Extra curricular activity vent/rant

[parias1126]

I have decided to remove my DD8 from her Taekwondo classes. Am I doing the right thing??

 

My DD8 and DS6 have been taking Taekwondo classes for the last 8 months or so.

 

Two weeks ago, the instructor called on my DD to ask her what one of her combinations was. She couldn't answer. He pulled her to the side wall and made her do squats. She wasn't going low enough so he yells, "LOWER! ALL THE WAY DOWN! DON'T BE LAZY!"

 

The week before, my son started talking to her in class when the instructor was speaking. My DD turned to my DS and told him to stop talking. The instructor then yells at my DD and tells her to go to the side wall and do 20 jumping jacks. I told the instructor after class that it wasn't my DD that should had been punished and it was my son who was trying to talk to her and she was trying to do the right thing. He didn't even apologize to her. He just blew it off and smiled.

 

Well, this past week was the worst and I was just sick to my stomach all day after leaving class. The instructor called on my DD8 and asked her what her sparing combination is. She couldn't answer. A few minutes goes by...he asks her again. She still can't answer even after she has been told. So, he proceeds to say to my DD, "Are you here? Can you hear me speak to you?" Then another few minutes goes by.....he asks her again! This must had gone on at least 10 times throughout the hour class. About the 5th time when she gave an answer, but it was the wrong combination, bout 6 children or so in the class laughed at her. The instructor (in his defense) did tell the class to be quiet.

 

Anyway, after this going on the whole class, her getting in trouble for not being able to give the correct answers to the correct combinations of block moves, etc., the instructor gives both her and my son another stripe on their belt!!! :001_huh: I was thinking, "Did you seriously give my DD a stripe on her belt and reward her for not knowing any of her combinations?????" I mean, seriously, it's one thing that she doesn't know her combinations, but now you are rewarding her for not knowing something?? He spent the entire class calling her out and knew she didn't know what she should, then gives her a stripe on her belt!

 

And that is not even the worst of it! Then he hands her a paper for testing and says that BOTH her and my DS are to come and test on Saturday!

 

Okay, so let me get this straight! You have picked on my DD for the past few weeks and called her out for not knowing her combinations, even punished her with squats and jumping jacks for not knowing answers or for talking out of line (which she was NOT doing), and now she is getting a stripe and ready to be tested along with my DS??

 

I have just been so upset over this whole thing. I have already made the decision that my DD will not be returning to this TaeKwondo class. My DS will continue, but she will not. I understand that my DD should be focusing in class and paying attention and should know all the answers when she is called upon in class. It was actually a very small problem until this past week, but this past week it was just way over the top! It seemed as though she was being picked on the entire class. If a child (or even an adult) is being "picked on" in this way and is under that type of pressure, even if they do know the answers, it would be more difficult to remember the correct answer when your self esteem is being ridiculed such as this. I know this is how I am. I have experienced the same type of behavior from past bosses years ago. The part that makes me even more upset is the fact that she was being rewarded with a stripe for not knowing the answers. What type of message is this sending my child? We don't give rewards in my home for not doing what your supposed to be doing so why should he? He is sending a message to my DD that she doesn't have to know the answers or get anything correct, but she will still move up the totem pole (so to speak).

 

Anyway, I am so mad about the whole thing that I didn't even take my DS to test today who was ready to test! I am feeling like this school is just all about the $$$! It costs me $40/child and $20/for the second child to test. I am assuming this is why he is pushing the children to the next belt by testing them.

 

The whole thing is just wrong on so many levels and I am just rambling now because I am still so upset. I am not even sure why I posted this here. I am really not looking for solutions/advice, but just really needed to vent because I have been sitting on this since Wednesday.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think you absolutely should take her out. That is not at all representative what I've seen in taekwando dojangs. Please find another place to enroll both of them because even if your ds is doing well, he's picking up on what the instructor is doing. One of the main things taught at our dojang is having respect for others. This instructor should absolutely ask for respect from the kids but he should also be modeling respect toward the kids too.

[LibraryLover]

I've never been in an activity where anyone talked to my children this way.

[Chris in VA]

I will disagree, but just a little.

I'd bristle at the tone of the instructor. My son, however, went to a top-notch TKD school, and this was the norm. It was very, very strict. Our master was pretty much like this. The idea was that that child better know what she was supposed to know.The master shows respect to the child by teaching that child. The child shows respect to the master by learning the material.

 

The stripe was probably not given as a reward for not knowing, but for the effort and gain in competence that WAS there. Allowing a child (or adult, ftm) to test is a privilege, and it is a reward. It is not a way to make money. But it is a way to encourage the child (or adult) to continue. Most masters will not test a child before she is ready, and your master was trying to get your child to remember what will probably be asked at the test.

 

As far as punishing your child, that's not really a big deal in TKD. It is a discipline, and she should have known the material, or get a consequence. The talking was handled in a way I don't agree with, but I've seen it before--punish both parties, because then the one who was talked to will see to it that the talker doesn't bug her again. Doesn't always work. But not that unusual.

 

I just found TKD and martial arts to be a different world--Not necessarily one that I agree with, just different.

 

You, however, need to do what you feel is best for your kids. Only you can do that, and I always say go with your gut on that. I'm sorry it is so stressful.

[Starr]

I wouldn't pull just one child out. If you really think the instructor is picking on your daughter and is unprofessional then why would you want your children there at all? If dd is just going through a rough patch then leave them both in and see how it goes. :grouphug:

[parias1126]

I will disagree, but just a little.

I'd bristle at the tone of the instructor. My son, however, went to a top-notch TKD school, and this was the norm. It was very, very strict. Our master was pretty much like this. The idea was that that child better know what she was supposed to know.The master shows respect to the child by teaching that child. The child shows respect to the master by learning the material.

 

The stripe was probably not given as a reward for not knowing, but for the effort and gain in competence that WAS there. Allowing a child (or adult, ftm) to test is a privilege, and it is a reward. It is not a way to make money. But it is a way to encourage the child (or adult) to continue. Most masters will not test a child before she is ready, and your master was trying to get your child to remember what will probably be asked at the test.

 

As far as punishing your child, that's not really a big deal in TKD. It is a discipline, and she should have known the material, or get a consequence. The talking was handled in a way I don't agree with, but I've seen it before--punish both parties, because then the one who was talked to will see to it that the talker doesn't bug her again. Doesn't always work. But not that unusual.

 

I just found TKD and martial arts to be a different world--Not necessarily one that I agree with, just different.

 

You, however, need to do what you feel is best for your kids. Only you can do that, and I always say go with your gut on that. I'm sorry it is so stressful.

 

I completely understand where your coming from with this which is part of the reason I'm so upset over it. I know the strictness of it is the norm, but I still think my DD is being "picked on" quite a bit lately. There are other children in the class that don't know everything yet and they aren't addressed the way my DD is. I understand what your saying about the stripe, but if the material is not known then she cannot expect to test and be moved to the next belt or maybe I'm wrong.

 

As far as the talking thing goes, they were not both punished. Just my DD when she wasn't the one that did anything wrong which is why I addressed the issue with the instructor after class. If they had both been punished, I would had felt much better about it.

Edited October 10, 2010 by parias1126

[parias1126]

I wouldn't pull just one child out. If you really think the instructor is picking on your daughter and is unprofessional then why would you want your children there at all? If dd is just going through a rough patch then leave them both in and see how it goes. :grouphug:

 

Because my DS enjoys it. There aren't the same issues there with him. My DD is apparently not into it enough to focus and want to learn it. She doesn't behave the same way in riding lessons or drama. The same day last week she had a test on all the parts of the horse, the riding equipment, etc. and got 100% on all of it. In drama she had a song to memorize. She learned the whole song last week and knew it for class on Thursday. I can only assume if she isn't demonstrating the same behavior in Taekwondo, then she isn't happy there?

[Sasharowan]

We have done TKD for a lot of years. Dh and ds14 are both black belts. I have never seen an instrustor treat anyone like that. If there is an issue with the child's learning, the instructor talks to the child and parent separately, not make it noticable to the entire class. Jumpin jacks, pushups, etc. are given for things like disrupting class, being disrespectful, etc. but it is done in a matter of fact way, not to shame or demean. More like "I see you have too much energy to listen, how about 20 Jumping jacks to burn some off" I agree if your daughter is learning elsewhere and not in TKD, it is an issue with the class. Talk to her and see if it is TKD or just the class/instructor. There may have been issues all along that weren't noticed.

[gingersmom]

There is no chance I would let anyone talk to my children like that.

 

I would be out of there immediately.

 

I am sure there are plenty of other places that would be happy to enroll your children.

[jujsky]

It sounds like this just isn't your DD's thing, so I would talk to her and pull her if she doesn't want to stick with it. I would also look for another school for your son and pull him once you've found one. If this instructor (an authority figure) singles out kids to pick on, your son is going to witness this behavior again, and again, and again. I'm sure he will move on to another student once your DD is gone. Is that a behavior you want your son to pick up?

[abbeyej]

Honestly the part that bothers me is moving the kids on when they aren't ready -- not asking them repeatedly for answers when they weren't paying attention, or requiring (mild) physical exercise as a discipline measure. Until you got to the part about giving her the stripe that she didn't deserve, I wasn't really seeing a problem.

 

Now, of course, I wasn't there, so I don't know the tone or the rapport this instructor has with the kids. The same words could come out in very different ways.

 

Maybe I'm tough on my kids, but I do have pretty high expectations in terms of attention, focus, and effort in classes. And I appreciate it when teachers have similar expectations. ... But if he's just being a *jerk* and *not* really making sure they *learn* and that *all* of the kids in the class are subject to similar, balanced discipline and creating a respectful rapport with the kids... Well, that would be enough for me to pull *both* kids from a class and find another place for them.

[Kates]

I've got to say I'd take her out of class (and probably ds too, but that's me)...but at the same time, I'd tell the instructor exactly why she's being pulled. If he'll do that your daughter, he'll do it to someone else - and quite frankly, as a martial arts master, he ought to have more self control and respect than that.

 

My son does karate, and I've never heard one of his senseis speak to him like that. They correct him, they hand out consequences fairly and quickly (and without calling everyone's attention to said student), and they move on. I know he's getting what they're teaching, since he tells me about it all the time. ;)

 

However, he's had teachers in other areas that have treated him like that - and they've gotten an earful for it. Not because they hurt my "baby boy's" feelings (he'd throw a fit if I pulled something like that lol), but because there's no way that they should be in charge of instructing children if they can't teach them properly. Strict is one thing...demeaning is another. My son is picky about who he chooses to learn from, and he should be - he's learning a lot more than martial arts moves, or outdoor skills, or math processes, or whatever. He's learning skills he'll need later on.

 

I teach some difficult kids too, but I don't mock them or make them feel like garbage for it. Quite frankly, if I'm not willing to do everything in my power to help that child understand my subject, I shouldn't be teaching. The same thing goes for the TKD instructor, but sometimes a bit of a reality check is needed to remind someone of that. I wouldn't be rude or up in his face about it, but I would be perfectly honest...partly because he probably needs to hear it, and partly because if I did that to a child (knowingly or not), I'd want to know.

 

Just my thoughts...