JenC3 Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 First off I'm not a Gift person, which is to say that my language is time and service, not gifts, but I'm not immune to a nice present or the thought that a gift brings. My dh and I don't exchange gifts, don't mind if my parents buy me anything or not, so again, no big deal. My inlaws make a big deal with gifts for their kids and grandkids. Usually I get a check and some stuff that is very impersonal. No big deal. My IL's btw are well off. My kids had a great Christmas. My dh received: A table saw A router A jigsaw flip video more tools a great book I suggested. various other items, shirts, etc. This year I got a scarf, gloves, slipper socks, and soap. I was very hurt. I really felt bad all day and had to hide it. I cook MOST of the family dinners. I try to include my inlaws in everything, because that's the way I grew up doing it. My dh is always saying how I'm too good a DIL. My other BIL got an entire home sound system, blu-ray player, etc. I just felt so like the obligatory buy, just " oh we HAVE to get her something." The thing is my SIL/BIL are arriving at their house tomorrow and they are opening present before we get there and I know my SIL will not get the same things, because she tells MIL what she wants. I'm really working on not feeling so upset about it, it's not that I care about STUFF at all, it's that it just shows she doesn't know me or care to even try after 10 years. And I guess now I don't even deserve a gift card. Do you inlaw's treat your spouse like a king and you the pauper? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 My mother in law is like that. One year my husband got a gift valued at abot $500 and mine was about $10. She is just like that though. As long as each person gets the same NUMBER of gifts all is fine. This year she did really well though and each one got a clothing set and I got a gift card to pick out my own (fine with me). I don't think my mother in law purposely does things like that, she just honestly never considers it. On the flip side, one year I got a $100 bill in my card and my husband got 3 pairs of socks..........seriously, that was what we each got. Sorry things weren't so good for you yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dm379 Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 :grouphug: Wow that stinks! I would feel horrible too. Sorry they did that to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 Yes, that is how my mil does things for me. Not only that, but she buys great, personal gifts for her "favorite" grandchildren and until last year all my kids gifts end up going to goodwill once we get home. She never bought them the right size even though she knew what it was, stuff that was obviously on clearance because no one wanted it, etc. Last year I finally told her that I wanted to buy my kids gifts from her and she could just give me the money. She balked, but did it and now my kids at least get things they actually want from her. I have been dealing with this for 29 years now, so I don't have any expectations from her for myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 Do you inlaw's treat your spouse like a king and you the pauper? No. We get the same. Fwiw, I can totally see why you would be hurt adn what you mean about not caring about the stuff exactly. Just out of curiosity, what does your dh say about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 I would be hurt too. Maybe your DH can give them a list (generated by you) next year??????? For us it is our whole family. Inlaws pour all sorts of time, money, energy into two of the other siblings and we get the leftovers, literally. This year my 13, 11, and 7 year old got Disney themed PRESCHOOL games from inlaws!!!!!!!!! We got a kitchen item and on the box was imprinted "Adult Cook", which means she probably got it at a gift exchange :lol: His sister sends us whatever freebies she gets from her many magazine subscriptions. We have gotten Time Life binoculars and something with Nickelodeon on it with a "Thank you for your order, please accept this gift as a thank you" from the magazine. Meanwhile the same people above have bought the others $300 cameras, lawn equipment, gold charm bracelets that they state they spent over $200 on...... It is a slap in the face and a real "We don't care .02 about you." It makes me shake my head all the time, but honestly, I can take it, what I can't take is having my kids treated like *(&^ while the other grandkids are lavished with stuff. We don't go up there much, it has been 2 years. 20 more years without seeing them is fine for me. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingiguana Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 His sister sends us whatever freebies she gets from her many magazine subscriptions. We have gotten Time Life binoculars and something with Nickelodeon on it with a "Thank you for your order, please accept this gift as a thank you" from the magazine. That's what my in-laws usually send me too. While my husband gets something really nice. My mom, though, generally sends our kids really odd stuff -- see through nightgowns for little girls, when my daughters are well into their teens, that kind of thing. If she can get it on clearance, then it must be right. I just ignore, mostly. Although it is good for a laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 Yes, they always did. And my SIL always was treated like a princess, too, so I was always odd man out.... I'm sorry that you were hurt by this. I wonder if you suggested some things you might like if they'd get those for you, as they do with your SIL. You said that they got a book for your husband you suggested; perhaps they just need that help in order to buy presents. Perhaps they only forgot the money this year, or would prefer not to give money (I hate giving money). One year, btw, I got a plain, white cotton blouse, a plain, black cotton-knit vest, a pair of pantyhose and some soap. Now, in my case, I knew that I was not liked and that I was slighted on purpose. That was true in all they did every day, every week - so I knew what was coming at Christmas and it wasn't ever a surprise. I tend to think your case is different and that perhaps there's just a misunderstanding here.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenC3 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Share Posted December 26, 2010 Thanks ladies and WOW Dawn that's just horrible. It makes me feel better to know it's not something unusual since my family would never do this so it's hard to get used to. Again, I don't even care about the money. My dh supports us well and I can buy what I need. It's just the "hey this check says you are important"...they are very frugal millionaires so money DOES mean something. Mil just said yesterday how "flexible" I am compared to SIL so it's just weird. SIl is a bit long-suffering and although my BIL used to be a poor grad student he makes 75k so they aren't poor, but you would think they are they way she talks. I like my SIL though so I don't begrudge her, I think MIL just feels sorry for her. kwg: Dh felt bad about it and was very kind:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 :grouphug: memories.... i'm roflol.... one year my dear mil gave me a 20 year old tupperware measuring cup/bowl that i had admired when i was at her place. but each year she is also very generous with a money gift, so it was just one of those "this will make a great story" moments. and i love that measuring cup/bowl and use it all the time.... i've decided that what she gives us is about her and not about us, so that makes it easier. fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2J112903 Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 My in-laws give DH and I a combined gift, or we will tell them if they *must* please spend it on J. This year we got plane tickets to see them and DH's sister at her home in MD :D My in-laws are not well off, so this is HUGE for *all* of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blakereese Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 Unfortunately, I can relate. :glare: We always get the gifts that make me scratch my head. :huh: I have decided they must be regifts. Nothing ever makes sense, and there was certainly no thought put into it. I also do not care at all about "stuff" but it is hurtful that no one knows us after all of these years. Especially since I feel like I really try to buy meaningful gifts. Finally, my DH has realized this and we have decided not to exchange gifts with them anymore. We don't have a lot of money, and I would rather not spend what we have out of obligation. FWIW, I am glad the holidays are over! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 I'm sorry. Yes, my MIL was like this with me and my SIL. Some people can ahndle that. I couldn't. We don't have much contact now...and that's actually been a lot more peaceful. Occasionaly, I have bouts of jealousy over the time they spend with SIL and her kids, but it's fleeting and comes at to much of a cost. :grouphug:'s and I am glad your dh validates your feelings!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolosoli Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 ((((HUGS)))) It's hard to find a way to deal with those feelings. Just try to remember that you cannot change the choices they make....it has NOTHING to do with you. Your a great dil and wife and mom and friend....they made the choice they did and it is a reflection on them only. I had a relative that was upset at having to buy gifts for my kids for an exchange (we always buy for all kids in the family....she buys for everyone except mine for the last 15 years). Anyways...because the rest family made it out in the open and suggest "everyone participate for everyone" she bought $1 dollar store gifts for mine...but, expensive stuff for other kids. We've never said a word about any of anything...ever. I can see (and I think everyone else as well since it was mentioned for all to give) the choices they make and it is a reflection on THEM. I'm not going to waste one minute trying to figure out why or what I've done or my kids have done and all that other nonsense. It's all on them.... Just put it all on them to worry about and bother about....just move on and keep your chin up and keep being you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverMoon Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 Do you inlaw's treat your spouse like a king and you the pauper? You nailed it. :001_smile: They are like that with all the people their children married though, so I have people to commiserate with. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 You know, it sounds like your MIL perhaps does know you. Perhaps she knows you are not a gift person, and the comment that you are easier to please than SIL would be a HUGE compliment for me! She finds you easy going and natural, it sounds like. :grouphug: Try to look at the silver lining in that, and for next year, can I suggest you talk your dh into being sly? He can always drop hints on your behalf so you can keep that "easy to please" persona. Plus you're more likely to get what you want! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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