I think sis is in court right now

[Unicorn.]

Ugh! #?*!~@ and then some. BS!! Can your sister get an attorney for the kids, so they can "divorce" their dad? Or at least have a voice that's only for them in court. This is just soooo wrong!!! It's 3 hours, not 3 states away- Geez.

 

Sending your sister hugs!!

[Remudamom]

And I forgot to add that the therapist that was supposed to talk for the girls didn't freaking show up. She "got the date wrong".

[lionfamily1999]

And I forgot to add that the therapist that was supposed to talk for the girls didn't freaking show up. She "got the date wrong".

:001_huh:

 

wow

[Danestress]

The problem is that judges are very fond of just continuing patterns that are already in place. If a woman has always been the primary caregiver, it's easier to keep in that position even if she's a fruitcake than it is to change things dramatically. If a couple has been separated for a couple of years and has had a pattern of custody and visitation, judges like to keep things about how they have been unless they have been a disaster. It's sort of a judicial safety feature.

 

I am worried that if your sister moves away, even for six months, she will establish a new "status quo." It's going to be very easy for a judge to later say, "You know, the kids lived with Dad much of last year and saw Mom X weekends, and everyone seems okay, so lets leave it that way."

 

If she has to move, my advice is for her spend absolutely every single second she can with the children. Work as a family to help her with transportation and logistics.

 

As for the judge talking to the children, sometimes it's an important factor. But it does leave children feeling like they are responsible for (read, "guilty of") whatever happens, even if they are in NO way responsible for or guilty of that. It just places a burden on them, especially if the child is prone to "owning" problems. It's just a little risky.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Do these children live near you?

[2cents]

Stupid judge! He is 'thinking about it'??? Seriously, having dealt with judges before this is judge-speak for 'I'm unprepared and too stupid to make an informed judgement in a timely manner so I will just jerk everyone around a while longer because I can.' GRRRR! Who monitors these dummies on the bench?? Have you run his name through therobingroom.com? Might be interesting to see what his track record looks like.

[Danestress]

You know, judges don't always know what evidence is going to be offered in a hearing. I tend to think that "thinking" about things is a good idea.

[Remudamom]

They are too far away from me to do any good. She would only be moving three hours away and has already said she will do all the driving for the girls to see their dad. And btw, they don't want to see him.

[2cents]

You know, judges don't always know what evidence is going to be offered in a hearing. I tend to think that "thinking" about things is a good idea.

 

Hope you're right. In my experience it was a very bad sign and led to subsequent calendaring and more delay.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hope you're right. In my experience it was a very bad sign and led to subsequent calendaring and more delay.

 

Subsequent calendaring wouldn't be a bad thing if he has the therapist show up to talk to him. Unless you think that she didn't show because the ex threatened her somehow.

[MariannNOVA]

:grouphug: I will pray that the judge decides in your sister's favor. G-d rest the soul of the judge that I had -- I mean it, he should rest in peace. That man was golden.

 

The one we got after that - :cursing::cursing::cursing: -- when 'someone' decided to 'undo' the property settlement, well, I was dead meat from that point on.

 

And, my girls tried to divorce their father -- the 2nd judge put the entire responsibility for the girls wanting to do that on me, and skewered me (and ultimately the girls) in the process.

 

And, yes, I do believe that individuals can get to other individuals and coerce them to conduct themselves in a certain way or make decisions that favor a particular individual.:glare:

[AnotherLinda]

How long will the judge be thinking about it? Is there a date set to go back and hear his answer?

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[Remudamom]

How long will the judge be thinking about it? Is there a date set to go back and hear his answer?

 

Dad asked lawyer when they would hear from the judge and the lawyer said "Whenever he feels like getting back to us."

[Joanne]

Originally Posted by Remudamom

Even if this jerk needed the money, which he doesn't, he wouldn't be bought off. He's into this to torment sister, plain and simple. I haven't gone into it here on a public board, but stories about him would curl your hair. He's not right in the head.

 

{{{Remudamom's sister and nieces/nephews}}}

 

I'll pray, Remudamom. You know I understand.

[elfgivas]

And, my girls tried to divorce their father -- the 2nd judge put the entire responsibility for the girls wanting to do that on me, and skewered me (and ultimately the girls) in the process.

 

And, yes, I do believe that individuals can get to other individuals and coerce them to conduct themselves in a certain way or make decisions that favor a particular individual.:glare:

 

:grouphug: i am so sorry it worked out that way for you. my oldest, at age 11, announced she needed a lawyer, i got her one, the lawyer said "no judge in her right mind will force an 11 year old to see her father under these circumstances", so oldest dd informed her birth father that she was done, and if he had a problem, she would see him court.

 

and that was that... he wisely decided he didn't want any of us on a witness stand.

 

but that was in a different time and place, when folks actually really did tell the truth on a witness stand....

 

but.... when i was getting married again, and emigrating to join my fiance here, that took a fair bit of patience, and money... even though ex-dh hadn't seen them in years. sigh...

 

so from my experience, getting the girls a good lawyer (preferably one that specializes in abuse cases, as not feeding them is abuse.... it has the advantage that the judges and other lawyers KNOW that lawyer specializes in abuse cases and so are much more cautious as a result)

 

:grouphug: it is really lousy - i'm sorry.

ann

[Tammyla]

I hope he needs to clear his cases before the holidays. Your poor sister. I just can't imagine what she and the kids are going through.:grouphug:

 

Dad asked lawyer when they would hear from the judge and the lawyer said "Whenever he feels like getting back to us."

[Laurie4b]

Subsequent calendaring wouldn't be a bad thing if he has the therapist show up to talk to him. .

 

I agree.

 

I would take thinking about it as a good sign. The normal thing to do would be to let things stay the way they are. Your sister wants to change things--he's thinking about it.

 

In the meantime, get lawyer to reschedule a hearing with therapist involved. Send therapist many reminders.