What do you expect from your kids when they are meeting someone new?

[helena]

Have you taught your kids how to shake hands?

Make eye contact? A "nice to meet you" or some other greeting?

 

How about leaving after having just met someone new? "It was nice to meet you" or "the pleasure is mine"...?

 

Are you ok with kids just giving a quick (nice) "hi" and "bye"?

[Barb_]

I'm okay with a quick hello and "It's nice to meet you" when they are little. But I like for them to understand eye contact, a firm handshake, and small talk once they hit puberty. Maybe age 11 or 12? It's a rite of passage, I think.

 

Barb

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm okay with a quick hello and "It's nice to meet you" when they are little. But I like for them to understand eye contact, a firm handshake, and small talk once they hit puberty. Maybe age 11 or 12? It's a rite of passage, I think.

 

Barb

 

:iagree:

[IlluminatedAttic]

My son is not quite six and I expect him to respond to greetings, make eye contact, shake hands and offer something akin to "nice to meet you" when leaving. He knows to answer "small talk" questions from the interested party at the time of greeting, but I don't expect him to have a full conversation and he is never outside of either mine or dh presence so this is all done under supervision. He is a talker though and a full conversation isn't out of the ordinary. We do remind him that he is not to speak with anyone and especially not give any personal information without us, but hey, he is only five hence the strict supervision.

[cindergretta]

I don't have hard and fast rules for my dc. They learn from example, seeing how their father and I act when introduced to new people. We have two on the autism spectrum and one extremely shy child. I am not going to force them to do anything. As they are able and capable, they follow standard "polite" procedures. Without having ever forced any of them to do this or that before they were ready or comfortable, I do have 2 extremely polite teens and one extremely polite tween. :001_smile: I'm not worried about it. (And hand shaking is practically foreign around here. ::think:: No one I know does this so I won't "teach" my dc to do it. Per Dear Abby though, if it were to come up, I won't teach them to have a "firm" handshake as it causes many people a lot of pain to have their hand grasped. So they will learn, as needed, to shake hands gently.)

[Dad 4 Boys]

My 4 boys are expected to extend a hand, look the person in the eye and say something like, "Hi, I'm Joel."

 

Sometimes it gets shortened to just "I'm Joel" if I've already introduced them as my sons.

 

I don't remember exactly when we started this, but I feel like it was probably around 5, 6 or 7 for each of them.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Eye contact and a nice to meet you. They should answer any questions put to them and then be quiet. I do not like children under the teen years shaking hands. It seems like a trained puppy to me. (just my preference:001_smile:).

[twoforjoy]

I expect him to be polite and to be himself. Beyond that, I'm not too picky, honestly.

 

My DS is super-outgoing, so meeting new people has never been an issue for him. The only problem we've had is his introducing me! He loves to tell new people "I'm T___ and I'm [however old he is]," but then he'll sometimes tell people, "And this is my mom, and she's [whatever number he decides to use that day]." He's told people I'm everything from 16 to 44! That we talked about, and now he doesn't introduce me.

 

My DD seems to be a lot naturally shyer. Again, as long as they are polite--and I think there are many ways to be polite when meeting a new person--I'm not too inclined to give them a particular script to use when meeting new people.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

DD will introduce herself, but usually include too much info. If ds keeps his hands to himself, it's a success!

[zaichiki]

When meeting new adults?

Or when meeting new children?

[MaMa2005]

Introducing oneself and shaking hands appropriately is taught at DS's TKD studio beginning at the age of 4. I really see the confidence in DS as he makes eye contact and remembers others names just from this small interaction. The only problem we have encountered is when others (both children and adults) don't know how to respond to a 5 year old doing an introduction. We have actually witnessed DS taking another's hand to shake it as he is making his introduction :tongue_smilie:.

[Wheres Toto]

I haven't really taught my younger guys anything specific but from experience, what I "expect" now from my son is something like:

 

"Hi, my name is George, this is my sister Vicki, that's my mom. My dad is at work and my sister Stephanie is at school. She's 17, my mom is 41 and my dad is 54. I'm 5 and Vicki is 3 - she's just a baby. We're on our way (home, to grandmas, to the beach, to the zoo, etc.). "

 

He does this EVERYWHERE. Standing in line at a parkway rest stop, at the playground, at the grocery store. He also makes a beeline for any kids, especially girls. "Hi, I'm George, whats your name? I'm 5 years old, this is my sister Vicki she's 3. What to play?"

 

We're working on something more appropriate, especially leaving out mommy's age.

[twoforjoy]

We're working on something more appropriate, especially leaving out mommy's age.

 

At least he gets your age right!

 

I'm sure most of the neighborhood thinks I'm either the most haggard teen mom they've ever seen, or looking really good for pushing 50. ;) My DS would just pull numbers out of thin air.

 

But my son was the EXACT same way at 5. He'd go up to everybody, introduce himself and anybody with him, and give as many details as possible. Sometimes he'd hug them. He's just kind of internalized a lot more social norms on his own at this point, and doesn't do that anymore.

[Mejane]

Mine shake hands, look people in the eye, and say, "It's nice to meet you." Most people are quite taken aback as they're more used to kids mumbling "hey."

[JennyD]

[quote

I'm sure most of the neighborhood thinks I'm either the most haggard teen mom they've ever seen, or looking really good for pushing 50. ;) My DS would just pull numbers out of thin air.

 

 

:lol:

 

I emphasize this kind of thing a lot with my children -- they are very extroverted and friendly, so they do NOT need to be encouraged to talk to new people, but we work a lot on looking people in the eye, shaking hands, saying good morning to the people we see every day, etc. As with much of parenting, though, it is an excruciatingly slow process of endless repetition. My 6yo is probably batting .500 by now, but the 3yo is still kind of a social disaster.

[Daisy]

My children are VERY shy just as I was when their age. I was a preacher's kid and met new people all the time. It was torture.

 

I do expect my kids to shake hands and say, "Hi."

 

That's a major accomplishment at this point and many times my son still has to be prompted.

 

They can do it perfectly at home with mom and dad. LOL. But they still get the deer-in-the-headlights look in public. Sigh.

[helena]

I don't have hard and fast rules for my dc. They learn from example, seeing how their father and I act when introduced to new people. We have two on the autism spectrum and one extremely shy child. I am not going to force them to do anything. As they are able and capable, they follow standard "polite" procedures. Without having ever forced any of them to do this or that before they were ready or comfortable, I do have 2 extremely polite teens and one extremely polite tween. :001_smile: I'm not worried about it. (And hand shaking is practically foreign around here. ::think:: No one I know does this so I won't "teach" my dc to do it. Per Dear Abby though, if it were to come up, I won't teach them to have a "firm" handshake as it causes many people a lot of pain to have their hand grasped. So they will learn, as needed, to shake hands gently.)

 

Hmm.. maybe shaking hands is a regional thing? Are you in the states?

It never dawned on me to shake gently. Now that I think about it, I guess there's a difference between a wet noodle shake and a gentle shake.

 

I've definitely gone to shake mens hands out of habit then quickly realize they're stepping back as I step forward. :tongue_smilie: Some Muslim men won't do that.

 

I always tell my husband it's hard enough not going in for the kiss! :lol:

I grew up with besos, besos, besos! LOTS of kissing on the cheecks!

[helena]

When meeting new adults?

Or when meeting new children?

 

either one

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hmm.. maybe shaking hands is a regional thing? Are you in the states?

It never dawned on me to shake gently. Now that I think about it, I guess there's a difference between a wet noodle shake and a gentle shake.

 

I've definitely gone to shake mens hands out of habit then quickly realize they're stepping back as I step forward. :tongue_smilie: Some Muslim men won't do that.

 

I always tell my husband it's hard enough not going in for the kiss! :lol:

I grew up with besos, besos, besos! LOTS of kissing on the cheecks!

 

One of the funniest exchanges I saw was when a Westerner went to shake a Japanese man's hand just as the Japanese man went to bow - then he realized his mistake just as the Japanese man did and the Westerner started to bow as the Japanese man tried to shake hands. It went back and forth like that for a while before they just laughed and gave up!

[Daisy]

Hmm.. maybe shaking hands is a regional thing? Are you in the states?

It never dawned on me to shake gently. Now that I think about it, I guess there's a difference between a wet noodle shake and a gentle shake.

 

I've definitely gone to shake mens hands out of habit then quickly realize they're stepping back as I step forward. :tongue_smilie: Some Muslim men won't do that.

I always tell my husband it's hard enough not going in for the kiss! :lol:

I grew up with besos, besos, besos! LOTS of kissing on the cheecks!

 

Ahhh. There's a thread for you. I cannot stand the huggie thing. My personal space is at least 18 inches in every direction. I frequently hold out my hand just to avoid the hug. LOL.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I've discussed shaking hands and tell my dc that if someone extends a hand they should reciprocate. I've not met many people around here, except for older ones, who greet like that.

 

My dc are expected to make eye contact and to greet with a "Its nice to meet you." or if I haven't told the person their name they sometimes will say,"Hi, my name is _____." Smiling and at least saying hello is an absolute minimum.

 

Two of my dc have no problem with introductions (the younger two) but my two oldest can barely squeak out a hello on most occasions which is funny because they used to be very outgoing in public. I remember having to be super vigilant when I would take them out anywhere because they would walk up to perfect strangers and start relaying our entire life to them.

[helena]

Ahhh. There's a thread for you. I cannot stand the huggie thing. My personal space is at least 18 inches in every direction. I frequently hold out my hand just to avoid the hug. LOL.

 

Daisy, please accept my apologies on behalf of all us kissy types. :D

I was well into adulthood when I finally realized that not only do some people not like it, but it's a violating feeling!

It hurt me deeply when I realized this! FTR, I'm the emotional type :rolleyes:

I never want to make people feel uncomfortable, quite the opposite in fact.

 

I always hold my hand out (to avoid a hug or kiss) when I'm meeting someone and my creepo meter goes off.

 

I guess it's all about quickly assessing the situation, who you're meeting, under what circumstances, what country you're in, what country the other person is from, etc.

[helena]

I expect him to be polite and to be himself. Beyond that, I'm not too picky, honestly.

 

My DS is super-outgoing, so meeting new people has never been an issue for him. The only problem we've had is his introducing me! He loves to tell new people "I'm T___ and I'm [however old he is]," but then he'll sometimes tell people, "And this is my mom, and she's [whatever number he decides to use that day]." He's told people I'm everything from 16 to 44! That we talked about, and now he doesn't introduce me.

 

My DD seems to be a lot naturally shyer. Again, as long as they are polite--and I think there are many ways to be polite when meeting a new person--I'm not too inclined to give them a particular script to use when meeting new people.

:lol:

[helena]

One of the funniest exchanges I saw was when a Westerner went to shake a Japanese man's hand just as the Japanese man went to bow - then he realized his mistake just as the Japanese man did and the Westerner started to bow as the Japanese man tried to shake hands. It went back and forth like that for a while before they just laughed and gave up!

 

That's funny! We live in a pretty international area and have a lot of diversity in family and friends, so my kids are slowly learning the nuances of greeting and good-byes in different cultures. We've also had some good laughs over foot in mouth and general "oops, I didn't know that" moments.

 

I know it takes time to learn the subtleties, and I'm trying to be patient with my girls. They do okay when meeting people. They're just a little mumble-y still, and not quite making eye contact, and a little shy to converse.

 

I know all will work out fine. I just look forward to a time when they meet someone new, and I don't feel like I need to nudge them a bit.

I also am not always sure that I'm teaching the right thing (like I said in another post, I grew up kissing on the cheek and don't teach that now).

[Jean in Newcastle]

I grew up kissing on the cheek and don't teach that now).

 

With dh's Filipino family, I still haven't figured out why some people grab my face and kiss me on the cheek and some do this air kiss thing and yet others do this thing where they lay their cheek next to mine (a variation on the air kiss, I think)! Oh, the subtleties!