Really feeling discouraged about HS

[sbgrace]

I'm feeling discouraged today about homeschooling.

 

I've got a child who is a challenge to teach. I tell myself that whatever I can teach him is going to be more than the school could accomplish. I believe that is true. He's got major attention issues, special needs otherwise, learning issues, health issues, etc.

 

But I feel like I'm failing. Every time I even pull out materials for math (Rightstart--quick lessons as fun and hands on as I think math can be) or handwriting (HWT--I keep it at 5 minutes tops for him which means we're making very little progress) he is resistant to the very thought. He hates both subjects and I so want him to enjoy what we do. He does like bible and reading. But when I look ahead to subjects like spelling and grammar...if I can't make RightStart and HWT tolerable how in the world are we going to manage those?

 

Beyond that it's so hard to even get him to tune in when he's right there with me most of the time. It's frustrating. I get impatient. I feel like we're not progressing. I feel like I'm destined to fail at this completely at some point.

[StephanieZ]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

That you have two important subjects he enjoys -- reading and bible -- is a great start!!! Yay!!!!!!

 

Am I right from your siggy that you have two 6 yos you are schooling? I take it that one is easy to school?

 

If that is right, then 6 yo is still pretty young, and you have a lot to deal with, so if reading is going well, you are really off to a great beginning.

 

Have you seen Peggy Kaye's Games books? You could use her math games for math -- that would work great with two kids the same age!! Maybe hold off on Right Start for a while and instead spend some time each day playing math games?

 

I think handwriting can surely wait for a while with no harm done. Could you have your son copy a sentence or two from his favorite reader or bible verse? You could write it out and he could copy it as neatly as he can, with you coaching him occasionally on how to hold his pencil or whatever?

 

Spend more time doing the things you both enjoy. . . and try to give yourself a break on the things that you are struggling with. Really, at 6 I think you have a lot of wiggle room.

 

Be kind to yourself! We all have doubts and rough times!

[PeterPan]

How old is he? It takes a while to find how to teach your kids, really and truly. I'm sorry he's so hard. You might try adapting what you have. Do the math on the whiteboard. Have you tried having him MOVE while he does some of his schoolwork? Does his hand hurt when he writes, or is it the attention span thing getting him? When my dd was little, we worked for a few minutes, then I'd send her to run laps around the table.

 

You might find it refreshing to take a break and do something totally DIFFERENT. What would you do if you WEREN'T doing school and formal school stuff? What does he really like? Are there some methodologies or fun books you've been wanting to try that sort of hit school work but in a fresh way? A while back I took a whole week with my dd and did mystery theme puzzles using this cool workbook I had found. You might have lego week and have everything (the math, dot to dots for your "handwriting", read and build what the story is about, blah blah). Just get it way out of the box. I don't have to energy to do that forever, but just for a week it's fun. And when you do something like that, you start to see how he engages. He might be very willing to do math if it's done in another way. It's no indictment of you and it doesn't mean RS is bad. It's just where he's at right now.

 

So try a theme week and see if that doesn't help. Lizards would be a fun theme. You could copywork sentences about lizards, go to the zoo to look at lizards, do lizard math with bags of lizards from the dollar store, read books about lizards, etc. Then take what you learn from that week and modify your regular stuff. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wanted to say that my ds (when he was that age) had daily tantrums with math, spelling and handwriting. Every single one of those subjects are "right/wrong" subjects as in you either got the answer right or wrong. Well, handwriting not as much, but as a boy I think that was tougher anyway. I had to persevere with a lot of modeled "self talk" for him on handling these subjects.

 

Also - with these tedious subjects I broke them down even further for him. We started literally with one problem at a time - then we did jumping jacks or windmills or some other simple exercise. Then we did another problem etc. Slowly we would move up to doing 3, then 4, then 5 problems before taking an exercise break. It seemed to help.

 

Ds will be 13 in 2 weeks. He no longer has the tantrums (most of the time) and I don't have to break the subjects up for him into little bitty pieces. So hang in there!

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

Handwriting was a battle for months here until I switched to a whiteboard. Then, it was a bit of sighing but tolerated. Finally, she started to enjoy it a bit. I would try doing handwriting on a whiteboard or in sand in the bottom of a pan for a while if you are currently doing it on paper.

 

Also, I instituted a very successful no whining about school plan near the beginning of this year--if there was whining or complaining, I pulled out a book from an extra subject to do. (I pull out all the books we are doing for the day at the beginning of when we start school, but we don't do every subject every day so there are plenty of things to grab.) I explained this procedure once, then would just calmly and quietly go get another book if there was whining, making sure it was not a "fun" book like The Aesop for Children or MCT. I rarely have to pull out an extra book now, the whining was stopped in its tracks. And, it doesn't seem to have hurt her enjoyment of "fun" subjects, she will still read lizard books and things like that on her own outside of school time.

[Catherine]

I insisted he do it anyway but we had many, many unproductive days when we were power struggling over whether math was happening. Just keep at it. Find things to praise. I punished for a bad attitude and was painfully consistent. I tomato-staked him. He came around. He just turned 9 and has made a lot of progress, he is very compliant (though he still complains at times), loves to read, is very pleasant. Don't give up! Daily work is key.

[Julie in MO]

I read your post and had flashbacks of teaching my oldest daughter to read! It was so hard and challenging and TIRING. She's now 14 and an avid reader. Last year a new homeschooling mom called me to ask questions, one of which was about teaching reading. I told her what we used (Phonics Pathways) and after I hung up, my dd (then 13), told me that she would like to burn that book! She told me she hated the process of learning to read, even though now she loves reading. She really hated the particular book I used to teach reading, although she didn't articulate that well at age 5/6 and I was inexperienced as her teacher and didn't realize I had a bad fit for curriculum. More importantly, though, she shared that she hated learning to read because she remembered (at that tender age of 5 and 6) that it was just plain hard work and she didn't want to have to do it. We went head to head on that subject and I doubted myself often. Experience has made me more confident and better at understanding my children's learning styles. My dd commented that she learned that just because something is hard, doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile to do. She's glad I pushed her out of her comfort zone to learn to read. Not sure if that makes you feel better, although that's my intent by sharing. Hope you feel encouraged by someone who's BTDT and lived to talk about it!:001_smile:

Blessings,

Julie

[LittleHouseHomeschool]

I'm feeling discouraged today about homeschooling.

 

I've got a child who is a challenge to teach. I tell myself that whatever I can teach him is going to be more than the school could accomplish. I believe that is true. He's got major attention issues, special needs otherwise, learning issues, health issues, etc.

QUOTE]

 

Take courage. If the Lord has called you to homeschool, He will bring it to pass. Guaranteed. He is faithful. I encourage you to trust Him through the process...be quick to listen to Him and participate interactively with both the Lord and your child. You are on an amazing journey right now! Do not fear!

 

As a mom to two children with LD's and another two who are gifted, let me encourage you to think outside the box.

 

Why does your son need to do handwriting? I had to ask myself the same question with my oldest son many years ago (who has now graduated from high school)...and I decided he could practice handwriting while he was doing his language arts, spelling or phonics work. All of my children (three righties and a lefty) have solid handwriting...so I know this can work.

 

Secondly, the following book recommendations could transform your homeschooling altogether. I read these books about 10 or 11 years ago. The ideas contained within these pages are practical and easy to implement.

 

The Myth of the A.D.D. Child: 50 Ways to Improve Your Child's Behavior and Attention Span without Drugs, Labels or Coercion by Thomas Armstrong, Ph.D - There are many helpful ideas here to foster attention and better attitudes. This is a valuable secular resource -especially in the way of educational environment as it pertains to the attention challenged student.

 

Learning In Spite of Labels by Joyce Herzog - This Christian resource is packed full of practical help in teaching our learning challenged children. Amazing, amazing resource. Highly recommended...even if you don't have an LD student!

[Di3kids]

As I'm cleaning my basement to prepare for a "makeover" down there, I just came across a print out tonight of a post I'd made on a forum (I save a lot!) when my now 15 yr. old son was 6 yrs. old. I was frustrated about him not focussing, etc. Other forum posters encouraged me then and I can tell you now that 6 IS very young. Hang in there, and don't expect too much of him. As homeschoolers we do have the flexibility of pulling back a bit and not having to do "school" like the ps. Anyhow, 11 years later, my son is doing well. He's bright and talented in math, music, science, and it floors me that he is such a great creative writer. Stay the course and you will see the fruit. :)

[....]

I don't know how old your son is, but I have a kid like this. Have you looked at Oak Meadow?

[NanceXToo]

Why don't you just go with interest-led learning with him for a while? Forget "programs" and "curriculum." "Handwriting" isn't going to make or break him. Forget handwriting. He likes reading, great! You can learn tons from reading, so read to him/with him/let him read! Forget math workbooks or whatever and do math in other ways. Real life stuff like shopping with an allowance, helping to measure while cooking in the kitchen or for woodworking. Playing math games (either board games or computer games) etc.

 

Find out what he likes to do, what he's interested in, and explore it in hands on ways. Truly he can learn without it ever having to come from a textbook or workbook. People do this with kids who don't have your son's problems all the time just because they like doing it that way. Others, I understand, aren't comfortable with that- but in your case, with all of your son's problems, all the more reason to give it a try.

 

You may find it a lot less miserable for both of you. Anyway, just thought I'd throw it out there! Good luck whatever you do, I hope you are able to find a way to homeschool him without either of you feeling discouraged. And you are not a failure by any means! You are doing the best you can with a situation you are in and it is coming from your heart. Hang in there!

[gpsings]

I haven't read all the posts, but we were having similar issues, and I was beginning to think there was something seriously wrong, and I DEFINITELY couldn't handle it. I took us to our dr (homeopath) and discovered we had some major food allergies. Mostly milk. Since removing milk from our diets, we have seen drastic improvement in focus and energy. Maybe you could check into that? I don't know specifically if that's a problem for you, but you wouldn't know unless you looked into it. I really hope you find the answers. I hate when people are discouraged!

[freetobeme]

:grouphug:

are your boys twins? my youngest are and learn so differently! at 6, the only subject that they did at the same level was math. i adjusted and did most of j's work orally. he also ran laps, did jumping jacks, and shot the basketball OFTEN while his brother rarely took a break. patience and time pay off. mine are almost 10, working at or above "grade level" in most areas. we still take breaks to burn off energy. you can do this!

:grouphug:

i do agree with looking into food allergies as that can cause, although we haven't specifically dealt with that here.

[Guest janainaz]

My easy son was like that when he was young. I think he picked up on my lack of confidence in regard to homeschooling and he played with that constantly. I wanted to homeschool, but I was not 100% on my decision that it was right for him and that I could do it. It was not until I became very committed and solid in my decision that his attitude began to change. Once he learned that he was going to have to do his work and that I was not going to become emotional or allow him to manipulate the situation, he became more compliant. Doing school is not optional. The work has to get done and I needed to lay that foundation with my son so that I was not dealing with the same issue every day. Dh helped me tremendously when he told me to keep my emotions out of it. Once I did, our days were much better.

 

Now that ds is 10, I never have issues with him doing his work. I allow him to vent his emotions about not feeling like dong it in the same way I vent about not wanting to do laundry. I just don't play into it and I let him be human. Ds5.5 is the one I was concerned about - he is the one I thought I would have a hard time with, but even he's learning that there are certain things we do every day and if he wants to go to the park, or play games, play the Wii, watch TV - do ANYthing, he has to do his "school". He's 5, so there is not a tremendous amount of work to do, but he's learning right now that he can't manipulate that.

 

In regard to curriculum - I really think you can tweak anything and make it work. I've used the same curricula since day 1 and I've never changed. I have saved all of my books from ds10 for ds5, and I may change the way we do some stuff, but I don't run out and purchase new curricula. I may use more of a lapbook approach with ds5 and make his experience a little more hands-on, but I do believe that the constant switching around allows a child to manipulate in the same way. I can see where a learning disability or issue could be more difficult, but I do wonder if a child picks up on the insecurity of a mother who searches high-and-low for the "perfect" curriculum, instead of focusing on the real issue which has nothing to do with the material.

Edited June 13, 2010 by janainaz

[sbgrace]

I'm going to print out this thread so I can digest it all. Thank you for the encouragement and ideas! I really appreciate it and I think every single post has helped me.

 

He is six and is a twin. The boys are entirely different and the other is much easier to teach.

 

This kiddo is literally always imagining. Right now I hear him on the couch making up one of his stories. It's even hard to get him to concentrate on things like eating or taking a shower! It's really unbelievable.

 

He does love to be read to as he's entering those stories in his imagination. He is enjoying learning to read. He likes my bible lessons which are story based with activities with him in mind basically. Unit studies might work especially if they were based off stories that had captured his attention. The only times I really get him to tune into math are when I make up a story with it but lately he's been tuning out even that tactic.

 

When I talk about handwriting I'm not talking about copywork for him. I mean it's been such slow going that he's still working on lower case letters! I am going to start working on whiteboard, sand, etc. I think. That might help make the practice he really does need less like torture for both of us. I just don't "get" how writing a lower case k six times is so objectionable. It took lots of effort on my part just to get him to tune into the formation! Yesterday was a really bad day. All of last week really was especially discouraging with him. But the replies here have helped me more than I can tell. I feel less like it's destined for a train wreck! I'm going to implement many of the suggestions mentioned in this thread. Thank you!

Edited June 13, 2010 by sbgrace

[akmommy]

I haven't seen this mentioned yet so I thought I would throw it out there. What does he say about handwriting? Is it to hard? Does he have the hand strength and eye-hand coordination required for handwriting?

 

You might spend some time having him play with play-dough and other activities that will strengthen the muscles in his hands, or do dot to dots and other activities that will improve eye hand coordination. I see you use HWT, do you have the teachers guide? It has some great ideas for getting them ready to write. Mine loved writing their letters on the little slate a lot more than they did the workbook.

 

Anyway just an idea you might not have considered.

 

ETA: I don't have any exp. with Right Start, but one of the hardest things for me in the early days of HS'ing was learning to listen my kids and what they were really trying to tell me.

Edited June 13, 2010 by akmommy

[Guest]

I had a story-obsessed child too, and there are some great math picture books out there that use story to engage kids like this. Try reading the Sir Cumference books together. Loreen Leedy has three books on a dog called Penny that deal with maps, probability, and measuring; then she has other books out about addition and subtraction. At http://www.mathsolutions.com you can find a series of lessons called Math and Literature, which use picture books to work on math skills (the books are divided into groups like K-2, 3-5); there's a separate series for math and non-fiction books. My daughter absolutely ate these up. I also second the earlier poster who suggested Peggy Kaye's Games For Math -- they are easy for engaging, not worksheet type games, and are very fun and helpful.

[texasmama]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have one who is hard to teach because of some special needs. I make it through by not looking ahead. We have plenty to deal with one day at a time. :tongue_smilie:

 

I will share my little secret coping skill with you. On the hard days, I imagine that we are 20 years in the future and that I am in the audience while the one who is hard to teach is at a podium, receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. In his speech, he thanks me and says, "This has all been possible because of my mother's patience and hard work with me when I was a child." Really. It helps me cope because it gets me to a place when I am finished being his teacher and it has all turned out just fine.

[mom2att]

Chiming in with the others to encourage you . . . my middle child was a lot like this. And since my oldest was a breeze and did everything the easy way, this was a shock to my homeschooling confidence. First grade with my middle one was an exercise in me banging my head against the wall--I would have been more productive teaching the table to read and do first grade math. My true measure of success that year was that everyone survived.

 

Now for the encouragement part--2nd grade was a world of improvement, 3rd was better still, and I have high hopes for 4th and beyond. Hang in there!

[dangermom]

Do you read the WTM blog? There was a guest series a little while ago on dysgraphia. I'd encourage you to read it--it had a lot of wonderful ideas, whether or not your son has dysgraphia.