GWOB Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 My sister is dating a lying, cheating, drug-addicted loser. It is wrecking our relationship. I don't know what to do and I feel totally helpless. Sis began dating DB ( I won't expand upon what those initials mean to me) almost 3 years ago. At first everyone in the family kinda felt sorry for him. He was, and I quote, "homeschooled". Basically, his Mom and step-dad got into a fight while high. Step-dad pushed Mom, she fell, and was paralyzed. Their drug habit was not put aside. DB (Sis's boyfriend) was taken out of school and "homeschooled" so he could take care of his disabled Mom. And buy her drugs. And clean her house. And take care of her younger kids. His parents did nothing to educate him. So we were told. Eventually, everyone started catching him in lies. Lies about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Stupid things. Lies about his work and living situation. Lies about the color of the sky. Seriously, the guy is a compulsive liar. And a drug addict. He's overdosed on cough syrup, cocaine, alcohol, and God knows what else. He just got arrested for possession of Lortab (sp), but of course it was a friend's that he was holding. My sister has gone from a dedicated, motivated student and worker to nothing. She works two jobs to put herself through school. Problem is she never studies because she is always with him. She gives him her car to use (likely to cheat on her, as he has admitted to other people) and finds herself without a ride to work because he cannot be depended upon. He is never there for her. She always goes to him. He is banned from my house forever because last Thanksgiving, after riding over 900 miles in a car with my family to come see me, he broke up with her in my house. After he told my other sister's boyfriend he used Sis's phone to set up Booty Calls with his other woman. We caught him in so many lies over those four days. He tried to get high on ditch weed growing on my property! And he stole my rum. Now I find out she refuses to take her birth control pills. Because she "doesn't want to go to the doctor". I don't know what to say or do. My Sis is so much better than this. She deserves so much more. I feel so helpless. I feel like if I maintain a relationship with her I am condoning her relationship with DB. I just cannot sit back and watch her throw her life away for this %^&*#@!. He doesn't deserve someone so amazing. What should I do? What can I do? Can you all at least pray for her? Thanks. I just had to vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 What should I do? What can I do? Can you all at least pray for her? Thanks. I just had to vent. I will pray. You *are* helpless. It doesn't matter what he should do, what your sis should do. I'd give sis a pamphlet on Al-Anon, and put safe and polite distance between us. I'd do so not with the expectation that she'll "get it" and make good choices but because I need to distance in order to be emotionally safe and breathe. Let her know you will welcome her with open arms when/if she's ready to embrace health. And add YOUR own peace to the prayer list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 There is nothing you can do. I wish there was some way to make these women open their eyes and truly *see* the situation for what it is. Honestly, I know exactly how you feel. I worried myself sick over this last summer to the point I couldn't sleep. But, I can't do anything about it. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I am sorry, I will pray for her. If I knew how to pm you could send me her first name, but I will just pray for Wendy's sister. :grouphug: If it makes you feel not so alone I have just lost my bff to the fourth loser like this. I saw her through three, but just don't have the heart for another. She was getting all excited about him, and I was explaining everything that is wrong with him, (we have both known him for years), and she said she had to get off the phone and never called me back. I have tried to call her numberous times, but she won't return calls, and I will not call anymore. This loser is a known cheater and theif, but she is explaining away years of his behavior as his being a victem. I won't pretend he is okay like I did the other three. She has teens to be an example for and her dd is already picking losers and she can't figure out why???:confused: Just sad. I'm sorry, I really am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 :grouphug: That sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 Thanks so much for the hugs. I just got off the phone with her. I just cannot support stupid. I can't, I cannot watch her fail. It's just to painful. Have I mentioned before how much I hate drugs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 you don't have power here. Just let your sister know you love her, care about her, are there for her - do not criticize the guy, as that will drive her more firmly into his arms in his defence. I understand - my neice just announced her wedding date with a guy her mother is convinced will one day hit her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 My db married someone that he sent to jail for domestic abuse. I said my peace with him before he got married. I also talked to him before they moved in together. I have since had to step out of it. I will be there for him if and when he leaves her. I still talk to him probably once a week, but it is usually about his work or my dd. I still talk to my dm. I know db and his wife still fight, and that he has asked her about moving home multiple times. He bought the house they are living in before they got married. It is in his name. There is nothing I can do other than what I have done. It isn't easy, but you can't help someone who doesn't want help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I'm so sorry, it's just awful. The only thing I can think of is to help with the prevention stuff. You can't be the one to get her to leave him, but maybe at least you CAN get her to the doctor for BCP and convince her to take them. You can try to interest her in other things AS WELL so that she doesn't picture her life as a complete wasteland if she ever decides to leave him, but I think that that's about it until she changes her mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :grouphug: and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) I'm sorry. And I'll pray. In the meantime I can sympathise with you and the sister dilemma. I have had BILs from hell. So.........DB..........d@mn B@stard..........disgusting butt........despicable blowfly........... eta- I have no idea why that appears as an email???? Who would have an email like that? Edited August 27, 2011 by Remudamom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 How old is sis? My sister was 17 in the same place. I spoke my mind, and it was really the only time we fought (sis and I; her BF i fought all the time - he was in my class at school and we had many classes together); pray. Pray. PRAY! I told the guy off in public - got in trouble well kind of, the principal actually said he sided with me and the guy was a jerk, but I could not make such a fuss in the cafeteria. Anyways four years later, she finally ended all contact with him and he continued on his tragic path. I am sad to say he never got better and his life ended too soon. Everyone's heart broke; what a sadness. I will say a pray for your family. Be there for your sister; your relationship is so important. Your siblings are precious. Let her know you will always be there and support her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 There is nothing you can do. I wish there was some way to make these women open their eyes and truly *see* the situation for what it is. Honestly, I know exactly how you feel. I worried myself sick over this last summer to the point I couldn't sleep. But, I can't do anything about it. :( :iagree: I walked this path with a loved one too. I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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