Did you use a doula during labor and delivery? Postpartum?

[catalinakel]

Tell me the good and bad(if any) of it. I've got my first client coming up in April!

[specialmama]

I had midwives for the entire pregnancy, l&d, and pp, and had drug free home births. The best parts were how caring they were, and that they handled everything during l, d, & pp. Examples? Oh, they made me TOAST with JAM! I was FAMISHED and yes I'm yelling FAMISHED :lol: and they just KNEW what I needed before I even said anything. They hugged me, they reassured me, they called to see how baby was nursing, they checked the latch, they just made the entire experience wonderful and amazing. The reassurance during l&d was paramount. Studies have proven that with the right support (which would be understanding) that pain meds are used less often. Having a female who has BTDT care for you cannot be overrated. Just hearing "I know it sucks. I know it hurts. It's normal and you're doing great" meant everything. They did so much... from them coaching my dh how to massage my hips, to techniques for applying counter pressure without his hands ever growing weary (tennis balls) and suggesting different labour positions, well gosh, I miss them.

 

Have fun, I bet you'll be great at it! If I could handle giving needles and suturing, I was going to be a midwife... you are living my dream!

[ktgrok]

I didn't, although my midwife's assistant is a doula. The most important thing was having someone that focused on me and believed in me and told me it was going to be alright.I needed to hear that i was working hard and doing great. I needed a cheerleader.

[Heather in OK]

Congrats on your first client!!

 

My bit of advice: Confidence. Even if you don't feel it.

 

You'll do great!

[texasmama]

I had a doula for my fourth delivery. She was exactly what I needed, providing both physical support (pushing in on the back of my hips during contractions which eased my pain so much) and emotionally, telling me that I was further dilated than the nurse said I was. (I believe she was right.) I had a completely natural hospital delivery which happened so quickly that the doctor didn't make it. The nurse caught the baby. The doula, dh and the nurse were present during labor and delivery...but the only person I REALLY needed was the doula. She was fabulous.:001_smile:

[Negin]

Had a wonderful doula for our first. Ended up not really needing her for labor & delivery, since I had a very, very long labor and ended up with a c-section (which I wish they'd done sooner). She was extremely helpful to me post-partum.

We didn't have one for uour 2nd, since he was born here. I had plenty of support from my parents. Plus, doulas don't exist in this part of the world.

I LOVE a good doula.

My only gripe, however, is that a doula chooses to have very limited hours, or has other priorities, she needs to be up-front about that from the get-go.

[catalinakel]

I had midwives for the entire pregnancy, l&d, and pp, and had drug free home births. The best parts were how caring they were, and that they handled everything during l, d, & pp. Examples? Oh, they made me TOAST with JAM! I was FAMISHED and yes I'm yelling FAMISHED :lol: and they just KNEW what I needed before I even said anything. They hugged me, they reassured me, they called to see how baby was nursing, they checked the latch, they just made the entire experience wonderful and amazing. The reassurance during l&d was paramount. Studies have proven that with the right support (which would be understanding) that pain meds are used less often. Having a female who has BTDT care for you cannot be overrated. Just hearing "I know it sucks. I know it hurts. It's normal and you're doing great" meant everything. They did so much... from them coaching my dh how to massage my hips, to techniques for applying counter pressure without his hands ever growing weary (tennis balls) and suggesting different labour positions, well gosh, I miss them.

 

Have fun, I bet you'll be great at it! If I could handle giving needles and suturing, I was going to be a midwife... you are living my dream!

 

Aw, thanks so much for all of this, Karyn! So, so good to know your experience was good.

[catalinakel]

Congrats on your first client!!

 

My bit of advice: Confidence. Even if you don't feel it.

 

You'll do great!

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Heather. I would love to ask a few questions regarding this client..if you are able and willing, would you pm me?

[catalinakel]

I had a doula for my fourth delivery. She was exactly what I needed, providing both physical support (pushing in on the back of my hips during contractions which eased my pain so much) and emotionally, telling me that I was further dilated than the nurse said I was. (I believe she was right.) I had a completely natural hospital delivery which happened so quickly that the doctor didn't make it. The nurse caught the baby. The doula, dh and the nurse were present during labor and delivery...but the only person I REALLY needed was the doula. She was fabulous.:001_smile:

 

So good to hear this!

[catalinakel]

Had a wonderful doula for our first. Ended up not really needing her for labor & delivery, since I had a very, very long labor and ended up with a c-section (which I wish they'd done sooner). She was extremely helpful to me post-partum.

We didn't have one for uour 2nd, since he was born here. I had plenty of support from my parents. Plus, doulas don't exist in this part of the world.

I LOVE a good doula.

My only gripe, however, is that a doula chooses to have very limited hours, or has other priorities, she needs to be up-front about that from the get-go.

 

The scheduling is a bit tricksy, I'm seeing. A gal overseeing my training told me I should not have any other jobs....but I can't necessarily count on a certain amt. of income from doulaing either, so not sure exactly how this works out. But, I agree. As I doula I need to be completely available to my clients.

[Mama Geek]

I can't speak directly about a doula, but the nurse at my Dr's office is also a midwife. She held classes before the baby was born that covered what to expect during pregnancy, childbirth (focused on natural, drug free but discussed other things as well), post partum, how to take care of the baby in the first weeks, breastfeeding and lots more.

 

She helped my dh to understand what would be needed and he did a great job. She also gave us the knowledge and confidence to deal with a ped and staff at the hospital that wanted us to bottle feed formula because the baby wasn't getting enough to eat. (She had given us a pee & poop schedule for the first weeks.) It was difficult to tell the staff that we were not going to bottle feed, but it was well worth it.

 

I ended up with an emergency c-section due to the baby being in distress, but I went through about 10 hours of labor with no drugs before that.

[littlebug42]

I had a doula with my first birth. She was excellent. It was an induction and I was in labor for 23 hours. She was very supportive of me and my hubby. After 17 hours of nasty labor, I decided to have the epidural. She helped me through it all. I especially remember that she rubbed my feet. She had met with us before hand to find out what things I find soothing and that was one of them. She had also asked about aromatherapy scents that I liked which is a good thing because lavendar gives me migraines. It was important to me to have her there so that dh would be able to eat or go to the bathroom without feeling guilty.

 

We had also asked her to help us shoo away family after the birth as we wanted just the three of us present for that first hour breastfeeding etc. She did a great job. We did not hire her for our second mainly because I planned to do the epidural again and dh thought he could handle it. I am glad I didn't because Boo-Boo came so fast, the doc almost didn't make it. There would have been nothing for her to do.

[Anita in NC]

I had a doula for my second and third births. I had a wonderful experience, unmedicated births just like I wanted.

 

I only wish that I had one for my first birth and perhaps I could have avoided the c-section.

 

I loved my doulas, they were both wonderful. My first doula moved away which is why I hired a different one for my third birth. They both visited once after the birth and bought dinner over for the family.

[coffeegal]

Tell me the good and bad(if any) of it. I've got my first client coming up in April!

 

Well a doula was training with my midwife when I had my first 2 babies. She was fine for the first. During the 2nd birth she just watched, then she and my midwife took my baby away to do stuff while I was left alone on the bed, then she came over the next day and implied I was fat. :toetap05: For #3 I told my midwife that I didn't want her there, and my babies weren't to be taken away after the birth. It never happened again. :D I love my midwife. I can always talk to her, and if I didn't like something at one birth it never happened again for any of the others.

[texasmama]

Also wanted to add that my dh was not on board with the doula being present. He didn't like the idea and thought she was a bit weird. (She was kind of a hippie, free spirited person.;)) She and I discussed this and she said this is not terribly uncommon. My dh was not much help or support during my deliveries so I knew I needed the doula.

 

She went into the bathroom with me during the beginning of transitional labor when I neeed to clear my bowels. She also was very encouraging of whatever I wanted/needed to do. When the baby started to crown while I was leaning over the bed, she helped me into bed and held her hands under me to catch the baby if she fell out. She also held my leg up (I delivered side lying) and was unphased as I screamed at the top of my lungs while pushing. She got me a meal after delivery and followed the baby to have a bath (my dh had to leave us to get our other kids, and I wanted someone we knew to have eyes on the baby at all times.) She took a lot of pictures, as well. Although I only met with my doula a couple of times before delivery and my delivery was an hour and a half after I arrived at the hospital (so we really didn't spend much time together), I still feel incredibly bonded to her.

[Heather in OK]

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Heather. I would love to ask a few questions regarding this client..if you are able and willing, would you pm me?

 

Sure. Just pm me whenever you have time.

[Punchie]

I had a doula for my 1st pregnancy, but I fired her before the baby was born. The reason was that I could never get a hold of her. The tipping point was when I ended up in the hospital at around 32 wks after I mowed my lawn (I know, I know...stupid, but I didn't think anything of it at the time). DH was gone, and there was concern of preterm labor. I tried calling and calling, but could never get a hold of her.

 

W/my 2nd pregnancy, I had a wonderful experience! She was also a military wife and had recently delivered at the same hospital. DH wasn't onboard w/it at first b/c of our previous experience, but he agreed that she was a lifesaver during labor. She was a phenomenal coach and had a bag full of tricks to help (like a heated rice sock she'd put on my lower back during contractions).

[Mother Superior]

I had a doula that I hired for baby #3. I had a doula that was a friend of mine for baby #4.

 

Baby #3's birth, with the hired doula, was one of the worst experiences of my life. She was a very nice lady, but she just didn't seem to know what to do. I had never had a natural childbirth before (had epidurals with babies 1 & 2), and when the pain got intense, she should have taken charge, but didn't. I didn't know how to handle the pain-- 9 lb 6 oz baby facing sideways-- and she didn't seem to know how to help me handle the pain. She would gently suggest this and that, but by the time she thought of something for me to do, all I wanted was to close my eyes, retreat to a corner, and find some way to survive the whole thing. It was AWFUL.

 

For Baby #4, I asked my friend, who is a nurse and childbirth educator, to be my doula. Her experience KNOWING the stages of labor and having seen hundreds of births showed. She immediately took charge and moved me through everything. She would tell me "You are in ______ stage of labor. Usually in that stage, ________ happens. Do you feel _____? Or ______? That's normal. You'll get through this with no problem."

 

When I was so caught up with contractions that I couldn't make a decision on what to do, she said "We're going to do _____ now. If you don't like it, we can try something else in 10 minutes." That was how she handled my labor-- we could try anything for 10 minutes. I didn't want to get into the tub. I agreed to try it for 10 minutes and stayed for an hour. I didn't want to lay in a certain position in the bed. I agreed to try it for 10 minutes and ultimately delivered in that position. My baby was 9 lbs 2 oz and was facing "sunny side up." It was THE BEST delivery of all! I got that euphoric feeling that I had been promised, and the feeling of empowerment was AMAZING!! I still to this day think "If I can do THAT, I can do ANYTHING!"

 

My best advice to you as a new doula is to be authoritative, even if you don't feel that way. I am normally a rather strong and decisive person (I'm an attorney) but when I was trying to focus through contractions, I felt totally helpless. I didn't know what I wanted and I was not capable of making decisions. I needed someone who knew what was going on to make those decisions for me, to guide me through labor, and to reassure me that I COULD really do this.

 

Good luck with your first client. I'm sure you'll do great!

[catalinakel]

I had a doula for my 1st pregnancy, but I fired her before the baby was born. The reason was that I could never get a hold of her. The tipping point was when I ended up in the hospital at around 32 wks after I mowed my lawn (I know, I know...stupid, but I didn't think anything of it at the time). DH was gone, and there was concern of preterm labor. I tried calling and calling, but could never get a hold of her.

 

W/my 2nd pregnancy, I had a wonderful experience! She was also a military wife and had recently delivered at the same hospital. DH wasn't onboard w/it at first b/c of our previous experience, but he agreed that she was a lifesaver during labor. She was a phenomenal coach and had a bag full of tricks to help (like a heated rice sock she'd put on my lower back during contractions).

 

Thanks for sharing. So good to know. I'd read about a male doula who brings a crockpot with him full of towels, but I think I am going to whip up some rice socks and bring the crockpot to warm them because that sounds so comforting to me.

[Eleni]

I think every expectant father should gift the mom with a labor doula (if she wants one) and a PP doula because they are awesome and mom needs time to just stare at the baby.

[catalinakel]

I had a doula that I hired for baby #3. I had a doula that was a friend of mine for baby #4.

 

Baby #3's birth, with the hired doula, was one of the worst experiences of my life. She was a very nice lady, but she just didn't seem to know what to do. I had never had a natural childbirth before (had epidurals with babies 1 & 2), and when the pain got intense, she should have taken charge, but didn't. I didn't know how to handle the pain-- 9 lb 6 oz baby facing sideways-- and she didn't seem to know how to help me handle the pain. She would gently suggest this and that, but by the time she thought of something for me to do, all I wanted was to close my eyes, retreat to a corner, and find some way to survive the whole thing. It was AWFUL.

 

For Baby #4, I asked my friend, who is a nurse and childbirth educator, to be my doula. Her experience KNOWING the stages of labor and having seen hundreds of births showed. She immediately took charge and moved me through everything. She would tell me "You are in ______ stage of labor. Usually in that stage, ________ happens. Do you feel _____? Or ______? That's normal. You'll get through this with no problem."

 

When I was so caught up with contractions that I couldn't make a decision on what to do, she said "We're going to do _____ now. If you don't like it, we can try something else in 10 minutes." That was how she handled my labor-- we could try anything for 10 minutes. I didn't want to get into the tub. I agreed to try it for 10 minutes and stayed for an hour. I didn't want to lay in a certain position in the bed. I agreed to try it for 10 minutes and ultimately delivered in that position. My baby was 9 lbs 2 oz and was facing "sunny side up." It was THE BEST delivery of all! I got that euphoric feeling that I had been promised, and the feeling of empowerment was AMAZING!! I still to this day think "If I can do THAT, I can do ANYTHING!"

 

My best advice to you as a new doula is to be authoritative, even if you don't feel that way. I am normally a rather strong and decisive person (I'm an attorney) but when I was trying to focus through contractions, I felt totally helpless. I didn't know what I wanted and I was not capable of making decisions. I needed someone who knew what was going on to make those decisions for me, to guide me through labor, and to reassure me that I COULD really do this.

 

Good luck with your first client. I'm sure you'll do great!

 

Thanks for sharing this. So good to know. I have a very hard time not being authoritative, which is partly why I believe I have found my calling. So awesome you got to experience the euphoria......!

[Catherine]

My dh was excellent all three times. We took and excellent Bradley class for the second and third, and those were both short (less than 4 hours, then less then 2) labors. For my first, it wasn't long, but I had done a lamaze class that wasn't great preparation, and I had some trouble pushing-after 2 1\2 hours pushing with no progress, I was really getting worried that I'd end up needing forceps or worse. Finally, my midwife convinced me to get up out of the bed and squat. Voila! He was born 30 minutes later.

 

I think a doula might have guided me better through that, and also reassured me so that I might have avoided the demerol shot I begged for during transition.

[Laurie4b]

I didn't have an official doula, just a woman friend in attendance at each delivery. My friend for my firstborn had a family emergency and wasn't able to get there until after the baby was born. I ended up with an epidural, a fever, etc, etc. However, she did advocate for me right after the delivery when there was a mean nurse's aid.

 

It was very helpful to have one for # 2. I was able to tune into a woman than to my dh (who was anxious anyway) and she was better able to see what I needed.

 

#3 and #4 were born quickly, so I don't know that it mattered a whole lot. I do remember my friend saying the the doctor, "Um, I think you're hurting her" when I had scrambled half naked up to the very top of the table trying to get away from him.:lol: (He WAS hurting during the exam and I was in the really primitive state about 15 min before delivery!)

 

My dh really loved having an informal doula. It took the pressure off him to manage things and he could just be the husband and expectant father. Dh is also diabetic and it was a relief to me to know someone else would be there who could notice if he was "low" and to know that I didn't have to try to be a wife and be delivering a baby at the same time. (Don't know if that makes sense, but I just wanted to focus on delivery not relationships!)

 

I did think a woman did a better job of knowing when to encourage me, and when to push me, and attending to my needs than dh could have. He was always too empathetic and worried about me. Personally, I think it's hard on a man to be a doula to his wife like we require in Lamaze, etc. ! :001_smile:

[unsinkable]

I had a labor doula w/my last baby. He was my only unmedicated birth.

 

I had a postpartum doula business for about a year & a half. I stopped when I had my last baby b/c my DH's hours changed from nights to days.

 

I always brought the family dinner at least once as a gift from me.

 

SInce I was only postpartum, the schedule was first come, first served. Most moms didn't use me all day, every day so it was easy to have more than one family at once.

 

LMK if you have specific questions.

[Heather in OK]

bring the crockpot to warm them because that sounds so comforting to me.

Call the hospital first. Some will not let you plug in electronics (other than cell phone chargers).

 

My best advice to you as a new doula is to be authoritative, even if you don't feel that way. I am normally a rather strong and decisive person (I'm an attorney) but when I was trying to focus through contractions, I felt totally helpless. I didn't know what I wanted and I was not capable of making decisions. I needed someone who knew what was going on to make those decisions for me, to guide me through labor, and to reassure me that I COULD really do this.

Yes and no. Part of this job is learning to read the client and what her specific needs are. Some women need that. But others don't (if someone had been authoritative with me during labor I would have told them to leave). Some need gentleness instead of authority. Some women just need you to be quiet. To just be present.

[ladydusk]

I had a midwife apprentice with #1, she was along for observation, but ended up acting as a doula and she was amazingly helpful.

 

I had to change practices between #1 and #2, as the midwives were leaving the practice. The new practice, the midwives were much more, um, doctory than at my original practice. So, I hired a doula with #2 and #3 to be a go-between for me.

 

She was awesome. I credit her with my non c-section of my almost 11 lb son who was caught (she had me standing and swaying to get his head to move) when my midwives were ready to start trucking me to surgery (I did not want this). All three of my deliveries were induced, so she was great at getting me to move and not just stay on the bed.

 

I would absolutely hire her again if the need ever arose :)

 

ETA: Oh, yeah! She kept great notes of the labor ... when different things happened or when my husband said something funny, etc. It is nice to have that record of the children's births.

Edited February 9, 2011 by ladydusk

[SnowWhite]

YES! I loved my doula. I was DETERMINED there would be no epidural, having had a late, ineffectual, hot spot producing one with my second ds. During my pregnancy I would frequently have twinges where the hot spot had been, which renewed my commitment to myself to do things differently this time around.

 

Gabriel was breech at like 38 weeks, and she reassured me that he could still turn. She sent me several suggestions (but spinningbabies.com was the biggest help). It was awesome having someone to talk to besides the very busy midwife.

 

From 39 weeks on I had lots of prodromal labor. She was very reassuring again, and helped me distinguish between those intense Braxton Hicks sessions and "the real thing". She encouraged me to try walking and see what happened, lie in a warm tub of water and see what happened, etc. She really helped me not to panic.

 

I went post-dates, and at 41 weeks had to have u/s and reactivity tests to check baby was still fine. I even had a "natural" induction (breast-pump for oxytocin) scheduled for 41.5 weeks, but my water broke two nights prior to the scheduled date. (Well, it was more of small trickle than a "break). We went to bed to await contractions. Those began at 2:30 am and were nothing to brag about. I decided to wait until 5 am to call my doula, but my contractions "ebbed and flowed", so 5 seemed like a tame time, not "calling time." I finally called at like 5:40- then called again at 5:50 to renege on my statement that she "didn't need to hurry". She arrived at like 6:30 (lived 20-25 min away), and was helpful especially with the back rubs. LOVED the back rubs (HARD pressure and rubbing at the base of my spine).

 

One of my goals for her was to have her help us decide when to go to the hospital. I had planned to labor in their tub suite as part of my pain management plan. My contractions were flowing pretty well during the time she was here, and I let her know that transition usually involves vomiting for me, so that is one sign we don't want to overlook. I began to talk about going to the hospital around 6:45 and she recommended we wait around if I was just looking for a change of scenery, as it was near the 7am shift change time. I thought of trying to eat some dry cereal in case I was in for a long hard labor so I would not be starving. That was not a good idea as I began to be slammed with contractions. I wanted to stand and rock while leaning over a lot. (it seemed to help my low back aching). So around 7:15 I asked if shift change were over.

 

We headed off to the hospital and the transition vomiting hit me in the yard. We checked into our (very nearby) hospital at 7:25, and dh did the paperwork while doula and I quickly ascended to L&D. (Four episodes of contractions in the two hall/four floor elevator ascent). We got to the L&D ward, barely got into a room and changed into a gown and things began happening in a flurry. Thankfully, my midwife was already on site as she'd attended another birth in the night. I was thrilled to get to skip the IV (even the hep lock) because things were progressing so well, and the doula let them know I really didn't want one. I don't think I would have managed to side-step that procedure (which has been the most painful part of my previous births) without her support. During my intense labor and quick delivery the only voice I connected to was that of the doula. She was like a ROCK I could cling to. Ds made his quick and easy appearance at 7:50.

 

She came to visit after we were in our recovery room. She gave me all the credit for our natural and easy birth, but I know she should share the kudos. She has no idea how empowering it was for me to have an ally in my birth, although I tried to help her realize it.

 

The only thing I would have done differently would be arrive at the hospital a bit earlier but I suppose then I would likely have had a hep lock. Oh, and we should have called the midwife around the time the doula arrived.

[catalinakel]

All of these comments are very helpful, especially specifically what helped and what did not, and also, Heather, to not always be authoritative. Reading the women is a skill I am working on. And I will check with the hospital re. plugging in the crockpot.

[scrappyhappymama]

I have many friends who are doulas or postpartum doulas, and once I no longer have littles at home myself, I hope to become a hypno-doula. So I am a big fan and welcome you to a noble work!

 

I wanted a doula for my first two births, but my husband wanted to be my only assistant and wasn't sold on the cost of a doula. But, I tend to have looooong labors of 30 hours+ and it is really too much to expect of him alone. I also benefit greatly from massage during labor, and that is not his strong suit, especially for long periods of time.

 

So with our third baby, I really insisted on a doula, and it was absolutely wonderful. She was very encouraging to me and helpful when my husband was tending to our other children, which was comforting to me as well. My doula was also trained as a masseuse, which was a big bonus as well. After our son's birth, my husband decreed that we would always have a doula for any future babies! :D Our next doula was wonderful as well, just the perfect blend of hands on when needed, and stepping aside when I needed to just do my thing in peace.

 

I think as a doula, it's important to determine what your client is looking for. I was fortunate to give birth in supportive, midwife assisted environments, so my doulas did not have to advocate for my birth plans. Instead they were more focused on pressing on pressure points and making sure my gatorade was refilled and walking endless miles with me and massaging my calves during transition, and hollering for the midwife to come back because I am delivering the baby right now on the toilet (hahahahahahahaha). But for some women, especially those giving birth in institutional settings, the supportive, assertive, advocate role is probably even more important. And some friends of mine are very anti-touchy during labor, so I think it would be important to have these preference discussions ahead of time. And of course be willing to go with the flow when laboring mom completely changes her mind. :)

[Year Round Mom]

My good friend was training to be a doula when #3 was due and asked if she could be there for the birth. I was so glad to have her at the hospital with me; she kept eye contact with me, softly caressing my hand, kept saying encouraging words.

 

What I didn't realize is that DH felt like he couldn't really participate. He tends to be less assertive by nature, and I was sad that he didn't get to enjoy the birth as much as our first two.

 

But overall, it was a good experience!

[dirty ethel rackham]

Did your doula training include business basics? As in what to put in a contract, availability, how long on call, how many prenatal visits and postpartum visits and payment? Do you have back up arrangements? I am not a doula, but was a Bradley Method instructor for 12 years. Most of my birth junkie friends were doulas, and I really wanted to, but I just could not do the on-call thing. I attended many of my students births but could only go if I was available.

 

Most doulas I know specify in their contract when they are on-call for your birth (as in when to expect 24/7 availability) and include 2 prenatal visits with lots of phone contact. For them, they would consider themselves on-call 2 weeks before the due date up to the birth. Up until then, they would take calls whenever possible, but did not arrange their lives around waiting for the birth. The prenatal visits were important for getting to know the expectant mother, her vision for her birth, her specific needs, etc. The postnatal visit was to sort of debrief, help with breastfeeding and provide a narrative of the birth from the doula's perspective and help the mom arrange any assistance she needed. (These were birth doulas, not post-partum.)

 

Penny Simkin wrote an excellent book called the Doula Business Guide that can help iron out these details.