Teresa in MO Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 how can my MIL go from telling me last night that she wanted to tape all of our conversations because she didn't want me misrepresenting anything she said to being pleasant today as if nothing had happened when I picked her up to take her to a eye appointment! She just talked and talked as normal and all I said was one word responses. Go figure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 how can my MIL go from telling me last night that she wanted to tape all of our conversations because she didn't want me misrepresenting anything she said to being pleasant today as if nothing had happened when I picked her up to take her to a eye appointment! She just talked and talked as normal and all I said was one word responses. Go figure! Because now she's recording you? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blakereese Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 how can my MIL go from telling me last night that she wanted to tape all of our conversations because she didn't want me misrepresenting anything she said to being pleasant today as if nothing had happened when I picked her up to take her to a eye appointment! She just talked and talked as normal and all I said was one word responses. Go figure! Because now she's recording you? :D :lol::lol: And I feel your pain. My ILs are so good at acting like nothing ever happened, after opening their mouths yet again and talking crazy. I'm just glad that they don't live nearby and I'm not taking them to eye appointments. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treestarfae Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Because now she's recording you? :D :lol: Did you give consent to record you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 My OWN mother was this way for years and years!!! I finally stopped letting these things slide. I would have had a tape recorder with me because she had said wanted it!!! Lara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teresa in MO Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 Because now she's recording you? :D I didn't think of this, maybe she is! I have to go pick her up in about an hour, I'll pay more attention! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teresa in MO Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 My OWN mother was this way for years and years!!! I finally stopped letting these things slide. I would have had a tape recorder with me because she had said wanted it!!! Lara I believe that she wants to start taping me because recently I have stopped letting things slide and will speak my mind more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 how can my MIL go from telling me last night that she wanted to tape all of our conversations because she didn't want me misrepresenting anything she said to being pleasant today as if nothing had happened when I picked her up to take her to a eye appointment! She just talked and talked as normal and all I said was one word responses. Go figure! Ok, let me get this straight. Your MIL is such a witch that she said she wanted to tape all of your conversations... and today you're driving her to a doctor's appointment? :confused::confused::confused: Why would you do that? I'd tell her to call a cab. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I have found it a lot easier to simply avoid people with obvious personality disorders, unless they manage to control themselves in my presence. I certainly wouldn't be coerced into driving one of them somewhere. She is only being nice to you today because you are doing something she wants you to do. Later on you will be a bad guy once more if you disagree with her again. Save yourself the heartburn and stay away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I have found it a lot easier to simply avoid people with obvious personality disorders, unless they manage to control themselves in my presence. I certainly wouldn't be coerced into driving one of them somewhere. She is only being nice to you today because you are doing something she wants you to do. Later on you will be a bad guy once more if you disagree with her again. Save yourself the heartburn and stay away. :iagree: This is exactly what I was thinking. Why on earth are you driving her anywhere today = less than 24 hours after she was disrespectful and rude to you. Ah, no not in my lifetime without a sincere apology first. If she needs a favor she can ask her grown child to see about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Why are you driving her anywhere? No one who treats you with such disrespect should get a ride. Does your dh know how she treats you? And if she's treating you badly I'd limit all contact, including contact with grandchildren, because she'd likely badmouth you in your absence. I'm sorry you are dealing with a difficult person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I would have laughed at her and promised to bring my own recorder in the future in case hers didn't pick up the entire conversation!:D She might well back down if she knew you would call her on it. And knowing that just as your words were being recorded, so were hers, might be just the ticket to encourage her to mind her tongue a bit more. Regarding still taking her to her Dr. appt, I would have done the same. Just because an elderly parent is mean and snotty does not absolve us of all responsibility for them. If the op's teen aged children were mean and snotty, should she not take them to their Dr. appts? There are other ways of dealing with the problem that wouldn't result in the op ultimately causing more problems for herself and her dh. Unfortunatly the extreme changes in attitude could be symptoms of some kind of mental problem related to her age. That doesn't make it any more acceptable for her to berrate you, nor does it mean that you have to take it with a smile. It just helps to explain what seems like a totally incomprehensible shift from day to day. We are dealing with this with my MIL and I love how my dh pleasantly tells her if she is going to be hateful with him, then he will just leave/hang up. No harshness, no getting sucked into her rant, no taking it personally. He just lets her know that if she is going to behave badly, then she will no longer have an audience. For now, she usually calms down, but a few times he has had to carry through on his threat. She almost always acts like the whole thing never happened the next time they interact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I would have laughed at her and promised to bring my own recorder in the future in case hers didn't pick up the entire conversation!:D She might well back down if she knew you would call her on it. And knowing that just as your words were being recorded, so were hers, might be just the ticket to encourage her to mind her tongue a bit more. Regarding still taking her to her Dr. appt, I would have done the same. Just because an elderly parent is mean and snotty does not absolve us of all responsibility for them. If the op's teen aged children were mean and snotty, should she not take them to their Dr. appts? There are other ways of dealing with the problem that wouldn't result in the op ultimately causing more problems for herself and her dh. Unfortunatly the extreme changes in attitude could be symptoms of some kind of mental problem related to her age. That doesn't make it any more acceptable for her to berrate you, nor does it mean that you have to take it with a smile. It just helps to explain what seems like a totally incomprehensible shift from day to day. We are dealing with this with my MIL and I love how my dh pleasantly tells her if she is going to be hateful with him, then he will just leave/hang up. No harshness, no getting sucked into her rant, no taking it personally. He just lets her know that if she is going to behave badly, then she will no longer have an audience. For now, she usually calms down, but a few times he has had to carry through on his threat. She almost always acts like the whole thing never happened the next time they interact. But it isn't her parent. Her husband has the responsibility to take his mother where she needs to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 But it isn't her parent. Her husband has the responsibility to take his mother where she needs to be. But would it really have helped to make her husband take time off work to deal with this? I know in our family, I run as much interference for dh as I possibly can. He works extremely long hours in a very stressful job. If I can keep Momma off his back, then I certainly will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 But it isn't her parent. Her husband has the responsibility to take his mother where she needs to be. I consider my responsibility toward dh's parents to be the same as my responsibility to my own parents and vice versa. I would set up boundaries for how she could talk to me (I've done this with my MIL) and if she crosses them, I politely hang up or walk away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I have found it a lot easier to simply avoid people with obvious personality disorders, unless they manage to control themselves in my presence. I certainly wouldn't be coerced into driving one of them somewhere. She is only being nice to you today because you are doing something she wants you to do. Later on you will be a bad guy once more if you disagree with her again. Save yourself the heartburn and stay away. Well said!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Not sure if this is a possibility but do you think that she honestly forgot what she had said to you? Is it possible she may be showing early signs of dementia (the paranoia and then the forgetting)? It seems so odd to go from wanting to record you to not even mentioning it at all. If it continues to happen, maybe a trip to the dr would be in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teresa in MO Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Wow! Didn't expect so many responses, was just venting! In answer to some of the responses. 1. I did tell her that taping would not be necessary as we would not be having any conversations worthy of taping. 2. She absolutely did not just forget our conversation. This is just the way she is. She did call after our initial conversation and tell me that the taping was for her benefit, so she could go back and listen in case she forgot what was said. :glare: 3. No, my dh would not be able to take off work to take her to her appointment. He had a meeting an hour away. I do feel my responsibility to her is the same as to my dad. Her dh passed away 5 years ago and she does not drive. We have had 2 separate serious issues going on with her the past few months. My dd is getting married in April and she does not approve for some reason. In fact, she asked my dd to write her a note asking her to write her a letter asking why she disapproves. She does not want to be accused by anyone of interferring, so this way it was my dd who asked. She has always like to have things on tape or in writing. She feels that way no one can accuse her of something she did not say. We have letters that have remained unopened for years. As my dh says, everyone knows she's been off her rocker for years!:lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teresa in MO Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Not sure if this is a possibility but do you think that she honestly forgot what she had said to you? Is it possible she may be showing early signs of dementia (the paranoia and then the forgetting)? It seems so odd to go from wanting to record you to not even mentioning it at all. If it continues to happen, maybe a trip to the dr would be in order. she has been this way for years. She is definitely paranoid, but has always been so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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