ARGH! I hate these kinds of comments!!!

[Hoggirl]

Sorry. I know I don't post on the general board a whole lot, but I need to vent!!! Actually, I would love to post here more, but I know I would spend waaayyyy too much time doing so. But, I digress.

 

Got my teeth cleaned today and my hygenist talks non-stop about her ds. I am sure he is a great kid, but I try not to be as blatant in my bragging as she is. Okay, whatever. Her kid is smart, talented, etc. Of course, one is completely a captive audience in a dental chair! My kid is also smart, talented, etc., but I just don't say anything because I am not going to engage in a competition with her. All that is well and fine, but then she has to:

 

1) drill me about standardized testing

2) tell me about the homeschoolers she knows whose kids are total dummies

'cause the mom doesn't do "enough."

3) State that she knows number 2 doesn't apply to me because she is "sure"

that I home school "right" (whatever THAT means)

4) ask me, "Do you really plan to do this all the way through the 12th

grade???"

 

etc., etc.

 

Why do people say things like this? I just don't get it! In my old age I have gotten much better about not feeling the need to "defend" my family's decision, but it still gets under my skin. There is no bean dip to pass in the dentist's chair!!!

 

Sorry! This is certainly not a big deal, but I needed to vent!

[Punkinelly]

That would upset me, too. I[m afraid I would have argued with her. LOL I might have told her about the PS failures, too, only it is acceptable to fail (in the school district's eyes) in PS, just not at home. ARGH!

 

Mary

[nmoira]

Ms Dental Hygienist, it might be hard for you to believe, but some people are quite closed minded about homeschooling. I don't feel comfortable enough with you to discuss personal family issues. Could we talk about something else please?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Answers:

 

#1: "We test once a year." (Don't say this if you don't! We are required to by the state). If you don't I would say, "We meet state requirements."

#2: said laughing "I guess my kids don't always show their true potential to others! Do yours?" or "I haven't ruined them yet!" (see #3)

#3: "I haven't ruined them yet!"

#4: "We decide once a year what is the best for our family."

 

I use short light phrases often. Most people aren't really wanting to discuss this. If you react they will file this in their memory banks as "homeschoolers are so defensive." So I put on my rhino-skin, and get out my most confident laugh. The more confident and upbeat I am, the more the people I talk to figure that I really do know what I'm up to (and wonder what my secret is)!

[Adrianne]

Cynthia

 

That is awful. You handled it well. I am not sure I could have. I was angry just hearing your story. GGGRRR!!!

 

I can't believe how ignorant some people can be!

[Debbie in OR]

This was circulated on our local homeschooler's chat group. Thought this might be helpful. Although the author has called it the Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List, I would call it The "Keep-this-in-your-purse-and-pull-it-out-to-hand-to-people-when-the-need-arises" List...

Enjoy! Debbie

 

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

By Deborah Markus

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to

imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

 

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

 

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

 

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

 

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

 

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard.

 

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to

see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

 

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

 

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of

options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

 

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

 

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

 

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

 

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

 

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

 

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

 

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

 

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

 

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

 

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet,

boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

 

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's

homeschooled.

 

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

 

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

 

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

[Michelle in MO]

A couple of years ago I was at a soccer game, and happened to sit next to another mother. Her daughter and my daughter used to be friends. Anyway, she asked me if we were going to homeschool all the way through high school. I said, "Well, that's the plan at this point in time. As long as the kids are learning well and are happy, then we'll keep doing it."

 

She then proceeded to tell me, "I just cannot see homeschooling through high school. There is so much important socialization that happens in high school that I certainly wouldn't risk it---and I'm a teacher." She then asked me, very pointedly, "What's your degree in???"

 

Two days later, a local student brought a shotgun to school and threatened to shoot it off in the boy's restroom. Nothing bad happened, but the incident caused a minor local panic.

 

My husband quipped, "You ought to call her up and ask how that socialization thing is going."

 

I love it! I guess that's where this smiley comes in! :lol:

[beansprouts]

2) tell me about the homeschoolers she knows whose kids are total dummies

'cause the mom doesn't do "enough."

 

 

That is strange. I don't know any children at all who are "dummies". In fact, I have been very impressed by the talent, intelligence and creativity of the children I know and they are schooled all different ways. Go figure.

[Stacy in NJ]

Sorry. I know I don't post on the general board a whole lot, but I need to vent!!! Actually, I would love to post here more, but I know I would spend waaayyyy too much time doing so. But, I digress.

 

Got my teeth cleaned today and my hygenist talks non-stop about her ds. I am sure he is a great kid, but I try not to be as blatant in my bragging as she is. Okay, whatever. Her kid is smart, talented, etc. Of course, one is completely a captive audience in a dental chair! My kid is also smart, talented, etc., but I just don't say anything because I am not going to engage in a competition with her. All that is well and fine, but then she has to:

 

1) drill me about standardized testing

2) tell me about the homeschoolers she knows whose kids are total dummies

'cause the mom doesn't do "enough."

3) State that she knows number 2 doesn't apply to me because she is "sure"

that I home school "right" (whatever THAT means)

4) ask me, "Do you really plan to do this all the way through the 12th

grade???"

 

etc., etc.

 

Why do people say things like this? I just don't get it! In my old age I have gotten much better about not feeling the need to "defend" my family's decision, but it still gets under my skin. There is no bean dip to pass in the dentist's chair!!!

 

Sorry! This is certainly not a big deal, but I needed to vent!

 

 

You know, you have the choice whether this type of conversation takes place or not. If some one is going some place in a conversation you don't care to follow, feel free to let her know politely you don't agree with her. I guarantee she'll cease if you give her a clear clue.;)

[OhM]

2) tell me about the homeschoolers she knows whose kids are total dummies 'cause the mom doesn't do "enough."

 

What's the excuse for PS kids who are "total dummies"?

 

I love to answer the "do your kids have to take the state tests?" with a BIG smile and a BIG "Nope! Isn't that great?" and then watch them grope for a response. :001_smile:

 

I also love that, "Now I know you're doing a good/conscientious job of homeschooling, but you know, most homeschoolers (blah, blah, blah.)" Is that supposed to be flattering? Less insulting? Sugar coating for a blatantly rude generalization? :glare:

 

How did you keep from "accidently" biting her when she was working on you?

[OnTheBrink]

You know, you have the choice whether this type of conversation takes place or not. If some one is going some place in a conversation you don't care to follow, feel free to let her know politely you don't agree with her. I guarantee she'll cease if you give her a clear clue.;)

 

This could be difficult to do if the person talking has sharp instruments in your mouth. ;)

[nrg]

away from her child, cleaning the teeth of a woman with whom she'd eagerly change places! Her comments sound like she needs reassuring about her own parenting and the situation in which she finds herself. I have had to work and leave little ones at home and I spent more than enough energy thinking about them, missing them, wondering about my parenting, wondering about the parenting of my child-care provider, aching and aching.

 

Instead of dwelling on her homeschooling comments, perhaps some talk that reassures her that different educational solutions work for different people, and that she must really love her child would be in order.

 

I think this was all about her and not at all about you or homeschooling (except perhaps as a hint that she wishes homeschooling were an option for her, but needs to reassure herself that where she is is okay).

 

Times like these are opportunities for us to brighten someone's day a bit.

[Cedarmom]

Hey, I wonder if that's the same hygentist I had a few years ago! One of the most irritating things was she said all this while she was working on my mouth , so there was no way I could reply. I loved the dentist, but the hygentist annoyed me. I wish I had had the guts to speak to the dentist about her, I think the dentist needed to know about her lack of personal skills.

 

Cedarmom

[Soph the vet]

That long list posted was just what I needed for a good laugh before bed. How true some of those were.

 

One of the funniest responses I saw a while back on a homeschool website was when you're out at Target or WalMart or wherever and the clerk asks you if school is out today...just reply (in your best redneck accent) "Nope, me and Bubba learns 'em at home, werks real good" :lol:.

 

Bubba and I laugh about that one time an' time agin' !

[pixelroper]

Dentist + uninformed remarks about hs = torture chamber

[Plaid Dad]

My question is, how are you supposed to be having a conversation when someone is poking around in your mouth with sharp objects? :001_huh:

[Jennifer in NH]

I'm of the opinion that generally, most people don't quite know what to say, and end up saying rather stupid things. Not that some people actually say nasty stuff about homeschooling: they do! But, for the most part I've found most of the not so nice comments made to me have been awkward or foot in mouth type comments. That being said, my uncle told me that I am ruining the public school system by homeschooling! Now, he never did get around to explaining why my kids being homeschooled had any more of an impact on public schools as kids that go to a private school?!:glare: But, I never actually liked this uncle anyway! Those comments just reinforced that opinion!:D

By the way, I hate when the hygenist talks to me while cleaning my teeth...a bit of a captive audience there!

[Hoggirl]

I love, love, love that list. Perhaps I should peruse it before I go next time! However, I really don't want to be catty. Really. I don't. However, I am not sure I could be nearly as gracious as the poster who suggested brightening her day by reassuring her in her family's own decisions. I don't think I have that in me (niceness-wise), and I don't know her family. Also, I think what bugged me the most was the fact that I couldn't really be one way or the other b/c I had sharp instruments in my mouth! I mean, it truly wasn't a conversation but a lecture! I know the dentist extremely well...we go to church with him and his family. His wife and I are friends. My ds is was born the same week as one of their dds. However, this chick is my 2nd hygienist (okay, I have to look up the proper way to spell this word!!!) from his office. I moved on from another one for similar reasons. She was the one worried about my ds's "socialization." However, she apparently doesn't work and play well with anyone, so no one in their office that was surprised when I asked for someone new. I didn't say specifically that it was b/c of her homeschooling comments. And, I would hate to be like Elaine in Seinfeld and labeled, "difficult." LOL!

 

I think the biting tip might be the ticket! LOL!:lol:

 

At any rate, I just feel better b/c of your moral support. My ds said just to tell her that I really didn't want to "chat" as coming to the dentist was a nice little get-away for me and please just clean my teeth!

 

Thanks for the moral support!

[Jennifer in NH]

As I was sitting in the dentist's chair this morning I was thinking of this thread! I had my teeth cleaned by a new hygenist and she was pleasant and not at all chatty! Then, I went in for x-rays. This woman was also very nice and a little chatty. Homeschooling did come up in conversation. after she asked how old my kids were and when I mentioned they were all at home. Anyway, at this point I'm wondering which direction this conversation will go! It turns out that the head dentist, well actually his wife, homeschools their kids! So, no awkward comments and no bizarre looks and i guess a pretty homeschool friendly place! I'm glad we (homeschoolers) are everywhere!

[PineFarmMom]

My question is, how are you supposed to be having a conversation when someone is poking around in your mouth with sharp objects? :001_huh:

 

LOL!! I was thinking the same thing.

[OhM]

. . . It turns out that the head dentist, well actually his wife, homeschools their kids! So, no awkward comments and no bizarre looks and i guess a pretty homeschool friendly place! I'm glad we (homeschoolers) are everywhere!

 

Yay! That makes for a pleasant visit.

 

Our dentist makes a point of telling the hygenist, "Perry (oldest dd-13) here is first in her class!" After the hygenist fusses over that for a bit, dd is obliged to point out, "I'm homeschooled and he knows it." (Can you tell our dentist is a "funny" guy?) From anyone else I'd be annoyed - from him it comes across as humorous.