if you are naturally melancholic disposition...

[*Inna*]

Have you ever successfully trained yourself to be much more positive, joyful, content person?

 

Also, can you model this to your children even when such positive outlook doesn't come to you naturally?

 

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I used to be much worse. Through praying, stopping the negative thoughts as they come, redirecting my mind, I am not continually depressed as I was before. But still, it is such a battle. What else is there?

[Guest submarines]

Have you ever successfully trained yourself to be much more positive, joyful, content person?

 

Also, can you model this to your children even when such positive outlook doesn't come to you naturally?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I used to be much worse. Through praying, stopping the negative thoughts as they come, redirecting my mind, I am not continually depressed as I was before. But still, it is such a battle. What else is there?

 

:grouphug:

 

I would like to know too. DD has this kind of disposition, and is very aware of it. I can always see when she is imitating someone and acts more positively. Others won't notice, but to me it does look quite fake. She is trying, though, and I do appreciate her efforts.

[Onceuponatime]

Well, if you are willing to consider something different and maybe even outside your comfort zone, look into energy profiling and energy healing.

 

Some of it may sound hokey, but after a few months of looking into it myself, I've learned a lot about myself and feel much more at ease with who I am, therefore less inclined to feel "down."

 

I did most of my poking around on a site called The Carol Blog. Carol is an "energy healer." She classifies people according to 4 energy types. Once you identify your type you can find lots of videos about how to eliminate negative thinking and how to accept who you are. I like watching the videos about other types besides my own also, they have helped me to understand how to deal with some of the people in my life by accepting who they are without feeling the need to change who I am. (She is LDS but is not evangelistic in her methods, I'm definitely not LDS myself)

 

I don't buy into every thing, but think there is truth at the core of many of the teachings. Really they are often plain psychology wrapped up in a "spiritual" package. So, I pull out what I think will help me. I ignore the stuff that is just too far out for me.

 

It's easier to be positive when you are happy just being you.

Edited August 27, 2011 by Onceuponatime

[*Inna*]

Thank you both for your replies. :001_smile:

 

Onceuponatime, I've never heard of this. Will definitely check it out.

[CarolfromIL]

Have you ever successfully trained yourself to be much more positive, joyful, content person?

 

Also, can you model this to your children even when such positive outlook doesn't come to you naturally?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I used to be much worse. Through praying, stopping the negative thoughts as they come, redirecting my mind, I am not continually depressed as I was before. But still, it is such a battle. What else is there?

 

:grouphug: Even though I have felt hurt from many people, I still try to keep a joyful disposition.

[*Inna*]

Nope!

 

Right now I'm feeling rather numb though. I just had the worst 2 weeks and now we are waiting to see what the hurricane does. I just want to curl up in a ball.

:grouphug: I'm sure the hurricane craziness is not helping.

[Twigs]

Have you ever successfully trained yourself to be much more positive, joyful, content person? …

 

Sort of. I purposefully try to find something positive in most situations. Even though I am definately melancholy, I've had coworkers and friends comment that I usually find somethng positve to say in many situations.

 

For example, a few years ago, we had trouble with our cable company. I got very.very.angry. I got so angry I had the cable turned off to my TV (not for the entire house, just my own TV). A few days later I realized that shutting off the cable broke my TV habit. So my :banghead: went to :hurray:. Another example, I don't like to get wet, so when it rains I think "Good, the ground needs a drink".

 

It is certainly a habit I had to develop - to see the glass half full rather than half empty.

 

Best wishes.

[Rosie_0801]

Have you ever successfully trained yourself to be much more positive, joyful, content person?

 

 

No and I spent years trying.

 

There isn't any room for joy and contentment when you're trying to be someone else. If your own self doesn't deserve your loyalty, what kind of life are you living? (I was b***** miserable.) Shockingly enough, my dh, brother and kids like me even though I am a bit tetchy and I'm much happier and more content when I'm allowed to be tetchy. The permission creates room not to need to be, or something. The people who don't like me this way, have turned out to be people I don't much like either. What a coincidence!

 

This doesn't mean we can't learn to reduce the impact. Sometimes we can't help but blurt out things we might all rather didn't need to be said, but we do have to be careful and make sure it doesn't become a habit- that we don't just speak because we thought something. If something can be toned down or kept to yourself without emotionally damaging you, do it. We can also work harder at voicing positives. Not in a fake way, but actually opening our mouths when a positive comment or thought pops into our heads. For those of us who have family with the verbal love language style as their number one, but have that at the bottom of our list, it's hard!

 

Rosie

[*Inna*]

We are just one big fat gloom fest.

:lol: For some reason it made me laugh out loud. This and "tetchy". Thanks, Rosie! :lol:

[*Inna*]

The permission creates room not to need to be, or something. The people who don't like me this way, have turned out to be people I don't much like either. What a coincidence!

You are right, Rosie. Thank you. :001_smile:

[Just Robyn]

No and I spent years trying.

 

There isn't any room for joy and contentment when you're trying to be someone else. If your own self doesn't deserve your loyalty, what kind of life are you living? (I was b***** miserable.) Shockingly enough, my dh, brother and kids like me even though I am a bit tetchy and I'm much happier and more content when I'm allowed to be tetchy. The permission creates room not to need to be, or something. The people who don't like me this way, have turned out to be people I don't much like either. What a coincidence!

 

Rosie

 

:iagree:And thank you for being the first to say this. Why would a person want or need to change who they naturally are? Why would you ask that of someone? (Assuming we're only talking personality type here, not harmful behavior.)

 

Furthermore, from my melancholic point of view being naturally positive often impedes progress and I wish people would feel comfortable with negativity (or in my terms, reality). Not comfortable as in complacent, but comfortable admitting, and thinking, and talking about the negative side of things.

 

I have never seen a thread here asking how to bring one's overly positive self or child back to the harsh reality of things. There seems to be a bias against melancholic people, and I feel generally melancholic about that.

Edited August 28, 2011 by crstarlette

[Momof3littles]

Have you ever successfully trained yourself to be much more positive, joyful, content person?

 

Also, can you model this to your children even when such positive outlook doesn't come to you naturally?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I used to be much worse. Through praying, stopping the negative thoughts as they come, redirecting my mind, I am not continually depressed as I was before. But still, it is such a battle. What else is there?

 

:bigear:

[Rosie_0801]

This and "tetchy". Thanks, Rosie! :lol:

 

Tetchy is a very useful word. Some people just don't understand that grumpiness can be done in a contentedly, good-natured way. There I might be, happily frowning and grumbling to myself, and someone will tell me to lighten up! :confused:

 

I have never seen a thread here asking how to bring one's overly positive self or child back to the harsh reality of things. There seems to be a bias against melancholic people, and I feel generally melancholic about that.

 

It's them, not us.

 

:rolleyes::lol:

Edited August 28, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Just Robyn]

Tetchy is a very useful word. Some people just don't understand that grumpiness can be done in a contentedly, good-natured way. There I might be, happily frowning and grumbling to myself, and someone will tell me to lighten up! :confused:

 

 

 

It's them, not us.

 

:rolleyes::lol:

 

Exactly. And I just noticed the quote in your signature line about being well adjusted in a sick society is perfect for this conversation.

[elegantlion]

I'm more of a melancholy person by nature, by experience. I feel content in many things, I'm just not bubbling over with joy, at least not by outward appearance.

 

I've really tried to examine why that is. Part of it is it blends well with my dh's blind optimism. (I say blind because he doesn't think through all things, he just makes the blanket statement) So we temper each other.

 

I am also a naive person. In my younger days I was deeply hurt several times (emotionally) by my own naive nature. Again, dh is my opposite. Can you be a discerning optimist? My blue moods protect me in a way.

 

I'm also highly emotional. I get my feelings hurt easily. I used to get very excited about things and then if my enthusiasm gets shot down, I feel wounded. Again, a protection.

 

I tried for years to do the happy, joyous, bubbly (that's my interpretation) thing. It felt fake for me. I have issues, I have problems. I felt like I was cutting out the feeling part of myself by denying myself to feel melancholy. The world's issues bother me. I don't feel like I have to shake myself out of anything, I feel like myself.

 

I do tend to gloomy, but temper it around others. But if I'm looking at the glass, it's going to be half empty. Maybe because I do believe there is more to life and I'm missing something??? IDK.

 

I do believe there is a difference between the temperament of being melancholy and sliding towards depression.

[Jryanbass]

I wish.. I tend to be a "glass half empty" kind of girl. But mainly, I am trying to learn contentment. I just want to be HAPPY, and content. Its hard..

[justamouse]

I don't know if it's a good thing to try not to find balance-I don't mean be happy-I mean find balance.

 

I'm learning a lot having MIL here. In a good way and in a bad way. So, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. These is my observations so far.

 

She is a negative person. Now, I'm no tigger, but Dh and she make me look like tigger. Every response is a negative one. Every. One. And you know what? She trained Dh to be that way, too and it's **** tough on a marriage to constantly be pulling one person out of the pit. Every. ****ed. Response.

 

I love her to pieces-truly and honestly, but she is so draining on me that I almost need a weeks mental time after she leaves.

 

Thankfully my melancholy Dd sees it and is truly making a heroic effort to try and train her thinking to not veer toward the negative all the time.

Edited August 28, 2011 by justamouse

[elegantlion]

I don't know if it's a good thing to try not to find balance-I don't mean be happy-I mean find balance.

 

I'm learning a lot having MIL here. IN a good way and in a bad way. So, THIS INS NOT ABOUT YOU. These is my observations so far.

 

She is a negative person. Now, I'm no tigger, but Dh and she make me look like tigger. Every response is a negative one. Every. One. And you know what? She trained Dh to be that way, too and it's **** tough on a marriage to constantly be pulling one person out of the pit. Every. ****ed. Response.

 

I love her to pieces-truly and honestly, but she is so draining on me that I almost need a weeks mental time after she leaves.

 

Thankfully my melancholy Dd sees it and is truly making a heroic effort to try and train her thinking to not veer toward the negative all the time.

 

You bring up a good point. Even if you tend toward the blues, you don't have to be negative, and not about everything. I do think it is training the mouth and sometimes the brain will follow.

 

Temperament shouldn't trump bad manners or the inability to communicate with some decorum.

[justamouse]

You bring up a good point. Even if you tend toward the blues, you don't have to be negative, and not about everything. I do think it is training the mouth and sometimes the brain will follow.

 

Temperament shouldn't trump bad manners or the inability to communicate with some decorum.

 

My Dh has learned a bit after being married to me. But he still has days where he needs a wide berth.

[*Inna*]

I don't know if it's a good thing to try not to find balance-I don't mean be happy-I mean find balance.

 

I'm learning a lot having MIL here. In a good way and in a bad way. So, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. These is my observations so far.

 

She is a negative person. Now, I'm no tigger, but Dh and she make me look like tigger. Every response is a negative one. Every. One. And you know what? She trained Dh to be that way, too and it's **** tough on a marriage to constantly be pulling one person out of the pit. Every. ****ed. Response.

 

I love her to pieces-truly and honestly, but she is so draining on me that I almost need a weeks mental time after she leaves.

 

Thankfully my melancholy Dd sees it and is truly making a heroic effort to try and train her thinking to not veer toward the negative all the time.

My aunt is like that. I think she's afraid to show when she's happy or at least content, to not to jinx it, you know. I love her, but it's VERY draining to be around her. She's one of these people who, when asked "How are you?", will answer exactly how are they, down to little detail about Dr. appointment and stomach discomfort.

 

That's my biggest fear to spiral down towards something like that...

 

Well, now that I think of this, I guess I'm not THAT melancholy. :D

[justamouse]

My aunt is like that. I think she's afraid to show when she's happy or at least content, to not to jinx it, you know. I love her, but it's VERY draining to be around her. She's one of these people who, when asked "How are you?", will answer exactly how are they, down to little detail about Dr. appointment and stomach discomfort.

 

That's my biggest fear to spiral down towards something like that...

 

Well, now that I think of this, I guess I'm not THAT melancholy. :D

:D:D

 

It's more than that, though.

 

Do you want to go take a walk down main street? No, that's boring.

 

Well, let's just stack this like this and_____. That's not going to work.

 

It's not going to stick, it's going to fall, you won't be able to get in touch with them, the bird won't be happy there, I'll get lost, it will fall down the drain.... ad nauseum

 

I'm telling you, every response is negative.

[JennifersLost]

Move to Santa Cruz, California. It is so much easier to be positive when you are surrounded by positive people and that town has the healthiest, most active, most interesting and upbeat people I've ever met. It helped me a lot when I lived there.

 

I'm finding it much more difficult to be hopeful/upbeat when I'm surrounded by a more dour crowd.

[Negin]

Move to Santa Cruz, California. It is so much easier to be positive when you are surrounded by positive people and that town has the healthiest, most active, most interesting and upbeat people I've ever met. It helped me a lot when I lived there.

I'm finding it much more difficult to be hopeful/upbeat when I'm surrounded by a more dour crowd.

:iagree:

Santa Cruz is one of my favorite places in CA, and in the U.S. We used to go there every summer for a few years.

Horrible weather - rain and clouds - make me very melancholy, and I'm usually the giggly/laughing type.

I do get my feelings hurt and I go through my share of moods, but dh told me that I'm actually very resilient and bounce back quite quickly. I never knew this about myself.

There are some books that may help, but I'm sure everyone here is tired of all that.

 

• Prayer - if you're the type who prays (I am)

• Reading books like that and funny stuff

• Watching funny things

• Constantly telling oneself to lighten up

• Being very selective as to whom to be around - choosing your company well

• Helping others less fortunate than oneself

 

 

To me - these all help. :grouphug:

[KidsHappen]

mel·an·chol·y   /ˈmɛlənˌkɒli/ Show Spelled [mel-uhn-kol-ee] Show IPA noun, plural -chol·ies, adjective

noun

1. a gloomy state of mind, especially when habitual or prolonged; depression.

2. sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness

 

I do have a gloomy state of mind although I am not quite depressed at normal. Number two always fits. Research has shown that people prone to depression tend to see things more realistically that most. I find this to be true. I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist but more of a realist. I honestly tend to see things as they really are which for the most part is not all sunshine and roses. Life is hard and while I don't focus on the negative I do think that I am more aware of it and I am ok with that. It feels true and honest. I don't feel the need to share these feelings with anyone. I am content to just feel them and I wish the world let me be with those feelings. I am not trying to bring you (general) down so please stop trying to cheer me up. I sometimes find overly cheeful bubbly people annoying. Sometimes people need to be deep in thought, soulful and sad. Frequently that is the right feeling for the state of things. Some of the world's most moving art is produced by the melencholy of the world to express just these deeply poignant feelings.

[Little Nyssa]

There's a book called Feeling Good which I recommend. I forget the author, but it's about using cognitive therapy principles.

[texasmama]

Yes, I have. Both of my parents tended towards dysthymia. I learned that mindset early on. However, with years and years of therapy and effort, I learned to have a more positive outlook. It is not easy, but it is possible. I still struggle at times, but overall, I am a more positive person.