How "social" are you?

[Stayseeliz]

A friend of mine (who is an extreme extrovert) made the comment the other day that I'm shy and not very "social". I was surprised. I don't think I'm shy at all. I think I'm just busy, lol. This is what I do..

 

We go to 2-3 activities (choir, co-op) during the week where I love to chat with homeschool moms. I'm friends with most of them on facebook too. We go to church on Sunday mornings and we go to a small group on Wednesday nights. I have a few close friends that I text or chat with almost daily and I go to a monthly mom's night out IF I have a sitter. I also go scrapbooking a few times every couple of months if I can too.

 

My DH works late and a lot and I have 4 kids (one of them is a nursing 4 month old)! My social options are limited at the moment and I'm okay with that. I think I've struck a nice balance. I do want to get to know the homeschooling moms at church better but for the most part I'm happy. I think my friend said this because she only has two at home and she regularly sets up "play dates". I just kinda let our homeschool stuff be our playdates.

 

Just curious how "social" other homeschooling moms are...

Edited August 19, 2011 by Stayseeliz

[Liza Lee]

People who have 4 kids including a newborn have different needs from people who have 2 kids. I wasn't doing nearly that much when my 4th was just a few months old. Don't let her comments bother you.

[Ginevra]

I am an introvert. I am not shy, but I am also not all that social. I don't know whether it's busyness or age, but I'm also becoming less social the older I get. I do love to get together with a group of friends or to have a nice one-on-one time with a dear friend, but I'm not very proactive about doing these things. I was just at Bunco the other night and was thinking how dearly I love these ladies I get together with and how precious it is to me to be part of that group, but at the same time, you won't see me calling everyone to get together all the time.

 

That's a big part of it, actually. I am phone-phobic. I can't explain my extreme dislike for calling people, but I rarely do it unless it is desperately necessary.

 

I just find that I'm very content doing things by myself or at home or with my family and don't "crave" arranging things with other friends. At least I don't crave it enough to seek/plan it that much on purpose.

[AngelBee]

A friend of mine (who is an extreme extrovert) made the comment the other day that I'm shy and not very "social". I was surprised. I don't think I'm shy at all. I think I'm just busy, lol. This is what I do..

 

We go to 2-3 activities (choir, co-op) during the week where I love to chat with homeschool moms. I'm friends with most of them on facebook too. We go to church on Sunday mornings and we go to a small group on Wednesday nights. I have a few close friends that I text or chat with almost daily and I go to a monthly mom's night out IF I have a sitter. I also go scrapbooking a few times every couple of months if I can too.

 

My DH works late and a lot and I have 4 kids (one of them is a nursing 4 month old)! My social options are limited at the moment and I'm okay with that. I think I've struck a nice balance. I do want to get to know the homeschooling moms at church better but for the most part I'm happy. I think my friend said this because she only has two at home and she regularly sets up "play dates". I just kinda let our homeschool stuff be our playdates.

 

Just curious how "social" other homeschooling moms are...

Depends on what you mean by social. :)

 

I RARELY go out with friends or just dh.

 

But we are involved in 200+ community service hours a year, I own a dance academy that I work 20+ hours at, coach a high school team 20+ hours Oct-Feb, and homeschool 7 kids whom go to meet ups and field trips. :001_huh:

 

Add to that the fact that 6 or 7 of my children dance....5 competitively in a pre-professional program.

 

So...I am social with MANY people! :tongue_smilie:

[momofede]

Everyone is created differently, therefore some are overly social, some are social, and some like to remain quiet!

[Sophia]

People who have 4 kids including a newborn have different needs from people who have 2 kids.

 

:iagree:

Not to mention you're dh is gone a lot so it's all *you*.

People who have never been in that stage have no idea what your day is like, and I find many who have been in that stage but are out, quickly forget how taxing babies are.

I wouldn't assume you are anti-social but busy, like you said.

[Stayseeliz]

This makes me feel better. I don't get out as often as I'd like but I feel like I'm social. And I just can't do it all. If I'm gone too much the laundry doesn't get done, dinner doesn't get cooked, etc.

[Upward Journey]

I am an introvert. I am not shy, but I am also not all that social. I don't know whether it's busyness or age, but I'm also becoming less social the older I get. I do love to get together with a group of friends or to have a nice one-on-one time with a dear friend, but I'm not very proactive about doing these things. I was just at Bunco the other night and was thinking how dearly I love these ladies I get together with and how precious it is to me to be part of that group, but at the same time, you won't see me calling everyone to get together all the time.

 

That's a big part of it, actually. I am phone-phobic. I can't explain my extreme dislike for calling people, but I rarely do it unless it is desperately necessary.

 

I just find that I'm very content doing things by myself or at home or with my family and don't "crave" arranging things with other friends. At least I don't crave it enough to seek/plan it that much on purpose.

 

WOW!!! Are you my long lost twin? :D

[LaxMom]

I am an introvert. I am not shy, but I am also not all that social. I don't know whether it's busyness or age, but I'm also becoming less social the older I get. I do love to get together with a group of friends or to have a nice one-on-one time with a dear friend, but I'm not very proactive about doing these things. I was just at Bunco the other night and was thinking how dearly I love these ladies I get together with and how precious it is to me to be part of that group, but at the same time, you won't see me calling everyone to get together all the time.

 

That's a big part of it, actually. I am phone-phobic. I can't explain my extreme dislike for calling people, but I rarely do it unless it is desperately necessary.

 

I just find that I'm very content doing things by myself or at home or with my family and don't "crave" arranging things with other friends. At least I don't crave it enough to seek/plan it that much on purpose.

 

WOW!!! Are you my long lost twin? :D

Triplets!

[Stayseeliz]

I am an introvert. I am not shy, but I am also not all that social. I don't know whether it's busyness or age, but I'm also becoming less social the older I get. I do love to get together with a group of friends or to have a nice one-on-one time with a dear friend, but I'm not very proactive about doing these things. I was just at Bunco the other night and was thinking how dearly I love these ladies I get together with and how precious it is to me to be part of that group, but at the same time, you won't see me calling everyone to get together all the time.

 

That's a big part of it, actually. I am phone-phobic. I can't explain my extreme dislike for calling people, but I rarely do it unless it is desperately necessary.

 

I just find that I'm very content doing things by myself or at home or with my family and don't "crave" arranging things with other friends. At least I don't crave it enough to seek/plan it that much on purpose.

 

Wow! This is me too. I was reading a blog the other day and the blogger's opinion was that extroverts get their energy from other people and introverts enjoy others but don't feel like they "need" them. That's where I am right now. I LOVE getting together with others but it's a lot of effort to get us all dressed, etc and we are 20-30 minutes from everything so I pick and choose.

 

I love the friend dearly that said this but we're different. I chat with her a lot on the phone when she calls me but I rarely call others!

[Peela]

OP, that is far more social life than I had when I was homeschooling 2 kids. It sounds like plenty of social life to me! It sounds like you are doing a good job of taking care of yourself, a good balance.

 

I am sort of homeschooling my son again but he is much more independent now (and doing correspondence so I am not planning, or sitting with him full time) and my social life is getting more and more rich as I get older. Now I see people most days, and the days alone at home are the exception.

[Ginevra]

WOW!!! Are you my long lost twin? :D

 

Triplets!

 

:lol::lol: Well, that explains why my two older sisters used to always say, "You were adopted! (I wasn't.) You don't look like us at all!" Well, I have two sisters in cyberspace, so THERE! :D

[Ginevra]

Wow! This is me too. I was reading a blog the other day and the blogger's opinion was that extroverts get their energy from other people and introverts enjoy others but don't feel like they "need" them. That's where I am right now. I LOVE getting together with others but it's a lot of effort to get us all dressed, etc and we are 20-30 minutes from everything so I pick and choose.

 

I love the friend dearly that said this but we're different. I chat with her a lot on the phone when she calls me but I rarely call others!

 

Yes, that is the clinical definition of introversion or extroversion. Extroverts are energized by people. Introverts are energized by solitude and ideas.

 

We're the thinkers. I feel no necessity of being a partier, just let me go think.

[Stayseeliz]

Yes, that is the clinical definition of introversion or extroversion. Extroverts are energized by people. Introverts are energized by solitude and ideas.

 

We're the thinkers. I feel no necessity of being a partier, just let me go think.

 

I see the NEED for friendship for sure. My close friends make me think and challenge me. They make me better. But I'd rather read a good book most days..lol

[Ellesmere]

:lol::lol: Well, that explains why my two older sisters used to always say, "You were adopted! (I wasn't.) You don't look like us at all!" Well, I have two sisters in cyberspace, so THERE! :D

 

Room for one more?

 

I'm an extreme introvert that was adopted into a family of extroverts.

 

And now I feel so much better that I'm not the only phone-phobic person out there.

[Beth S]

People who have 4 kids including a newborn have different needs from people who have 2 kids. I wasn't doing nearly that much when my 4th was just a few months old. Don't let her comments bother you.

 

If you had time to compose a response, you could have said, "But my Night Life is quite a bit more exciting." (Doing the night feedings with your little one.) Exuding contentment can sometimes quells others' fears.

 

Having a somewhat stable at-home routine is the avenue toward sanity in your situation! (Mine are now ages 9 to 20, and our lifestyle is much more outward facing than it was when they were all little.)

[Maus]

Wow! We need a club!

 

But I have a theory as to why I don't like phones: Like many introverts, I'm a people watcher. I get my social cues from watching people's faces. You lose that on the phone.

 

For some reason, I don't feel that on the internet, but it does take me forever to compose a simple message. I have to read and reread it until I'm sure I'm saying it right.

 

Extroverts do sometimes get the idea that introverts are shy, but that's something different. I like this explanation I read somewhere. A shy person, and introvert, and an extrovert all get invited to a party.

 

The shy person either doesn't go, or spends all her time in the kitchen/bathroom (away from everyone.)

 

The introvert goes to the party and gravitates to one-on-one conversation or small groups. She goes home saying, "That was a fun party," but falls into bed exhausted from the effort of interacting with people.

 

The extrovert goes to the party, tells jokes, talks to everyone, and has a great time. She goes home and takes on a two hour project because she is charged up from all those great interactions.

[Ellesmere]

 

Just curious how "social" other homeschooling moms are...

I have fewer kids than you but I set up less frequent play dates than my friend who has one child. It's taken me some time to not compare my social calendar in an unhealthy way. Sometimes I do withdraw too much, but your activities sounded like a reasonable amount, at least to me.

 

Wow! We need a club!

 

But I have a theory as to why I don't like phones: Like many introverts, I'm a people watcher. I get my social cues from watching people's faces. You lose that on the phone.

 

For some reason, I don't feel that on the internet, but it does take me forever to compose a simple message. I have to read and reread it until I'm sure I'm saying it right.

 

I agree with your theory. It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I realized that phone conversations are hard for me because I can't see the person's face. At my jobs, I never had a problem with the phone since there wasn't to it. The conversations were pre-structured and brief, straight to the point. I was on the phone all the time and was told I did well with it. But outside of work, I only spoke on the phone regularly and at length with people I knew very well.

 

And I definitely prefer to write. But being on this forum is helping me sharpen my written communication, since I'm learning I can come off as very short and sarcastic when I don't mean to.

[Amy in TX]

Wow! We need a club!

 

But I have a theory as to why I don't like phones: Like many introverts, I'm a people watcher. I get my social cues from watching people's faces. You lose that on the phone.

 

For some reason, I don't feel that on the internet, but it does take me forever to compose a simple message. I have to read and reread it until I'm sure I'm saying it right.

 

Another phone-phobe here. I thought I was the only one!

 

For me, I think it's the spontaneity of phone calling vs. being able to organize my thoughts in writing. I rarely call anyone I want to talk to--I can't make myself "interrupt" their day or evening--I'd rather send a message they can read when it's convenient. Likewise, I hate being called just to talk. The question, "What's new?" invariably causes my mind to go blank, lol.

 

It's not shyness--I have no problem phone calling for "utilitarian" purposes, lol. I just can't seem to do spur-of-the-moment friendship, catching up, thoughts-and-feelings-sharing kinds of conversations.

 

Are any of you phone-phobes by any chance Meyers-Briggs INFJ types?

[AuntPol]

I"m a phone-a-phobic too.

 

I don't know if I'm extroverted or introverted. I'm loud, brassy, and I love to talk and enjoy being with people. I am way more comfortable on stage or with new people than most people I know. However, I'm also happy to be alone and I've never been one to "seek" social events.

[Stayseeliz]

I like being able to read social cues on people's faces too. I also think I have a slight slight bit of hearing loss and I sometimes "miss" things when talking to people on the phone. My Dad has severe hearing loss that started in his late 20s and he often withdrawals in social situations.

[jenangelcat]

Wow! This is me too. I was reading a blog the other day and the blogger's opinion was that extroverts get their energy from other people and introverts enjoy others but don't feel like they "need" them. That's where I am right now. I LOVE getting together with others but it's a lot of effort to get us all dressed, etc and we are 20-30 minutes from everything so I pick and choose.

 

I love the friend dearly that said this but we're different. I chat with her a lot on the phone when she calls me but I rarely call others!

 

Extroverts get energized by other people whereas introverts get drained by other people and need alone time to re-energize. My husband is an extrovert. I am an introvert. I like socializing when I have time but I need a lot of downtime in between get togethers. I used to suffer from really bad social phobia but it's almost entirely gone now. It only manifests in a fear of driving (being seen) and anxiety when using the phone (I rarely ever call people). People meeting me now would never guess that I was labelled shy and anti-social (hate this term) when I was younger. I can be very outgoing now.

[Serenade]

I'm not too social at all -- we do a few activities, but if I did any more, we'd never get our school work done. I really don't enjoy running around a lot, burning up gas and time. So I guess I am not a social homeschooler.

[AdamsFamily]

Yay! I don't like the phone either. I am a pastor's wife and stink at calling people. I have a couple of people that I will talk to on the phone, and our conversations are often an hour long, so the number of them that I make are limited.

 

I am an introvert, more task oriented, and have no desire to constantly run from activity to activity. I hate small talk, too. I never know what to say.

 

I am very busy with homeschool and church and a few other activities, but I spend a lot of time at home. I know another mom that fills her kids' calendars up with play dates and activities during the summer. They hardly seem to have any down time. I prefer to have my dds know how to both entertain themselves at home as well as be "social" with other people.

 

My bil and sil are never home b/c of their kids' activities. They are both on their second marriages, too. Hmm... I wonder if their busyness affected their first marriages.

[Ellesmere]

Another phone-phobe here. I thought I was the only one!

 

For me, I think it's the spontaneity of phone calling vs. being able to organize my thoughts in writing. I rarely call anyone I want to talk to--I can't make myself "interrupt" their day or evening--I'd rather send a message they can read when it's convenient. Likewise, I hate being called just to talk. The question, "What's new?" invariably causes my mind to go blank, lol.

 

It's not shyness--I have no problem phone calling for "utilitarian" purposes, lol. I just can't seem to do spur-of-the-moment friendship, catching up, thoughts-and-feelings-sharing kinds of conversations.

 

Are any of you phone-phobes by any chance Meyers-Briggs INFJ types?

I could have written that post! But I'm ISFJ. Only 12% SFJ, 90-100% Introvert every time. :)

[lailasmum]

I am a phone hating introvert. One of my friends accused me of being too closed in and private. I only have 2 kids but still find I am limited on social opportunities as my dh works away from home. I find outside stuff really stressful and draining, extroverts just don't get that. I don't have a major need for socializing but every now and then its nice.

 

I do a pretty good imitation of an outgoing person when i am feeling particularly bright.

Edited August 20, 2011 by lailasmum

[KidsHappen]

Another phone-phobe here. I thought I was the only one!

 

For me, I think it's the spontaneity of phone calling vs. being able to organize my thoughts in writing. I rarely call anyone I want to talk to--I can't make myself "interrupt" their day or evening--I'd rather send a message they can read when it's convenient. Likewise, I hate being called just to talk. The question, "What's new?" invariably causes my mind to go blank, lol.

 

It's not shyness--I have no problem phone calling for "utilitarian" purposes, lol. I just can't seem to do spur-of-the-moment friendship, catching up, thoughts-and-feelings-sharing kinds of conversations.

 

Are any of you phone-phobes by any chance Meyers-Briggs INFJ types?

 

I am an INFP and have a major aversion to talking on the phone.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

DS and I are both extreme extroverts. We love to be around people as much as possible and we start getting depressed and moody when socially deprived, LOL.

[mothergooseof4]

I am an introvert. I like to be home...nothing gets done if I am out. I will put off errands until I absolutely HAVE to go do them. I am also phone-phobic. The few people I will talk to on the phone keep me there forever and again, nothing gets done. I also hate to make business type calls.

 

I enjoy being in groups of people that I know and they will laugh at you if you tell them that I am introverted. Our pastor actually laughed during our premarital counseling when he saw dh's response to "Your future wife does the following when meeting new people......." He responded that I am quiet and tend to stay out of the action. Pastor started laughing thinking that dh and I had never met new people together.

 

People that met me while I was a widow didn't believe my long-time friends that would tell them that I was really a home-body While I was a widow, I had to stay busy and around adults so that I did not become depressed. Loneliness is a depression trigger for me, but simply having dh come home at the end of the day is enough to meet that need for me. When I didn't have one, I got out A LOT. Now that I am married again, I rarely go to any type of social outings other than church. Yes, I know I will enjoy hanging out with the girls or enjoy that Sunday School class fellowship once I get there. But, I don't feel like I need the interaction, I don't miss being around people, I don't want to go through the trouble to get to something I don't feel a need for, and I would be happier at home.

 

When I did keep a very active social schedule for my sanity, it was with people I know. I HATE MEETING NEW PEOPLE. Yes, I admit it.....when I am put in a situation to meet new people, I will usually avoid them. A few years ago, God led me to leading and speaking at women's ministry events. This is so far out of the box for me. I don't like being in front of the crowd, but can deal with that. What makes me uncomfortable is the one on one interaction with new women. I again avoided it until one of my close friends told me that some of the newer ladies thought that I didn't like them. I then had to really push myself to approach new faces and introduce myself/welcome them. I would prefer to just get up there and give my talk, then go sit at the back and hope no one talks to me.

 

I think your schedule is fine. If it meets your needs, then don't worry what your friend thinks. My friends comment all of the time that I gave them up for new hubby. I don't see it that way. I just don't need them like I used to (I don't mean that to sound callus. I am happy God gave such wonderful, supportive friends when I needed them most) and would think that they would be happy not to have to entertain me all of the time. Carrying their social schedules would exhaust me and then I would not be what my family needs.

[Satori]

I am an INFP.

Quiet, reflective, and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick, and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.

The lady who administered the test said she couldn't understand why I had a large business, as it was so against my personalilty. I agreed with her and sold it. So much happier now just homeschooling and blogging and helping others this way.

 

I like people and will strike up conversations easily (and have always thrown great parties in the past), but prefer being alone. Living in the mountains has made me even more of a hermit. I loathe using phones.

 

Interestingly, people are always surprised when I tell them I'm really quite an introvert.