KrissiK Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I know that stealing once or twice is kind of a kid thing. Most kids take a Hotwheel from Walmart, Mom deals with it, end of story, kid doesn't grow up to be a criminal. However, when do you start saying, "This is more than just a kid thing, and I think my kid has a problem" and then.... what do you do? DS1 (almost 8 years old) has taken things 3-4 times now from a store. Each time DH has taken him back to either return or pay for the item and apologize to the store manager. Today he slipped a candy bar into his pocket when I was paying for groceries. I knew he had it and made him put it back. I probably should have had him apologize to the manager anyhow, but I didn't. Anyhow, aside from that, he steals frequently from DH and I - gum mostly (which he then chews the whole pack in his closet at once), candy, stuff like that. I don't know what to do anymore. He knows, he knows, he knows. He knows all I have to tell him, yet he still does it. Talking doesn't help. Asking him why he does it? He has no idea. It's a compulsion, I think. What do we do now? Anyone BTDT? Advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 :grouphug: Is it always food related? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Does he have the opportunity to do some chores, save up money and go buy something special for himself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Does he have other compulsive behavior? Does he have to do things in certain order? Does he chew off his nails? Does have tantrums? These may or may not be compulsive behavior, but if you see compulsive tendency in certain behavior then the stealing might be link to compulsive behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I think I may have asked the store manager to call the police in to have a talk with ds right then and there. He has basically learned that there is "no consequence" other than saying sorry if he gets caught. And if he doesn't get caught, he gets a free whatever! Have the police scare the living daylights out of him, and if that doesn't work they may be able to offer some suggestions for therapists/early offender prevention courses/etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I think I may have asked the store manager to call the police in to have a talk with ds right then and there. He has basically learned that there is "no consequence" other than saying sorry if he gets caught. And if he doesn't get caught, he gets a free whatever! Have the police scare the living daylights out of him, and if that doesn't work they may be able to offer some suggestions for therapists/early offender prevention courses/etc. Before you do this... you might wanna make sure what you're getting yourself into... I'd make sure it didn't end up in juvie..... Sorry for you... I wouldn't worry as much about taking from you and your husband.... I would worry much more about the store part... and other people... I would have him go back and work... doing... picking up around the store.... anything they'll let you do on their premises... Otherwise, make him work a while at home.. and give him money to take back to the store... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 It's food related in the sense that it's generally candy or gum. And the kids do get candy and desserts. We try to eat healthy, but I personally don't think we eat so healthy that the kids feel deprived. They get desserts on a regular basis and at candy getting holidays, we basically let them eat all their candy whenever they want. We used to ration it, but then he'd break into the stash and steal that. So, we just let them have at it. DH thinks the kids should be able to buy candy with their allowance. I don't agree. No, he's not compulsive in other areas of his life, but he's extremely self-centered, never content with what he has, is always looking at what the other guy has even if he himself has the biggest whatever it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I think I may have asked the store manager to call the police in to have a talk with ds right then and there. He has basically learned that there is "no consequence" other than saying sorry if he gets caught. And if he doesn't get caught, he gets a free whatever! Have the police scare the living daylights out of him, and if that doesn't work they may be able to offer some suggestions for therapists/early offender prevention courses/etc. He's 7!! No way would I want the police to "scare the living daylights out of" my dds at that age. They might learn to hate/mistrust the police. So far, we haven't heard back from the op answering any questions and I wouldn't recommend getting the police involved. ETA: Whoops! Op and I posted at same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in NE Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 :grouphug: :grouphug: No advice.... just hugs and empathy. I have one a little bit like this.... not so much with the stealing, but with the never being happy. He always wants the next thing. He always feels short-changed. He is always wanting. I feel so sorry for him. Life will be very difficult if he can't be satisfied with what he has..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I have one like this, but I think it's somehow related to his ADHD. He never steals while he's on his medication. On the advice of his (previous :glare:) therapist, we took him off his first med. Really, it was a good call, but no one helped us find a new one until this month. He had been stealing again, but with his medication, it stopped. I think he just can't process something somewhere without it at the moment. He knows it's wrong, he feels guilty, he just can't seem to stop. All that to say, if you suspect any sort of special need, you might look into that. It might be playing a role. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Does he have the opportunity to do some chores, save up money and go buy something special for himself? I was going to say that....dh makes sure the kids have decent pocket money, and the ability to earn money, so that they aren't tempted to do anything dishonest. In our family we pretty much teach that you can have what you want- what are you prepared to pay for it? (time, energy). We live in an abundance mentality. I think to many kids, candy is a kind of treasure- my son was- and is- like that. Because I always restricted sugar, he became greedy for it and did steal it a couple of times. Once he had pocket money and a local shop he could go to any afternoon, it stopped. ETA- my son was 7 when he stole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GypsieFamily Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 We had trouble with one of ours for a month or two. Longer at home, but it started to happen outside of the home. I think there were three incidences. One time in particular it turned into a bit of a spectacle and I was so embarressed. It hasn't happened since. It's a terrible stress, and embarressing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Sounds like impulse control issues and boundary/respect issues to me. A couple of trips to a therapist may help. IDK. I wouldn't just let it go, but I'd see if it were a symptom of an underlying problem. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anita in NC Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I don't really know what to tell you other than you need to figure it out and handle it. Maybe a therapist could help figure out what is going on. My brother did the same kind of things when he was young. He would steal money from mom and dad. He would hoard food. I'm not sure if he was buying the candy or stealing it. My parents never really handled or addressed the problem. Ultimately he went on to steal larger and larger items. Eventually he just graduated to breaking and entering. I'm not sure if it was an adrenaline rush thing or an attention thing. It was never addressed or handled even though my parents knew what he was up to. I feel sad for my brother because he could have ended up a different person if our parents had cared enough to deal with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I'm not sure I would limit their ability to spend their allowance, although I would make sure they had some sort of savings that got tended to first (we also donate and tythe). My ds had started to steal, but it was all little toys. Small, inconsequential toys, nothings really. We ended up taking away a lot of his stuff (and donating it), explaining that no one likes a theif (iow, if he wants to friends he needs to knock it off NOW), and talking about trust. There were a slew of "trust" repercussions. Part of it was that we questioned every.single.thing that ds said. When he would get worked up because we didn't believe him, we would point out that we WANT to believe him, but can't, he had proven himself untrustworthy. As time passed with no new stealing incidents and lots of honesty everything was scaled back. hth :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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