DD6 wants to go to ps.

[mo2]

Why? Because all the other kids do. We live in a small town, with an extremely small homeschool group. The members are all very religious, and we, uh, don't fit in so well. (Don't get me wrong, they're all VERY nice!) Plus, due to the fact that dh and I both work, we have only been able to attend ONE function with them, due to schedule alone. So, the kids dd knows and plays with are our family and neighbors. I do think that is more than enough socialization for her at this point. (We have a very large family with loads of children.) But, they're all public schooled. So now dd wants to go.

 

I know that I'm the parent and it's my decision, but it makes me sad. :( And I don't really know what to say to her. Is this just a phase and it will pass? Or something more? Has anyone else been through this? Thanks for any advice.

[Karen sn]

I let dd know that high school is an option.

Under no circumstance is she going anywhere else now.

Period.

 

It's not even open for discussion.

I just don't care. Kids in school hate their situation too. It's a case of the grass being greener.......

[Sue G in PA]

I am still met with the "I wanna go back" stuff every once in a while...esp. from ds9. He made a good friend in ps and still plays w/ him regularly (like every day!). Ds9 says he missed the bus, lunch choices and recess. Hmmm...not good enough reasons to go back if you ask me! My other dc realize how good they've got it and don't want to go back. My ds8, 6 and 5 have never been to ps (ds8 did attend a private, Christian preK program). Anyway, it's my older ones who have had a "taste" of ps that I worry about sometimes. Dd11 says she absolutely does NOT want to go to ps middle school right now. Ds9 "says" that he likes hs and really doesn't want to go back to ps "all the time", but sometimes he misses the socialization. For me and my dh...we don't want the socialization that comes w/ ps. Bullying, name calling, nasty attitudes, lack of good work ethic, conforming to the "crowd" just to "fit in", etc. I'd much rather have a select "socialization" for my dc in that we screen their friends and whom they hang with, they have ample time to interact with children and adults of ALL ages, etc. We are part of a co-op right now (which I cannot stand!) and won't do it again. It's too much like ps (not all are like that...just this one!).

 

Anyway, you are the parent and so should make the decision. AND, if her reasoning is "b/c all my friends go", IMHO, it's not good enough! Just my .02. Talk to her...explain your reasons for hsing her and how it will benefit her in the long run. Talk up the "positives". It's hard, I know. I was psed all my life, had scads of friends and acquaintences, etc. Seeing my dc w/ only one or 2 (sometimes none) good friends to "hang with" hurts me sometimes. BUT I have to remind myself that one GOOD friend is worth more than several "so-so" friends, KWIM?

[Melinda in VT]

Well, I did put my kids back in school for socialization reasons. :tongue_smilie: Like you, we live in a small community and in our case there were no other homeschoolers and the closest group met at times that conflicted with our business. Unlike you, we had no neighbor kids or family and were new to the community.

 

In your case, given the age of your daughter and the socialization opportunities she has, I think I'd do the following:

 

• Communicate clearly that your family homeschools
  
• Create some special traditions or routines that are fun and that couldn't happen if she were in ps (make sure she knows that last part)
  
• Maybe find books or magazine articles about hsers or attend a hs convention or other event so she knows she is not the only one
  

 

 

Good luck!:)

[5kidsforME]

When my ds was 6 he wanted to go to school too. We would ask him why and he finally admitted he wanted to ride the yellow bus! :001_smile:

 

Sorry I have no help for ya. I am sure it will pass though.

[riada]

We had this issue with one of our children when she was 7. We just had periodically reminded her of the benefits. Such as when we went on vacation in April we mentioned how that wouldn't have been possible if she were in ps. And we do small things like let them play at the park during the week when they have the toy structures all to themselves. And if she finishes school before the ps children then you could point that out. My daughter is always amazed that she is playing long before the other children get to. Those things matter to children. I have to admit the largest thing that helped dd7 was when we started to be more active in the hs group. She seen the other children and started to make friends. It's too bad that you don't have that opportunity. I wish you the best on your decision.

[Elisabeth in IL]

My 8 year old has always said that he wanted to go to school until just a couple of months ago. He now says that he doesn't want to go to school. I think he finally sees how much more freedom he has to do extra stuff and just to be at home. I'm glad that I'm no longer hearing, "I want to go to 'real' school" but sometimes I'm ready to send his 10 yo big brother.

[Laura K (NC)]

Sounds like this is an issue of both, and maybe she sees that you're on the fence.

 

If you have committed to homeschooling, dd, at age 6, doesn't get a vote any more than she gets a vote about whether to brush her teeth and wash her face. My ds at 7 wanted to ride the bus. Every year he asked at least once whether he could go to public school. We'd drive by the public high school and he'd say he was going *there* for high school. We'd drive by the (very expensive) private college in town and he'd point and say he was going *there* for college (rotflol). When he got to 7th grade he stopped asking. When we toured different public and private high schools to get ready for 9th grade we gave him the choice. He chose homeschool.

 

I think parent's attitude makes a huge difference in the happiness of their children. If parents truly believe in homeschooling, kids see that and are inspired by the possibilities. They may still ask every now and then, because the grass is sometimes greener on the other side for both kids and parents alike, but a 6yo's wishes can be honored when there are legitimate choices for her, like milk or juice, or a cupcake with pink icing or purple icing, or whether to wear a white shirt or a blue shirt, but school is too important to be left up to the whims of someone who knows so little but must learn so much.

[Philothea]

Maybe you could show her what a typical day in a ps school can be like?

 

For example:

 

• have her sit at a desk, no couch, floor, all day for all studies
  
• only a limited time to eat lunch
  
• get up early every day and go to bed earlier to compensate
  
• have to ask to get a drink of water
  
• no snacks or eating after breakfast until lunch time
  
• going out in the cold every morning to wait for a bus or for morning recess
  
• no after school naps or tv because chores and homework must be done
  
• getting up and getting dressed right away, every day

Socialization isn't as great when you have to compromise these comforts which hs'ers are often used to

[Melinda in VT]

Maybe you could show her what a typical day in a ps school can be like?

 

For example:

 

• have her sit at a desk, no couch, floor, all day for all studies

• only a limited time to eat lunch

• get up early every day and go to bed earlier to compensate

• have to ask to get a drink of water

• no snacks or eating after breakfast until lunch time

• going out in the cold every morning to wait for a bus or for morning recess

• no after school naps or tv because chores and homework must be done

• getting up and getting dressed right away, every day

Socialization isn't as great when you have to compromise these comforts which hs'ers are often used to

 

In general, I think this is a good way of helping kids see the other side of the coin. But you should be accurate in your presentation. I know the first, fourth, and fifth bullet points are not true at my kids' school.

 

But if they are true at your local school, by all means include them.

[Adrianne]

I let dd know that high school is an option.

Under no circumstance is she going anywhere else now.

Period.

 

It's not even open for discussion.

I just don't care. Kids in school hate their situation too. It's a case of the grass being greener.......

 

 

:iagree:

 

I would also take a look at our hs from her perspective. It sounds like she is lonely. Maybe if you spend some one on one time with her during the day doing something fun for her, she will not be as lonely. You could show her that ps kids do not get this time with their parents.

[Joanne]

But, they're all public schooled. So now dd wants to go.

 

I know that I'm the parent and it's my decision, but it makes me sad. And I don't really know what to say to her. Is this just a phase and it will pass? Or something more? Has anyone else been through this? Thanks for any advice.

 

She's 6. She doesn't really know what she's asking to do.

 

Remember that when you homeschool, you are constantly fighting a looming mainstream choice. Traditional schooling is so prevalent, so pervasive, so indoctrinated. All preschool curriculum includes images of "school": busses, apples for the teacher, classroom settings. Relatives, friends and the grocery store clerk as about "school". TV commercials, TV shows, comedy routines and kids shows all have "school" as a main or peripheral focus. Traditional school = fun, normal an the right thing is a very present and strong culturally held assumption.

 

I'm lucky in that I don't really care if my kids "buy into" my reasons for homeschooling. This frees me from having to "make it fun", "sell them on the idea", "make it like public school" or even offer them reasons to accept or like it.

 

We homeschool. I'm willing to talk about needed improvements to our homeschool. Public school is not an option for reasons my kids won't understand for decades. I'm certainly not going to try to explain Lord of the Flies to my 9 year old.

[DawnUK]

Neither of of my two older children (10 & 11) want to go to school. I think it's because I point out every now and then how great it is that we can decide what we will do and when we want to do it. If we are studying castles and want to take the day off to visit one, then we do! They know they we will still make up most of the scheduled school work, but they are happy to have the option. I also ocassionally call an official day off, and we have a movie afternoon just because it's raining or we miss dad because he's deployed. I usually try to point out how great it is that we have this type of freedom since we are homeschooled. I also ask their imput in some our studies. This year, for instance, they wanted to study chemistry so that has been our science for the year.

 

HTH & good luck,

--Dawn

[Amber]

I think you really need to focus on what is going on in your situation.

yes...homeschool is wonderful...........yes we have homeschooled for 8 years.

BUT, every family is different and EVERY family has different situations to consider.

 

Look at the day. How many hours a day do you work? Do you work out of the home. How many hours a day is your daughter alone? How much of her schoolwork are you doing with her or is she doing most of it alone?

 

Really think about her and why she is feeling the way she is. It may not be JUST for kids. It may be because she is lonely or feels alone and can't really verbalize what she is feeling.

 

Then see if you can make some changes. Whether the hs group is religious or not or green or purple.........your daughter needs other kids and if the hs group is anything at all you might want to participate in their activities for HER.

 

I would really put myself in her shoes and if it's impossible to change the day to make her feel better than maybe a school would not be such a bad choice.

 

This is just my opinion coming from a stranger many miles away. lol

 

Hope any of it might help.

Amber

[CalicoKat]

my 9yo dd has been in school all week doing--today she says she's bored and she's looking forward to being home next week. :)

 

She's taking standardized tests this week. So it is just temporary. But it is the first time she's ever been schooled away from home. She says it's boring--not the tests, she likes those. She detests doing the same thing every day in the same way she says.

[beansprouts]

When my 8 year old dd is out playing at 1:00 in the afternoon, I take the opportunity to remind her that her friends will still be in school for hours ;)

[Lizzie in Ma]

Under no circumstance is she going anywhere else now.

Period.

 

It's not even open for discussion.

I just don't care.

 

Same here, anything else is a non issue. We home school.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This is funny, because I remember my ds10 wanting to go to school simply for the yellow school-bus. Then there was a local community event that had limited parking and they bussed us from the park-and-ride to the event - on yellow school buses! My ds did enjoy it somewhat but he realized really quickly that the yellow school bus is highly over-rated!

 

We don't attend very many "homeschool" events but we do attend events of all kinds that we enjoy. My kids look for their friends in people of all ages. A small community can be a wonderful place that has tons of opportunities for friends from 1 to 99 (and why stop at 99?)!

[pixelroper]

Dd had a short run of this around that age. I in general do not debate about these types of decisions. I pointed out that school was for schoolwork not socializing. I added that we spend half the time doing her work then she would spend in ps. What really changed her mind-- telling her they are allowed to eat only once during the day. As a grazer this was a concept she couldn't handle :lol:.

 

I think dc are just as susceptible as adults to the 'grass is greener on the other side'. You could use this opportunity to discuss this, along with, "just because everyone else is doing it..."

[CLHCO]

I show no mercy when it comes to trying to remain neutral on the subject. I don't think he'd do well in school at all. In fact, I'm fairly certain he'd be on medications.

 

Nevertheless, it looked fun to him. So, I explained his day, then explained their day. Now that he's in cub scouts, he can see I'm right.

 

They are there sometimes 7 hours a day. Yes, they get recess on some cool stuff with other kids but they rarely get to play long enough to really get into what they're doing, like he does just in the back yard. What they get is 15 minutes, minus lining up time, and a bit more at lunch.

 

In class he couldn't stand on his head and listen to history. He'd do worksheets. I wouldn't work in his handwriting to facts on the solar system. He'd write what they say to write. School wouldn't be over after he gets the basics for what I consider mandatory, usually only about 2 hours maximum of seat work and no homework. You stay until the bell rings. He can't work on his level, he works on the level of the classroom.

 

He gets the homework thing now. So many of the boys in cubs are swamped with it at times in the evenings, even in just the 2nd grade. They spend all day in school then do homework? No thank you, he says. Sitting still in a church is pure torture for that child. He has no reason to think it would be better in school, only longer.

 

Are there any scout troops or other options in your area? I'd give her some frank discussion on why you do what you do. As time progresses, she'll see not everything is rosy in the public school. There are advantages but they don't always outweigh the disadvantages.

 

All of this varies when dealing with a girl. My older daughters needed the more relaxing one on one schooling, with more flexibility to write stories and work at their level. As they got older they also could see some of the really nasty social behaviors of the girls in their Girl Scout group. They're firmly planted at home now and would not want even high school to be placed as an option. They're very content.

[tinkgumby]

Maybe you could show her what a typical day in a ps school can be like?

 

For example:

• have her sit at a desk, no couch, floor, all day for all studies

• only a limited time to eat lunch

• get up early every day and go to bed earlier to compensate

• have to ask to get a drink of water

• no snacks or eating after breakfast until lunch time

• going out in the cold every morning to wait for a bus or for morning recess

• no after school naps or tv because chores and homework must be done

• getting up and getting dressed right away, every day

Socialization isn't as great when you have to compromise these comforts which hs'ers are often used to

 

This made me laugh, because my kids are currently dealing with ALL of those things right now in K and 1st grade. They both complain bitterly about how the teachers say "One, two, three, GO!" at the drinking fountain - when they're hot after recess, they need more than three seconds to get a drink! One of the big appeals of homeschooling is that they get to drink when they want to, and for how long they need to! It sounds so simple and silly, but it matters a lot to them. (:

 

Another socialization idea that I don't think I saw . . . is there 4H in your area? That could be an idea.

 

Good luck!!!