Do you like giving cleaning/organizing advice?!

[LAmom]

Because I need some help. I am a generally organized, neat/clean person. BUT, going crazy with what I should do with my 3yo and 5yo ds room. They can not (will not?) keep it clean and organized. See, in my head I picture the extremely neat and organized pottery barn room. I guess I need to get over that.... Do any of you have that? Clean, neat, tidy, organized, clothes kept neatly folded in the drawers? I spend a couple hours picking things up, deep cleaning and organizing all for it to be destroyed within a week. So every 3-4 months or so, I do it all again. Do I make them pick up? Yes, daily. I even help sort of straighten daily as does my husband. I give the 3yo specifics, like put all the cars in the box. The 5yo has his own method of stashing things here and there and sweeping it under here...I tried the, now this toy goes here and this book goes here.

 

Why can't they just take my nice little boxes I have for them, pull one out, play with those toys, pick them up and put them away? It is empty out the toy box (barn) and dump out some books...tie things up, take off the blankets and pillows from the beds, etc.

 

I can't spend time in their room daily having them pick it up and get really frustrated all the time. In the AM, I say, go clean your room. LOL. The 3yo is lazy and unorderly (we are working on it) and the 5yo gets overwhelmed at the mess usually the 3yo makes.

 

What am I missing here? What am I doing wrong? My dd 7 doesn't really keep a tidy room either. Which surprises me. I am going to spend some time organizing, throwing away, etc., and see where I can get with her.

 

BUT THOSE BOYS....:confused:

 

I would appreciate ideas, advice, suggestions. My dh refuses to get rid of the dumb toy box (a barn his gpa made) that is easily emptied by the boys. Usually though that is easy to pick up, since it is throw the toys back in the barn.. I have cleaned out the room, gotten rid of toys, clothes, garbage, etc.

 

Help?

Edited November 8, 2010 by LAmom
My ds is 3 not 2!! LOL.

[Sophia]

What am I missing here?

 

You are laying the groundwork with your 2 and 5 y.o. right now so that 10 years from now the fruits of your labor will be seen.

 

Now is the time when you are going to have to work side by side with them to help them carry out their tasks.

 

They may go to their rooms when you tell them to clean, but to their minds, it is an overwhelming task to face a myriad of toys and boxes. They need someone to say "put the action figures in this box, put the cars in this box, put the playmobils here, etc" or they will just give up and start playing with the first toy they see.

 

It is a lot of work (for you). But that's parenting, :).

[Parrothead]

 

Why can't they just take my nice little boxes I have for them, pull one out, play with those toys, pick them up and put them away?

Because they are 2 and 5. My suggestion is to close the door, grab a bottle of Mikes if you have no moral prohibition, and start the mantra, "It will be clean when they move out."

 

 

I've had the one toy at a time rule since dd was able to sit up and play. Just because it is a rule doesn't mean it is ever obeyed. I'm one of those freaky first time obedience moms. This issue is the only thing I don't get obedience on. I've modeled, helped, organized, reorganized and oragnized once more with no hope of not doing it again during the next 8 years. I've finally just shut the door.

[AK_Mom4]

I think you CAN have the perfect bedroom for them - just don't let them spend any time in it when they are awake. Eventually, we were able to convert a room to a play room and then the playroom got messed up and the bedrooms stayed neat.

 

I agree - when my boys were 2yo and 6yo, they enjoyed playing with toys the same way yours do. And we had to do the clean up together so that it didn't get overwhelming. One small task at a time.

 

If it helps - my boys are much more tidy now (19yo and 14yo). Dirty clothes still escape from the laundry basket and run around the house, but the rest of it is pretty good. Just keep working on it with them.

[specialmama]

Because I need some help. I am a generally organized, neat/clean person. BUT, going crazy with what I should do with my 2yo and 5yo ds room. They can not (will not?) keep it clean and organized. See, in my head I picture the extremely neat and organized pottery barn room. I guess I need to get over that.... Do any of you have that? Clean, neat, tidy, organized, clothes kept neatly folded in the drawers? I spend a couple hours picking things up, deep cleaning and organizing all for it to be destroyed within a week. So every 3-4 months or so, I do it all again. Do I make them pick up? Yes, daily. I even help sort of straighten daily as does my husband. I give the 2yo specifics, like put all the cars in the box. The 5yo has his own method of stashing things here and there and sweeping it under here...I tried the, now this toy goes here and this book goes here.

 

Why can't they just take my nice little boxes I have for them, pull one out, play with those toys, pick them up and put them away? It is empty out the toy box (barn) and dump out some books...tie things up, take off the blankets and pillows from the beds, etc.

 

I can't spend time in their room daily having them pick it up and get really frustrated all the time. In the AM, I say, go clean your room. LOL. The 2yo is lazy and unorderly (we are working on it) and the 5yo gets overwhelmed at the mess usually the 2yo makes.

 

What am I missing here? What am I doing wrong? My dd 7 doesn't really keep a tidy room either. Which surprises me. I am going to spend some time organizing, throwing away, etc., and see where I can get with her.

 

BUT THOSE BOYS....:confused:

 

I would appreciate ideas, advice, suggestions. My dh refuses to get rid of the dumb toy box (a barn his gpa made) that is easily emptied by the boys. Usually though that is easy to pick up, since it is throw the toys back in the barn.. I have cleaned out the room, gotten rid of toys, clothes, garbage, etc.

 

Help?

 

The 2 year old is lazy? :001_huh: Unorderly?

Um... he's TWO.

It's a process, this training of our children. And the process takes years. Just keep on doing what you're doing, slowly pulling back, have realistic expectations, and take your training role seriously. That means that you chart their progress until they are 16-18. As long as they are improving through the years, it's all good.

[alpidarkomama]

The 2 year old is lazy? :001_huh: Unorderly?

Um... he's TWO.

 

:iagree:

 

That's the same face I made too. :)

[Mom in High Heels]

I gave up on the neatly folded clothes in the drawer a long time ago. Indy is 8 and folds his own clothes (not the way I'd do it, but he folds them) and shoves them in a drawer. It used to drive me crazy, but now, I figure, who cares? They're clean, folded and put away. How much more can I ask?

As for the toys, we have specific boxes for everything, and they're each labeled. When he was younger I had a photo along with the label because he couldn't read. Things still got mixed up, but for the most part he did a good job.

At 2 though, there's no way I would have expected him to put stuff in the correct box without me standing there directing him. He just didn't have a grasp on what I wanted.

Even at 8, I can tell him to clean his room (which he does willingly) and go in to find plenty of things that still need to be done. He doesn't see them though, so I have to point them out. He's still just a kid. When he's older though, I know this will all pay off.

I think you're expecting way too much of really young kids.

[Guest CarolineUK]

Well, I'm very keen on neat and organised myself, but don't really get it. I get near to it, but only because I do the vast majority of the cleaning and tidying, every day. Yes, it's exhausting, and yes I do insist that they come and at least go through the motions of helping me, and the older they get the more I expect in that respect (I have four boys aged 3 to 11 years), but ultimately if it's me who values neat and organised so highly I accept that it's got to be me who puts in the effort.

 

I would never expect much of a two year old, such expectations are more hard work than the actual cleaning and tidying imo. And I also constantly remind myself (with more sadness now that my eldest is heading towards adolescence) that one day, when my babies are gone forever, my home will stay neat and organised :crying:.

[Plink]

My littles needed a FUN visible system for us to go through each morning, so I created one using velcro dots.

 

On a piece of scrapbook paper I typed up their morning routine (brush teeth, make bed, etc.), laminated it and used velcro dots to attach little laminated paper check marks that they could move to indicate what they had completed. They LOVED being able to do this. Their pride in putting each little check was so cute!

 

We would spend 30 min in their rooms every morning - yes it sounds like a long time, but remember that at that age, it can take 20 min just to convince your 5yo to pull their sweater over their head all by themselves. I never left their rooms until the routine was completed, all checks were moved, and the room was tidy enough - perfectly made beds were not my standard. Effort made to make the bed and pride in completing it was what I was looking for.

 

The lists changed as the kids learned to do more. "Find socks" eventually transformed into "get dressed and tie your sneakers." On the other hand, sometimes I had to go backwards when I realized that they were consistently needing to be reminded of a step. I remember DH laughing when I typed up "Put your dirty laundry IN the hamper, not beside it" The list was never more than 8 steps for each child. Everything over and above was MY responsibility to do while I spent that 30 minutes in their room supervising their routine.

 

My favorite part of this system was the check mark for room zones. Ala. Flylady, I divided up their room into sections for them to focus on each day.

 

• Monday - Closet (always a mess after the weekend)
  
• Tuesday - Dresser & desk
  
• Wednesday - Dust
  
• Thursday - Floor & under the bed
  
• Friday - Vacuum (littles started with a swiffer not the big machine)
  

 

 

They were not required to have everything sparkling every day, but the assigned section was inspected for effort. Because we went through the entire room every week, it never got horribly out of control.

 

I love the quote "Don't Expect What You Won't Inspect" It is our responsibility as parents to show our children how to be tidy. Over and over and over until it is such a part of their personality that they don't even realize that they are doing it.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

Over the years I have realized that younger children really do get overwhelmed with toy organization and sorting which we, as adults, would think very simple. I would cut the toys in half. Stash some of them somewhere else, and switch them every 2-4 weeks. Keep only enough toys in the room to fit in the toy box.

 

Another thing that worked for us - we put the beds on the floor - no stashing underneath.:D

 

Another tip - don't let your guilt or sentimentality cause you to keep toys that are becoming a burden. Just b/c auntie or gma gave it, you don't have to keep it if it's just getting dumped on the floor.

[MSNative]

My littles needed a FUN visible system for us to go through each morning, so I created one using velcro dots.

 

On a piece of scrapbook paper I typed up their morning routine (brush teeth, make bed, etc.), laminated it and used velcro dots to attach little laminated paper check marks that they could move to indicate what they had completed. They LOVED being able to do this. Their pride in putting each little check was so cute!

 

We would spend 30 min in their rooms every morning - yes it sounds like a long time, but remember that at that age, it can take 20 min just to convince your 5yo to pull their sweater over their head all by themselves. I never left their rooms until the routine was completed, all checks were moved, and the room was tidy enough - perfectly made beds were not my standard. Effort made to make the bed and pride in completing it was what I was looking for.

 

The lists changed as the kids learned to do more. "Find socks" eventually transformed into "get dressed and tie your sneakers." On the other hand, sometimes I had to go backwards when I realized that they were consistently needing to be reminded of a step. I remember DH laughing when I typed up "Put your dirty laundry IN the hamper, not beside it" The list was never more than 8 steps for each child. Everything over and above was MY responsibility to do while I spent that 30 minutes in their room supervising their routine.

 

My favorite part of this system was the check mark for room zones. Ala. Flylady, I divided up their room into sections for them to focus on each day.

 

• Monday - Closet (always a mess after the weekend)

• Tuesday - Dresser & desk

• Wednesday - Dust

• Thursday - Floor & under the bed

• Friday - Vacuum (littles started with a swiffer not the big machine)

 

 

They were not required to have everything sparkling every day, but the assigned section was inspected for effort. Because we went through the entire room every week, it never got horribly out of control.

 

I love the quote "Don't Expect What You Won't Inspect" It is our responsibility as parents to show our children how to be tidy. Over and over and over until it is such a part of their personality that they don't even realize that they are doing it.

 

:iagree:

Pictures and routines are huge. My boys did not clean up well until we put pictures of toys on the bins. Car on the car bin, lego on the lego bin, etc. They also loved chore charts for routines - dltk.com has some free, customizable ones with popular cartoon characters. You're setting up habits and routines for their entire lives. Keep it light and fun and just an every day thing that you do.

[DarlaS]

Because they are 2 and 5. My suggestion is to close the door, grab a bottle of Mikes if you have no moral prohibition, and start the mantra, "It will be clean when they move out."

 

 

I've had the one toy at a time rule since dd was able to sit up and play. Just because it is a rule doesn't mean it is ever obeyed. I'm one of those freaky first time obedience moms. This issue is the only thing I don't get obedience on. I've modeled, helped, organized, reorganized and oragnized once more with no hope of not doing it again during the next 8 years. I've finally just shut the door.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Combining their toys is what they want to do. They don't have the limited idea of creative play adults do. You may not have realized when you bought plastic dinosaurs that they'd get along so fabulously with lego guys or playmobil construction workers (just using these for example of course), but they do. :D

 

And why not? Their room belongs to real children who live in it every day. If you're not planning to photograph it for a magazine, and it's not a fire hazard, let it go.

 

Of course, maybe it's partially a matter of too much stuff. You could use some of those little boxes to put a portion of it away for a while & rotate some things.

[LAmom]

The 2 year old is lazy? :001_huh: Unorderly?

Um... he's TWO.

It's a process, this training of our children. And the process takes years. Just keep on doing what you're doing, slowly pulling back, have realistic expectations, and take your training role seriously. That means that you chart their progress until they are 16-18. As long as they are improving through the years, it's all good.

 

Um, he is lazy. I am not asking him to scrub toilets. When you ask him to pick up his toys, which he does understand very well, he just stares or plays. My 7yo and 5yo when 3 (2 also) where quite capable of picking up their toys. That is NOT an unrealistic expectation. But, yes, did I really write 2? Haha, he is 3!! Doh.

 

Thanks for everyone's ideas and suggestions. Very helpful. I will implement some things and be realistic, too. It is not unrealistic in this home to be orderly and neat.

[anneofalamo]

when you say clean up your room, kids don't get it your version of clean!

We made these cute pics for my kids for chore charts,

 

I took pics of them

holding all their shoes in their arms putting in basket...

one of them brushing their teeth

another of them sitting on their bed dressed and bed made.

 

I got them all printed and sat with my twin girls (age 4) lets go over our fun chore lists!! HOw exciting! They were giddy with anticipation to do chores like their older brothers.

 

So you tell me what you have to do

 

okay, they said, pick up all the shoes in the house and put in their rooms

 

I am smiling, they must be gifted

 

together in harmony they said

brush our teeth

more giggles, I can already feel the pressure of reminding my precious children with the help of pictures lifting...

 

then on to the pic of them with the nice made bed

 

my Anna says, then we sit on our bed and look pretty!

 

collapse in laughter!

 

They are now 11 years old, and I do a glance in their rooms, amazingly they have got it..is it perfect no...but it is easier!

Edited November 8, 2010 by anneofalamo

[2cents]

When mine were younger, I had tupperware containers (Big Lots has great selection and price for this). I organized the toys in labeled containers and stored them in closet. We rotated the toys and they learned to put them away by the end of the day or when they wanted a different one. It helped keep things together and no lost pieces. The children learned to respect their toys and keep things organized. It is something you have to be consistent with or it won't work but it was a great system for us. For other things like bedtime routine or chores, I had a chart that they would check off. We also had a school schedule we followed. We're an organized and sane family with schedules and checklists. :D

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

At 3yo and 5yo they should be cleaning up after themselves. You will have to give them one task at a time, and you will have to stand in the room and watch them to make sure it is done.

My dd2 is not allowed to pull out all her clothes. She is not allowed to dump toys on the ground either. Occasionally she still will dump all the colored pencils on the ground, and I immediately make her pick up every single one and then she may not color the rest of the day.

You have to take a week or 2 and keep them in your sight.

 

I have also found that they don't do this if they are getting enough exercise. I bundle them up even if its 30 degrees and we go out for a run in the yard.

[Plucky]

It is really just constant training. I still help my kids 13 & under. I'll point things out, help them organize their stuff. I really get in there with them every 4-6 months and help them get it under control. I'm not punitive, but matter of fact. I try to make it pleasant and we talk while we do it. I'm hoping working side-by-side will help them to understand organization better.

[melissel]

You are laying the groundwork with your 2 and 5 y.o. right now so that 10 years from now the fruits of your labor will be seen.

 

Now is the time when you are going to have to work side by side with them to help them carry out their tasks.

 

They may go to their rooms when you tell them to clean, but to their minds, it is an overwhelming task to face a myriad of toys and boxes. They need someone to say "put the action figures in this box, put the cars in this box, put the playmobils here, etc" or they will just give up and start playing with the first toy they see.

 

It is a lot of work (for you). But that's parenting, :).

 

These are my exact thoughts. Keep at it.

 

My DD5 is the kind of kid who will take the wrapper off something, drop it to the floor, and walk away. But if I put 10 minutes on the timer and work in the same room with her, MUCH gets done. Just as Sophia said, if I just send her into a room and say, "Clean it," she'll either wander off and start to play or start to cry and say she doesn't know where to start. I give her jobs and stay with her and she RUNS to do them, and does a good job.

 

Her room, at its worst, was ankle deep in junk. DD8's was the same way at that age, and nothing I could say would make a difference to her. Now that she's 8, she can see the consequences of a messy room (friends can't come over, you can't find anything you want, the beautiful glass butterfly you spent your own money and loved dearly gets smashed under a pile of debris, etc.), and she can also see how to extricate herself from it, one project at a time.

 

One of the things that has really helped us (in several ways) was setting up a chore board right outside their rooms. There's a set of cards with their morning responsibilities, and they move each card over to the Completed hook when they're done with it. Putting a "Tidy room" card on there to be addressed every day has made an immense difference, even in DD5's room. They don't have to clean their entire room; they just have to put a few things away each morning, and there's no yelling/nagging from me. I do have to be there to calmly and cheerily enforce it for DD5, but she does it, and it helps. DD8 has really seen the lasting impact it's had on her room and is taking pride in keeping it neater (and in being able to use her own desk again!). Just the other day, I had to tell her that she had to stop cleaning, but if she did her schoolwork quickly and efficiently, her reward would be that she'd have enough time to go work on cleaning her room some more. Talk about Twilight Zone time :lol:

 

Truly, you are laying the foundation. Keep up the good work. No one ever did that for me, and I struggle mightily with it to this day.

[melissel]

Um, he is lazy. I am not asking him to scrub toilets. When you ask him to pick up his toys, which he does understand very well, he just stares or plays. My 7yo and 5yo when 3 (2 also) where quite capable of picking up their toys. That is NOT an unrealistic expectation. But, yes, did I really write 2? Haha, he is 3!! Doh.

 

Thanks for everyone's ideas and suggestions. Very helpful. I will implement some things and be realistic, too. It is not unrealistic in this home to be orderly and neat.

 

No, I really, truly do not believe this. Please don't characterize your kids in that way at such a young age. You'll be surprised at how they take it to heart, even if you think you don't show it. Ask me how I know :(

 

ETA: Also, if that's how you think about how small children's brains work and the kind of thing you expect from them, I think you're going to be continually disappointed.

Edited November 8, 2010 by melissel

[CalicoKat]

Less is more.

 

We've pared down and pared down til compared to some my children have very few toys. Rather than being upset by this my kids are actually happier because they CAN manage their toys themselves. When things are continually strewn around and there's noise about cleaning it's time to quietly purge the liked, but not loved, toys.

 

Also, organized doesn't have to mean like with like. Organized might mean that it all fits in the toy box--and the lid goes down.

[Chris in VA]

Less toys = less mess.

 

Store stuff somewhere they can't reach.

 

Give them 5 toys (not 5 boxes of toys--multiple part "complex" toys could count as 3) each week and rotate. It's amazing to me how many toys people keep out that kids can choose from--no wonder they are overwhelmed when everything under the sun is available. Save super complex play activities for a Saturday afternoon, or for a time when there will be 2 hours to clean it all up.

 

Clean up 3 times each day--before lunch, before dinner, before bed. You do it beside them, not "go clean up."

 

As far as the less toys deal goes, what I've found is that kids flit from toy to toy without ever going deep into their play when too much is available. A good set of blocks and a box of toy animals or people can provide literally hours of creative play, but what do we do? We give them the blocks, the animals, the people, the trucks, the little signs, the second set of blocks, the third set, and on and on and on, all at once. Then there's the hand held game, the paint set, the stuffies, the legos, the castle, the ball--so the child runs around frantically, trying to play with all the toys, all at once, never settling into anything. And one gigantic, overwhelming mess to irritate mom and defeat kids.

 

Few toys, rotated regularly. Books, outdoor play. Less mess, happier mom.

[speedmom4]

Sorry for your frustration about keeping your boys' room clean. I have always been a neat person and my kids can never live up to my expectations. I always end up doing a good clean once every 1-3 months even though they pick up daily. They will never get it as clean as I want so I am willing to the work.

 

I implemented a family closet about 5 years ago. It has made a big difference in keeping their rooms clean. My washer and dryer have always been in the basement with the kids' rooms on the second floor, which meant climbing two flights of stairs to put clothes away. I decided (after watching an episode of the Duggars) that we would have a family closet. We bought hanging racks at Walmart and brought their chest of drawers down to the laundry room. Now, I have all the children's clothes down there. It has made a big difference in keeping the laundry put away neatly and organized. Also, it's easier to keep it all put away since I don't have to lug it up two flights of stairs.

 

God Bless,