Grrr. MIL...

[AngelaNYC]

Ok, so my MIL has never warmed up to the idea of homeschooling. Even after 5 years and with dd getting into one of the best high schools in the country, she has issues with it. Ds is 9 and she swears he's "bored" and needs to be in a structured environment. Um...what?

 

She never asks how we're doing or what we do. She doesn't have a computer so she doesn't see my blog or does any research on what homeschooling really is. We do academics for 2 hours almost every morning and spend the rest of the day OUT. We do homeschool group classes and activities, field trips, we visit friends, or hit the playground for hours.

 

She knows no one else who homeschools. She has preconceived ideas that she gripes to her old biddy friends to and they just shake their heads and agree with her. Sigh.

 

It doesn't matter that my kids are above grade level and have many friends. It doesn't matter that my kids have always been well behaved (compared to her other 7 grandchildren) and respectful. She is always comparing them and seems to need to brag to her friends about her grandkids' academic achievements. Maybe I should print out the facebook picture of her oldest granddaughter on her knees chugging out of a beer funnel :sneaky2: .

 

I know I should just show her how great everything is by example - since my explanations go in one ear and out the other - but she doesn't see. She has closed up to it. Dh is no help. Even though he is fully on board with homeschooling, he never even tries to talk to her about it. He ignores her comments and changes the subject. :glare:

 

and she lives right across the street. :glare::glare:

 

Help.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Honestly I think you need to take your dh's lead on this. He knows that she's not going to change so that's why he never tries to talk to her about it and ignores her comments and changes the subject.

[kwickimom]

UGH. This is going to be my life once the ILs catch wind of us homeschooling and they live next door. None of their kids went to college and every single one but my DH has been in trouble with the law. SIGH. Just ignore them. Thats all I am going to do as their opinions mean ZILCH to us

[Snickerdoodle]

and she lives right across the street. :glare::glare:

 

 

 

 

Maybe this is the real problem ;) . My MIL isn't very understanding either but she lives thousands of miles away.

[chubbyhugs]

It seems your MIL is just stuck in the "tradition" of institutional school. You won't be able to change her mind. The best thing, IMHO is to ignore her, and to keep doing what is best for your children. It is so angering because she lives so close yet can't see how your kids are thriving.

[JVA]

One of the most freeing things my dh ever said to me about his mom was "Why do you think you need to convince her? We know we're doing the right thing and if she doesn't get it (even after we'd talked to her about the 'whys and hows'!), it's not YOUR problem." You don't need your mil's approval and neither did we. Just keep doing what you're doing- sounds very successful to me. If I was there, I'd give you a hug. :)

[Miss Sherry]

Sometimes it hurts when those closest to us do not give us the support and recognition we would like to have for what we are doing. You are doing a great job and should be hearing that from those around you, but your mil is a bone head and she is not going to tell you. I am sorry you are going through this and it is probably magnified because she lives right by you. Maybe someday you can move. I know I would want to.

I think it is a lost cause to think you will ever get the approval you so deserve from her. You would probably be better off if you stop talking to her on the subject of homeschooling as much as possible. The fact that she is gossiping to her friends about you shows that homeschooling is not the main issue, but that she is very disrespectful in general. I doubt your relationship would be any better even if you told her you were putting all of your children in public school.

 

Keep in mind the real reasons you are homeschooling, which does not include pleasing an unreasonable person.

I am glad I have homeschooled my children, but after about 19 years, I have received next to no appreciation from anyone in my family,some mean criticism, including dh, even though he says we need to do it, so all I really have to go on is I know I did the right thing.

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do and let go of getting support from others around you.

It would be even harder if we did not have places like this to come to.

[Remudamom]

Huh. I don't get why people care what their inlaws think about homeschooling. Just homeschool and let them deal with their own problems.

[Wheres Toto]

One of the best things about my MIL is that she lives 3 hours away.

[Danestress]

Huh. I don't get why people care what their inlaws think about homeschooling. Just homeschool and let them deal with their own problems.

 

Changing the subject seems like the best response to me. You are correct that she is closed to this. You are probably never going to hear her change her mind. If she's trying to convince the kids to rebel, then you need to correct that, but you are unlikely to change what she thinks.

[May]

I never got into a debate about homeschooling with any of our relatives. If they made any comments challenging our choice I just said we are making the best choice for our dd. I would then get up and leave or change the subject in such an obvious manner that it was clear to all what I was doing. Don't get into the trap of thinking others have to approve the choices you make for your children or even your life.

[DianeW88]

One of the most freeing things my dh ever said to me about his mom was "Why do you think you need to convince her? We know we're doing the right thing and if she doesn't get it (even after we'd talked to her about the 'whys and hows'!), it's not YOUR problem." You don't need your mil's approval and neither did we. Just keep doing what you're doing- sounds very successful to me. If I was there, I'd give you a hug. :)

 

 

:iagree: Just ignore her.

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[Rivka]

My MIL (well, step-MIL) is glad that we're homeschooling because there are so many black kids in the public schools.

 

Under the circumstances I'd prefer that she disapprove.

[kalanamak]

Even though he is fully on board with homeschooling, he never even tries to talk to her about it. He ignores her comments and changes the subject. :glare:

 

 

When it comes to inlaws, I always follow hubby's lead. He knows them best. In return, I expect him to do the same when I mention, in the car, e.g. NO lawyer jokes.

 

And, living well is the best revenge. Sorry she is so petty and bored.

[amydavis]

Sometimes grandparents need something to brag about. Have you ever considered having a "back to school night" or something like that? Most years we have a Grandparent's Day thing where we invite all relatives and any interested close friends. We put up the kids art projects, set out their history binders, create displays about science projects or maybe the process of writing a paper (all rough drafts and visuals on a display board).

 

The kids recite memory work or read a story they wrote and I put out snacks.

 

It's fun and it gives the grandparents assurance that the kids they love are learning, as well as something to say when their friends are bragging on grandchildren.

 

I am all for good boundaries when they are needed, but sometimes they just need talking points for chatting with friends.

 

What a neat idea! I may have to "steal" this one!

:001_smile:

[AngelaNYC]

Thank you all so much for the advice. You guys really get it.

 

Jean: That makes sense. I guess he knows she won't change.

 

kwickimom: LOL, we'll both be part of the "grr...MIL" club. It's so hard to ignore it, though.

 

Snickerdoodle: It would be great if she lived a thousand miles away. lol

 

chubbyhugs: Yes, she's very stuck in the tradition of school. And yes I just have to keep doing what I know is best.

 

JVA: I love that your dh said that. I'd love a hug right now, lol

 

Miss Sherry: Thanks. You're right, I should just stop talking about homeschooling altogether. Or at least avoid it when she brings it up. I haven't said anything about it to her actually in years. She talks only to dh about it. I will say, aside from this issue, she's a great person. I just hate having anything that causes a rift. I love the support from this forum.

 

Remudamom: I know, but she's RIGHTTHERE. I ignore it most of the time, and pretend not to care, lol.

 

dottieanna: LOL, I can only wish

 

Danestress: I wouldn't put it past her to convince the kids to rebel, lol. I just can't believe some people are that close-minded. I hate that she doesn't trust my decisions.

 

May: I agree with that. When I do come across opposition, I tend to ready myself for a LOOOONG discussion with the sole intention of proving I'm right. I should probably keep it brief, huh, lol.

 

DianeW88: Yep. It's hard, but ignoring her seems to be the consensus.

 

Rivka: OMG, that's hysterical. It sounds like she doesn't get it, either.

 

kalanamak: "Living well is the best revenge". I love that. Thanks.

 

Cadam: What a nice idea. My MIL would just think it was a contrived display and that I was trying too hard to prove a point. I would love for her to have some talking points, but she's such a hard nut to crack.