Poll-

[LibraryLover]

l Our hsing group has parents from about 24 to over 50. My lo's playgroup is made up of parents from 26 to over 50. (And I am not the oldest by far! lol)

 

SO, maybe I don't need a new best friend who is 12, but I love our mixed age groups. Two of the best knitters I know (who helped me lots) are not quite 30 and 54. The kids play, and we chat and knit.

[cricket1178]

I voted other. I have friends of all ages. I am 45 and recently had a couple and their dc to my house for dinner. They are 28. We had a wonderful time. :)

[Mamagistra]

Yes! That's me. I'm pretty ageless in my dreams, for example. Sometimes I'm still in high school...

 

I'm forever having high school dreams! :confused: It's usually graduation time and I can't locate any of my books to turn them in. :001_huh: Biz.arre!

[Mamagistra]

ditto... well, till I actually try to get out of the bed. :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes, I don't recall thinking about my back (or knees!) very much when I was 19... :lol::lol:

[Mamagistra]

Except, in my delusion, I hover around 17/18. I hope you're not too old to hang out with me, now. ;)

 

No way! You have flair! ;) :lol:

[Mamagistra]

I've always seemed to gravitate toward people older than me, but as others have said, age isn't a factor in "picking" friends. It's common interests and a warped enough sense of humor that I need. And a chocolate enabler. :-)

 

:party:

[Mama Lynx]

It completely depends on the person. Personality fit is so much more important than age. (I say that, but then will admit that I am never attracted to younger men!)

 

I have friends who are both significantly younger, and significantly older, than myself.

[Mama Lynx]

Age means little to me, though I still awaken most days believing that I'm 19. :D

 

Oh, my gosh, yes.

[Amy in Orlando]

:001_huh: I kind of get the original question - didn't vote, but I get it. My youngest is 8. I'll be 43 in a few months. I really don't have any interest in play-days or park days with mom's whose oldest child is 7-8-9. It sounds snotty, I'm sure, but I"m past that point of agonizing over every single decision and the age-issues for the kids. I've btdt.

 

Now, this is not to say that I don't have younger friends and older friends, but they are friendships that don't necessarily include my children. I just see it as a different thing. When I meet up with friends now, it's just friends, no kids (a lot of times my boys will sit on my friends younger kids). It's not like it was when my boys were very young and dh worked all the time and if I wanted to get together with friends I had to bring the kids.

 

Does that make sense to anyone? It's very clear in my head, but I don't think I'm explaining it well. I don't have a ton of friends, but I have "mom' friends and "just" friends. They're in entirely different categories and I expect different things from each group (and I'm sure they expect different things from me as well).

[prairiegirl]

If you laugh at my jokes, I really don't care how old you are. ;)

 

I am 45 yrs. old. I have a few friends that are my age but there children are grown and are not living at home any more. Most of my friends are 15, if not more, years younger than me because their children are the same age as mine. Age is not an issue for me. Having things in common is more important.

[Luanne]

I am 43 years old. I have a 19 year old daughter and she is my best friend. I have people I work with that I consider my friends who are as young as my daughter and as old as my mother. One of my other good friends is 58.

[mom31257]

I'm 41 with an 11 yo dd and a 4 yo ds about to turn 5. I'm open to being friends with lots of ages. Having my kids later in life does make me more likely to be friends with someone younger if I want my kids to be friends with their kids. I have a friend right now that I'm not sure of her exact age, but I'm sure she's at least 10 years younger. We get along great. We've just recently became closer so I'll have to ask her. Now I'm curious!:001_smile:

 

Amy of GA

[HS in NZ]

when I choose who to be close to or to hang out with. I have friends of all ages. So do my children. I think not gravitating just towards one's peers and enjoying the company of any age group are one of the advantages of homeschooling. :001_smile:

[Kate CA]

Are you over 36 and not particularly interested in making friends with mothers who are 28 and younger?

 

Are you asking this because you are having a hard time finding older moms to befriend? I am sorry if that is the case. I answered "Other" because I don't mind what age my friends are and love them all! Friendships are a blessing from the Lord to me and I treasure them no matter what age the mama is. I am 37. :)

[Hikin' Mama]

I'm 40. I have friends older than me in the 40-50 range. I am in a Bible study with some women, two of whom are in their early 20s and have children 5 and under. I enjoy them immensely, and I have learned from them. My mom is my best friend and she is 60. I had a 90-some-year-old friend who I had the privilege of spending time with on many occasions before she passed away. She was alot of fun and I learned from her, too.

 

So I'm curious, why the question?

 

Kim

[Closeacademy]

The group of women I get together with who homeschool and have children in the preK to 3rd grade age group range in age from 25 to 50. So I have friends across the board and we have plenty to talk about.:001_smile:

[Oak Knoll Mom]

My friends are typically moms who have kids the same ages as mine, not women my own age.

[Andie]

:001_huh: I kind of get the original question - didn't vote, but I get it. My youngest is 8. I'll be 43 in a few months. I really don't have any interest in play-days or park days with mom's whose oldest child is 7-8-9. It sounds snotty, I'm sure, but I"m past that point of agonizing over every single decision and the age-issues for the kids. I've btdt.

.

 

I know what you mean, Amy. The occasion doesn't arise much, but if I'm with moms whose oldest, or only, kids are Leo and Ella's ages, I pick up on the difference. And I remember being where they are -- it's not a criticism or a "bad" thing, just different. It's simply not where my energy is invested right now, and I'd prefer more conversation and thought outside the Kid Zone, I guess, kwim?

 

I'm giggling, now, because this has brought to mind an incident earlier this year at Leo's nursery school party. I said something and realized as soon as it came out of my mouth that I'd shocked another mommy. And I totally got it -- I'd have had the same reaction ten years ago if I'd been there with my first kid.

 

Anyway, yes, the friendships are much less kid-centered now than they were years ago. Less initiated by having kids the same ages, and less talk of the kids as existing friendships progress.

[LaMere Academy]

I didn't vote.

I'm not 36 yet...but I prefer to make friends with homeschool moms who have children that are similar ages to mine, and maybe with older children as well so I can benefit from their experience.

I don't mind younger kids, but I'm kinda past all that, so...we'll just leave it at that. :D I think it's more that you're at different phases in motherhood and there's not much in common there.

[In the Rain]

I couldn't really tell if I should vote. :confused: It looks like you should only vote if you aren't interested in younger mothers.

 

I voted other. I am 36 and have friends who are in their 20's and friends who are in their 50's and 60's. My closest friends either have children of similar ages or also homeschool.

[all4ramseys@msn.com]

As long as we have something in common, a friend is always welcome.

[newsong]

I'm 45 and have dc ranging in age from 2 to almost 23. I really enjoy spending time with women of all ages but finding the time and workable scenarios for getting together is challenging.

 

Most young moms I know are working full time outside the home and juggling that with family life and various activities. Most women my age or older are also working full time outside the home and are either looking after aging parents or grandchildren or both. Most homeschooling moms I know have older children, are involved in older-children-orientated activities and some have part-time jobs. This is different from where we used to live, where most of the moms had younger children and everything revolved around activities for them. In both places, I've had the full range of younger and older dc all at once.

 

I do look forward to the times when I can get together with someone for deeper engagement than, "Hi, how are you?" There so much to give to and glean from relationships with women at the various stages of life.

[Barb_]

:001_huh: I kind of get the original question - didn't vote, but I get it. My youngest is 8. I'll be 43 in a few months. I really don't have any interest in play-days or park days with mom's whose oldest child is 7-8-9. It sounds snotty, I'm sure, but I"m past that point of agonizing over every single decision and the age-issues for the kids. I've btdt.

 

Amy, I totally understand what you're saying. I really miss our best friends back in PA. Even though I still have little ones running around, I click best with people who have kids in their teens. Parenting styles naturally change as experience is gained. And there's something to be said for built in babysitters for spur of the moment nights out :) The best friends we left were 10+ years older, but since their oldest kids were our oldest kids ages, we really connected. There were plenty of moms my own age in the neighborhood with kids my littles' ages, and while we were friendly, they were hip deep in brownie scouts, soccer practice, and play groups. There wasn't time for hanging out with a bottle of wine and a fire in the backyard, KWIM? I loved Brownies and soccer when they were novelties, but I've moved on to other things since then.

 

For better and worse, my younger kids definitely have a different set of parents than my older kids did.

 

Barb

[Barb_]

I'm giggling, now, because this has brought to mind an incident earlier this year at Leo's nursery school party. I said something and realized as soon as it came out of my mouth that I'd shocked another mommy. And I totally got it -- I'd have had the same reaction ten years ago if I'd been there with my first kid. .

 

Oh, c'mon. What did you say??? I'm sure I've done the same...I just don't catch on.

 

Barb

[Tap]

I am not particularly close to my younger friends because we are in a different stage of our life. Our friends of varying ages are fairly stereotypical. We spend our money and our time differently and don't do a lot of things that our younger friends do. They are more likely to go dancing, we would rather sit a talk and listen to a good jazz band play. It isn't so much about age, as it is, just the things that we value. We have done the things they are doing already, we are done with it. Same thing for our friends who are 10-15 years older. They want to sit home and go to bed early...we aren't really there yet either.

 

My closest friend right now is 30yo and I am 36. I am kinda an older sister to her. She can ask my opinion and know that I am old enough to have a btdt answer, but I am close enough in age to have a relevant answer too. She knows more about health and nutrition than I do so I glean a lot of information from her.

 

I wouldn't base any friendship on age. For me it is definitely, having common ground.

 

We have kids from 13yo-18mths so we have most of the kid age issues covered. I do have kids the same age (roughly) as all of my friends.

[...................]

Blah...so sorry...When I was making the poll, I hit the back button and tried to add another option like, "I don't care about age at all as long as we have things in common" but then I couldn't and had to leave it as it was and couldn't figure out how to change it !! So MANY people were annoyed by that and I can see why.

 

Then a family problem came up and I was busy with that for days, and was unable to check back.

 

Here's the deal...I'm 27. I love the older moms at my church (the youngest of them is 36, and she's considered young by the rest) THye are really Godly ladies but I'm not really included in:

 

a. family gatherings

b. movie nights

c. Deep Spiritual Discussion

e. Private Prayer Requests (or just about anything close or intimate or private)

 

A few weeks ago every single homeschool mom from my entire church got together and decided to go to a homeschool conference nearby. They excluded me, though I am good (not extremely close but good) friends with all of them and a charter member of my church.

 

I was very hurt- very upset. I really don't get hurt/upset about this kind of thing!! I am *very* understanding about people having their own friends and not having to include everyone all the time. They include my husband and I often enough that I never feel slighted.

 

But this time I did feel slighted. It was not a personal intimate, prayer time, nor was it an event that centered around teenagers, or older kids, nor was having a built in babysitter necessary (the husband's took the kids)...

 

So finally I got up the guts to ask the one who I knew would be straight up (she is 62 with 6 kids) and she was brutally honest. She said they have all been meeting secretly for a year now, and they only inluded older women from the church who could come during the day, and it revolved around very serious, intense accountability and prayer. She said she called the other women to ask if A. She could tell me about this and B. If she could begin inviting me to come.

 

Because C. The reason no one invited me to the homeschool conference with them all, was that they were all going to the conference right after one of these meetings, and it was too hairy and inconvenient to try to figure out how to meet with me after the meeting, and before the conference, without me finding out about the meeting. My 62 year old friend did ask them, that day, if they could call and invite me last minute, but they said not to bother because they knew for a fact that i was on a date night (which is true) and so my 62 year old friend just dropped it. (She had thought of it once before that a week in advance and was so busy with her 6 kids -understandably- that she just didn't get to calling the other moms)

 

So...

 

THat's the skinny on why I asked this question. My friends are great- they are great for support and accountability. But all being far over 40 or almost 40 with teenagers they don't:

 

A. Think I can add anything to their understanding of life

B. Don't think I can pray and listen to what they're going through as I haven't been there

C. Have no interest in talking homeschooling, because they're tired of it and mostly just do the basics and hope they get through high school...it's lost it's excitement.

D. Can't/Don't want to get together for play dates because they're kids are so much older and even if they're not they're busy with their activities and friends from those said activities

 

Two of the moms wrote this:

 

"I kind of get the original question - didn't vote, but I get it. My youngest is 8. I'll be 43 in a few months. I really don't have any interest in play-days or park days with mom's whose oldest child is 7-8-9. It sounds snotty, I'm sure, but I"m past that point of agonizing over every single decision and the age-issues for the kids. I've btdt. Amy, I totally understand what you're saying. I really miss our best friends back in PA. Even though I still have little ones running around, I click best with people who have kids in their teens. Parenting styles naturally change as experience is gained. And there's something to be said for built in babysitters for spur of the moment nights out :) The best friends we left were 10+ years older, but since their oldest kids were our oldest kids ages, we really connected. There were plenty of moms my own age in the neighborhood with kids my littles' ages, and while we were friendly, they were hip deep in brownie scouts, soccer practice, and play groups. There wasn't time for hanging out with a bottle of wine and a fire in the backyard, KWIM? I loved Brownies and soccer when they were novelties, but I've moved on to other things since then.

 

For better and worse, my younger kids definitely have a different set of parents than my older kids did."

 

That sounds exactly like my friends. And since our church is small with no other mothers of youngsters I'm thinking I really need to pray that GOd would help me find some friends my own age. On the other hand my dh and I are great friends and my older friends have such a wealth of wisdom I should maybe just hang in there and try to glean all I can.

 

They did say that next time they will invite me to a conference, and they also all agreed I could know about their secret meetings which was a serious vote of confidentiality. :glare: