listening comprehension for 2 y.o.

[EthiopianFood]

ETA: I don't know that there is anything left to say about this topic, but for anyone who is joining in late: before you reply, please carefully read my post. I'm not venting about my child, I'm asking about normal child development. When I posted, I DIDN'T know what was normal. That was the POINT. ;) Most of us get frustrated, even when we know it's not our child's fault. We don't excuse our frustration, so we try to understand the situation so we can respond better in the future. Also, there are a great many educational philosophies and methods on this board. Unless someone is clearly being excessive and abusive, I would sincerely hope that people would show the respect to others regarding methods that they would want to receive themselves. If someone doing a workbook with a two year old for five minutes a day is THAT offensive to you, I'm not sure I am the one that needs to lighten up, IMNSHO. It is absolutely beyond me why I should need to point this out, but if someone is a domineering, insensitive parent, they're not going to make a post asking for wisdom on if behavior is normal or not, are they?? They're going to say, "How do I force my child to do this, because they are stupid/naughty/willful/whatever, and they need to knock it off?"

 

There must be SOMETHING I can do to help with this. Dd is driving me NUTS. I'm trying really hard to be patient, but sometimes it's so hard. I break down instructions as much as I possibly can (e.g. instead of "get the book," I'll say "look at your feet, right next to your foot, the blue book, right there, no, LOOK at your FEET, your FEET, look DOWN....."). I have noticed that she will give the wrong answer to something even when she knows the answer (e.g. colors), but will give the right answer if I help her refocus somehow ("no, what color?" and point). She does this with casual conversation too, actually.... I have started literally pointing at my mouth to give her a place to focus when I tell her to do something. It seems to help.

 

Is this typical 2 1/2 y.o. attention issue stuff? My dh has ADHD (inattentive type), and I wouldn't do anything differently now even if she did have it, but I still have it on my radar as she grows.

 

ETA: Sorry this is getting so long. I wanted to add that none of this is for lack of trying on her part. It's not that she doesn't care, or wants to do something else. She is trying to do what I am asking, but it's not connecting! She looks right at me, and attempts what I'm asking, it just doesn't at all resemble what I'm telling her. :(

Edited May 31, 2010 by RaeAnne
trying to simplify, hope it works LOL

[Haiku]

(e.g. instead of "get the book," I'll say "look at your feet, right next to your foot, the blue book, right there, no, LOOK at your FEET, your FEET, look DOWN.....").

 

I think you're talking too much. That's too wordy for a 2 year old to follow. I'd just say, "Get the book," and point to it. And I'd still expect her to not always get it right.

 

All she had to do was draw a line from one point to the next, but even after showing her at least ten times, she was STILL drawing across the page, and didn't even start at the right spot that I JUST pointed out.

 

You're asking her to do something developmentally inappropriate.

 

Tara

[EthiopianFood]

I think you're talking too much. That's too wordy for a 2 year old to follow. I'd just say, "Get the book," and point to it. And I'd still expect her to not always get it right.

 

I thought I was being helpful, but maybe it's just making it worse. I was trying to break it down into smaller steps that possibly DID make sense. I'll try it differently and see how it goes.

 

You're asking her to do something developmentally inappropriate.

 

 

Not according to KUMON! The workbook companies know best, duh. :tongue_smilie:

[Momling]

My 6 yr old dropped the screwdriver on the ground today as we were fixing her bike and couldn't find it. I can't tell you how difficult it was to get her to figure out where it was. "Look at the box with the orange cord. Do you see it?" "Yes" "Good. Now look in front of the box.... No, not in the box. On the ground, next to the box... No, not the tackle box, you're looking for the blue screw driver that is in front of the cardboard box with the orange cord. It's right there. Next to you. In front of your right hand. Reach out your hand. It's a blue screwdriver. Pick it up." "NO, don't pick up the tackle box. Pick up the screwdriver!" "But where is it?" We were both near tears at the end of that conversation.

 

At two? Not a chance.

[Ellie]

See, I wouldn't have had that conversation. I'd have walked over and picked it up myself, showing dc where it was in the process. I don't think there was value in trying to help the dc figure it out.

[OrganicAnn]

I think when Kumon workbooks say for age 2 to 5 that means that there are some 2 years old that may possible be able to do the work in the book, but it is probably not most 2 year olds. I think it is fine to try out a 2 year old on a kumon workbook, but if they don't, can't, don't want to do it, then you need to put it aside. And there will be some 5 year olds that will not be able to do that same workbook.

[EthiopianFood]

See, I wouldn't have had that conversation. I'd have walked over and picked it up myself, showing dc where it was in the process. I don't think there was value in trying to help the dc figure it out.

 

Because even a 2 y.o. can work at some level. :) And how can she practice listening skills if I don't ever ask her to do anything? That's just my philosophy, YMMV.

[EthiopianFood]

I think when Kumon workbooks say for age 2 to 5 that means that there are some 2 years old that may possible be able to do the work in the book, but it is probably not most 2 year olds. I think it is fine to try out a 2 year old on a kumon workbook, but if they don't, can't, don't want to do it, then you need to put it aside. And there will be some 5 year olds that will not be able to do that same workbook.

 

Oh, I know what you mean. We have the ones for "2 and up," not just the "2-4." It's not really about the workbook, it's about my original question, if this type of behavior is typical or not, and what I can do to help dd process verbal instructions better. And I can't really know if she's capable of something if I don't try it....

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

my original question, if this type of behavior is typical or not,

 

Yes.

 

and what I can do to help dd process verbal instructions better.

 

Let her age. ;) Work with her where she is and be patient. If your patience expires trying to get your 2 year old to follow instructions, you're giving too many instructions and she's not ready. This helps no one.

 

And I can't really know if she's capable of something if I don't try it....

 

So try it. If it's a miserable failure, give it more time. Don't just try harder then and there. :001_smile: And workbooks that she's clearly demonstrating she's not ready for? Put them away for Pete's sake. Don't frustrate yourself and her.

 

ETA: I cross my heart promise you that things that are monumentally frustrating to you (and her) right now will be easy peasy when she's ready for them. Drawing a line from one dot to another? That's something you could tell a slightly older child and voila! Done. No instruction. No stress.

Edited May 29, 2010 by Alte Veste Academy

[EthiopianFood]

My 6 yr old dropped the screwdriver on the ground today as we were fixing her bike and couldn't find it. I can't tell you how difficult it was to get her to figure out where it was. "Look at the box with the orange cord. Do you see it?" "Yes" "Good. Now look in front of the box.... No, not in the box. On the ground, next to the box... No, not the tackle box, you're looking for the blue screw driver that is in front of the cardboard box with the orange cord. It's right there. Next to you. In front of your right hand. Reach out your hand. It's a blue screwdriver. Pick it up." "NO, don't pick up the tackle box. Pick up the screwdriver!" "But where is it?" We were both near tears at the end of that conversation.

 

At two? Not a chance.

 

Oh wow. LOL I wonder if it is a personality thing? :D

[EthiopianFood]

Yes.

 

 

 

Let her age. ;) Work with her where she is and be patient. If your patience expires trying to get your 2 year old to follow instructions, you're giving too many instructions and she's not ready. This helps no one.

 

Very true, good point. The "work with her" part is what I am wanting to do. I'm not always very good at breaking down tasks into smaller parts, so I was wondering, if she can't follow instructions sometimes, what is sort of a "half step" to being able to understand the first time?

 

So try it. If it's a miserable failure, give it more time. Don't just try harder then and there. :001_smile: And workbooks that she's clearly demonstrating she's not ready for? Put them away for Pete's sake. Don't frustrate yourself and her.

 

She was actually having fun, and did fine if I used my fingers, so I'm not sure where anyone is thinking it was a "miserable failure." :001_huh:

 

I think I'm just going to take out the workbook part, because I think other people's opinions (which are valid for their own families, no problem) on the value in doing a workbook with a young child at all are muddying the thread. For what it's worth, I LIKE workbooks. Someone else throws a ball with their child, I do a workbook. Yes, I am a geek, what can I say? LOL

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

She was actually having fun, and did fine if I used my fingers, so I'm not sure where anyone is thinking it was a "miserable failure." :001_huh:

 

Sorry. I was using my own words for what I imagine I feel the experience would have been like if I had to use all caps to indicate that my "DD is driving me NUTS." :lol: Truly, my cartoon picture of your frustration level paired with some "miserable failures" we've had here at our house led me to believe that the situation was one of extreme frustration. ;)

 

I think I'm just going to take out the workbook part, because I think other people's opinions (which are valid for their own families, no problem) on the value in doing a workbook with a young child at all are muddying the thread. For what it's worth, I LIKE workbooks. Someone else throws a ball with their child, I do a workbook. Yes, I am a geek, what can I say? LOL

 

Well, I wasn't blaming the workbook. Some like them and some don't. Some 2 year olds love them and can do them and some don't and can't. Some just like to play with them and fill them full of scribbles (my preferred use of the workbooks Grammy sends for littles). :D

 

I think the issue is getting frustrated over any task you might throw at a child that they are demonstrably not ready for (and that could even be throwing a ball). :001_smile:

Edited May 29, 2010 by Alte Veste Academy

[EthiopianFood]

Sorry. I was using my own words for what I imagine I feel the experience would have been like if I had to use all caps to indicate that my "DD is driving me NUTS." :lol: Truly, my cartoon picture of your frustration level paired with some "miserable failures" we've had here at our house led me to believe that the situation was one of extreme frustration. ;)

 

I've had those experiences, ugh. I feel like I was the miserable failure this time for getting frustrated! I'm sure this would be a lot easier if this wasn't my only child (dn was very different than dd, so I didn't really try stuff like this with her). I really am that clueless about child development. :P

 

 

Well, I wasn't blaming the workbook. Some like them and some don't. Some 2 year olds love them and can do them and some don't and can't. Some just like to play with them and fill them full of scribbles (my preferred use of the workbooks Grammy sends for littles). :D

 

I think the issue is getting frustrated over any task you might throw at a child that they are demonstrably not ready for (and that could even be throwing a ball). :001_smile:

a

How can you tell if they're not ready, or if you just haven't worked with them enough to help them get to that point? To use an extreme example, if you never taught a child math, and then gave them algebra in high school, I wouldn't assume they were developmentally not ready to do it. I would know they just needed to work on other stuff before they could do it. BUT, I wouldn't EVER expect a, say, 6 year old who has had a rigorous math education to do algebra, because that is just not something they can do at that age (unless they are very gifted, obviously). So I didn't know, is not following instructions an algebra in high school or algebra at 6 thing? If it's the latter, then I guess I just let it go for now. :) If it's the former, then I see it as a fun challenge to solve. :)

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

is not following instructions an algebra in high school or algebra at 6 thing?

 

It's both. Yes, she's ready to learn to follow instructions, in baby steps. See these wise words again...

 

I think you're talking too much. That's too wordy for a 2 year old to follow. I'd just say, "Get the book," and point to it. And I'd still expect her to not always get it right.

 

For the workbooks (sorry, I know you don't want to talk about them anymore!), I'm only shooting in the dark here, but it sounds like she wants to spend time with you doing them but just isn't ready in an algebra at 6 way (which, incidentally, could also be renamed dot-to-dots at 2 :D). It sounds to me like she's trying to please you by earnestly trying to follow instructions.

 

If she's happy and really into it, great but I promise you there are scads of people here on these boards who spent a lot of time being frustrated with their littles and obsessing over (ultimately) inconsequential matters and just wish they could have known then what they know now and relax. I also promise you that you do not know for sure that you won't be that person, even if you can convince yourself now that there is no way.

[lionfamily1999]

There must be SOMETHING I can do to help with this. Dd is driving me NUTS. I'm trying really hard to be patient, but sometimes it's so hard. I break down instructions as much as I possibly can (e.g. instead of "get the book," I'll say "look at your feet, right next to your foot, the blue book, right there, no, LOOK at your FEET, your FEET, look DOWN....."). I have noticed that she will give the wrong answer to something even when she knows the answer (e.g. colors), but will give the right answer if I help her refocus somehow ("no, what color?" and point). She does this with casual conversation too, actually.... I have started literally pointing at my mouth to give her a place to focus when I tell her to do something. It seems to help.

 

Also, is this typical 2 1/2 y.o. attention issue stuff? My dh has ADHD (inattentive type), and I wouldn't do anything differently now even if she did have it, but I still have it on my radar as she grows.

 

ETA: Sorry this is getting so long. I wanted to add that none of this is for lack of trying on her part. It's not that she doesn't care, or wants to do something else. She is trying to do what I am asking, but it's not connecting! She looks right at me, and attempts what I'm asking, it just doesn't at all resemble what I'm telling her. :(

I think she's still learning and maybe you're asking for her to perform beyond her level. I can remember the frustration of a two-year-old that seemed as though they could understand. It took me longer to figure out that dd just wasn't ready than it took dd to finally get far enough in her development to be ready :lol:

 

Following directions is a pre-K "skill," for now (if I were you) I'd just keep it easy and keep filling her sweet little head with information, and correcting her kindly when she misses one. My youngest still mixes up pink and purple, but he has years before he HAS to know these things. As frustrating as it can be for me, it's much worse for him if I lose my cool.

 

:grouphug:

[EthiopianFood]

It's both. Yes, she's ready to learn to follow instructions, in baby steps. See these wise words again...

 

 

 

For the workbooks (sorry, I know you don't want to talk about them anymore!), I'm only shooting in the dark here, but it sounds like she wants to spend time with you doing them but just isn't ready in an algebra at 6 way (which, incidentally, could also be renamed dot-to-dots at 2 :D). It sounds to me like she's trying to please you by earnestly trying to follow instructions.

 

If she's happy and really into it, great but I promise you there are scads of people here on these boards who spent a lot of time being frustrated with their littles and obsessing over (ultimately) inconsequential matters and just wish they could have known then what they know now and relax. I also promise you that you do not know for sure that you won't be that person, even if you can convince yourself now that there is no way.

 

Fair enough, to all of it. The only reason I care that much is that I've been waiting 2 1/2 years to be able to do the fun stuff with her, so maybe I'll too invested in it working out now or not. I'll keep trying a little every day, and if it doesn't seem to get gradually better, I guess I'll just put it away for a few more months. I'm actually enjoying dd MORE the older she gets (just not a baby person), so it'll be interesting to see how it works out for me. I know I don't want to be stressed at ANY age though, so it doesn't matter either way. :)

 

And for the record, it was literally drawing a line from one spot to the next in a straight line. No dot-to-dots, no reading, no mazes, no problem solving or writing letters, nothing like that, okay? :D When my child draws straighter lines than yours do, you're REALLY going to feel dumb, huh? :lol:

[Tohru]

Wow. Her behavior is completely normal. From reading through the thread, it seems your expectations might be a bit high and a little overwhelming.

 

Is she your first and only child?

 

I highly recommend David Elkind's Miseducation: Preschoolers at Risk. It might put things in a greater perspective for you and give you a glimpse at the future issues you are concerned with. Or perhaps any of the Moore's books.

Edited May 29, 2010 by jadedone80

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

When my child draws straighter lines than yours do, you're REALLY going to feel dumb, huh? :lol:

 

Not really. We use rulers here. :lol:

 

I enjoy my kids more and more the older they get too. :001_smile: However, I'm also beginning to miss the baby days. You only get that gift in retrospect though. It's truly one of life's big bummers.

[EthiopianFood]

I think she's still learning and maybe you're asking for her to perform beyond her level. I can remember the frustration of a two-year-old that seemed as though they could understand. It took me longer to figure out that dd just wasn't ready than it took dd to finally get far enough in her development to be ready :lol:

 

Following directions is a pre-K "skill," for now (if I were you) I'd just keep it easy and keep filling her sweet little head with information, and correcting her kindly when she misses one. My youngest still mixes up pink and purple, but he has years before he HAS to know these things. As frustrating as it can be for me, it's much worse for him if I lose my cool.

 

:grouphug:

 

Thanks for your opinion on this. :) I'm going to follow your advice. What's funny is that, when she was younger, there were things that she was "supposed" to be able to do, and when she didn't do it almost right away, I just put it aside because I didn't want to deal with it. I felt so lazy, but then I've been able to see that yes, she will figure things out eventually. I guess I'm glad to hear that she isn't "behind" or something, so I don't have to worry about it in that way. :chillpill:

[EthiopianFood]

Not really. We use rulers here. :lol:

 

Exactly, because you didn't use Kumon at 2! :tongue_smilie:

 

I enjoy my kids more and more the older they get too. :001_smile: However, I'm also beginning to miss the baby days. You only get that gift in retrospect though. It's truly one of life's big bummers.

 

I think I will miss this stage, actually. I still have zero nostalgia for the first year though. Ugh. My theory is that, if I miss the younger years, I can always adopt. :D

[EthiopianFood]

Wow. Her behavior is completely normal. From reading through the thread, it seems your expectations might be a bit high and a little overwhelming.

 

Is she your first and only child?

 

:D I'm glad to benefit from the experience of the Hive!

[Starr]

I also found that my children would work on a skill for a while and I would think they were really going to do something amazing and then they would start on another skill. :) Go figure, just when I thought I had them figured out. lol Everything is so interesting and there is so much to learn for a two/ three year old. I would let her play, draw, read to her ...and not worry about the rest for a while. My dd could recognize all of her letters at two but still didn't read until 4 1/2 or 5; she just wasn't interested.

[Tohru]

Fair enough, to all of it. The only reason I care that much is that I've been waiting 2 1/2 years to be able to do the fun stuff with her, so maybe I'll too invested in it working out now or not.

 

Fun only to you maybe, eh?

What about her? What's fun to her? Has she been waiting 2 1/2 years to have fun too? ;)

 

My 2yo dd loves to make circles and lines on the chalkboard, color in her coloring book...but she also has fun with bubbles, bug watching, running, chasing, tea parties, watering her pool, fingerpainting, cooking...

[EthiopianFood]

Fun only to you maybe, eh?

What about her? What's fun to her? Has she been waiting 2 1/2 years to have fun too?

 

My 2yo dd loves to make circles and lines on the chalkboard, color in her coloring book...but she also has fun with bubbles, bug watching, running, chasing, tea parties, watering her pool, fingerpainting, cooking...

 

I wish I had the budget that would be required to do nothing but workbooks all day. ;)

[Oney Jones]

For what it's worth, I LIKE workbooks. Someone else throws a ball with their child, I do a workbook. Yes, I am a geek, what can I say? LOL

 

Sorry, but it's not worth anything. ;) YOU may like workbooks...but your daughter might hate them.

 

She's really young to be frustrating her mommy and herself by not being able to do exactly what you want, when you want it, how you want it.

 

How about drawing a line in the moist sand or in a pan of salt with her finger.

 

Think about it: It's a lot for a 2 year old to think about and control all at the same time.-- Holding the pencil tight enough and straight enough to make a mark, getting it to make the mark exactly where mommy wants it to be made, etc.

 

Give her a break Mom. :)

 

 

ETA: I don't think it's a question of listening or comprehension...it's a developmental stage she just isn't at yet.

Edited May 29, 2010 by Oney Jones

[Tohru]

I wish I had the budget that would be required to do nothing but workbooks all day. ;)

 

I think another poster wrote that she does just want to spend time with you...whatever you want, she wants to do because she absolutely idolizes you and you are teaching her how to be a human. She wants to please you.

 

 

Have you ever heard this saying?

 

At 5, they are the master and you are the slave because you do everything for them

At 10, they are the slave and you are the master - they'll do everything you ask

At 15 they choose to be friend or foe depending on how you handled those childhood years.

 

 

Right now, in regards to this situation, consider yourself as the master. It comes around. It really does. The frustration that's inflicted now will come back when she is 15.

Edited May 29, 2010 by jadedone80

[EthiopianFood]

Sorry, but it's not worth anything. ;) YOU may like workbooks...but your daughter might hate them.

 

So you don't introduce your child to anything you like, because they may not like it, too? :001_huh:

 

She's really young to be frustrating her mommy and herself by not being able to do exactly what you want, when you want it, how you want it.

 

How about drawing a line in the moist sand or in a pan of salt with her finger.

 

Think about it: It's a lot for a 2 year old to think about and control all at the same time.-- Holding the pencil tight enough and straight enough to make a mark, getting it to make the mark exactly where mommy wants it to be made, etc.

 

Give her a break Mom. :)

 

I didn't say I was frustrated that she was doing it wrong. I used that as an example of how she understands how to do something, but when asked to do it, it's like her mind goes blank. Again, so if you're child doesn't understand what you're asking, you assume you shouldn't ask at all? Or do you see if there is a better way to help them understand, which was the point of this thread? I already said very clearly that it had nothing to do with workbooks. ;)

[Tohru]

I didn't say I was frustrated that she was doing it wrong. I used that as an example of how she understands how to do something, but when asked to do it, it's like her mind goes blank. Again, so if you're child doesn't understand what you're asking, you assume you shouldn't ask at all? Or do you see if there is a better way to help them understand, which was the point of this thread? I already said very clearly that it had nothing to do with workbooks. ;)

 

She's only 2. It's like trying to explain the cosmic universe to an ant.

That's what you're doing. Her physical brain is busy doing other things and you're expecting her to be on a different developmental level. That part of her brain you want to be there hasn't developed yet. There is nothing that will make that part grow faster.

 

If my child doesn't understand what I am asking, then I assume that my child is not ready for the question and I wait and ask another time.

[Tohru]

Are you just bored? Or are you serious?

[Ellie]

Because even a 2 y.o. can work at some level. :) And how can she practice listening skills if I don't ever ask her to do anything? That's just my philosophy, YMMV.

But your philosophy sent you here tonight asking questions. What you related causes me to think that you need to change something, 'cuz it just doesn't sound as if it's working for you.

 

Asking a child to do something is one thing; asking her to do something for which she is clearly not ready, and which causes you great frustration, is another.

[EthiopianFood]

She's only 2. It's like trying to explain the cosmic universe to an ant.

That's what you're doing. Her physical brain is busy doing other things and you're expecting her to be on a different developmental level. That part of her brain you want to be there hasn't developed yet. There is nothing that will make that part grow faster.

 

If my child doesn't understand what I am asking, then I assume that my child is not ready for the question and I wait and ask another time.

 

I get what you're saying, but (especially with your first child) does "look down" or "put your crayon right here" seem like something a child can't developmentally process? Apparently it's not that simple, and I appreciate those who kindly explained their experience so I could see that, but do those particular statements really seem black and white inappropriate to you, especially when, on another day, they DO understand in a similar situation?

[lionfamily1999]

Thanks for your opinion on this. :) I'm going to follow your advice. What's funny is that, when she was younger, there were things that she was "supposed" to be able to do, and when she didn't do it almost right away, I just put it aside because I didn't want to deal with it. I felt so lazy, but then I've been able to see that yes, she will figure things out eventually. I guess I'm glad to hear that she isn't "behind" or something, so I don't have to worry about it in that way. :chillpill:

I totally understand. There are times that I feel like I'm neglecting Luke, because I'm not doing tons of school work with him (I know he's capable of it!). All the same, and it's taken me three kids to figure this out, once they've reached those milestones you can't ever undo them. Your little dd will be that much more clever and you'll never be able to get back the funny little girl that didn't understand down. One day you'll look back and miss that.

 

I was always in a rush for my kids to talk. (Now we can understand each other!) I wanted them to walk. (Now you can go places!) I wanted them to learn to read. (Now we can share books!) And for the first two, I realized too late that I like carrying my babies and so quickly they become too big and independant. I like their baby talk and babble, and too soon they can use their words to cut me to pieces. I like reading to them and being the gatekeeper to those amazing worlds and all too soon they're off on their own.

 

I'm savoring Luke, he'll most likely be my last little and I do regret not having spent the same time with my older two, just enjoying their sweet baby smells, steps, and words. Then, I'm ragging, so I'm pretty emotional right now :lol:

[Ellie]

I get what you're saying, but (especially with your first child) does "look down" or "put your crayon right here" seem like something a child can't developmentally process? Apparently it's not that simple, and I appreciate those who kindly explained their experience so I could see that, but do those particular statements really seem black and white inappropriate to you, especially when, on another day, they DO understand in a similar situation?

A 2yo might not fully understand what "look down" means. And he might need help understanding what he's supposed to do with his crayon.

 

It is not worth the frustration you described to insist that your dc is able to do those things. It just isn't.

[Oney Jones]

I didn't say I was frustrated that she was doing it wrong. I used that as an example of how she understands how to do something, but when asked to do it, it's like her mind goes blank. Again, so if you're child doesn't understand what you're asking, you assume you shouldn't ask at all? Or do you see if there is a better way to help them understand, which was the point of this thread? I already said very clearly that it had nothing to do with workbooks. ;)

 

It depends on what it is. If I've assumed my child is ready for something and after trying a couple time he is clearly NOT then we back up a bit. Eventually he will be ready for that next thing. Life is too dang short to be frustrated with things like that.

 

Here is an example. My younger son was around 7 years old (2nd grade??) I asked him to copy a sentence from a book for copy work. It was taking him forever....driving me crazy because he wouldn't just jump in and write... I mean, it was all right there--all he had to do was copy--there was nothing to think about! Right? He was in tears and was so angry. Just totally frustrated. It dawned on me as I was watching him struggle to do this seemingly simple assignment.

 

He was trying to hold the book open, hold the pencil, read a word, find the right space in his copy work notebook, write it remembering the correct way of b vs d and go back to the book, find the sentence, find the next word, read it, go back to his notebook, keep the book open, find his place in the sentence, write the word, keep the book open...

 

Follow? He simply was not ready for all of that at the same time.

 

Again, it's a development milestone...these things can't be rushed.

 

So yeah, you try something and if it doesn't work out you back up and try it again later but you don't keep pounding it without a good amount of time for growing in between.

 

I know it's not about the workbook--- but you said, "For the record, I LIKE workbooks" My point was that it's about what works for the kid. If you liked to play catch and she hated it would you keep throwing the ball if she didn't want to catch it?

[EthiopianFood]

Are you just bored? Or are you serious?

 

I'm wondering the same thing about you, to be honest....

 

But your philosophy sent you here tonight asking questions. What you related causes me to think that you need to change something, 'cuz it just doesn't sound as if it's working for you.

 

Asking a child to do something is one thing; asking her to do something for which she is clearly not ready, and which causes you great frustration, is another.

 

This must be an internet miscommunication or something. If I didn't think she was capable of understanding, I wouldn't be frustrated. As I think I said in another post, she understands what it means to pick up a book. I'm not saying "hurl the credenza" and getting frustrated when she gives me a blank look. She DOES understand on some level what I am asking, or she does in certain circumstances, but sometimes, it's like her brain can't process what I am saying. Literally. This is what I didn't understand: is that sort of thing normal? Are all 2 y.o.'s that way? Or is she just weak in verbal processing, and if so, how can I work on that with her? Yes, I'm sure there are 2 y.o.'s who don't understand what it means to pick up a book, but that is not the situation here. Apparently it is very normal for this age (and even older children!). Now I know. I didn't before, which was why I posted. :)

[Oney Jones]

Are you just bored? Or are you serious?

 

 

Honestly, I wondered the same thing. I jumped in anyway.

[lionfamily1999]

Ah! I figured out how to put it in super easy simple terms (and destroyed the efficiency with my opening monologue :lol:).

 

All those fun things WILL happen, eventually. Enjoy the wait and model patience :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

When my eldest was 2, I was trying to wash his hair. I get telling him to "close his eyes". He was crying. I was getting frustrated and finally just yelled at him to "Close your eyes!" I was so mortified when I found out from my SIL (an optometrist) that while 2 year olds obviously can close their eyes, they don't have the motor skills or brain development or something to actually decide to close them and do it.

 

Same for pencil skills. They don't have the motor skills or the brain development to purposefully use a pencil with any accuracy. Young children that age do best with things like sand play, bubbles etc. not because they are dumb but because they are working on large motor skills and cause/effect relationships and other things that are best done hands on.

 

May I suggest a book like "What to expect in the toddler years" or "1-2-3 Get Me Ready" that will tell you some developmentally appropriate things to do with your toddler?

[Tohru]

She DOES understand on some level what I am asking, or she does in certain circumstances, but sometimes, it's like her brain can't process what I am saying. Literally. This is what I didn't understand: is that sort of thing normal? Are all 2 y.o.'s that way?

 

At this age, some times they will understand and another day they honestly will not know what you are talking about because their brain is working on something else. There is so much going on in there between birth and 3 and you simply can't be a part of it all.

 

Read some more books on child development. Enjoy her at 2. :D

Edited May 29, 2010 by jadedone80

[Tohru]

Honestly, I wondered the same thing. I jumped in anyway.

 

lol! Yeah, I'm just procrastinating throwing the laundry in the dryer. I've got boys sleeping over. I don't want to go downstairs to see what kind of transformation they've changed the rooms into...something about forts and hideouts. lol!

[Oney Jones]

I break down instructions as much as I possibly can (e.g. instead of "get the book," I'll say "look at your feet, right next to your foot, the blue book, right there, no, LOOK at your FEET, your FEET, look DOWN.....").

 

I just thought of something. When you break down the instructions are you giving her time to complete the first step before you give her the next move to make?

 

Look down. (she looks down)

See your feet?

Look by your foot.

See the book?

Bring mommy the book.

 

Maybe she doesn't have enough time for her developmental age to do what you're asking.

 

 

I have noticed that she will give the wrong answer to something even when she knows the answer (e.g. colors), but will give the right answer if I help her refocus somehow ("no, what color?" and point). She does this with casual conversation too, actually.... I have started literally pointing at my mouth to give her a place to focus when I tell her to do something. It seems to help.

[/Quote]There is a reason kids have to have tangible things in order to understand abstract ideas. When you physically point to the color it triggers a memory. When you point to your mouth she is watching the words form, again, triggering a memory of understanding.

[Oney Jones]

I get what you're saying, but (especially with your first child) does "look down" or "put your crayon right here" seem like something a child can't developmentally process? Apparently it's not that simple, and I appreciate those who kindly explained their experience so I could see that, but do those particular statements really seem black and white inappropriate to you, especially when, on another day, they DO understand in a similar situation?

 

Some days I have many thoughts going on in my mind and yeah, what should be "black and white" is rather gray. ;)

 

How is her speech? Does she talk a lot?

[EthiopianFood]

:grouphug:

I'm savoring Luke, he'll most likely be my last little and I do regret not having spent the same time with my older two, just enjoying their sweet baby smells, steps, and words. Then, I'm ragging, so I'm pretty emotional right now :lol:

 

:grouphug: And feel free to carry ANY future babies I have, okay? LOL

 

It is not worth the frustration you described to insist that your dc is able to do those things. It just isn't.

 

For me, if I know it's normal, then I just need to learn to relax. It's not worth the frustration, as you say, so I should let go of the frustration! LOL

 

So yeah, you try something and if it doesn't work out you back up and try it again later but you don't keep pounding it without a good amount of time for growing in between.

 

I understand what you're saying better now. I think we agree, more or less, we're just focusing on different things.

 

I know it's not about the workbook--- but you said, "For the record, I LIKE workbooks" My point was that it's about what works for the kid. If you liked to play catch and she hated it would you keep throwing the ball if she didn't want to catch it?

 

Oh, I said that because I didn't want anyone to think I felt this was "school" or something. I'm just doing it for fun. I can see how that might be misinterpreted. I was trying to emphasize that none of this is academically motivated, because I didn't want to deflect all of THOSE concerns when they don't apply here. LOL

[EthiopianFood]

I just thought of something. When you break down the instructions are you giving her time to complete the first step before you give her the next move to make?

 

Look down. (she looks down)

See your feet?

Look by your foot.

See the book?

Bring mommy the book.

 

Maybe she doesn't have enough time for her developmental age to do what you're asking.

 

There is a reason kids have to have tangible things in order to understand abstract ideas. When you physically point to the color it triggers a memory. When you point to your mouth she is watching the words form, again, triggering a memory of understanding.

 

This was my thinking as well. As far as giving her enough time, I do try to, but I just thought of something. I think I will repeat the step if she doesn't seem like she is understanding. I think I should try saying it once, then just waiting. Maybe she is almost processing each reminder as a separate step!

[Oney Jones]

lol! Yeah, I'm just procrastinating throwing the laundry in the dryer. I've got boys sleeping over. I don't want to go downstairs to see what kind of transformation they've changed the rooms into...something about forts and hideouts. lol!

 

Forums. A great diversion to housework! Boys sleeping over? Forts? Hideouts? Sounds like a fun place to be! Good job Mom!

[Oney Jones]

This was my thinking as well. As far as giving her enough time, I do try to,

 

 

And I know that sometimes time IS of the essence (trying to get out the door or something) and in those cases you just step in and do what needs doing and save the "lesson" for another time.

 

 

...but I just thought of something. I think I will repeat the step if she doesn't seem like she is understanding. I think I should try saying it once, then just waiting. Maybe she is almost processing each reminder as a separate step!

 

Most likely.

[EthiopianFood]

Some days I have many thoughts going on in my mind and yeah, what should be "black and white" is rather gray. ;)

 

How is her speech? Does she talk a lot?

 

If I knew that answer to that, I would probably have known the answer to my original question! First time parent, remember? LOL I THINK she does? We have conversations. Yes, I guess I would say that she talks a lot. She likes to describe parts of her day sometimes, completely unprompted. :D I think this is another layer to my question. I know that receptive and perceptive language strength can vary quite a bit. Based on how she speaks, I would assume she could understand what I ask, but that isn't necessarily the case at all.

[EthiopianFood]

Honestly, I wondered the same thing. I jumped in anyway.

 

This was definitely the stupidest thread topic to start if I was just bored. :lol:

 

When my eldest was 2, I was trying to wash his hair. I get telling him to "close his eyes". He was crying. I was getting frustrated and finally just yelled at him to "Close your eyes!" I was so mortified when I found out from my SIL (an optometrist) that while 2 year olds obviously can close their eyes, they don't have the motor skills or brain development or something to actually decide to close them and do it.

 

Same for pencil skills. They don't have the motor skills or the brain development to purposefully use a pencil with any accuracy. Young children that age do best with things like sand play, bubbles etc. not because they are dumb but because they are working on large motor skills and cause/effect relationships and other things that are best done hands on.

 

May I suggest a book like "What to expect in the toddler years" or "1-2-3 Get Me Ready" that will tell you some developmentally appropriate things to do with your toddler?

 

This was very helpful. Thank you. Concerning the books, I've looked at them, but I've never found them to be accurate with where dd is at. Some say they can't meaningfully count to three until they're four, but she can do that now, for instance, but when I tried the Get Me Ready book when she was an infant, there was no WAY she could do some of that stuff!

 

lol! Yeah, I'm just procrastinating throwing the laundry in the dryer. I've got boys sleeping over. I don't want to go downstairs to see what kind of transformation they've changed the rooms into...something about forts and hideouts. lol!

 

Glad to help! LOL

[Rosie_0801]

I didn't say I was frustrated that she was doing it wrong. I used that as an example of how she understands how to do something, but when asked to do it, it's like her mind goes blank.

 

It's like when you teach a kid to read. The gap between learning the sounds of the letters and actually being able to use that knowledge to sound something out can be months long. The same is probably happening with your daughter. She knows "book" and "give me the thing" in isolation, but "find the book and bring it here to me" freezes up her little brain. She knows it, but isn't ready to implement yet. You keep asking, but if she doesn't get it the second time, you go over and help her work through it. "Oh, look here is the book right next to your foot! Here you go, please go put it on the table." Since she's two, she'll probably take the book and go put it on the table. (If she was three, she'd probably throw it at the table. Or maybe that's just my kid :glare:) You keep doing it and they get it eventually. Once you resign yourself to "eventually" being practically forever away, it is easier not to get so frustrated that they can't do it now.

 

When my eldest was 2, I was trying to wash his hair. I get telling him to "close his eyes". He was crying. I was getting frustrated and finally just yelled at him to "Close your eyes!" I was so mortified when I found out from my SIL (an optometrist) that while 2 year olds obviously can close their eyes, they don't have the motor skills or brain development or something to actually decide to close them and do it.

 

 

How about that... I can't remember now many times this scenario has played out in our house. :blushing:

 

I don't know why I haven't got rid of the Get Me Ready book either. Everything in there is either too hard or just plain dumb and my kiddo wouldn't want to do it.

 

Rosie

[Carrie12345]

I'm wondering the same thing about you, to be honest....

 

 

 

This must be an internet miscommunication or something. If I didn't think she was capable of understanding, I wouldn't be frustrated. As I think I said in another post, she understands what it means to pick up a book. I'm not saying "hurl the credenza" and getting frustrated when she gives me a blank look. She DOES understand on some level what I am asking, or she does in certain circumstances, but sometimes, it's like her brain can't process what I am saying. Literally. This is what I didn't understand: is that sort of thing normal? Are all 2 y.o.'s that way? Or is she just weak in verbal processing, and if so, how can I work on that with her? Yes, I'm sure there are 2 y.o.'s who don't understand what it means to pick up a book, but that is not the situation here. Apparently it is very normal for this age (and even older children!). Now I know. I didn't before, which was why I posted. :)

 

"Pick up the book" can be a simple instruction for toddlers if, say, they dropped a book in the middle of a wide open floor barely 2 seconds earlier. Even simpler if they dropped the book on their toe, giving them a physical reminder. Simpler still if it's their favorite book and they had been carrying it across that wide open floor to ask someone to read it to them.

 

"Pick up the book" can be a nearly impossible task for toddlers if, say, they're standing in the middle of a pile of books. "The book? Which book? This book? That book?" Or if they were in the middle of another task (even if that task was as simple as blowing a spit bubble), or if they have no interest in the book at the moment, or if they're tired, or if they want to screw with your head, or if they're busy pondering string theory.

 

As far as working on it goes, the best thing to encourage listening skills (in my experience) is the same thing you do to encourage speaking skills. Narrate and demonstrate, narrate and demonstrate.

 

"Let's pick up this book." Then pick up the book.

"Let's read this book." Then open the book and read.

"Let's put on your socks." Then put on her socks.

Let's sit down. Let's stand up. Mommy is making a phone call. You're standing on your head! I'm unclogging the sink. It's time to sit down to eat.

 

Blah, blah, blah. She'll get it, eventually. Some days she'll do better than others. There's a lot of stuff going on in that little head!