A poll about your mom - for no other reason than curiosity.

[naturegirl7]

alive but only occasional contact. even though our relationship has improved over the years, it is not really a "good" one. And never was. I grew up hearing what a burden I was on her from the moment I was concieved....she has never forgiven me for being a CSection baby or for the fact that my father loved me to pieces and that he and I are close.

 

I guess I could say she did the best she could considering....but dont know that I truly believe that. I think that she could have done much better if she tried....

 

there is something just soul crushing when you realize that your own mother truly truly does not like you, and instead is angry, jealous, spiteful, and downright hateful. Same applies for the first time you realize on that deep level just how truly dysfunctional the relationship was/is.

 

I still love her, but I sure don't like her as a person - especially after becoming a mother myself, I see how toxic she is (to herself and to others) and try to limit her contact in our lives.

 

It has helped me to be a better mother though - to actively decide how I greet each new day and new obstacle in life, how I treat those closest to me - how I love my son. I actively work to break the cycle every day.

[black_midori]

My mom died 5 years ago next month after an illness (ms) that she developed as a new mother around 30 years old. It was not significantly noticeable to me through my younger years, but started to get progressively worse around when I was a teenager. Therefore, most of my teenage and young adult life mom was always the one that we took care of, rather than the other way around. We were careful to try not to upset her and we were very gentle and supportive with her physically (when I was in high-school, she was only able to walk with the support of two canes).

 

As a grown-up, I can now officially say I have NO IDEA how she did it!! She was the age I am now, caring for 3 little kids while her husband was overseas with the military, diagnosed with an illness that made her temporarily blind... can you imagine? Here I think it's bad enough with 2 kids & a hubby away a fair amount - but I'm strong, healthy, and have absolutely no excuse for being such a grump!! Well... pms.... so one tiny excuse :) Yet I always remember her as the most caring, giving, optimistic person I knew.

 

I love her very much and miss her dearly - I am just glad she was able to meet her grandson (now 6yo) before she died, and to know that I was expecting another! She always did love kids, and teaching. I bet she would have been overjoyed to help me with homeschooling.

 

On a happier note, we live with my husbands parents (mother and father) - and they are both 80 years old and doing terrific!! They are also both wonderful people and easy to get along with.

[rookie]

My mom was always, unfailingly there for me. I miss her every day. I still cry sometimes and its been 16 1/2 years since she died. I still deeply resent that she had to die so young and so painfully.

 

Generally, I make it a rule not to read through threads about mothers because mom-bashing (which invariably rears its head) pisses me off to no end, and when I hear stuff like that IRL I tend to go off a blue streak on people.

 

 

I do not understand this.

 

If you were fortunate to have a good relationship with your mother, wonderful. However, there are mothers out there who have treated their children badly and were not doing the best that they could and were not "there" for their kids. People have to be able to express that as well. Particularly, in this thread, as the OP asked.

[3lilreds in NC]

My mom and I are very close. I don't get to talk to her as often as I'd like, because she works a lot, but we talk as often as we can. She lives too far away for my liking.

[Sandy in Indy]

My mom died in June of 09, and I miss her EVERY SINGLE DAY. There's such a huge hole in my life from her loss. Losing dad was hard; losing mom was catastrophic.

 

I was so blessed to have such wonderful parents.

[KrissiK]

My mom and I live 5 minutes away from eachother. We eat dinner there once a week and talk on the phone at least once a week. We're as close as we can be. She doesn't let people get really close to her, but we have a good relationship anyhow.

[angela in ohio]

I was able to vote the third option, and I want to send :grouphug: to those who voted the fifth one.

 

I have let a lot go to be able to have a good relationship with my mother. We see her and my father 1-3 times per month. She is a wonderful grandmother.

 

Dh forgave his mother for so very, very much, and they had a pretty good relationship, but she has spiraled downward into hostility and resentment, and it is rough lately. She has little interest in our dc. We see her a few times a year. She has very different political views than dh and his brothers, and she can't help starting arguments about it. She also buys into a lot of the fear-mongering she gets from the media, and she wants to talk about it ad nauseum in front of our dc.

Edited September 7, 2010 by angela in ohio

[BMW]

Recently my therapist asked me who I am closest to... it was hard to decide if I am closer to my mom or my dad, so I said that I am closest to both of them... since you asked about moms...

 

Mine was loving and tender and we know that no matter what we did in life, she loved us dearly. That said, she made some pretty terrible and hurtful choices. I still loved her, though. I think we grew up together. She had a lot of pain to process (her dad was in Germany fighting in ww2 when she was born and he resented her birth and was jealous of having to share his wife with a daughter... he never did really love her). But, she grew up.

 

She still has to be the center of attention a lot of the time, but she is very funny. I see her about once every two years in person, but we talk a few times each month... for a loooong time on the phone. She lives several states away. I cannot bear to think of her passing in the future. I love it, even though I am 41, that when she calls me somtimes and I say, "Hello?"

She says, "Good morning, Sunshine!"

[mommaduck]

I do not understand this.

 

If you were fortunate to have a good relationship with your mother, wonderful. However, there are mothers out there who have treated their children badly and were not doing the best that they could and were not "there" for their kids. People have to be able to express that as well. Particularly, in this thread, as the OP asked.

Thank you for saying this. That comment bothered me as well, but I did not know how to respond. I don't bash my mama, but I'm not going to be dishonest about her either. She had issues. Some people called her "crazy" with valid reasoning, though in truth she was simply a very damaged person that did not know how to rise above the things she endured and instead was a very hurt and bitter person needing someone to scapegoat all her problems on...I just happened to be that kid. I love her dearly, but because of her husband's arrogant pride, her and I have not spoken to each other for over seven years (yes, I count and Mother's Day is painful for me)...all because I found my father's sister, found out I had siblings, found out I had a grandmother that tried to locate me and contact us for 18yrs, and found I had FAMILY that actually cared about me. Because I made contact with one side, I was cut off of the other side.

 

I'm happy for those of you that have such wonderful relationships with your mamas. I envy you like you wouldn't believe. Be grateful and take joy. But please, do not judge those of us that don't have what you have. Some of us have tried and tried over the years. Some of us have taken all the blame and tried to work through things to the best of our abilities, but nothing we ever do will ever be good enough. You just can't tear down a wall that was built by someone else. They have to be willing also.

 

I'll get off my soapbox now.

[Mosaicmind]

I voted that I don't know whether she's alive or dead, but I believe she's alive. I haven't spoken or seen her in over 5yrs and that's what is best for me. I grew up in an extremely abusive family and I don't have contact with any of my family anymore.

 

I was adopted by my now spiritual mother on May 12, 2009. We are going to make it legal and change my middle and maiden names so that I am safer and my bio-family can't find me. I speak, text, or email her everyday and we see each other 3 times a week. Soon that will be harder because we are moving out of state and so is she; her husband got a job with another university. If it weren't for her, I'd be dead now. I love her dearly and finally know somewhat what it means to have a "real" mother in my life.

[beccad777]

My mom comes over and spends time with us on her day off every week.

[Tracy in Ky]

She was my best friend, and she died in 2004. Sometime it feels like she took half of me with her when she left. But she was strong, and I think I inherited some of her strength. I can't wait to see her again in heaven and never have to say goodbye again.

 

I can't believe it has been almost 6 full years since I got to talk to her. Before, it was hard to go a whole day without talking to her.

 

So grateful to Jesus for the future putting-away of death.

[Oakblossoms]

We live in my parents duplex. My mom, my Dad, and my Grammy live in the upstairs duplex. We live in the bottom one. It is a huge house on 5 acres. We drive each other crazy. But, it has been fun. I love the time it has given my kids.