How would you feel about this?

[joannqn]

Our neighbor two doors over called this afternoon and tells me her grandson (she has custody) is driving her nuts. She proceeds to tell me how the kids at this house can't play because they are sick, the kids at this other house were just picked up by their mom, and now grandson is complaining about having no one to play with, and can my kids play. I tell her that we're in the middle of packing (she knows we are moving next weekend), most of our stuff is in boxes, does she want my kids to head over there. "Oh, no, " she says, "I'm busy making dinner for company tonight. I can send him over with the game of Sorry, if that helps" So, I tell her I have to call her back because I'm in the middle of putting DD down for a nap.

 

So, after talking to DH, we decide to offer to send the kids outside to play. It's chilly out and raining off and on, but we figured it would be good for them to have a break outside. She agrees to the idea, and we send the older three outside. The four of them are playing mostly in her yard.

 

Fast forward a little bit. I have to go pick something up. DH is home, and I let the kids know I'm leaving. While I'm gone, the neighbor leaves to go to the store, asking my 10 year old to watch her grandson (7yo) and pays her $4 when she gets back. DD tells me about it when I get back. DH knew nothing about it.

[lionfamily1999]

It sounded like she wanted a sitter from the beginning. I would be angry that she put that responsibility on my child, especially without asking me (or dh), but then I'd remember we're moving soon and just let sleeping dogs lie (iykwIm).

 

Iow, I might stew a little and I would DEFINITELY tell dd that next time that happened she should say "I am not allowed to babysit without asking my parents first" and then go inside (without the child she was asked to sit). Then, I'd drop it.

 

You're moving soon :D No reason to set off fireworks before you go ;)

[Tabrett]

I would feel like I needed to keep packing and leave as soon as possible!:D

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would say over and over "7 more days, 7 more days. . ." I don't think what she did was right, but at this point I wouldn't say anything to her about it. And I would be glad that nothing happened while she was gone.

[Hedgehog]

Pretty annoyed, probably. And then I'd remind myself that we were moving anyway, and there's no point worrying about the might-have-beens.

 

I might have a quick chat with my dc, about when they can and can't take responsibility for others so that if anything like that ever comes up again, they are better equipped to deal with it. IMO, a 10yo is not old enough to watch a 7yo of another family outside the house, but that opinion may be colored by the area we live in and the neighbors we've experience of.

[joannqn]

Iow, I might stew a little and I would DEFINITELY tell dd that next time that happened she should say "I am not allowed to babysit without asking my parents first" and then go inside (without the child she was asked to sit).

 

 

No fireworks. I appreciate this tidbit, especially, because I didn't know how to handle it with DD. It never occurred to me that this would even come up.

[cindergretta]

Wow. Why couldn't she just be honest and up front and admit she was looking for a sitter??? Fwiw, I do NOT leave my 10 y/o to babysit my 7 y/o. That's insane.

 

But since you are leaving, keep your distance and pack pack pack!!!

 

(How far away are you moving? Another city? Another state?)

[NanceXToo]

It sounded like she wanted a sitter from the beginning. I would be angry that she put that responsibility on my child, especially without asking me (or dh), but then I'd remember we're moving soon and just let sleeping dogs lie (iykwIm).

 

Iow, I might stew a little and I would DEFINITELY tell dd that next time that happened she should say "I am not allowed to babysit without asking my parents first" and then go inside (without the child she was asked to sit). Then, I'd drop it.

 

You're moving soon :D No reason to set off fireworks before you go ;)

 

I agree with all of this! Of course, if she happens to call again within the next few days before you move, I'd say, "Nope, sorry, my kids are not able to play right now."

[Tidbits of Learning]

This is just me, but the kids played and had a good time and your 10 yr old earned some money for doing what she would have been doing whether the grandmother or you were home-playing with the other kids. I don't know the age of the grandmother, but to me it doesn't sound that off for someone in a previous generation.

If I wasn't comfortable with dd watching other children at all then I would tell dd to tell whatever adult requests her babysitting services that you and dh have to approve all babysitting jobs in the future.

It doesn't sound like she planned it in advance either. The kids were keeping her grandson busy and she needed to run to the store. So she asked an older child to keep an eye on him. As I said before, maybe she just was thinking about it the way someone from a different generation sometimes thinks about things such as these.

[lionfamily1999]

No fireworks. I appreciate this tidbit, especially, because I didn't know how to handle it with DD. It never occurred to me that this would even come up.

I'm pretty surprised that your neighbor did that too. Of course, it's a learning experience for us all (I'll be mentioning this to my own daughter ;) ).

I agree with all of this! Of course, if she happens to call again within the next few days before you move, I'd say, "Nope, sorry, my kids are not able to play right now."

:iagree: The next seven days will be busy enough to make this completely true too :)

[RanchGirl]

That seems awfully sneaky of the grandmother! I would be glad I'm moving and sorry for the little boy.

[Gwenhwyfar]

just a thought...you mentioned that this lady is the 7 year old's grandmother...she may not have thought that there was anything wrong with a 10 year old 'watching' a 7 year old for a short bit -- in some families, this would be acceptable and years ago it was VERY normal. i was babysitting around the neighbourhood by 10. ;) (that was in 1987)

 

i realize, though, that it's not acceptable to you ~ so i'd suggest what other people have said.. a) tell your child what to say if she's ever asked that again, and b) you only have a week left? be busy. :p

[elegantlion]

I would feel like I needed to keep packing and leave as soon as possible!:D

:iagree:

[stansclan89]

The kids were keeping her grandson busy and she needed to run to the store. So she asked an older child to keep an eye on him. As I said before, maybe she just was thinking about it the way someone from a different generation sometimes thinks about things such as these.

 

:iagree: I was babysitting by the time I was 10yo and my mother was at an even younger age. And that was without a parent in the house while we played outside.

 

It's definitely something to deal with with your dd though. She should know your feelings on the subject so that she knows what to say when someone asks.

[jujsky]

It sounds like she's overwhelmed and out-of-touch. I mean, I started baby-sitting at 11 (early 90's) but I can't even imagine letting a child that young baby-sit my kids. Probably when her kids were young she could send them out to play in the neighborhood all day and didn't have to spend a lot of time entertaining them. You have every right to be upset about the situation -- I certainly would be -- but where you're moving so soon and won't have to deal with a situation like that from this neighbor again, I'd try to blow it off.

[Snowfall]

just a thought...you mentioned that this lady is the 7 year old's grandmother...she may not have thought that there was anything wrong with a 10 year old 'watching' a 7 year old for a short bit -- in some families, this would be acceptable and years ago it was VERY normal. i was babysitting around the neighbourhood by 10. ;) (that was in 1987)

 

i realize, though, that it's not acceptable to you ~ so i'd suggest what other people have said.. a) tell your child what to say if she's ever asked that again, and b) you only have a week left? be busy. :p

 

I agree. I was 11 when I started babysitting. That was 1989. Prior to that, I was home alone with my younger brother and sister (1 and 2 years younger than me) every day after school for at least 2 hours. We started that when I was 8 or 9. The grandmother probably didn't do it to be rude - she probably didn't realize it would be a big deal.

[....]

Yeah, we've had plenty 'o "friends" like that. :glare:

[springmama]

If I were the grandmother and clueless enough to go around asking 10 yr olds to babysit without checking with their parents first, I'd appreciate a heads up that this is not okay. But that is just me. I'm more afraid of doing the wrong thing than being told I'm doing the wrong thing and I appreciate it when my friends and family set me straight, gently of course. I would be mortified if I just went around committing these kinds of mistakes and everyone just talked about me instead of bringing it to my attention so I could fix myself.

 

I also agree that the OP should talk to her dd and give her a script in case she ever needs it. Sometimes kids are put on the spot and having a word for word script eliminates the need for them to think fast in an awkward situation.