Do you push your kids in their strong areas, or do you push them in their weak ones?

[Stacey in MA]

I am curious about your experience with this, and would love some stories...

 

Firstly I must say that I am one who believes that a certain amount of "pushing" must happen in training a child. I feel that if kids are left to their own devices, they tend to not train into themselves a diligent habits (when it comes to academics, personal habits, anything really). Of course, over time, they learn from example that they must "push" themselves, and that it gets easier with time, and that the rewards are greater. And so they begin to push themselves (eventually....that is the hope anyway.... or delusion?? ;-p) Anyway....here's the question:

 

When you find your child is strong in a certain area, do you push him/her in that subject? By that I mean, perhaps adding additional ground to cover, broadening the scope of what you originally intended to cover, or something different perhaps?

 

Or conversely, when you find your child WEAK in a certain subject matter, do you push him/her to come up to speed in that subject? If so, in what ways do you do that? What has been your experience with this?

 

I have a few scenarios happening with my kids. My DS9 is the one I'm thinking most of lately (my kiddo #1, so my homeschool guinea pig, and my parenting guinea pig for that matter!). He is a bright kid, very logically oriented. BUT he drags his feet in all school subjects. It especially hurts my heart when it comes to science and math, b/c I know he has a aptitude and certain above-average tendencies toward mastery of them. Therefore, I have a personal inclination to push him in those areas in attempt to bring the level up to his upper limits - a.k.a. "pushing" him. I would like to lead him towards being really good at the things I think he has a natural tendency to be really good at (if that makes any sense!) But whenever I "push" (by that i mean add extra work, or attempt to move ahead more quickly), he really pushes back!! He balks and complains and gets very mopey. He just sees it as extra work, and that annoys him. He simply enjoys being in his "easy" comfort zone ALL the time! It's frustrating.

 

On the other hand, my DD6 LOVES it when she shows interest or special skill in something (her latest academic fun is with poetry), she really enjoys it when I offer her extra work, more time and attention on that subject, more exploration of it, etc. I am not really attempting to compare the kids really, as I know all personalities are different. But, I simply mean to say that I have personal experience with 2 very different "attitudes". I'm not sure how to lead my #1 into more academic satisfaction and joy, without letting him become somewhat "lazy". Sometimes I wonder if some kids (even though they are bright) perhaps aren't meant to be "pushed".

 

OK, enough babbling from me! Thanks for reading this far. Any thoughts or stories to share?

 

Thanks all! - Stacey in MA

[Kay in Cal]

I push in their weak areas (or the areas they don't enjoy, anyhow) and lure them onward in thier strengths. For me it's all part of the education process--while I want them to excell some day in thier chosen field, a barrel only holds water up to the top of its shortest stave.

[Jenny in Florida]

As the parent of a couple of highly gifted kids who have too often had their accomplishments viewed with suspicion, I have a knee-jerk reaction against the word "push." And, I honestly think we don't push academically at all around here. In fact, I've always said that anyone who knows us can see that it's me getting pulled along, trying to hang on for dear life.

 

However, with that said, we do insist that both kids keep moving forward at a fairly consisted pace in all areas and subjects. So, the trick is to find a good level for each subject at which they are challenged but not overwhelmed, to start there and just keep going, one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, that requires a gentle pressure, but I hope and believe that we tend to focus more on insisting on good work habits and character traits (finishing what you start, doing what needs to be done with a minimum of whining, working efficiently, taking responsibility for your choices, etc.) than on meeting specific academic goals.

[Aubrey]

I push in their weak areas (or the areas they don't enjoy, anyhow) and lure them onward in thier strengths. For me it's all part of the education process--while I want them to excell some day in thier chosen field, a barrel only holds water up to the top of its shortest stave.

 

Great answer!!

 

Weak areas: ds7 isn't a fabulous speller (but I haven't really taught it), so this week we've been copying out his spelling list every day. Although that's *different* work & ultimately adds up to *more* work, it's the same amt of time spent on spelling each day. Kwim?

 

Science, otoh, he loves. He has his set assignment, which I choose *at his level.* Beyond that, I make things available, but "pushing" seems like it would take some of the joy out of it.

 

Now, this is *my* guinea pig, so I don't know...maybe he's the personality of your dd. What would I do if he didn't choose to do science stuff in his spare time? Watch what he does do. I expect there's science in it, just not the kind you're studying. I'd encourage that. Physics/engineering (i.e. legos & k'nex), etc.

 

Math is another thing altogether. Ds is ahead in math & enjoys it from time to time, but I'd quickly suck any joy out of that if I gave him EXTRA work, kwim? He can sit still at it for 30 min up to an hr, not more. He does one workbook assignment/day, not more. We do one lesson from the text, that's it. Once in a while, he'll ask if he can do the next page, but not often.

 

I'd figure out my standards for an individual child, & I'd hold the line. But push? Maybe that word evokes different meanings for each of us, but it does make me hesitate. My personality pushes hard, so I try to balance that in my hs'ing. Today we dropped math for outside play, for ex. We both needed that *today.*

[klmama]

I allow them to fly with their strengths, and I expect them to keep paddling despite their weaknesses. I've found that by insisting that they keep working on weaknesses, sometimes they eventually become strengths. Not always, of course, but it's amazing how a little persistance can pay off. Once they get more practice, they get better, so they enjoy it more, so they want to practice more, and then they can actually become really good at it.

 

However, I don't give extra work just because they are very good at something. It frustrates them to feel like they are never done. Instead, I pick a reasonable amount of work, and they can be done when they are done. However, I do pick out lots of interesting library books on related topics, and I leave them around for them to pick up and read. They do, and they often ask for more. Also, I often see them spending time learning things we aren't covering this year, just because they are interested. That thrills me!

[Beth in Central TX]

I do a little of both. I try to strengthen their weak area with review and/or practice until mastery is acheived, but I also like to challenge them in the area that comes more easily to them. The subjects that usually get lost in the mix are the ones that they are average in.

[girlymama]

in their weak areas? This thread has been very interesting to me because I haven't been quite sure how to motivate my dd9 in math. It is her weak subject and she tends to get me to basically give her the answer.

 

What do you do to help them in their weak areas.

madonna

[Storm Bay]

There's no one clear answer in our house. If it's a necessary skill, I do push somewhat in their weak areas, be it academically or other. So, for example, one is being pushed a bit in spelling. My girls exel in art, but for years I didn't push them at all, just let them draw whatever they wanted to, which was fine. As they get older, however, I do insist they do some art study because they will limit themselves without it. But I led them to this by letting my then 8 yo enter an art show. When she and my older dd saw what lessons can do, they were much more willing to go with my suggestion.

 

In our house there has to be some pushing or there wouldn't be much academic work going on in for one of my dc. When that child was 8, she decided to run for president so that she could repeal the mandatory education act (I don't even know if it's a federal law or not), but by 9 figured out it would be too much work and that she'd probably fail with that anyway. I have 2 that some days do their work only because it's the law (I've actually brought that up) and because they'd prefer not to go to public school. Okay, some days all 3 do it for that reason. But not always and not in all subjects! Well, one almost always, with some recent improvement. Unschooling would not work here even with a rich intellectual environment.

[KAR120C]

In our house it doesn't matter if something is a "strength" or a "weakness", it needs to be a gentle challenge. DS is way ahead in some things, but that doesn't mean he gets to coast... and he struggles with other things (coughcoughspelling!cough) but that doesn't mean he has to catch it up any faster than he otherwise would.

 

So what I define as a "low simmer" is that if it's easy it's not enough, but if it's so hard that it upsets him, then he's not learning the lesson (he's distracted by the upset). So I aim for just enough that he's out of his comfort zone, but only a little. He has to work at everything and he has to work hard, but I aim to never make it overwhelming or exhausting -- just hard enough to give him a sense of accomplishment when it's over.

 

For some things that can be a very VERY narrow window! LOL And sometimes I have to re-assess halfway through the day, but for the most part I can judge it pretty closely.

[Peela]

I used to push a lot and I dont think it really helped us move forward much, and it caused a lot of stress. You cant make a flower open quicker by forcing open the petals- some things just take time.

I guess I try to extend my daughter in her artistic/ writing skills, which she excels at, by trying to encourage it and make space for it in the day. She is a bit of an all rounder though, so although she is better at some subjects than others, and prefers some to others, overall she keeps up in all of them and I guess I do need to insist she finish her work some days, when she gets behind, but I don't feel i push her much.

My other little cherub finds a lot of things a struggle, although he loves to read and reads very well. So I guess I just keep nudging him along in his weak areas, daily effort and all that, but after years of pushing I have come to some acceptance that you just can't force a child with LDs to learn beyond their capacity. However, I guess I make sure he reads a fair bit because it is his strong area, and therefore it is an area that builds his personal confidence, which is important.

Its a balance, and a juggling act, but I dont push the weak areas too much because it my son's case, it really doesn't help. Short lessons really do work better for him, and daily consistency, and lots of physical activity, rather than "pushing". Balance.

[Snickerdoodle]

In our house it doesn't matter if something is a "strength" or a "weakness", it needs to be a gentle challenge.

 

I agree.

 

My plan is also to keep my kids at a level in each area that provides them with challenging yet attainable goals. I don't think that learning happens linearly in all areas at all times. Some subjects will flow easier and faster than others and that's ok.

[Jenny in Atl]

I like what Peela said about "daily consistency", trying not to push but revisit, revisit, revisit. All of us have strong and weak points in our skills, and the greatest joy is to work hard so we don't let those weak points dim our strengths. I try to share often with my kids, the things I struggle with, to let them know everyone struggles with something. So maybe it's a gentle push and not a shove.

[elegantlion]

I feel like I'm on a teeter-tooter in that area sometimes. My dh is strong in math/logic/science but getting him to read or write is like pulling teeth. I think I approach the weaker subjects differently. I encourage and try have fun within the weaker subject. I also make sure he understands that IF (emphasis on if) he chooses a field in science he will have to have excellent reading and writing skills.

 

Maybe I coax a little more in the weaker subject, but allow less leeway in his stronger subjects. Good question.

[Philothea]

I'd definately encourage kids in both, first to go ahead with their strengths and develop them, secondly to overcome their weaknesses to the best of their ability and at an appropriate pace.

 

I think that for weaknesses, certain goals must be met and there is a minimum that they should learn even in these areas. For example, I was always weak in math in school but I had to take 3 years to graduate, I did not take it my senior year because I hated it and I did not need it. I would probably go about this situation similarly with my own children.

[mcconnellboys]

Both, LOL!

 

If you find the right style of learning for a child's strengths, I think they will not necessarily need to be pushed in those areas, but you may need to constantly challenge them to come up to their potential.

 

My older son is very strong in writing, but if he's not given opportunities that he thinks will be "fun", he won't write, so I guess that's a maturity issue. My challenge is to coax him into opportunities that he will find to be fun.

 

My younger son is a real math guy, but hasn't got a good math teacher, unfortunately, so no matter what curriculum I choose, I'm not really able to make it interesting for him in the way I could if I were a math person. I'm working with some mathy people to try to make better opportunities happen for him in that area through a First LEGO League, math club, etc.

 

Regarding weaknesses, my older son has ADD and really always had to be supervised more closely to make sure that work was getting accomplished rather than daydreaming. My younger son is not that much into writing and so I'm constantly changing up the types of writing exercises we do in order to give variety and keep that new and fresh, while challenging him to build skills.

 

Boys do tend to be several years behind girls in terms of maturity level, so maturity might be one issue with your boy.

 

He also may have just a very different learning style. Lots of boys learn better through immersion in subject areas, which is one reason we've always done so many field trips.

 

Your son might learn math skills better through making measurements and building things, or building gliders, then estimating how far they'll fly, their trajectory, etc., than through doing math on a workbook page.

 

He might learn spelling and grammar and writing better through creating a book about any subject he wants and illustrating it in any manner he wants (stickers are great if he's not an artist). Seeing a bound, finished volume that perhaps gets copied and sent out to family to share would make him proud of his accomplishment, hopefully.

 

Preparing and making dinners for the family might help teach him measuring, nutrition and health. Perhaps he needs to see purpose in the work he does......

 

I don't know, those are just some ideas. I've got to get out of here and get *my* work done..... Good luck to you,

[Robin Hood]

As the parent of a couple of highly gifted kids who have too often had their accomplishments viewed with suspicion, I have a knee-jerk reaction against the word "push." And, I honestly think we don't push academically at all around here. In fact, I've always said that anyone who knows us can see that it's me getting pulled along, trying to hang on for dear life.

quote]

 

This made me laugh because that's how I feel. No matter how much I lead, la numero una (9), has pushed me - outside the box! I went to see a ps counselor yesterday cuz I don't know what to do with her and she said she sounds twice gifted at our first interview. I am going to make an appointment for her to be tested. I've been confused because she is not excellorated and doesn't enjoy classroom life. The doctor diagnoses her adhd.

 

In teaching, I lean towards letting my girls excel in their strengths and accomplishing thier weaknesses. I don't let their weaknesses slide, they have to work them, but no, I don't push them.

 

I got up one morning a month ago and La Una, mentioned above, was sitting at the table eating a plate of scrambled eggs, 6 eggs to be exact. I asked her who made those and she said she did. I never taught her to make much because she didn't seem interested. I was surprised. I didn't like the fact that she was in the kitchen alone using the stove but this child drives me crazy and I am always telling her not to do this or that again. I just couldn't do that this time so all I said was "Next time, tell me. I don't want you around fire without someone knowing. How are your eggs?" It would've broken her to do or say otherwise. I am always breaking her heart.

 

Yesterday I found her in the kitchen making pancakes, without a cook book. She didn't tell me. While in process, I perused her ingredients and gently suggested that basil and red peppers might not taste to good with syrup so she eliminated those 2 items. Dh and I choked down the pancakes and praised her, they were edible, but after her 2nd one she decided they weren't.

 

This morning after dh went to work and I had gone back to bed after I got home from work, she decided to make pancakes again to see if she could improve them without informing me. She added shredded carrots, nutmeg, peppermint extract and cinnimon. She had decided that yesterday's weren't sweet enough so she also added an extra measure of sugar. She loved them. I ate them. I can't stop her.

 

My dad recently observed that this child does things without asking. School completely bogs her down. Hates, hates hates it. Since I force it on her, I feel like I have to let her get away with this, along with a few other things. Somehow, to have to discover things is strength for her. To earn the privledge is not on her radar and discipline has never worked. At first I thought all this was due to adhd, but now I am discovering it is her IQ.

 

I babbled on, but that's one way I agree with Jenny in Florida, I'm getting pulled along hanging on to dear life. We've had near death experiences; once almost choking herself, another is frequently almost falling out of trees while trying to figure out how to make a tree house without nails, and the list goes on.

 

I make her do swim team because I think it is a life skill. I've watched a foolish drowning in some rapids years ago, so I am set on this. Maybe this is one area I am pushing in a weakness, but she is doing it her way. She plays in the water instead of doing laps and I get frustrated because she isn't paying attention. Then race day comes and she flies through the water. She was paying attention all along. Because she doesn't practice well, she doesn't win, (although she comes close), because she is winded. She hasn't discovered that yet and she won't listen.

 

Those examples don't answer the question well, but that's how I see it.

[DSAcademy]

I am trying to let the kids discover their own personal sense of gravity, when it comes to their gifts...but I must admit that this is much easier to achieve in abstraction, than in reality!

 

So for the most part, I try to frame things for them in terms of stretching to see what lies just past their personal horizons. Sometimes they will see things they want to work towards and other times they just note the view. Either way, I have come to realize that my pushing deals with my desires, but that their pushing results in achievements, and more importantly personal satisfaction, that no external force could ever hope to produce.

 

Repeated note to self.

[6packofun]

Hmm...I cheer them forward in their strengths and firmly nudge them in their weaknesses. And sometimes it's the other way around. lol

 

Well, that didn't help you much, did it? :tongue_smilie: It also depends on the child--a few of mine are sensitive or very hard on themselves and so my firmness in urging them to work to their highest potential is tempered by their unique personalities. It's oh so much like discipline, isn't it? Whew, I'm just exhausted just talking about it. LOL :D

[Shannon in MO]

We for sure try to spend more time when they're having trouble w/ something & we'll stop & review til the concept is mastered (mostly in french or math). If it's science sometimes we'll stop & find other resources or look online for more explanations (for instance in Gen. Sci. this year the diagram for how the blood goes through the heard really stank so we found something better online & worked through it w/ that). If it's an area they excel in, I let them have more time to what they want w/ it & sometimes even cancel another subject for the day that is more 'neutral' to them (ie just at level) so they can spend more time being creative writing poetry, or finishing the artwork they started on, etc. I love having that flexibility and knowing that it's ok if I move one lesson to the next day or week & not being so rigid that I have to stick to 'the schedule'.

 

Sometimes w/ history it's ME that wants to spend more time - some days my enthusiasm rubs off & we have a great discussion or do a fun review activity, and other days they're bored stiff w/ the topic so I just drop it & read it myself for my interest ;0)

 

HTH,

Shannon