5th year of high school?

[m0mmaBuck]

I've written before about DSS and the situation that has transpired, not only over the last few months but over his high school career. A short summary would be to say that he has failed several classes, done poorly in others (has a 1.75 GPA), and ultimately did not graduate this year. He has no short-term or long-term goals and at this point has no plan for this Fall, let alone the rest of his life.

 

DH and I have discussed what we see as a very viable option for DSS. We would like to see him spend another year in high school, gaining maturity and insight as well as retaking classes to improve his GPA, taking math and composition classes (as he did not do well on those when he took the local CC admissions exam), retaking the class he needs to graduate, and exploring classes that interest him. His psychiatrist and counselor also see this as a viable option to give him some time to work through his other issues, give him some direction, put him on a schedule, and so forth.

 

When we presented it to DSS, he basically said that he would do it if it's what we wanthim to do. When asked what he wants to do, he honestly has no idea. He replies, in some form, that he just wants someone to tell him what to do and he'll do it. This is typical of what his counselor sees as his general apathy, disinterest, lack of motivation, lack of sense of self, and so on.

 

So... what do you think? Will another year of high school give him time to mature and grow while improving on his academic record, or will it do him some sort of harm that we are not predicting?

[SailorMom]

I don't know.... Ok - this is coming from a parent who's oldest is almost 14, and I wouldn't dream of presuming I know what having an older son is like.... That said,

Do you think he could pass the GED? Or maybe take GED prep classes? If he didn't get anything out of the last 4 years - why would another year be different?

 

I read a very good, short book he might like - called The Buccaneer Scholar.

Here's a link:

 

http://www.buccaneerscholar.com/

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think that it would not hurt and might very well give him that time to mature. What it doesn't do, unfortunately, is guarantee that he'll mature in that time.

[m0mmaBuck]

I don't know.... Ok - this is coming from a parent who's oldest is almost 14, and I wouldn't dream of presuming I know what having an older son is like.... That said,

Do you think he could pass the GED? Or maybe take GED prep classes? If he didn't get anything out of the last 4 years - why would another year be different?

 

I read a very good, short book he might like - called The Buccaneer Scholar.

Here's a link:

 

http://www.buccaneerscholar.com/

 

Thank you for that link! As for the GED, the unfortunate truth is that a GED would make him Tier 2 if he decides to join the military. Since, at one point, that was something that interested him greatly, we don't want to limit him in that.

 

I think that it would not hurt and might very well give him that time to mature. What it doesn't do, unfortunately, is guarantee that he'll mature in that time.

 

I know what you mean. You can't put a time limit on maturation. We know he isn't ready to be out in the real world right now, but who's to say that another year will make him any more ready.

[AngieW in Texas]

It might help him just by giving him another year to come out of the fog left by his mother committing suicide.

 

One year of classes at the cc could possibly do the same thing if he can get into the classes he needs. It could also help him to see himself as progressing rather than just repeating his senior year. The biggest difficulty would be that the ps might work with you to keep tabs on his progress and the cc really won't because that's not what they're there for.

 

I would definitely make sure that he's doing something to further his education so he can either get his diploma or his GED. Life is hard for adults who never finished high school.

[kalanamak]

I don't know....

Do you think he could pass the GED? Or maybe take GED prep classes? If he didn't get anything out of the last 4 years - why would another year be different?

 

 

:iagree: Since he has support, won't starve, isn't trying to dash out as fast as possible and start a family he has to support, I would encourage a year of work. Something that has him accountable to a non-family member, something that moves his body about, something that gives him an idea about WHAT education is for (even if it is not being a laborer the rest of his life).

 

I learned a lot doing restaurant work. I started out as a DW, and moved up to waitress. You meet all kinds, you run about all day (or night), you learn to please a lot of different people with different needs, and all of it "right now"!

 

I was a high school drop out. I was unhappy with my weaknesses, felt unconnected with my peers, depressed, etc. etc. A change of environment was crucial for me.

:grouphug: It can be very frustrating dealing with someone who doesn't even seem to grasp how to "begin to begin". I recall my mentor-brother saying once, rather crabbily, "you are old enough to know what you want, but you are not old enough to know how to get it". I needed someone to be a bit tough with me. The boss at the all-night truck stop was. :) HTH.

[LibraryLover]

I mgiht have him take the GED so he can leave high school behind. I don't know. You've all been through so much.

 

From a technical standpoint: I have a couple of friends in college admissions, and this question has come up on the boards before (maybe it was my local hs board...not sure) and I asked them. They recommend not taking 5 years to do what 'should' take 4 years. (I don't necessarily agree with this, but I am not reviewing 500 + college apps a year). They do realize many students are simply not ready for a traditional 4 year college---and there is nothing wrong with that. While they recommended finishing a high school program in 4 years, they suggest taking that '5th' year as a Gap year; work, travel or take a continuing ed class at a college or uni, or at cc.

 

When the person does feel ready to begin a more traditional college program (if they do), it's no problem to explain what you have been doing. They recommend it should not be playing video games in your parents' basement. :D

 

Has your dds' therapist suggested any testing for learning challenges? Might he have dyslexia or dysgraphia or the like? Private testing is costly, but having it done at a Children's Hospital might be covered by inusrance.

 

Did the camp program work out for him this summer?

[Carol in Cal.]

Is there a good nature awareness program nearby? I think that a one day per week commitment to something like that would be just the thing to help him develop an interest in life and his surroundings, in a gentle way. He would be outside, get exercise, be engaged in conversation with people about things other than family or pain, and be distracted from his situation by focus on natural surroundings.

 

Then on the other days you can push the basic skills improvements that he needs so badly. It might be helpful to use test prep books as part of that process--maybe the CHSBE test or SAT test would be useful to prepare for in order to give you some focus.

[hillfarm]

I'm with Kalanamak. I think some good, hard work would be ideal here. Then I would fit the remedial schooling in around that. There are few better ways to illustrate the value of education than getting to see first hand that one's working life can be very hard and somewhat limited without education. If you can't find a paying job for him, then I would consider making one by having him do volunteer work to earn any spending money that you provide. However, I would require that he keep regular hours, do a good job, and get reviews from his supervisors.

 

The other thing is that some people for whatever reasons, just like to be told what to do. I know a couple of guys who look terribly henpecked from the outside, but that is the relationship they were seeking. They know that is something they want and need and they found wives who were willing to provide that. Both are successful and appear to be very happy.

[m0mmaBuck]

Kay, he has applied for 10 jobs/week since his 18th B-day in May (nearly 200 apps) and hasn't had so much as a call back. He has followed up on every app. he has sent out. He is really frustrated with his situation on the job front. He thinks he is never going to find a job and be able to move out. We had discussed sending him to Alaska to work in a fish processing plant but worry that being that far from us would allow him to make some really bad choices (based on the family history of mental illness and addiction on his mom's side).

[Parrothead]

If there is a possibility of military service he can enlist as a Tier 1 candadate with 15 college credits. He does not have to have the high school diploma. In other words, unless the rules have changed, a high school drop out with 15 college credits can join as a Tier 1.

 

With that in mind I'd see about community college. I'd suggest English, math and a whole bunch of electives that interest him.

[Teachin'Mine]

I would try for part time school - to fulfill his graduation requirements - and part time work - to motivate him to pursue higher education. The work could also help him to become more independent and responsible. He'd have someone else telling him what to do and would be answerable to them. Hard work is great for building his self esteem too. :)

 

I wish you well with whatever you both decide.

[kalanamak]

Kay, he has applied for 10 jobs/week since his 18th B-day in May (nearly 200 apps) and hasn't had so much as a call back.

 

I hear this at work, and everyone just keeps plugging at it. One daughter of a co-worker volunteered at two places and one hired her (it is in a kitchen at a nursing home).

 

Oh, and taking GED classes doesn't mean he has to take the GED....that thought just occurred to me. It might let him know "where he is" with his three Rs, and also have him meet some other people who are "trying". Not that they will be his bosom buddies, but just a mix of people that might not be what he thinks of as "typical" for not having gotten a high school diploma.

[m0mmaBuck]

 

One year of classes at the cc could possibly do the same thing if he can get into the classes he needs. It could also help him to see himself as progressing rather than just repeating his senior year. The biggest difficulty would be that the ps might work with you to keep tabs on his progress and the cc really won't because that's not what they're there for.

[\QUOTE]

 

See, that's where we are torn. High school vs. CC... He waited too long to apply for admission and missed the cut-off for the Fall so now he will have to wait until the Winter Quarter. That means 4 months of nothing for him to do...

 

 

From a technical standpoint: I have a couple of friends in college admissions, and this question has come up on the boards before (maybe it was my local hs board...not sure) and I asked them. They recommend not taking 5 years to do what 'should' take 4 years. (I don't necessarily agree with this, but I am not reviewing 500 + college apps a year). They do realize many students are simply not ready for a traditional 4 year college---and there is nothing wrong with that. While they recommended finishing a high school program in 4 years, they suggest taking that '5th' year as a Gap year; work, travel or take a continuing ed class at a college or uni, or at cc.

 

Has your dds' therapist suggested any testing for learning challenges? Might he have dyslexia or dysgraphia or the like? Private testing is costly, but having it done at a Children's Hospital might be covered by inusrance.

 

Did the camp program work out for him this summer?

 

If we knew what he wanted to do after high school it would be easier to make a choice. If he was physically and mentally ready to enlist in the military, we would push him to finish the class he needs to graduate and then he could join after he gets his diploma (which he can't get until 2011). If we knew he wanted to go to college, we would probably do the same and then get him into CC for the Winter Quarter. But since he has no idea, no job, no plan.... It's so much harder to know what is going to be best for him in the long run.

 

He's been tested for learning challenges and they haven't found anything. He actually did very well in school up until the point that he passed the state-mandated test (required for graduation) at 15 and decided school was pointless after that.

 

He never turned in the application for camp so that didn't pan out. That's a point of irritation for all of us (except him).

 

Is there a good nature awareness program nearby? I think that a one day per week commitment to something like that would be just the thing to help him develop an interest in life and his surroundings, in a gentle way. He would be outside, get exercise, be engaged in conversation with people about things other than family or pain, and be distracted from his situation by focus on natural surroundings.

 

Then on the other days you can push the basic skills improvements that he needs so badly. It might be helpful to use test prep books as part of that process--maybe the CHSBE test or SAT test would be useful to prepare for in order to give you some focus.

 

I'm not aware of anything like that here, although that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I know he went to the National Forest Service Center and the only volunteers they would take were people already in college for forestry.

 

I'm with Kalanamak. I think some good, hard work would be ideal here. Then I would fit the remedial schooling in around that. There are few better ways to illustrate the value of education than getting to see first hand that one's working life can be very hard and somewhat limited without education. If you can't find a paying job for him, then I would consider making one by having him do volunteer work to earn any spending money that you provide. However, I would require that he keep regular hours, do a good job, and get reviews from his supervisors.

 

The other thing is that some people for whatever reasons, just like to be told what to do. I know a couple of guys who look terribly henpecked from the outside, but that is the relationship they were seeking. They know that is something they want and need and they found wives who were willing to provide that. Both are successful and appear to be very happy.

 

My husband and I have already discussed that he will need to be henpecked to have a successful marriage, lol! That's how he grew up (with his mom) and that's what he requires (which is hard for DH and I since we are self-starters and will do anything not to be nagged).

 

He has supposedly been looking for volunteer experiences too but perhaps I need to ride him on that front. I really hate that. It's not my nature.

[DarlaS]

 

See, that's where we are torn. High school vs. CC... He waited too long to apply for admission and missed the cut-off for the Fall so now he will have to wait until the Winter Quarter. That means 4 months of nothing for him to do...

 

 

How many credits is he lacking? Could he possibly set up his schedule to make them up in a semester?

 

ETA: What about making up some credits via correspondence school or dual enrollment as well? I think a trip to see the guidance counselor is in order.

[m0mmaBuck]

If there is a possibility of military service he can enlist as a Tier 1 candadate with 15 college credits. He does not have to have the high school diploma. In other words, unless the rules have changed, a high school drop out with 15 college credits can join as a Tier 1.

 

With that in mind I'd see about community college. I'd suggest English, math and a whole bunch of electives that interest him.

 

I will have to look into this. The recruiter told DH and DSS that he would need a diploma to be Tier 1. Of course he also has to lose a bunch of weight, but that's another story.

 

I would try for part time school - to fulfill his graduation requirements - and part time work - to motivate him to pursue higher education. The work could also help him to become more independent and responsible. He'd have someone else telling him what to do and would be answerable to them. Hard work is great for building his self esteem too. :)

 

I wish you well with whatever you both decide.

 

Thank you for the well wishes! It's so frustrating. I would love to see him find some part-time work to learn what is available to someone without a high school diploma' date=' let alone a college degree. I don't think he fully grasps his current situation and long-term outlook at this point. Part-time school and part-time work may be an option. We do have a meeting with the high school counselor on Sept 13 (she couldn't get us in before school started) to discuss his options.

 

I hear this at work, and everyone just keeps plugging at it. One daughter of a co-worker volunteered at two places and one hired her (it is in a kitchen at a nursing home).

 

Oh, and taking GED classes doesn't mean he has to take the GED....that thought just occurred to me. It might let him know "where he is" with his three Rs, and also have him meet some other people who are "trying". Not that they will be his bosom buddies, but just a mix of people that might not be what he thinks of as "typical" for not having gotten a high school diploma.

 

One of my frustrations in his job-finding process has been his resistance to think outside of the box. He has applied at several retail places and warehouses, checked with landscapers and moving companies, and looked at restaurants. However, my suggestions to check with local hospitals and nursing homes as well as apartment complexes (groundskeeper-type jobs) and expresso stands have fallen on deaf ears. Time to start nagging I guess!

 

And I never thought about the GED classes without taking the test! That is an interesting thought! Thank you!

 

How many credits is he lacking? Could he possibly set up his schedule to make them up in a semester?

 

ETA: What about making up some credits via correspondence school or dual enrollment as well? I think a trip to see the guidance counselor is in order.

 

He's lacking one credit, a required psychology class. We enrolled him in it as a correspondence class as soon as we found out he was not going to pass the high school class in June. He told us he was working on it all summer but then in reality we found out he didn't start on it until August 18th and the high school needed a sealed transcript from the college confirming he had passed the course by Sept. 1 for a 2010 diploma. He could still finish the class but cannot get a diploma until June 2011 regardless of when he finishes the course.

 

We do have a meeting set up with the guidance counselor to discuss our options. She couldn't fit us in until Sept 13, a week after school starts, but she said she would make it work, whatever we decide.

[Parrothead]

I will have to look into this. The recruiter told DH and DSS that he would need a diploma to be Tier 1. Of course he also has to lose a bunch of weight, but that's another story.

From this website which is the second one second one to say the same thing.

 

Tier 1. Regular high school graduates, adult diploma holders, and nongraduates with at least 15 hours of college credit.

 

The reason I looked is because I did not know the difference between tiers and was curious.

[m0mmaBuck]

Chucki, thank you for that information! That broadens the options again!

[m0mmaBuck]

Hmmm... so now I need to rethink this whole thing.... Or maybe I just try to put it out of my head until we can speak with guidance counselor on Sept. 13. I just want to make sure he has as many options for his future as possible so that when he does find something that interests him, it is a possibility.