Should we drop this gym class? WWYD?

[Cindyz]

My son attends a PE class for home schoolers at the YMCA once per week. The first part of the class is swimming instruction and the second part of the class is for gym style games. The games usually involve some type of tag game or kick ball or practice dribbling a ball and shooting into a hoop, etc.

 

My son has sensory integration issues and some social issues. He was recently evaluated by a neurologist who did not diagnose him with Asperger's but said to come back for a reeval when he's 8 (he's 6 now). But he has problems with eye contact, blurting out his words, not listening to friends when they talk, keeping his hands and body to himself, etc.

 

At gym class, he spends much of time crying (each and every time he is tagged), throwing himself on the ground in tears (several weeks ago, his legs were full of bruises from doing this), crying out to other kids calling them cheaters (sometimes they are cheating, other times they aren't). Basically, it's a huge drama fest. We have continued to take him because when we talk to him about his feelings and ask him about the class, he insists that he wants to go. When we say that he doesn't seem to be enjoying himself, participating or having fun, he cries and says he really wants to go and that he IS having fun. Well, it's not fun for dad who is the one who has to take him and watch his behaviors and help him through the more difficult times. We kept thinking that with more exposure, things would get better, but they aren't.

 

My son is an only child and we live in a rural area with no neighbors to play with. We do not have play dates because we haven't been able to find anyone else that we connect with. He does attend other outside activities including 2 days per week in a morning kindergarten style classroom (includes recess), and social group twice a week which includes a recess with other kids his age, and in the summer we do one sports activity such as soccer. So in all, he has 4 recess periods per week (15 minutes each), 7 hours of classroom time with other kids his age, and 1 hour of social group (social group works on learning and practicing social skills) per week.

 

Please do not say that he's 6 and should not be making the decisions, because he's not. However, we do take his feelings into consideration when we make the decision, and the fact remains that despite how upset he seems, he REALLY wants to continue to go.

 

I'd love to hear the opinions of others to help us think through this decision.

 

Thanks!

[mommy4ever]

Since the gym part of it is a problem, for the remainder of the session, could he do swim lessons only? He'd still get part of interaction with out the 'drama fest'.

 

Whether is Aspergers or not, he does have sensory issues, as you said. You have to consider this in the activities you chose. It's not good for him to be hurting himself during a meltdown(I have one who does this too) because he's been tagged in a game. As a mom, it must be heartbreaking to watch.

 

Once you do find out what is happening, you should be able to get guidance towards suitable activities.

[Cindyz]

Since the gym part of it is a problem, for the remainder of the session, could he do swim lessons only? He'd still get part of interaction with out the 'drama fest'.

 

Whether is Aspergers or not, he does have sensory issues, as you said. You have to consider this in the activities you chose. It's not good for him to be hurting himself during a meltdown(I have one who does this too) because he's been tagged in a game. As a mom, it must be heartbreaking to watch.

 

Once you do find out what is happening, you should be able to get guidance towards suitable activities.

 

 

Yes, we can do swimming only and that's what we really want to do. The problem is that he would know he was leaving without the gym class which he really wants to attend and I imagine a melt down and crying and maybe even a struggle to go into the gym anyway. Of course if we made this decision, we would discuss it and talk about it and remind him and he would know the plan and be ready for it and agree to it (or we would just not go to swimming). The problem is when the moment comes, he usually forgets everything we've talked about when the emotions take over.

[mommy4ever]

Could you have a special activity planned for after swimming? Something at home, something he would love to do? Something to ease that transition. If he's looking forward to that, not doing the gym might not seem like much after all.

[Cindyz]

Could you have a special activity planned for after swimming? Something at home, something he would love to do? Something to ease that transition. If he's looking forward to that, not doing the gym might not seem like much after all.

 

 

Oh!! I really like this idea!! Thank you. :)

[mommy4ever]

Oh!! I really like this idea!! Thank you. :)

 

Generally it works for most kids..lol. If something of more value is waiting, what ever they don't get to do, doesn't mean much anymore.

[Cindyz]

Or how about signing him up for swimming lessons instead? The Y has various times.

 

 

The problem with that is we pay $16.50 per semester for the swimming/gym class. It's 45 minutes of swimming and 45 minutes of gym class once per week. If we were to pay for regular swimming classes it's about $60/months for swimming alone! Plus they are only in the evenings or on the weekends for his age range. Thank you for the suggestion though. :)

[coffeegal]

If it were one of my 6yos, I would continue to take the child to the gym class. We would have a discussion before class about how I expected him to behave (no fits) and that I would remove him from class at the first fit. At the first fit, I would pick him up and carry him out of class. Then we would discuss all the things he did right, a quick discussion of how to handle what set off the fit better, and more encouragement. We would have another discussion before the next class. I would watch the class for both what set him off, and what he's doing well/better. Again, calmly remove him from class at the first fit, and discuss his behavior both before class and after. :001_smile:

[Kirch]

Do you think it would work to sit down and talk with him specifically about what behaviors are not appropriate (or maybe start with just one or two of the problem behaviors) and let him know that if he does any of those things that you will leave immediately? Or even just a time out--"You're not handling this very well; obviously you need a break." If he can't handle sitting out (i.e., throws a fit), leave. That's probably what I'd try with my 6 yo, but he doesn't have the sensory issues and such. That way his participation is directly related to his behavior, and if he cares about it that much he'll hopefully learn to control himself in time. If not, that might be a signal that he'll need more direct intervention.

[KLynnTX]

If it were one of my 6yos, I would continue to take the child to the gym class. We would have a discussion before class about how I expected him to behave (no fits) and that I would remove him from class at the first fit. At the first fit, I would pick him up and carry him out of class. Then we would discuss all the things he did right, a quick discussion of how to handle what set off the fit better, and more encouragement. We would have another discussion before the next class. I would watch the class for both what set him off, and what he's doing well/better. Again, calmly remove him from class at the first fit, and discuss his behavior both before class and after. :001_smile:

 

 

Exactly. This should be extremely effective, especially if he wants to be there. First time there is a fit, you *very calmly* gather him up, and it's over. No emotional discussion. I'd sort of expect it. I would make these new rules very clear. I'd explain it thoroughly at home, and then I'd quickly remind him about it when we were getting there, and then again after swimming is over. This make take many repeats, but if he really likes it, he will learn.

[Photo Ninja]

Since he likes the gym class and wants to participate, you can help him to be more accountable for his behavior. You can explain what behavior you and the gym leaders expect. Strategize with him about what frustrates him during gym games and how he can respond more appropriately. Role play it. Give him some words to use to express his feelings, or have him decide to go sit on the sidelines for a minute to help him gain control of his emotions, etc. Let the gym instructors in on what you are doing so they allow him to do it. If he has a fit, he has to leave with you.

 

There was a boy in my dc's gym class (PE class for hsers at a local gym) who needed this type of strategy. He has Aspbergers, was very serious about the games and often had melt downs. One thing that helped him was to wear earplugs. The gym was very loud and every noise echoed. The noise put him on edge and made it more difficult for him to use self control during games. Once he started wearing earplugs, he was able to make better choices during games. I think the noise was one thing too much to have to deal with. Anyway, ear plugs may be something to consider.

[Murphy101]

If it were one of my 6yos, I would continue to take the child to the gym class. We would have a discussion before class about how I expected him to behave (no fits) and that I would remove him from class at the first fit. At the first fit, I would pick him up and carry him out of class. Then we would discuss all the things he did right, a quick discussion of how to handle what set off the fit better, and more encouragement. We would have another discussion before the next class. I would watch the class for both what set him off, and what he's doing well/better. Again, calmly remove him from class at the first fit, and discuss his behavior both before class and after. :001_smile:

 

This is what I would do too.

Further if he threw a fit about being removed for his behavior, we would go home for time out.

[rwilliams]

I would try to develop strategies sensory and behavior to help him manage the class. Can the games be adapted so that he is " protected " to a certain degree. If you give examples of the types of games...we may be able to think of ways to adapt it for him so he can manage better but still participate. Lots of time just positioning a child on the outside can help with all the bumping/touching by other kids. Also, could you schedule mandatory "breaks" every 10 minutes where he checks in with Dad and Dad encourages him and helps him manage.

[Cindyz]

Thank you for all of the input. My husband says he wants to give him another try and we will do as suggested and let him know that after the first crying fit, they will be going home (poor hubby).

 

We have talked so many times about the behaviors, what we expect, things we can do to help him, his responsibilities, we go over it the night before, on the way to the class, the social group counselor works with him on it. Believe me, this is a big topic for us.

 

Thank you for the idea about the ear plugs. We'll definitely consider that as well, because I agree that could definitely be a factor.

 

It just breaks my heart that he wants to play these games with other kids so badly but it still upsets him so much. That's the reason I don't take him anymore and my husband does. I told him that I was not going to do it anymore, and he should very much appreciate the fact that his dad will take him.

 

It is kind of an overall issue with him of having to win, wanting to be first, etc. If he makes a mistake in his typing, he wants to quit the whole thing and start over so he can get 100%. Or if he looks at something and thinks he can't do it, he will not want to try. Of course we don't let him get away with that. We praise his efforts over and over and talk about no effort is like getting them all wrong, it's better to try and fail than to not try at all, etc. It's just not sinking in yet, but I"m sure it will eventually!

 

On another note, since he was old enough to run, one of his favorite games to play has been tag. He plays it a lot with other kids and with Dad, and he has never and still never has these issues of falling on the floor crying when he is tagged. This makes me think that the sensory issues are probably playing a large part in his behaviors in the gym class, and the ear plugs might be a really good solution.

 

Thanks for all the wonderful input and suggestions.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I would drop the gym portion for now. You didn't mention any therapy for those sensory issues, but I would be making sure that he received therapy for those. The sooner the better because the earlier you start, the more successful you can be at remediating them. His behavior is very typical of sensory kids (dealt with that with my middle child) and that behavior will improve when the brain can process that input more efficiently.

[Cindyz]

I would try to develop strategies sensory and behavior to help him manage the class. Can the games be adapted so that he is " protected " to a certain degree. If you give examples of the types of games...we may be able to think of ways to adapt it for him so he can manage better but still participate. Lots of time just positioning a child on the outside can help with all the bumping/touching by other kids. Also, could you schedule mandatory "breaks" every 10 minutes where he checks in with Dad and Dad encourages him and helps him manage.

 

We have done the sensory breaks (he responds well to tight squeezes, bear hugs, head compressions, etc), but he resists them because that means he has to leave the game. Today the coach was the one who tagged him and he anticipated his behaviors and he put his arms around him to catch his fall as he knew that's what he was going to do! I thought that was a nice and kind gesture. I could talk to the coach about it, but so much of it is random, I'm not sure if there is too much he can do. Btw, my guy is usually the one doing the bumping. We have used the phrase "hands to yourself" too often and so now he keeps his hands to his side but belly bumps the other kids so he is actually sensory seeking in that respect.

[Cindyz]

I would drop the gym portion for now. You didn't mention any therapy for those sensory issues, but I would be making sure that he received therapy for those. The sooner the better because the earlier you start, the more successful you can be at remediating them. His behavior is very typical of sensory kids (dealt with that with my middle child) and that behavior will improve when the brain can process that input more efficiently.

 

 

He's been involved with Early Intervention since he was 14 months old and we have been trained with lots of sensory techniques which we use. We have an OT meeting every month to discuss how things are working and to get new ideas based on new behaviors. It's mostly about teaching us how to help him. He knows some things he can do (dots and squeezes on hands and arms, deep breaths, toe touching, yoga poses, wall pushes, he wears a weighted vest during the 2x/week morning classroom time, sits on a sensory circle, and has a weighted pillow in his lap during circle times, has a bag full of fidgets, etc etc). He doesn't need any of this at home. This is the main reason we began home schooling. His issues would make it very difficult for him to get a good education in a regular school setting, but at home he thrives.

 

But thank you for bringing this up! I'm going to ask his OT to attend a gym class to observe and see if she has any ideas. I don't know why I didn't think of that previously. Maybe it's because I was viewing it as mostly behavioral rather than sensory and the more input I get and think about it, the more I think it's sensory!

[LidiyaDawn]

It sounds to me like the class is overwhelming - he may say he wants to be there (and he may actually want to when he says that) but I think you've got a situation where he just CAN'T control himself.

 

My ds12 is a spectrum kiddo and we get this from time to time. I generally find something else for him to do rather than whatever it was that just overloaded him. It's not running away from the problem - it's finding something that works BETTER for that child, given his issues. ;)

[Carol in Cal.]

My first question to myself would be whether the class is good for him or not. If he is sensory seeking to some extent, that might be the draw. If you can use the class to teach him to behave more appropriately with other children, that is a useful means to a good goal. If he just plain enjoys the class, then that would be an excellent reason to continue.

 

If that is so, then I would try to modify his behavior, not by telling him what not to do, but by telling him what TO do. And I would pull him out if he acts inappropriately, and let him try it again the next week.

 

But the other question to myself would be whether he is so disruptive that he is destroying the other kids' pleasure at the class, completely. And if so, then again I would go for the behavior modification and be pretty strict about it. It is very important for the other children to feel safe in the class, and if someone who seems really out of control is bumping or hitting them inappropriately, he needs to be pulled out of the class, for them as much as for him.

[nd293]

My first instinct was to say that this class is simply too much stimulation from him. It doesn't sound like fun for him, and his behaviour may be making the class less fun for others too. I've taken ds out of a toddler class for this reason - we were disrupting the class, and although he liked parts of the class (and I desperately needed to see other adults) he spent far too much of the time upset.

 

But I really like the response below. That would be worth a first try. Continuing to disrupt the class would not be an option, though.

 

Nikki

 

If it were one of my 6yos, I would continue to take the child to the gym class. We would have a discussion before class about how I expected him to behave (no fits) and that I would remove him from class at the first fit. At the first fit, I would pick him up and carry him out of class. Then we would discuss all the things he did right, a quick discussion of how to handle what set off the fit better, and more encouragement. We would have another discussion before the next class. I would watch the class for both what set him off, and what he's doing well/better. Again, calmly remove him from class at the first fit, and discuss his behavior both before class and after. :001_smile:

[RanchGirl]

If it were one of my 6yos, I would continue to take the child to the gym class. We would have a discussion before class about how I expected him to behave (no fits) and that I would remove him from class at the first fit. At the first fit, I would pick him up and carry him out of class. Then we would discuss all the things he did right, a quick discussion of how to handle what set off the fit better, and more encouragement. We would have another discussion before the next class. I would watch the class for both what set him off, and what he's doing well/better. Again, calmly remove him from class at the first fit, and discuss his behavior both before class and after. :001_smile:

 

:iagree: I would do as listed above. It may be that the gym class is just too much for him due to sensory issues, or it could be that it will be a great motivator to him to change his behavior since he clearly wants to participate. The key is to handle it calmly and positively (not shaming him or acting upset/disappointed). And consistently of course!!

[dirty ethel rackham]

He's been involved with Early Intervention since he was 14 months old and we have been trained with lots of sensory techniques which we use. We have an OT meeting every month to discuss how things are working and to get new ideas based on new behaviors. It's mostly about teaching us how to help him. He knows some things he can do (dots and squeezes on hands and arms, deep breaths, toe touching, yoga poses, wall pushes, he wears a weighted vest during the 2x/week morning classroom time, sits on a sensory circle, and has a weighted pillow in his lap during circle times, has a bag full of fidgets, etc etc). He doesn't need any of this at home. (bold mine) This is the main reason we began home schooling. His issues would make it very difficult for him to get a good education in a regular school setting, but at home he thrives.

 

But thank you for bringing this up! I'm going to ask his OT to attend a gym class to observe and see if she has any ideas. I don't know why I didn't think of that previously. Maybe it's because I was viewing it as mostly behavioral rather than sensory and the more input I get and think about it, the more I think it's sensory!

 

So, are you saying that these things he does are accommodations for outside the home? Are you doing therapies on a daily (more like several times a day) to help change how his brain processes sensory information? That is the point of OT - not just accommodations or in-the-moment techniques. While he may not need things for living inside your home, what you do at home helps what how he deals with the outside world.

[Stacy in NJ]

rule: every time he cries or looses his temper he must have a time out. He needs to come to his parent and sit out until he can control his behavior/temper. He cannot return to the game until he's completely in control. I'd let the teacher/coach know the new rule and then I'd stick to it like glue. I'd remove him each and every time he lost control and/or behaved inappropriately. I would define for him inappropriate behavior as (a) name calling, (b) self-injury, © injury to other people, (d) not following the rules of the game. If, after a few classes, he was still unable to control himself, I'd explain that it's time to let this class go for now. He can try the class again next session/term/year and see how it goes then.

 

I would use participation in the class as a reward for appropriate behavior in the class. It maybe that he's not in a place that appropriate behavior is possible right now, but he maybe able it handle the situation better in a few months when he's more mature.

[dcurry]

If it were one of my 6yos, I would continue to take the child to the gym class. We would have a discussion before class about how I expected him to behave (no fits) and that I would remove him from class at the first fit. At the first fit, I would pick him up and carry him out of class. Then we would discuss all the things he did right, a quick discussion of how to handle what set off the fit better, and more encouragement. We would have another discussion before the next class. I would watch the class for both what set him off, and what he's doing well/better. Again, calmly remove him from class at the first fit, and discuss his behavior both before class and after. :001_smile:

 

:iagree: And it may take all year, and even the next to get through to him. I have similar children- (well, one of them to that extreme), and it took 2 years of homeschool PE until he can now participate on a regular basis without a meltdown. (It helps when there is another child in the class who has one so he can see it from another perspective).

 

If he wants to go, then it's to your advantage. Tell him before that you will leave if (and list a couple of unacceptable behaviors) and then follow through on it. This is a great learning opportunity for him.

[lisamarie]

We did the full swim and gym last semester and it was murder on me having to get the kids out of the pool and to gym class in 10 minutes. This semester I decided that since their favorite part was the free swim time anyway, we would just do the swim part and stay in the pool to play for another half hour. It is working out much better. They have their 40 minutes of instruction and then they have 30-45 minutes of play time in the kiddie pool with the water slide, water toys, etc. There are other kids who do the same thing so there are plenty of kids to play with.

 

My DS wanted to do the gym part again and complained at first until he actually got there and saw that it was way more fun to swim longer than to do the gym activities.

[melmichigan]

My DD has AS and attends the local Y for the same program. I would second having the OT observe. There are many techniques and interventions similar to those he already has in place at school that could be implemented in this setting. I would also make sure the coach is aware of what is going on so that he can help where he can. It is also the perfect stepping off point for something like the social skills cartoons on how to deal with these encounters for further discussion either with ST or at home.

 

I read your story and remember vividly my DD playing baseball, upset and yelling, "he stole the base, he stole the base"! :lol:

[Cindyz]

My first question to myself would be whether the class is good for him or not. If he is sensory seeking to some extent, that might be the draw. If you can use the class to teach him to behave more appropriately with other children, that is a useful means to a good goal. If he just plain enjoys the class, then that would be an excellent reason to continue.

 

If that is so, then I would try to modify his behavior, not by telling him what not to do, but by telling him what TO do. And I would pull him out if he acts inappropriately, and let him try it again the next week.

 

But the other question to myself would be whether he is so disruptive that he is destroying the other kids' pleasure at the class, completely. And if so, then again I would go for the behavior modification and be pretty strict about it. It is very important for the other children to feel safe in the class, and if someone who seems really out of control is bumping or hitting them inappropriately, he needs to be pulled out of the class, for them as much as for him.

 

 

I think he's more annoying to the other children, but he does not hit or lash out in anger (although other children in the class have had these behaviors in the past, my guy is really very nonviolent). They all pretty much ignore him when he starts crying or some try to console him, etc.

 

I'll update what we did and how things are going after next week.

 

I really really appreciate all of the responses. There are few things I enjoy more than reading as many views on a topic as possible before making a decision.

[Cindyz]

So, are you saying that these things he does are accommodations for outside the home? Are you doing therapies on a daily (more like several times a day) to help change how his brain processes sensory information? That is the point of OT - not just accommodations or in-the-moment techniques. While he may not need things for living inside your home, what you do at home helps what how he deals with the outside world.

 

I would like to hear more about these techniques. We have worked with about 5 OTs over the years and all they talk about and teach us are the various sensory activities and modifications like the ones I listed above. One did mention using special headphones with therapeutic music in them, but that won't really work for us because they were not wireless and he's a real wiggle worm.

[Hwin]

I don't know but I empathize. My almost 5yo is in basketball and it's torture for me to watch, and occasionally have to step in. If he doesn't make a basket he's on the ground. We do social stories but it has limited usefulness because the class is so fast-paced and he is, to my knowledge, the only ASD kid, and he does NOT turn on a dime.

 

Add to that, any time they do work with cones he is always picking them up and rearranging them, poking other children, randomly sitting on the ground and basically being a hazard to children trying to run and play. These are not usual behaviors for him - the class intensified a lot of it.

 

He did much better in gymnastics where they take turns doing cartwheels and goof off the rest of the time.

[dirty ethel rackham]

PM'ing you.