1GirlTwinBoys Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 (edited) My Dh's business associate and close friend, has invited us to his twins Bat Mitzvah & Bar Mitzvah. We have never been to a ceremony like this before and have no clue what's expected or what we're supposed to do.:confused: The invitation was addressed to just my husband and I, so I'm assuming my children are not invited, correct? The ceremony is at 10:30 am and then a Kiddush luncheon immediately following.:confused: The celebration continues that evening from 7:30-11:30 pm and party attire acceptable. What type of gift should we get? Is money normally given? Also, are the gifts normally given at the evening ceremony? I feel honored that he has asked us to attend such an important event in his children's lives. :) Edited July 24, 2011 by 1GirlTwinBoys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 (edited) We attended our first last summer. I'd make a point of asking about your children. The ceremony itself was LOOOOOONG, but the follow-up festivities were very kid friendly. AWESOME food. As it turned out, the 'regulars' knew how long this would be and showed up a bit late. The Gentiles were all on time. My husband and son had to wear yarmulkes. I didn't realize until AFTER the ceremony that the hair barrettes were to keep these on. That would have keeps DS from dropping his every time he nodded off to sleep. You will have to go to page X in a couple of books to keep up. Here should be English translations. If you are reading about Nazis, you are on the right page of the wrong book. It will be interesting, but force yourself to pay attention to the service at hand and find the correct passage. I thought it was very similar to mass, but Hebrew instead of Latin and two hours longer. Go hungry and prepare to be very impressed with the children performing the service. It was a beautiful experience for us because the young lady has been my daughter's best friend since toddlerhood. The event is expensive for the parents, so think of gifts closer to wedding gifts than $20 birthday gifts. We made her a nice, hard-cover photo book with pictures of the two girls from toddlerhood - teens and the friend loved it, but without the nostalgia points we would have spent more. I think there was a gift table at the synagog and people brought them to the evening party. Money is absolutely acceptable and not considered a tacky gift. HTH KFP Edited July 24, 2011 by KungFuPanda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 My old boss invited us to her daughter's. It was like a wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 We have been to both bar mitzvahs of our neighbors' children. The ceremony is long, but beautiful, in my opinion. We were given head coverings and told where to sit, what to do, etc. We took our gift to the evening festivities. I'm sorry, but I don't recall if some brought a gift to the morning festivities; I believe they did. If they weren't going to the evening event it would be more convenient for them. You can certainly give money; that's what we did. It looked to me as if most, if not all, did the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 (edited) You might consider asking ahead of time about dress. Yarmulkes are usually provided, but there might be other issues, for you specifically. My sister is Orthodox, and the expected dress for women is very specific. While she knows that I am not Orthodox, nor is my family, and does not expect us to conform to her beliefs, I do make every effort to dress appropriately while at events or in her home. Especially at events with her community. The very basics: skirts (no pants); knees (if your skirt has a slit, pin it) and elbows covered (3/4 length sleeves ar fine); no collarbone showing. I don't cover my hair, as my sister would find that hilarious, but many of the women are wearing wigs anyway, so I don't feel out of place there. Then again, chances are they're not Orthodox. You'd probably know already, since this is a close friend. :) You will have a wonderful time, and learn a lot! We love Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Always fun! Our kiddo loves them, too (and has always attended, by the way). You might want to ask about the kids, too. I know that my sister's very tight-knit community is extremely kid-centric, and would never consider an event like this without children. But, again, ask ahead of time to clarify. Oh, and if you give money... Multiples of 18 are auspicious. Edited July 24, 2011 by Spryte silly typos & forgetfulness Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 If this is a close friend, I'd just ask about whether children are invited and what is considered appropriate in terms of gifts, how to dress, etc. We've only been to one Bat Mitzvah, and it was that of a close friend who also homeschools. In their case, kids were invited and older children (from about age 10 up) were actually given their own invitations. It is long though, so even if your dc are welcome you should consider how well they'll handle it. Our experience was similar to that of mcconnellboys. We were given head coverings (and allowed to keep them afterwards), told where to sit and what to do. People who weren't able to go to the party afterwards brought gifts, and there was a table near the entrance for gifts. In our situation, I also felt comfortable enough to ask the mother if monetary gifts were customary/appropriate. She said they were, but they're from the Northeast, where money is an appropriate gift for a number of occasions/celebrations so I'm not sure whether that had anything to do with it. It is a beautiful ceremony, and I loved that the books had Hebrew and English side by side so we could follow along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 The invitation was addressed to just my husband and I, so I'm assuming my children are not invited, correct? If and family is not mentioned on the address then just you and your husband are invited. The ceremony is at 10:30 am and then a Kiddush luncheon immediately following.:confused: The celebration continues that evening from 7:30-11:30 pm and party attire acceptable. If the service is starting at 10:30 it is probably a reform synagogue. Services should end around 12. The Kiddush luncheon is a lunch at the synagogue. Around here the Kiddush consists of bagels, asorted cream cheeses, and salads. Dress for synagogue-best to err on the side of caution. Men should wear a suit. Women should wear a skirt or dress and shoulders should be covered. If a head covering is required they will be someone to greet you when you come in and they will direct you to them. Dress for the party is just what it says-party attire. It does not have to be cocktail attire but on the level of business attire. What type of gift should we get? Is money normally given? Also, are the gifts normally given at the evening ceremony? Money or a savings bond are the usual gifts and they are given at the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeannie in NJ Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) we went to our friends son's bar mitzvah a couple of years ago. Our friend told us to come late to the temple ceremony as he said it would be long , he also said that it is very acceptable to wander in and our during the service, which we did. The temple has a gift shop ;and a museum, lots of people were going in and out to the service. Tons of children there. THere was a light lunch at the temple and then the party in the evening. WOW, it was like a extra fancy wedding. Most of the guests were Jewish, my dc are adopted from Korea and they got a lot of attention , especially from the older folks there. We had a great time. Some women were wearing floor length dresses. I wore a 3/4 length dress. It seemed that most of the gifts were money and were given at the evening party. you may want to check on if your dc can come. At the one we went to, the focus was on the bar mitzvah boy, his friends, other kids in his family, and really on all the chidlren and teens there. Edited July 25, 2011 by Jeannie in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 If you give a monetary gift, there is something special about multiples of 18. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 If you give a monetary gift, there is something special about multiples of 18. :iagree: Absolutely, yes! 18 is the numerical value for the Hebrew character "Chai", which is has the root of words meaning "life", as in the expression "L' Chaim! (To Life!). It is very customary among Jews to give money in multiples of 18 on these kind of occasions. You will seem "in the know." Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Many times we've been all about the $36 iTunes GC. Always welcomed! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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