s/o late working husbands

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

Hello,

 

I saw the thread about late working husbands and was strangely comforted that I'm not the only one! (I guess misery loves company?) Anyway, here's my problem/dilemma. My kids wake up early (6:30ish.) No matter what time they go to bed, they will be up at the crack of dawn. Dh gets home around 7:00pm. I'm ready to "clock-out." by 8pm. That's all I have to give--I'm done. If they're up much later, I start doing this :cursing: and bedtime is miserable for everybody. The problem is that if they go to bed by 8, then they hardly get to spend time with their dad. I sometimes let dh know that I've passed my limit and I'll take a "time out" in our room, but then I feel guilty for leaving him to do the whole bedtime routine.

 

What to do? Any suggestions?

[elinnea]

Sounds a little like my kids and my situation except that dh doesn't work late- he's gone for months on end. Personally, I wouldn't feel guilty leaving my dh to do the bedtime routine together, especially if he is willing to do it. That could be their time together.

[MommaOfThree]

My dh works rotating shifts and there are nights that I actually pass out sitting next to him on the couch because we're on different schedules:tongue_smilie:

 

I certainly wouldnt stress about it .. let the hubby have some kiddo time occasionally and zonk out! They do know how much we do, and if they've ever spent a day or two at home while we're schooling they should truly understand that by 8pm we're "done"!

[....]

Mine works 7 days a week. Leaves around 4:30/5:00 am and will come home around 7-8pm. It's horrible.

 

You're not alone. I don't even count on help from anyone anymore. I'm constantly with my kids for months at a time - no kidding. :glare:

 

Here's to all of us out there...:cheers2:

[MariannNOVA]

Hello,

 

I saw the thread about late working husbands and was strangely comforted that I'm not the only one! (I guess misery loves company?) Anyway, here's my problem/dilemma. My kids wake up early (6:30ish.) No matter what time they go to bed, they will be up at the crack of dawn. Dh gets home around 7:00pm. I'm ready to "clock-out." by 8pm. That's all I have to give--I'm done. If they're up much later, I start doing this :cursing: and bedtime is miserable for everybody. The problem is that if they go to bed by 8, then they hardly get to spend time with their dad. I sometimes let dh know that I've passed my limit and I'll take a "time out" in our room, but then I feel guilty for leaving him to do the whole bedtime routine.

 

What to do? Any suggestions?

 

Sounds a little like my kids and my situation except that dh doesn't work late- he's gone for months on end. Personally, I wouldn't feel guilty leaving my dh to do the bedtime routine together, especially if he is willing to do it. That could be their time together.

 

My dh works rotating shifts and there are nights that I actually pass out sitting next to him on the couch because we're on different schedules:tongue_smilie:

 

I certainly wouldnt stress about it .. let the hubby have some kiddo time occasionally and zonk out! They do know how much we do, and if they've ever spent a day or two at home while we're schooling they should truly understand that by 8pm we're "done"!

 

 

Where to start?

 

My kids are up at the crack of dawn too - no matter what time they go to sleep.

 

I am wiped by 8pm - sometimes earlier.

 

 

THANK YOU ALL for posting. I have thought that there is something wrong with me b/c some nights......alright, most nights, I am running on fumes by the time dinner is finished.

 

Thanks -- you have no idea how much better I feel b/c you all have somewhat 'normalized' the way I feel in the evening.

Edited August 4, 2010 by MariannNOVA

[Moxie]

We have the exact problem here--my 9 year old is always up by 6. My plan is to get them fed earlier so they are ready for bed when DH gets home. Then he can spend some quality time with them before they go to sleep. I think I'm going to get out some quiet games he can play with them for a few minutes before bed. Maybe bedtime won't be such a struggle if they are ready an hour before?? Rough-housing with Dad will have to wait until the weekend. I think a peaceful evening (for everyone) will be a fair trade for a little less playtime.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Are you done as in so tired that you can't do anything? Or just done with kids? We take a family walk in the evenings after supper. Dh and I get about 10 min. with just the two of us - the kids run ahead of us. Then the kids get a turn with dad. I get time to walk by myself. (We often take turns having one-on-one time with the kids too during our walk but you wouldn't have to set it up that way.)

[FairProspects]

Sounds a little like my kids and my situation except that dh doesn't work late- he's gone for months on end. Personally, I wouldn't feel guilty leaving my dh to do the bedtime routine together, especially if he is willing to do it. That could be their time together.

 

:iagree:This is how it works in our house since dh frequently works late and gets home just in time for the bedtime routine.

[DarlaS]

Hello,

 

I saw the thread about late working husbands and was strangely comforted that I'm not the only one! (I guess misery loves company?) Anyway, here's my problem/dilemma. My kids wake up early (6:30ish.) No matter what time they go to bed, they will be up at the crack of dawn. Dh gets home around 7:00pm. I'm ready to "clock-out." by 8pm. That's all I have to give--I'm done. If they're up much later, I start doing this :cursing: and bedtime is miserable for everybody. The problem is that if they go to bed by 8, then they hardly get to spend time with their dad. I sometimes let dh know that I've passed my limit and I'll take a "time out" in our room, but then I feel guilty for leaving him to do the whole bedtime routine.

 

What to do? Any suggestions?

 

Does he seem to mind? Does he do the bedtime routine lovingly or begrudgingly? I bet if he does this and actually enjoys it, it will make some awesome memories for your kids. If that's the case, work on ridding yourself of this guilt. (I know that's easier said than done...) Think of it as a gift to them. Dads can nurture too!

 

If he's grumpy about it, and you don't want that to be how your kids remember their dad, maybe find a way to recharge mid-day (nap?).

 

My dh gets home at 7:30 these days, so I can also commiserate. :grouphug: Fortunately (for me), my kids are older. Only two even have a bedtime routine that involves me tucking them in anymore. Fairly soon, I'm sure I will be down to one. :sad:

[DarlaS]

Mine works 7 days a week. Leaves around 4:30/5:00 am and will come home around 7-8pm. It's horrible.

 

You're not alone. I don't even count on help from anyone anymore. I'm constantly with my kids for months at a time - no kidding. :glare:

 

Here's to all of us out there...:cheers2:

 

Mine is pretty much on the exact same schedule. Gone by 5 AM (earlier on weekends) and home around 7:30. He'll be taking classes two nights a week here in about 3 weeks too. Then he'll be home at 10 - 10:30. Yuck.

 

We are glad he has a job right now, but it often feels like he has TWO.

[Mom0012]

Ask your DH if he minds doing the bedtime routine. If he doesn't want to do it, then I would get the kids to bed and let them spend time together on the weekend.

 

Lisa

[Rosie_0801]

but then I feel guilty for leaving him to do the whole bedtime routine.

 

 

You feel guilty for obliging him to spend time with his kids?

 

My kids are early risers and dh has a long commute so he organised to start work half an hour later in the mornings so he would actually see ds each day. Ds is often in bed before dh even leaves work. Then, on weekend mornings, he takes them out to do grocery shopping and play, and that seems to be enough to keep ds (18 months) on friendly enough terms that he'll initiate contact with dh.

 

Rosie

[Jean in CA]

Are you able to sneak in a short nap in the afternoon? I have older children and little ones. Everyone takes a rest or nap so I can be refreshed for the 2nd half of the day!

 

I don't like to be so tired by 8PM (dh comes home 7:30) that I don't have any energy left for my dh (he's a night owl and will stay up past 11PM).

 

After years of homeschooling and giving dh only the "leftovers," I decided it was time to place him higher up on the totem pole :)

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

Awwww, thanks for all the support/commiseration/suggestions you guys! Just knowing I'm not the only person going through this helps a lot!

 

I'll try out some of the things you all said. A walk when dh gets home sounds like it might be a good idea. And, you're right...I just need to ask him how he feels about putting the kids down. I guess I just assumed that he's been working hard all day too so doing the bedtime routine alone isn't what he was looking forward to. But maybe I'm feeling guilty for nothing!

 

One thing I wish I could do was take a nap, but I'm just not a good napper. It takes me so long to fall asleep, that by the time I'm sleeping it's time for me to wake up! Or, I'll sleep for too long, and then I do wake up I'm more tired than when I fell asleep!

 

Thanks again for all the advice. You all are so helpful! :)

[elinnea]

One thing I wish I could do was take a nap, but I'm just not a good napper. It takes me so long to fall asleep, that by the time I'm sleeping it's time for me to wake up! Or, I'll sleep for too long, and then I do wake up I'm more tired than when I fell asleep!

 

 

 

You needn't take a nap though. I'm not a good napper either but, like one of the the other posters suggested, an hour or so in the afternoon where everyone either naps OR does some sort of quiet activity can be quite refreshing as well.

[fairfarmhand]

Once they are old enough to tell time can you require that they stay in their room until a particular time in the morning so that you can get more sleep?

 

 

We do this. They have to stay in their rooms and play till about 7:30 if we are not up. I do allow certain snacks (bananas, yogurt, granola bars) so they can eat a snack before I feed them breakfast. They are also permitted to go upstairs and watch a video.

 

When my dh works late, I try to do all the bedtime routine before he gets there so he can spend time with them before bed without pj time and toothbrushes interrupting their time together. I stay up decently late with my dh, sometimes dozing on the couch if I'm too tired.

[NanceXToo]

This is actually one of the reasons why I chose to start homeschooling :)

 

My husband goes to work a little before 1 PM. And he works til anywhere from 8-10 PM, sometimes later. So he comes home at or after the kid's bedtimes. And he works every Saturday. So I was always feeling like they didn't have enough time together.

 

Now that I homeschool, the kids at least get to spend mornings with him before he leaves for work in the afternoon, and they get to spend all day Monday with him, which is one of his days off (Sundays and Mondays).

[Peela]

I am not in the same situaiton (although my dh works from 8-11pm most evenings) but I am wondering...do you give yourself a rest or break in the middle of the day? It makes all teh works of difference to me if I get my afternoon rest time. If I dont..I am also exhausted by 8pm. If I get my rest, the quality of my afternoon and evening is improved immensely, and I can turn out my light at 10pm.