Those with grown children that were in competitive sports....

[Melissa B]

If your child(ren) was in a competitive sport through jr. high/high school that basically took up all of his/her free time - does your child now look back on the time with appreciation or regret?

 

Does the child continue to participate in the sport? Still enjoy it, etc.?

Are you happy with the decision? Or did it take up too much valuable family time?

 

My daughter has the opportunity to join the rowing team. We are really on the fence. Five days per week, 20+ hours per week. It sounds like a lot to me. But there are plenty of positive aspects as well. Just looking for some BTDT advice.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

Not my child, but me. I was pretty good at soccer, and had I been willing to devote more time to training and keeping in shape I probably could have gone on to play at college. Even today, after a kid, and still carrying around baby weight (4 years later... hah), I can outplay many people.

 

Instead, I thought other things were more important. Like hanging out with friends for hours, working fulltime so I could drive a brand new car, etc.

 

I wish I had at least given myself the chance. What will she be giving up to join the rowing team? Is it something she is just mildly interested in, or has been wanting to do for a long time? Is it something she'd like to continue into college? 20+ hours a week DOES sound like a lot, but... if she *really* wants to devote that much time to it, I think I'd let her. (As long as it wasn't going to be a strain on the rest of the family, or take time away from other children.)

 

Competitive level sports can really open doors up for college. Scholarships, consideration from colleges that otherwise wouldn't be interested, plus an automatic group of friends once you get there. Of course that isn't the ONLY reason to consider, but at least one.

[Photo Ninja]

My dc swam competitively from a very young age through high school. This meant practices daily, traveling to 2-3 day meets, etc. They often invested 20 hours a week into swimming. It was very time consuming for the entire family, not just for them.

 

They chose not to swim in college because of the time commitment. They would not have been able to graduate in 4 years, and would not have been able to work. They did not get swim scholarships because those are very difficult to get, even for very good swimmers.

 

But my dc don't regret the time they invested in swimming. They still enjoy swimming and know they learned valuable lessons from it.

 

One dc has been assistant coaching summer rec and U.S. swim teams for the past 4+ years, and lifeguards when needed. He is a kinesiology major, so working at a gym and coaching swimming fits right in there with his goals. My other dc lifeguards and teaches swim lessons at a private business, a good paying job while in high school and college.

 

So while they are not pursuing swimming now, apart from for exercise and work, it is still a big part of their lives. It was just redirected. So yes, it was worth it from my perspective and theirs.

 

Your dd needs to decide how interested she is in crew and how it will affect the rest of her high school years. There will be a trade off and she won't have as much time to spend on other activities and just hanging out with friends and family. If she is not totally committed, it won't work well.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We're in the process of walking away from the competitive life (mainly for financial reasons). Dd wasn't up to 20 hours yet, just 12, but many of her friends at gymnastics were going 20 hours plus most weekends during competition season. When do the rowers meet? For dd - the 20 hours would have cut out dinner at home every single week night. (Practices were from 4pm - 8 pm). The 3 nights a week now that she has dinner at the gym mean coming home, showering, having a snack and then going to bed.

 

My friends who have kids at the top levels say that the gym becomes the home's center. Everything revolves around the gym. To the gym's credit the coaches are wonderful and obviously care for the kids. I've had 2 moms come out and tell me that they do not have much of a relationship with their husbands anymore because the moms are either taking the kids to gym activities or working at fund-raisers etc. for the gym fees. (Obviously there are tons more moms at the gym who have told me nothing about their relationships with their husbands.)

 

If a sibling is even remotely interested in gymnastics, many moms enroll them so that they can keep all the focus in just one place. Those siblings who are not interested come and hang out at the gym for hours. They do their homework there and bring their laptops so that they can do computer games. This is just what I have observed in many families at this particular gym.

 

Yes there are plenty of positives: self control, mental and physical discipline, exercise, camaraderie, team spirit.

 

But there can be negatives: being gone from the home for the hours of practice, commute, and competition times, potential financial burden on the family, injuries from repetitive motion, emotional turmoil if/when you have to quit for some kids. . .

Edited June 26, 2010 by Jean in Newcastle

[kmacnchs]

There was a thread on this a while back. I will speak for myself. I devoted about 20+ hrs/week to VB during hs. I was on a travel league during the winter, spring, and summer. Camps during the end of summer. Then season started again in the fall. I LOVE vb (always have, always will) but by the time I was a senior, I was tired of the time commitments continuing to grow. (that's when my travel team started practicing regularly on Sundays, which I did not like)

 

I also had friends that played in Div. I colleges and the time they spent made me decide not to play for a D. I team. I instead chose a D-III college and played the entire time I was there. I LOVED it. We had a hard core season but then we got a break from mid-Nov thru April (when Spring training started). That would have NEVER happened at a D-I school.

 

I still LOVE volleyball as an adult. I don't play anymore (stopped once I had more than 2 kids - time constraints) and I MISS it! The difference between my experience and your daughter's is that I was (basically) an only child. My brother was in college at the time. My parents went with me wherever I went for travel league. So my playing did not take anything away from my family. My dad is VERY competitive so he loved it and it gave my mom and I a chance to get really close. In your case, I don't know how it would affect your family dynamics - only you can foresee that sort of thing...hth

[tex-mex]

Yes there are plenty of positives: self control, mental and physical discipline, exercise, camaraderie, team spirit.

 

But there can be negatives: being gone from the home for the hours of practice, commute, and competition times, potential financial burden on the family, injuries from repetitive motion, emotional turmoil if/when you have to quit for some kids. . .

:iagree:Hubby was raised as a child in competitive swimming and then in junior high and high school football and baseball took over. He was scouted by colleges and it was a big deal. Then God had a funny sense of humor and broke his arm 2x and ruined the scholarships and sports. He stopped sports while in college and went a different route. He was ill-advised with the Kinesiology degree -- it really should have been pre-med or Physical Therapy to make $$$. He had issues from leaving sports and being it all he knew. He has some serious neck/upper body injuries from his sports days and did grow up bitter about it. He really resented his loss of a childhood. He does now admit sports did teach him a lot of teamwork, discipline, and attitude with working with others (leadership). He would do things differently if he could go back in time, tho?

Edited June 26, 2010 by tex-mex

[MorganClassicalPrep]

If a sibling is even remotely interested in gymnastics, many moms enroll them so that they can keep all the focus in just one place. Those siblings who are not interested come and hang out at the gym for hours. They do their homework there and bring their laptops so that they can do computer games. This is just what I have observed in many families at this particular gym.

 

 

I see this at my DD's dance school. It is the number one school in our area and has a strong competitive and performance squad. Some girls take 8-9 classes a year, plus flexibility classes and other stuff. I often see other siblings doing homework, bringing stuff to play with, etc. because they are there all the time.

There are also a number of girls who are picked up from school in carpools and everyone is dropped straight off to the studio. The girls then do their homework and have class until 9 or so at night, when their parents come to pick them up.

 

This is definitely one of the drawbacks to competitive sports. Especially for children in school all day, being at practice all evening, plus many times on the weekends, really cuts into family time. I'd be willing to make some sacrifices, but it is also important for us to spend time together.

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

This is definitely one of the drawbacks to competitive sports. Especially for children in school all day, being at practice all evening, plus many times on the weekends, really cuts into family time. I'd be willing to make some sacrifices, but it is also important for us to spend time together.

 

I was told that most of the kids at the top levels of our gymnastics gym are homeschooled - not for academic or family reasons but simply because there isn't enough time to devote to school, homework and then the sport. For them they do have family time but not as much with the main bread-winner.

 

And obviously there are some who aren't homeschooled and do find a way to cope.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Neither of my children inherited my competitive DNA. They would rather play for fun and enjoyment. I hope they continue enjoying their interests when they are adults.

 

I on the other hand played high school and I still play it. I was even a USPTA teaching pro for awhile. I hope to be able to enjoy tennis well into my old age. There are three 70yo in my current league. I want to be like them when I grow up.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I was told that most of the kids at the top levels of our gymnastics gym are homeschooled .

 

I'm about to find out... DD is moving up to 20 hrs per week and training during the day. I personally think it's worth it, but cannot vouch for how she will feel later on looking back on this. For now, though, she's excited.

[Catherine]

He's athletic and very competitive and swam competitively for three years, which is how long it took him to reach regionals competitive level. Then he quit and now plays squash for fun.

 

I am encouraging my youngers to swim, in a less competitive manner, because it's my choice for lifelong fitness. Few injuries, safe, and there are 90 year olds who swim for exercise.

[MotherMayI]

I don't have adult children yet, but I played Division I basketball on a full scholarship. After finishing my college "career" in basketball I went on to teach and I coached throughout my time as a teacher. I played against my players when I coached. I did take a long break from basketball after having children, but picked up coaching (and playing against the kids) last winter. I had a blast. I just had the sling surgery for stress incontinence (sorry if that is tmi:tongue_smilie:) and a big influence on my decision to have the surgery was that I want to play bball with my kids and continue to coach their teams.

 

At this point my dc only participate on a recreation level in sports. If in the future they have a passion and the willingness to put in the time- I will support them fully. Basketball opened so many doors in my life and was a real confidence booster for me.

[cat in black]

My daughter was in US Pony Club and practiced daily for competitions in addition to being a cross country runner on a track team. Today she is 35 years old and still runs 4 marathons a year and trains daily. She does not ride competitively anymore, but owns 3 horses and rides whenever she can. With a 3 year old and 10 month old twins, this isn't as often as she would like.

 

My oldest son played baseball, golf and basketball. He is 28 years old now and plays church softball and adult league basketball. He hits the golf course whenever he can.

 

The youngest played baseball, golf, and basketball. He's an 18 year old college junior now and plays church softball and intramural basketball. He also plays golf whenever he can scrounge up the time.

 

So for my kids, sports are a true love and I think they will all be lifelong addicts. I am glad we made the investment necessary both in time and money to encourage them in athletic pursuits when they were young. I don't think any of them will ever have to worry about weight issues and they all enjoy great health. I know it isn't easy. But I do think it is worth it.

[momofkhm]

Another it was me in competitive sports. But for me it was track and cross country. I look back on it fondly. (I haven't read the other responses so I don't know if I'm repeating anything. Well, I did read the first one.)

 

Running in high school taught me time management like nothing else could. Most kids at my high school got home about 2. I got home about 4:30. An hour before dinner for homework and then after dinner as well. My brother played football and soccer. He didn't get home during the season until dinner time.

 

Running well got me recruiting letters from colleges. Three I think. Naval Academy, Mary Washington and one other that I can't remember. I had no desire at all to go into the Navy so they were out. I ended up going to MWC (now MWU) and running for them. I'd never heard of the school before I got the recruiting letter.

 

Then in college, it was an automatic group to belong to. I was one of a 30 instead of one of 3000! It was an easy group too. I still keep in touch with a few of them - went to weddings, invited them to mine.

 

I loved it!

[unsinkable]

I was friends with someone who played D-I hockey. When his senior year season was done, he didn't put on skates for 7 years.

 

I know everyone's experience is different but he needed a lot of distance when it was over...

[Scotia]

A few tidbits of info for you to consider regarding rowing.

 

Rowing is THE sport that many colleges use to balance the cost of men's football for women (to comply with Title IX) As such many schools have significant scholarships and it is a very good extracurricular activity to get your foot in the door at some of those reach schools. My husband coaches high school girls rowing and every year most of his seniors go on to row in college with partial, and a few full rides. (They go everywhere from State Schools to Ivys, Division I to Division III). The rowing supports their collegiate applications rather than drives their choices. (Nota bene - he has had homeschool kids row for him, one of whom got into her top choice, out-of-state school on a full ride.)

 

Rowing will take over a significant portion your daughter's life, not only in terms of the practices and the races, but also socially. The good news is that rowers as a group tend to be academically driven, bright, organized, and very good people. It is not that large a community and as a result there is instant respect from, and for, other rowers. The bonds formed in all of those practices are deep and lasting. Unlike gymnastics or swimming, rowing is a team sport, personal success is not simply a result of an individual effort, you are dependent upon the complete focus and effort of everyone in the boat to move well, let alone to achieve a modicum of success.

 

Both my husband and I rowed in college and to this day (graduated twenty-five plus years ago.) we spend every New Year's Eve with a group of people we rowed with and often meet with a larger group at some point over the summer.

 

Consider her goals and see if these points might help her achieve any of them. If so, 20 hours per week is time very well spent. If not - avoid it like the plague!!!

[Barry Goldwater]

If I read right, DD is 12? 20 hrs/week sounds like a lot for a still-developing body.

 

DW rowed Jr/Sr. yr Public HS, then 2 yrs college. I ran CC/Track in HS/College. We had TONS of fabulous benefits (socially, athletically/health, character training, etc.) but now 25 yrs later (and for me since college!) we DO suffer from some significant chronic pains/nagging injuries. I don't run anymore and I wish I could. In college I ran with tendinitis in my ankle for a whole season (taped it, took aspirin) and I STILL suffer the effects (young and dumb). Also some back pain that MAY be related, and lots of achiness where I had 2 stress fractures still today...

 

I might have had lousy genetics, or I might have been reckless with the amount of training I did, but as a result, I am hyper-sensitized to "over-training." For my extremely athletic DD14, we have a "deal" that she keeps me apprised of all aches, pains and dings resulting from her running and indoor/outdoor soccer exploits. I have "too much" experience managing these from myself, and want to hopefully spare her some aggravation later in life. AND you can't always rely 100% on the coach for this.

 

So because of my PERSONAL experiences, this is where my thoughts go for a young athlete. BUT IMHO competitive sports are a GREAT experience for kids who desire it. I don't want to be too much of a "downer," just sharing my experience...BTW, plenty of my old teammates still competitively run with no issues...

 

I don't really regret any of the experiences even with the pain today...we'll see if I feel the same way in another 20 yrs (Lord willing) :-)

 

And I expect DW would say, "GO FOR IT. Crew is AWESOME."

[Mommyfaithe]

My dc swam competitively from a very young age through high school. This meant practices daily, traveling to 2-3 day meets, etc. They often invested 20 hours a week into swimming. It was very time consuming for the entire family, not just for them.

 

They chose not to swim in college because of the time commitment. They would not have been able to graduate in 4 years, and would not have been able to work. They did not get swim scholarships because those are very difficult to get, even for very good swimmers.

 

But my dc don't regret the time they invested in swimming. They still enjoy swimming and know they learned valuable lessons from it.

 

One dc has been assistant coaching summer rec and U.S. swim teams for the past 4+ years, and lifeguards when needed. He is a kinesiology major, so working at a gym and coaching swimming fits right in there with his goals. My other dc lifeguards and teaches swim lessons at a private business, a good paying job while in high school and college.

 

So while they are not pursuing swimming now, apart from for exercise and work, it is still a big part of their lives. It was just redirected. So yes, it was worth it from my perspective and theirs.

 

Your dd needs to decide how interested she is in crew and how it will affect the rest of her high school years. There will be a trade off and she won't have as much time to spend on other activities and just hanging out with friends and family. If she is not totally committed, it won't work well.

 

My kids are/were also competitive swimmers except for my oldest who hates chlorine.:001_smile:

 

So far, dd 2 is a life guard and a US swim coach (she is 21 and has been at this since she is 15) So, while she isn't swimming competitively while in college, it opened doors for work during college in a field she loves. She hopes to compete at the masters level once she is finished with school...we shall se.

 

Oldest ds works at the Y teaching swim lessons and competitive swim technique....so once again, great college job. He swims daily for exercise and pleasure, but he is not a competitive sort of guy.

 

They look back on their swim days as just part of who they are. They are still very close to their team mates , who they grew up with.

 

I still have 4 more children in the sport and it has definitely worn me down...but I know how good it is for them, so we keep on keepin' on.

 

~~Faithe

[Melissa B]

Thanks for all of the replies!

 

I think I am dragging my feet because I fear what a five day a week program will do to our family time. And I really don't want to be out driving her all week. We have such a great daily routine now and I generally only leave the house twice a week. And our Friday family days will have to be cut short for afternoon practice.

 

But, it is a great opportunity and if my dd says she is committed, she means it. She is very level-headed and mature for her age. She will give it enough thought before deciding. She already said no to an opportunity to join a competitive swimming team. She told me she enjoys swimming, but didn't want to put in that much time at the pool.

 

I have to consider the scholarship opportunities as well. Two of the team's seniors this year have accepted scholarships to row in college this fall. And I do like the idea of her having a small group of girls she will be close to if she does decide to pursue rowing in college.

 

Honestly, for a daily program the conditions are ideal. When I need to bring the other children the practices are at a park with a playground, swimming area, and shaded picnic tables for doing school work. The other families have been warm and welcoming from the first day. We have much in common with them, as they all tend to be laid-back, outdoorsy, water loving families like us. If she is going to be in a competitive sport this is a great choice for her and for our family.

 

As to over-training, I will keep an eye on that, but a good amount of time is actually spent in simply putting the boats together and just getting them in and out of the water. They exercise about 30 minutes daily before actually getting out on the water.

 

I am leaning toward sucking it up and allowing her to join if she chooses to. The benefits seem to outweigh the possible downsides. She has until the end of July to decide. She will continue to train twice a week with the team through the summer.