?) and plug them in.

 

In my experience, anti-depressants can make a world of difference.

 

((Rhonda)) Take care.

[percytruffle]

(((Rhonda))) You poor thing. Of course you're burned out and needy. Who wouldn't be in your situation. You needn't feel the least bit guilty about that.

 

I have lost both of my parents, one of them was from Emphysema, the other from Parkinson's Disease. It is very traumatic and I still feel the reverberations from it ten years and more after the fact. I too tried to just keep going and did more and more to try to cover up how I was really feeling and to try to move on past it. Funny thing about stress and grief, you can either experience it now or later. It will creep back in if you push it away. Give yourself time. Time with your mom, time to just be mom to your kids, time to de-stress in the Sims (fellow Sim player here btw).

 

Does your 9th grader really need to repeat a grade? There have been years when we accomplished little, or so I thought, and yet they matured enough to progress anyway. It didn't seem like it in May, but come September they were different people. If I were you, with what you've been through and will be going through, I would not school over the summer.

 

I certainly don't have all the answers for you, but I do know that you need support and talking about it here is a good thing. We all love to share with each other and support each other. I know I leaned heavily on my dh when I went through stressful times. His parents are in their 80's and I know it won't be long until I am his support as well. That's the great thing about not having to go through life alone. Lean on him.

 

As far as the depression goes, perhaps talking to someone like a therapist would help more than a prescription. Sometimes you just need to talk it out in order for it to start making sense to you and in order for you to start making peace with it. Unless your depression is a chemical imbalance and/or you are showing signs of being a danger to yourself or others, working through it may make you stronger in the end than "numbing" it with meds. See a doctor and get their opinion, but realize they are very quick to prescribe meds now. I do know that medication for depression can be an amazing thing if it is truly what you need. Most of my sister-in-laws have been on them at times as has my mother-in-law. I have never taken them personally.

 

I hope you find some peace and rest.

[Doran]

First, let me say that I can't imagine trying to process all that you've been managing while still trying to keep up any motivation for school. I give you a lot of credit for pushing through this far and for being honest with where you are and the reality of how you feel. Though I'm sure you must feel terribly raw and fragile, some of what you've put down here shows an inner strength that will resurface at some point for you, I'm sure.

 

I don't know if you would want to entertain the idea of enrolling your children in public or private school for the coming year, but I just wanted to put that out there as an option that isn't heinous. It might give you the relief you need from worrying about educating your kids. If that idea makes you more anxious than pressing forward with homeschooling (which is also doable - btw, just on a different level), then I would definitely look into something like Switched On Schoolhouse or some other online schooling option. (For the record, I know zip about SOS, I merely mention it because a friend in a state of crisis used it for her son, so it was a familiar name to pull up.)

 

I think you are wise to listen to your heart's cry to let go of something on your list of responsibilities. I also might gently suggest that you consider some counseling to help you process the abuse of your past. That's big stuff, and it's not often easy for people to find peace about that on their own. An objective listener, and someone who can guide you through the jumble of emotions you must have would likely be an invaluable gift to yourself.

 

Sending you hugs and courage. I'm sorry you're in this place in your life.

[dragons in the flower bed]

(((Rhonda))),

 

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time, and glad that you posted about it.

 

As to whether or not you can unschool for a year, I think that depends on whether you can still help your children learn. An unschooling parent isn't playing Sims all day. They are actively pursuing their children's interests alongside them, driving them places, researching resources for the kids, and otherwise being actively involved in creating an enriching world for their kids. If you are not able to function on that level, I'd suggest seeking out therapy, at least. If you are able to function on that level, then perhaps a year off would help.

[H.S. Burrow]

Take care of YOU first. When was the last time you had a general check-up? If it's been a while, make a doctor's appt and tell him/her what's been going on in your life. Ask that they do a complete blood count and check your thyroid. Sometimes (it happened with me) vitamin deficiencies can cause depression/anxiety like symptoms.

 

Take care of YOU.:grouphug: Sit out in the sunshine and read a good book just for the pleasure of reading.

 

As for school...we went through a really rough year last year. We did a LOT of reading and "hit the books" on the good days. If you mostly school year round, you will eventually catch-up.

 

Another option might be the Alpha Omega LifePacs. We have used them and I know that a lot of others have used them sucessfully. I don't know how they compare to other workbook style curriculum but I do know that if your kids can read, they can work independantly a lot of the time. When we used them, my kids only needed/wanted my help with science experiments...but we only used them for history & science. I've also heard good things about their Switched on Schoolhouse DVD programs.

 

You can always come back to a more classical method of homeschooling or use the lifepacs as a springboard. Just a thought.

 

Take care of yourself FIRST.:grouphug:

[5Youngs]

Elaine,

It sounds like you haven't had a break lately~

NO ONE can function at 100% capacity while under the kind of stress that you have described.

Give yourself a break, take some time to compute your thoughts and feelings about everything and THEN start back on the schoolwork.

There is no way that you can stay sane while starting 10 new responsibilities while dealing with emotions that need to be worked out and dealt with.

Isn't there someone that you can sit and chat with, maybe once a week, and if not, have you considered journaling?

I am not a journaler, but when I am under big stress or dealing with hard stuff, writing it down and digesting it sure helps me.

It also allows me to say some pretty harsh things and not have to deal with the apologies and aftermath of saying it out loud. LOL

You can always rip the pages up and throw them out afterward~

 

Try sticking to the basics only for the kids schoolwork.

They can do a lot on their own, with you as their sounding board of what they've read about and how they are progressing.

Saxon DIVE cds teach the math lessons, DIVE also make teaching dvds for several science courses and just pick up a beautiful feet catalog for great reading lists that count as literature and history.

Hang in there.

I will be praying that peace invades your life!:grouphug:

Dawanna

[RhondaM.]

[quote name=percytruffle;259713

I have lost both of my parents' date=' one of them was from Emphysema, the other from Parkinson's Disease. It is very traumatic and I still feel the reverberations from it ten years and more after the fact. I too tried to just keep going and did more and more to try to cover up how I was really feeling and to try to move on past it. Funny thing about stress and grief, you can either experience it now or later. It will creep back in if you push it away. Give yourself time. Time with your mom, time to just be mom to your kids, time to de-stress in the Sims (fellow Sim player here btw).

 

I'm sorry you've had to go through this as well. I'm sorry anyone has to go through it.

 

Does your 9th grader really need to repeat a grade?

 

He did NOTHING last year. 2 chapters of Lial's Algebra, a few books of Keys to Algebra, a ch of Life of Fred, a few Hakim books, one or two 'novels', a bit of IEW, and a bit of another writing program...half a Physical Science book...everything we started didn't work, didn't get finished. Even private school did not work. It was a HORRIBLE year. All we did was butt heads. He is a year or two behind maturity wise so he was more like a 13 year old than a 15 year old. Bad year. Bad, bad year. And...he wants to repeat it. So I'm going to let him. Maybe it will be better this go around. Somehow I doubt it.

 

If we start now we can take off an entire week every 4-6 weeks, plus take a nice winter holiday...and be done by the end of April. If we don't start now...I have to spend time rescheduling everything and knowing that we won't have all that flex time.

 

 

As far as the depression goes, perhaps talking to someone like a therapist would help more than a prescription. Sometimes you just need to talk it out in order for it to start making sense to you and in order for you to start making peace with it. Unless your depression is a chemical imbalance and/or you are showing signs of being a danger to yourself or others, working through it may make you stronger in the end than "numbing" it with meds. See a doctor and get their opinion, but realize they are very quick to prescribe meds now. I do know that medication for depression can be an amazing thing if it is truly what you need. Most of my sister-in-laws have been on them at times as has my mother-in-law. I have never taken them personally.

 

Getting ready and actually getting to a therapist is something that sounds STRESSFUL! :glare: I don't drive really...(driving phobia..I know I'm so pathetic) so err...you guys are my therapist.

 

The bad thing about THIS depression...is...it is very hard to cry for someone you swore you didn't love, and would never miss... and I know that sounds horrible. But you know...I don't miss him. At. all. He made many many people, very unhappy people. I don't think any of us miss him. And so I don't really understand where the grief comes from. I only know that when my mom dies and I grieve... the tears will feel healthy...and clean. But these tears, when I shed them, feel...somehow ugly, dirty, like a lie.

 

I don't want to take medication for depression. Never have taken it, never wanted to, never intended to. I do agree there are occasions where some people need them. I also agree that somethings just need to be worked through. And I think this is one of those times. But I feel very beaten down.

 

I hope you find some peace and rest.

 

Thank you. I do too.

[RhondaM.]

(((Rhonda))),

 

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time, and glad that you posted about it.

 

As to whether or not you can unschool for a year, I think that depends on whether you can still help your children learn. An unschooling parent isn't playing Sims all day. They are actively pursuing their children's interests alongside them, driving them places, researching resources for the kids, and otherwise being actively involved in creating an enriching world for their kids. If you are not able to function on that level, I'd suggest seeking out therapy, at least. If you are able to function on that level, then perhaps a year off would help.

 

Oh absolutely! Sims was before his death. Since his death reality has been right there in my face again, rest assured.

The unschool comment I made was actually sort of a joke. I wouldn't know how to unschool. I'm too much of a control freak for that. Just ask my kids.

[Michelle in MO]

I've struggled with it quite a bit this past year. For a variety of reasons, but mostly due to some health issues my husband has had, we will be enrolling our kids in school next year.

 

It's not the ideal choice, but it's what we think will work best for us.

 

I would recommend doing whatever is easiest or gives you the most peace. Can you enroll them in a school? If you really don't want to do that, I would pick the easiest curriculum for you as a mother, whether it's on DVD's or whatever.

 

In the long run, the overall good of the family is essential. :grouphug: and prayers as you and your dh try to decide what to do.

[RhondaM.]

I've struggled with it quite a bit this past year. For a variety of reasons, but mostly due to some health issues my husband has had, we will be enrolling our kids in school next year.

 

It's not the ideal choice, but it's what we think will work best for us.

 

I would recommend doing whatever is easiest or gives you the most peace. Can you enroll them in a school? If you really don't want to do that, I would pick the easiest curriculum for you as a mother, whether it's on DVD's or whatever.

 

In the long run, the overall good of the family is essential. :grouphug: and prayers as you and your dh try to decide what to do.

 

I can'twon't turn to public or private school. My oldest could not handle it. Believe me. He is the reason we started homeschooling in the first place 8 years ago. Everything has always been a major struggle for him. My middle child is a delight and brings me joy in school (except for math) and my youngest is just too easy to even worry about. So...I'm it.

 

The work loud I have for them this year is very pick up and go...easy...but also fun. (Winter Promise Sea and Sky w/ Older Learners Guide, an extra Marine Biology book that looks simple, Painless American Government, TT Algebra I, IEW for writing..it doesn't get much easier than this.)

 

Thanks for your suggestions.

[RhondaM.]

Oh, (((Rhonda))) You have had so much to deal with in the past months. I am so sorry. Is there any way your children can work independently to take some of the pressure off of you? Online or DVD's?

 

You are grieving, plus you are going to care for your mother. That's a lot on your plate again.

 

I hope that you find some balance and some peace.:grouphug:

 

Thanks Elaine. My middle child can work independently on his history and even much of his writing/language arts. With math I have to be right there...not because it is hard for him..just because he is a brat and will run off to avoid it. :glare:

 

My youngest is easy, easy, easy. Loves school, loves to read, loves to learn.

 

My oldest...:banghead:....enough said. I did get TT Algebra for him. I think that is going to be a huge help.

 

Thanks for writing.

[RhondaM.]

There is no way that you can stay sane while starting 10 new responsibilities while dealing with emotions that need to be worked out and dealt with.

 

I know this...and honestly...I want to put off school..until say..August. Nothing sounds better than spending my free time laying in the sun, learning to play my guitar, and making fudge. And writing in a jounal might not be such a bad idea.

 

I just don't know if I can do it. I've been off since April. I just cannot image taking off 2 more months. And the practical side of me says that I will NEED all those scheduled breaks to help with my mom. This next year cannot be another failure for my oldest.

 

Thanks for your thoughts. Especially about the journaling.

[RhondaM.]

I think you should listen to your dh. Depression may be the "common cold" of mental health, but even a cold can lay you low and make you miserable. Use the resources you have (supportive dh and kid) and get yourself healthy. Find the easiest thing possible (K-12?) and plug them in.

 

In my experience, anti-depressants can make a world of difference.

 

((Rhonda)) Take care.

 

I'm really hoping that I won't have to...but there are days....

The curriculum is already bought...and I honestly don't know if it would be less stress or not being worried if my kids were meeting other people's standards or not. I'm just going to have to muddle through. I just have got to find the energy.

[dragons in the flower bed]

The bad thing about THIS depression...is...it is very hard to cry for someone you swore you didn't love, and would never miss... and I know that sounds horrible. But you know...I don't miss him. At. all. He made many many people, very unhappy people. I don't think any of us miss him. And so I don't really understand where the grief comes from. I only know that when my mom dies and I grieve... the tears will feel healthy...and clean. But these tears, when I shed them, feel...somehow ugly, dirty, like a lie.

 

Rhonda, when my abuser died, I cried, too. I held off for so long, and I was so angry at myself when the tears finally came. I realized later that I was crying for the relationship that never was, for the apology (grovelling and voluntary castration would have been more appropriate) that never came, for things that start out bad and never resolve themselves. It's okay to cry for a failed and wasted life.

[RhondaM.]

First, let me say that I can't imagine trying to process all that you've been managing while still trying to keep up any motivation for school. I give you a lot of credit for pushing through this far and for being honest with where you are and the reality of how you feel. Though I'm sure you must feel terribly raw and fragile, some of what you've put down here shows an inner strength that will resurface at some point for you, I'm sure.

 

Ohhh...thanks for saying so..strength is one thing I've really never seen in myself. Raw and fragile I connect with at the moment however.

 

I don't know if you would want to entertain the idea of enrolling your children in public or private school for the coming year, but I just wanted to put that out there as an option that isn't heinous. It might give you the relief you need from worrying about educating your kids.

 

Someone else suggested this...and you are right, it isn't a heinous idea...but..it just would not work in our case. The very kid that causes me so much stress would just..(oh God, I can't believe I am going to say this) fall on his face if he were put in public school.

 

I think you are wise to listen to your heart's cry to let go of something on your list of responsibilities. I also might gently suggest that you consider some counseling to help you process the abuse of your past. That's big stuff, and it's not often easy for people to find peace about that on their own. An objective listener, and someone who can guide you through the jumble of emotions you must have would likely be an invaluable gift to yourself.

 

Sending you hugs and courage. I'm sorry you're in this place in your life.

 

I am going to keep it low key..can't do anything else. With my schedule I'll be able to keep every friday very light, and take a week off every 4-6 weeks. The curriculum I have is too easy. It is 'highschool level' but my 12 year old could do all of it without a problem. I'll most not even attempt latin...maybe even (gasp!) drop grammar for the year. My gosh if we just do math and writing and read lots of literature and learn something interesting and inspiring in history I think I'd be happy.

 

The curriculum I have isn't the problem...it is the fact that I feel like it isn't enough for my oldest...yet I feel like I can't handle anything ELSE...yet knowing that public or private school isn't even an option for him. I know he will be ok. And so will I. I just feel rather like I'm going to explode (not with anger!) any time now.:glare:

 

Thanks for your kind words Doran, they were helpful.

[RhondaM.]

Rhonda, when my abuser died, I cried, too. I held off for so long, and I was so angry at myself when the tears finally came. I realized later that I was crying for the relationship that never was,

 

Wow. This is exactly it. I've told my dh over and over that there is just so much regret...regret for the dad I never had. I'm sorry that you've had the oppertunity to understand where I'm coming from.

 

And I do know it is ok to cry about that. Arch...it's just all screwy inside.

[RhondaM.]

Thanks Tracy. I had a checkup about a year ago...I think I'm ok there.

But I agree, I have to take care of myself. Which makes me NOT want to start school. Yet I think in the long run things will just be harder all year if I don't get started soon.

 

Thanks very much.

[Fourmother]

(((Rhonda))) I've been there, too. Eight years ago my father died, I had baby #3, and my mother had a stroke all within a two month period. I had to handle my dad's estate, be my mom's legal guardian for 2 years and continue to raise my family. Four years later my paternal grandmother's dementia made it impossible for her to live on her own, and there was no one to take her in but me. That crisis coincided with the birth of baby #4, and continues in my heart although granny died two years ago.

 

Burnout is the dirty little secret of homeschooling, and nobody ever warns us about it when we sign up. I wish I had good, easy answers for you and for myself. I feel the toll that care-taking has placed on my physical and mental health. I'm not nearly as efficient or organized as I used to be. I don't get as much intense or creative schooling done as I would like. My house isn't as clean and my bills aren't always paid on time like they used to be, but I'm still here and so is my family. Sometimes the best and only thing you can do is get through the present moment, then the next and next.

 

Things that help a little... I'm honest with everyone about my limitations and the people around me have had to adjust. Dh picks up more slack around the house, and the kids are old enough to help out more. Plus my expectations have been lowered quite a bit. I like to laugh, and I indulge my twisted sense of humor whenever I can. I have found hobbies like crochet and knitting that force me to relax and be in the moment. (You can't worry about the last stitch or getting to the post office when you knit. You can only think about one stitch at a time.) I don't know that what is useful to me will help you at all, but it is nice to (virtually) talk about it. Perhaps we can start a homeschool burnout support group!

[chiguirre]

Rhonda,

 

You have sooo much to deal with right now, I'd try not to stress yourself even more. If your ds is willing to redo 9th grade and has maturity issues, I would take that opportunity in a heartbeat. I would very much like my ds to take an extra year at some point too so that he's a bit more mature before entering outside academic classes. If I were in your place I would try to have your 9th grader evaluated or reevaluated now for LDs or ADD or whatever you suspect so that you have a firmer roadmap of what you need to address during his highschool years to get him ready for adult responsibilities. You have plenty of time, but it's still important to move in the right direction.

 

You're going through one of the roughest patches in anybody's life, be gentle with yourself and know that it will get better.

[Carol in Cal.]

OK.

 

So.

 

It is perfectly reasonable and indeed appropriate to cry over the closing of a door. You can cry for yourself. You can cry for what should have been and never was. And oh by the way, you can cry for your Mom, who has become more and more difficult to cry WITH. That is horribly sad in and of itself.

 

And, you can cry in frustration, because you are perfectly entitled to be overwhelmed at this point.

 

So then, you have to move, just a little.

 

Here is how I would move:

 

I would start your son on two items--maybe just writing and math. Especially since the math is on the computer (yay!). After he's done those steadily for a week, add one or two more.

 

(You know this. I'll bet you have given this exact same advice more than once. See how good you are at figuring things out?)

 

Then, for yourself, buy the book about self esteem by Gloria Steinem, and read it every day for a while. I don't remember the name of it, but you can google it. It is really, really good. It is all about giving yourself what you missed out on as a child, and knowing that you deserve it!

 

I think that anti-depressants are definately something to consider. I have known people who have been tremendously helped by them. Have to say, though, that I think that they do better with straight depression than with grief/depression (just anecdotally; I'm definately not a doctor). And I think that it would be smart to find a grief group or an abuse survivor group...it is amazing how much better it makes things to know that you are not alone, and to have a safe space to talk about things in. Please hear this loud and clear: It is just as important; nay, even MORE important, to take care of yourself as to get your children homeschooled. There is a REASON that they tell parents to put on their oxygen masks FIRST in an airplane.

[RhondaM.]

Carol, thanks.

I just now, before I read this post, had a short discussion with ds. Pulled out all his books.

TT Algebra

Marine Biology Coloring Book

Walch Marine Biology Text

Painlesss Am. Gov.

IEW

R&S grammar SIX(Yes, he is still doing 6!! My fault on this one though.)

Talked about his literature for the year (fantasy, sci-fi, horror) and about Winter promise S&S (with older learner's guide that we are doing for fun.)

 

And I told him that if he would just pour his heart and guts into writing, math and reading literature this year, participate and have some fun with WP and then just DO the science stuff (which I got purely because I think he'd be interested in it, not because it is really credit worthy) that I would be a very happy, satisfied mom. His face lit up. I have a kid who does not feel overwhelmed.

 

So yea...I'm agreeing with you. And yes, I've given this same advice before.

 

I'm sticking to the basics this year. If we don't get grammar done this year we will do it next year. If we don't get to latin this year I'll get him Rosetta Stone Spanish next year. In fact...as of right now anyway...grammar and latin are no longer in my plans. Maybe in January I might think about it. I feel better just saying that.

 

I will look for that book you mentioned.

 

I doubt I go for the anti-depressants...just because...I've seen too many people abuse them. I don't want to go anywhere near that place.

Thanks very much.

[RhondaM.]

You are one strong lady....though I realize sometimes life doesn't leave us much choice but to be strong.

Thanks for sharing your story. If you carried on through so much I know that I can too.

[RhondaM.]

Rhonda,

 

You have sooo much to deal with right now, I'd try not to stress yourself even more. If your ds is willing to redo 9th grade and has maturity issues, I would take that opportunity in a heartbeat. I would very much like my ds to take an extra year at some point too so that he's a bit more mature before entering outside academic classes. If I were in your place I would try to have your 9th grader evaluated or reevaluated now for LDs or ADD or whatever you suspect so that you have a firmer roadmap of what you need to address during his highschool years to get him ready for adult responsibilities. You have plenty of time, but it's still important to move in the right direction.

 

You're going through one of the roughest patches in anybody's life, be gentle with yourself and know that it will get better.

 

Thanks and I will.

My son has been evauluated in the past and he does have ADD. He has a very hard time focusing. Both I and his father were late blooming, immature teens. We did eventually wake up and get it together, it just took life pounding us over the head to make that happen. I'm sure the same will have to happen to him too eventually. He has goals and interest, and an internal path he is following, he just takes the long, hard way to get there.

 

Thanks very much.

[RhondaM.]

Would you consider St John's Wort?

 

A dear friend of ours is a professional psychiatrist and I know he has recommended St John's Wort to patients who had been handling stress and grief over a longer period of time and needed, in his opinion, to have something to help take the edge off their depression so they would be able to work through what needed working through. He has seen it work many times, for many people... fwiw!

 

((Rhonda)) I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but my heart aches for you as you struggle through this dark time.

 

Where does one get something like this? Health Food store? Online?

Thanks for the suggestion.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

And I think that it would be smart to find a grief group or an abuse survivor group...it is amazing how much better it makes things to know that you are not alone, and to have a safe space to talk about things in. Please hear this loud and clear: It is just as important; nay, even MORE important, to take care of yourself as to get your children homeschooled. There is a REASON that they tell parents to put on their oxygen masks FIRST in an airplane.

 

 

This is my thought as well. Your ds needs a whole mom. Please take steps to healing your broken heart. Counseling is a good thing. It's helps lift the fog, and allows you to see things the way they really are. Support groups can be beneficial as well. If I were in your situation, I would seek out a counselor. Insurance often pays for it, and many places offer a sliding fee scale based on income. Please try to find someone to listen, with the experience to help you through this difficult time.

 

Please?

[Heather in the Kootenays]

In the end though, medication saved me. I didn't stay on it long - just long enough to build up my reserves to get back into my life again. Now I control depression through healthy living and exercise but I couldn't have done it then. I needed that help to kickstart my natural healing. Perhaps I could have avoided it by going to a spa for 6 months to rest and recoup but I didn't have that option. I remember being amazed at how much better life was without the black cloud of depression hanging over my head. Or perhaps it was more like swimming in molasses.

 

I've watched people grieve for people they didn't love and who abused them. For them, it was grieving for their dreams of what that relationship should have been, not what it was. And perhaps of grieving for their innocent self and the damage they'd received.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

Let me just say that there is no shame in getting something like Ativan or Xanax to help you stay calm and focused when you're stressed out. Talk to your doctor, and he/she will help you find the right medication to help balance your moods and your energy. Sometimes they can even give you something that you just take when you need to, and not all the time. If that's what you need to stay sane, then go for it! It really will help, and it does not mean you'll be all loopy and "out of it," if that's what you're worried about. You'll still be able to function - only better!

 

:D

[Peela]

Wow, you have such a plateful right now. No wonder you feel burned out.

 

Several of my family members who suffer from long term emotional issues, mainly depression and stress, use St John's Wort, and they really swear by it.

 

I was going to suggest sleep. Are you getting plenty of sleep, or are you avoiding it?

Sleep keeps your body going, it keeps your hormones balanced, it keeps you from going over the edge. Not sleeping all day because you are depressed kind of sleep. But, going to bed at a decent hour and staying in bed all night kind of sleep. It is a deep healer. Rest.

 

My husband has a term he calls "running on empty". He learned to do it years ago when he was really sick for several years. You just do what you need to do, and no more. Then you rest. You dont push yourself. He reminds me about it when I get burned out. Its kind of like going into automatic, putting one foot in front of the other, not thinking too much, just doing what absolutely needs to be done. Then stopping.

 

thinking of you :grouphug:

[RhondaM.]

Wow, you have such a plateful right now. No wonder you feel burned out.

 

Several of my family members who suffer from long term emotional issues, mainly depression and stress, use St John's Wort, and they really swear by it.

 

I was going to suggest sleep. Are you getting plenty of sleep, or are you avoiding it?

 

 

Thanks Peela. Yes, I've made sure to get plenty of rest. I was really dragging the last couple of weeks and going to bed pretty early...7 or 8 pm (when I'm usually up until at least 11pm) and sleeping hard all night. Sleep was the only thing that made me feel better.

 

I'm just going to have to adjust to this. This week I spent half the day at my mom's house and then twice this week my sister brought her (and her 2 year old) to me. It is just soooo very hard to watch my mom so confused and miserable. She thinks she needs to leave, to go...and gets very anxious. Even on her nerve pills. And I know it is not going to get any better.

 

My heart really goes out to my sister, who lives there with her 10 and 2 year old. She is not working but is giving of herself for my mom 24/7. I know no matter how much I do it just isn't enough. And that is so darned stressful.

 

But it will be ok. This will not kil me, it will make me stronger.

 

It has helped so very much having all you guys on this board to unload on.

 

St. John's Wort. I'll look for that. :) Thanks.

[ClassicMom]

I am so, so sorry to hear about your struggles. :grouphug:

 

I recently went through a very rough experience and it's true, as homeschoolers, we don't want to admit that we get down or depressed. I have had horrendous migraines for years and have recently been told that it's something that I have to live with. I'm in the 4th% of migraine sufferers that just can't be treated by conventional means (or experimental either). I went into a tailspin thinking that I would have to live the rest of my life like this.

 

I spent two months literally doing nothing. Luckily, I have two kids that are older and they were able to pick up most of the pace, but there was quite a bit that they didn't do either. So I can totally understand where you are.

 

I finally sought out the comfort/counsel of some women from the church and went for a few conseling sessions. Both were of tremendous help along with some medications that were mentioned here.

 

Just a note of caution...If you use St. John's Wort...be sure to tell your doctor that you are using it because you can't take it if he puts you on an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. I believe both medications are beneficicial for short-term use to "lift the fog" as someone said and to re-focus your life.

 

It is hard to be all things to everyone in the family and in essence, that is what homeschooling mothers are. We made that choice and I think most of us are happy to do so on most days. But if we are all honest, we do go through seasons in our lives when the burdens become too many and we just need a break. Just take care of yourself first, be a mom to your kids and then worry about tackling one subject at a time. They will catch up. It was only a season. Let them learn about taking care of mom, about serving someone, what about taking care of the home, cooking? There are many life lessons that could be incorporated here.

 

Just my $.02.

 

My warmest wishes and I hope you feel better very soon.

[RhondaM.]

In the end though, medication saved me. I didn't stay on it long - just long enough to build up my reserves to get back into my life again. Now I control depression through healthy living and exercise but I couldn't have done it then. I needed that help to kickstart my natural healing. Perhaps I could have avoided it by going to a spa for 6 months to rest and recoup but I didn't have that option. I remember being amazed at how much better life was without the black cloud of depression hanging over my head. Or perhaps it was more like swimming in molasses.

 

I've watched people grieve for people they didn't love and who abused them. For them, it was grieving for their dreams of what that relationship should have been, not what it was. And perhaps of grieving for their innocent self and the damage they'd received.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thanks Heather. Yes...it is just hard grieving for something that wasn't.

As far as meds....I think they can be a life saver in some cases. I am not dealing with day to day depression however. Some days I am completely overcome with it. But then...like today...I'm fine. I mostly just worry how I'm going to handle school when my mom needs so much.

 

Thanks again,

[RhondaM.]

Let me just say that there is no shame in getting something like Ativan or Xanax to help you stay calm and focused when you're stressed out. Talk to your doctor, and he/she will help you find the right medication to help balance your moods and your energy. Sometimes they can even give you something that you just take when you need to, and not all the time. If that's what you need to stay sane, then go for it! It really will help, and it does not mean you'll be all loopy and "out of it," if that's what you're worried about. You'll still be able to function - only better!

 

:D

 

I know ...

I do realize there is no shame whatsoever if you need it. I really think though that I need to just work through it. I would not mind taking something natural so much...so it is something I will look into.

 

Thanks very much,

[Heather in the Kootenays]

There's a reason that you put the oxygen mask on yourself first in a plane. Please take care of yourself. If you were my IRL friend, I'd be dashing over with dinner and offers of childcare but please accept one more hug instead.:grouphug:

[OH_Homeschooler]

My dh has been telling me that I should try an anti depressant for some time now...yes I am a bit high strung and nervous and get depressed. But I'm not the stay in bed all day cannot function depression type. In fact, the more depressed I am the more I feel the need to do, to get done. But then I feel worse because I can never get enough done.

 

 

You can be clinically depressed even if you are able to function. I remember a time when I went to work every day, accomplished tons, had social engagements, and couldn't help but cry at least once a day. Months later (after some larger issues) I went on anti-depressants, and I've been on and off them since. Basically my doctor told me the last time I asked to go back on them that there is really no reason for me to be off them, because I just have a depressive personality. (And my A-D of choice is Paxil, because it is the best one to address both depression and anxiety).