Quick post question on what is the "minimum gpa" that you expect your college freshma

[74Heaven]

What is the minimum gpa that you expect your college freshman to maintain?

 

My dtr got a "D" average in her senior year running start qurater at the community college last fall, almost exclusively due to lack of effort, poor time management, mild teenage rebellion and socializing as often as possible...... (We took her out of Comm college after the first quarter and put her in a homeschool co op at the local Christian school.)

 

Now we have agreed to send her away to a small Christian college next year in a dorm. We will be incurring a large financial burden (that we can barely (!)afford for her to have this oppty. We do think is God's will for her and this is a relatively safe environment to *not* repeat the errors of last fall.

 

Daughter has a very respectable 3.5ish high school gpa with a very rigorous courseload. She did well on her SATs. She has the ability. She does not have a hard work ethic though. This last year, we have "let her fail" by allowing her mostly to manage her own courseload, homework, etc. We have had to curtail her work hours due to poor academic effot (as in being in danger of flunking 1-2 subjects through poor effort) but have mostly encouraged her in every way we know how to get organized, be diligent, etc. She has mostly just slid by with minimum effort in *any* class that she did not enjoy (i.e. science, math, econ) - she did great in the language arts classes she enjoys.

 

My dh feels (and I can fully understand and support) that daughter needs to realize there are some standards she must keep up to as we sacrifice greatly (as do her siblings in the opptys that will not be available to them due to restricted finances) to put her in this college.

 

Can you help us determine some guidelines for daughter? I'm thinking we should expect a "transition time"; I am thinking that my daughter will do the minimum - if we say 2.5 min gpa - she will earn a 2.5 or a 2.4. IF we say 3.0; she'll earn a 3.0 or 2.9. What I am having trouble discerning is just how hard that transition time will be - given her problems (she has medicated ADD) with distractions, socializing, poor effort and in general, doing the minimum?

 

Thanks - btw, she thinks she wants to be a elem. or high school teacher.

 

Lisaj, mom to 5

[Jane in NC]

 

Thanks - btw, she thinks she wants to be a elem. or high school teacher.

 

Lisaj, mom to 5

 

This is where you need to begin. I don't think it is a matter of setting a minimum GPA. I think that you need to have a conversation on why she lacks motivation to succeed. How would she motivate future students who display poor effort? Can she develop skills for herself that may be useful in future teaching situations?

 

Taking on a "large financial burden" for an unmotivated student is troublesome to me. More is needed, in my opinion, than setting a minimum acceptable GPA. Frankly how much of her social life can you even regulate? Can you give her an opportunity to demonstrate some turn around in attitude over the summer months?

[Chris in VA]

I didn't set a minimum for ds. I just wasn't sure what he was capable of. But if he had failed a bunch of classes, I would pull him out and say forget about us paying for anything else.

 

As it is, he made a 3.5 both semesters--3 A's and 2 B's for each semester. I'm thrilled with that, and I think he should be proud.

 

I guess I'd be upset at a lot of C's (maybe one is ok in a really hard class). I find most freshman classes are NOT that hard, so A's and B's are expected. Now, upper level? May be different.

[mooooom]

I was told that I had to maintain a 2.5 grade average or I would be cut off financially. I don't think I came anywhere near that low though. I plan on telling my kids the same thing. I think she's darn lucky to get a second chance at all after a D average. I wouldn't have gotten one.

[SonshineLearner]

As someone who remembers hard college days, perhaps watching some study dvds like "SuperStar Student" and reading "How to read a Book". I was also having difficulty seeing the board. Seems simple! My parents would have purchased contacts for me... but somehow I just didn't ask. Maybe go through WHY she would be having issues... and then letting her know that schools won't be excited to see poor grades when they look at hiring her...

 

Good Luck!!

[Sharon in MD]

It is lovely to think that all of our children will be wonderfully self motivated to achieve what ever goal they have rather vaguely in mind. But I think that intermediate attainable goals can help them to develop the skills to reach the longer term goals of a great job in the field to which they aspire.

 

I think that when we homeschool our kids and basically, for the most part, plan the program, orchestrate the course profile, and help our kids work through the plan to achieve the high school goals, we can't just completely turn them loose in college and expect them to know how to do it all, all on their own.

 

In our case ds won a great scholarship to the school of his dreams, but he has to maintain a 3.0 to keep it. We can't even come close to paying his way without that scholarship....so he has a vested interest in keeping the grades up AND I have a vested interest in helping him learn to succeed on his own. Ds knows what is at stake and is working very hard to keep in the zone....he knows his education at that school hangs in the balance.

 

The first quarter I was a bit of a helicopter mom. I hovered pretty close and checked in with him ALOT about deadlines, assignments, offered to help him learn to plan,etc. He has learned and, although I monitor, I'm much less involved now in the 3rd quarter.

 

Therefore, what I would suggest to you is that your daughter needs to have a stake in this.....she needs some responsibility for making it happen. Could you possibly require that she be responsible for some portion of the cost? Are you paying for everything, or will she have some student loans? Our deal with our son was that we would pay half and he has to come up with the other half...which includes his scholarship. We told him to think of the scholarship as his job...they are paying you to keep up the grades.

 

Perhaps it is a bit mercenary, but most folks respond well to monetary incentive. And that is the reality of the business world for most of us. I have an incentive to do well in my job because it will A) insure I keep my job B) offer the possibility of advancement C) offer me the potential of bonus D)help the company I work for to grow and therefore increase my job security. I think you need to find ways to make those kinds of things apply to her for her education.

 

I think it is very important that we remain available to them and help them in the transition. afterall, the goal is to launch them as MATURE Christian adults. Maturity isn't a switch we can just flip on for them, it's a process. And, just as we were part of the high school process, I believe we are a part of the college and beyond launch process.

[Tullia]

I agree with what's already been posted, but would add a few thoughts. First, you need to be very, very sure how your daughter sees this situation. Does she, as the young adult she is, share your discernment about the spiritual aspects of this decision? What one person perceives as an opportunity, might be the occasion for inducing paralyzing guilt in another. If your dd is still grappling with maturing in some basic ways, then knowing that the family will have to make sacrifices for her college experience might make things even more difficult for her.

 

Sharon's point about maturity not being an on/off switch is excellent. Achieving maturity is a process, and very often progress is uneven. You are wise to allow some transition time. Like Sharon, I also began ds's first semester with some hovering (mostly reminders about deadlines and that at his request :)), but have backed way off. There were a few times when I had to count to 10, and ask if ds would like to discuss what he'd learned and options for handling things differently in the future when something hadn't gone well.

 

One thing I believe is that children invariably go out of the home having learned a lot of both explicit and implicit lessons--and you always hope the lessons were good ones. But, that's not enough. Sooner or later our dc have to take ownership of the process, but some mature faster than others. It's tough finding middle ground between the extremes of coddling children or tossing them out at 18 whether they're ready or not. I don't like either extreme.

[PentecostalMom]

especially Sharon in MD. You say she wants to go to this college "next year." Does that mean this fall?

 

This is the deal we made for our ds. This summer he is going to a small college where we are from in Florida. He is living with my MIL for the summer. In order for him to be able to stay there for fall and onward and get his own place with a roommate, he has to maintain a 3.0 GPA, keep his nose clean, and find a part-time job (only 10 hours of so a week). Otherwise, he comes back home and goes to the local college here and has to stay living at home. We let him take a light courseload this summer to get his feet wet. Fall is full time.

 

So my question is can she go to a local college or community college for maybe one or two classes before you send her to this college that is away? Maybe if she can maintain a decent GPA not going full time, and still being under your watchful eye, then she will have somewhat earned the privilege of going to this college away. Just a thought...

[Sharon in MD]

the idea of sort of proving yourself by doing well at a local community college or with a summer course has great merit. I think that if you are working with a son or daughter about whom you have concerns that they might not rise to the challenge, then I think it can be a really great idea to say "Show me that you are up to this. Show me that you are ready".

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with requiring our young adults to display the maturity that they claim to have. Education is a huge investment for most of us. It is a major expense in so very many ways. I think we are doing the right thing when we require our kids to "merit" that investment.

 

To him who much is given, much is expected.

[cathmom]

I don't like to disagree with God, but I think sending her to an expensive private Christian college sounds like a really bad idea. Has she given any indication that she has changed? That she will make use of this opportunity? Or will it only be a chance for her to fail more and behave worse and strain your family's finances to do it? You said that you have agreed to do this - that makes it sound like your dd is the one pushing this. Why? I personally think a minimum GPA is the least of the problem here.

[outtamyshell]

DD is capable of getting much better grades than she does. In order to allow me to step out of the day to day activities and reward her for good grades, we have a plan that will incent her to get good grades.

 

I am paying for her dorm room, and food. She may also receive a monthly allowance of some sort. Tuition payment each semester will be determined by her grades the previous semester. A 3.75 GPA will get her 100% tuition the next semester, and a 2.0 will get her 50% tuition. Anything under 2.0, and she's responsible for the entire tution bill. Anything over 3.75 and she will get an extra cash bonus.

 

My preference is for her NOT to work, at least for the first year. I'd prefer her to focus her time and energy on getting good grades and taking advantage of extra curricular activities. However, if she doesn't focus on her grades enough, she needs to get a job and make a financial contribution.

 

I'm excited about this plan because I feel like the dollar amounts are right for us. I don't need to worry about her grades, because they are hers... She can decide how she wants to structure her life and how much of a focus she wants on her grades. But I'm not making sacrifices so she can blow off those grades.

[JFSinIL]

High enough to keep any scholarships. High enough to justify any continued parental support.

[LBS]

maybe I didn't read carefully enough, but I don't think this child is ready, from what I did read, for this much burden....perhaps her one shot, and even if she fails, your whole family will be paying for it for a good while, it sounds like. By the time you know how her grades are going, you will likely have already paid for second semester, I think. I just wonder if there is a less expensive alternative, less weighty committment/situation during which she can start to learn time management, social limits, etc.

 

I'm not saying this just right, but this is my first gut reaction....

LBS

[QueenCat]

In order for him to be able to stay there for fall and onward and get his own place with a roommate, he has to maintain a 3.0 GPA, keep his nose clean, and find a part-time job (only 10 hours of so a week). Otherwise, he comes back home and goes to the local college here and has to stay living at home. We let him take a light courseload this summer to get his feet wet. Fall is full time.

 

 

What if he can't find a job? It is almost impossible where we live for teens and college students to find non-childcare related jobs during the summer or school year. Too many older adults working the jobs teens/college students normally work. Around here, college students tend to end up volunteering in the summer if they aren't interning. Exceptions are childcare and life guarding, for the most part. Maybe 25% of ds friends have found part time jobs, and trust me, the rest are trying. Ds has a pet sitting business, which brings in some $ but not what he'd make in a "real" job. And yes, he's clean cut, has good grades and good references.

[74Heaven]

Definitely, much to think about....

 

A few clarifications: yes, this is for next fall; no summer school - dtr has to work all summer to earn money; dtr is paying about 50% of her college costs; we gave our dtr reasonable freedom in choosing this college but the neat thing was all of us (daughter, self, husband) all had this college as the first choice!

 

We do think daughter is ready (or as ready as the average college freshman who tends to procrastinate, but has great smarts but tends to look for the easy way thru disliked homework). But, an admissions counselor told us that 25% of college freshman are not responsible and organized enough to succeed their first semester. Apparently the transition to independence, maturity and responsibility is a journey - not an event - for lots of 18yos. And yes we are talking about this .....

 

I don't want to make it sound like we'll be hurting financially for years if she fails. It isn't that way. But we live on a budget - and that frugality will reach new heights for most of us with children enrolled in private colleges. Daughter needs some standards and I think grades are one of the easiest to measure her ambition and effort.

 

Oh I should add that we are covering about 50% of the cost and we have made it clear to my daughter that she is fully reponsible for the rest. Daughter was required to save money thru her high school part time job and has saved quite a bit that way. She should easily be able to earn the rest of the money she needs by the end of the summer. But that is *her* responsibility. And she knows if she doesn't, than she'll have to decide to go one semester and come home to finish cheaper or take a loan or whatever...

 

One other caveat, money does *not* motivate this girl. She just has that "everything will work out fine" head-in-the-clouds mindset on money :().

 

So, my "quick post" questions are just asking how one props up a little, encourages a lot and offers accountability to the new young adult.... I've talked to many older adults who tell of these exact kind of "plans" that they had with their kids or that their parents had with them when they were in college. So, there must be lots of ideas out there...

 

I like outtamyshell's general plan. I think we could adopt something like that. And I haven't given it much thought but apparently, we should be doling out our share one semester at a time or monthly or something....

 

Btw, I asked daughter very vaguely and she said something like, "well I'm sure I'll get a 3.0 but maybe a 2.5 would be the minimum okay gpa" - so she obviously understands that somewhere there is a measure to take.

 

I'll also throw in that obviously a huge amt. of effort that nets a 2.5 is more acceptable than a didn't-do-anything, blew-it-off 3.0 - but there will be no way to really tell what effort = what results. I know my dtr tends to slide to get by.

 

Ok, thanks - hoping to get more feedback

too long as usual..

lisa

[Alyce]

I have a ds who is much like your child at least for this year. We've always talked about him going to college but I can see from how he's taken responsibility this year he needs some maturing. I gave him a pretty free reign this year but he's taken advantage of it. I probably should of stepped in but didn't. Our deal is that he will attend the local community college this fall to prove to me and himself that he can do college level work. I'm hoping it will also give him time to mature. If he can't cut it at community college I know he won't make it at a 4 year college. He will have to make a 3 point average and he is taking 4 courses. He's been wanting to go into the military for some time and his initial plan was to go to a 4 year college and do ROTC. If he can't cut it at community college, He'll go straight into the military as an enlisted man. That's the understanding. Since you child has already proved that she has problems there is no way I'd send her off to a college that is putting a huge debt on you all. She needs to prove herself but that is a very expensive leap for you all if she fails.

[ereks mom]

...a minimum GPA of 3.0 to maintain his scholarships. So far, so good. Right now, his cumulative GPA is 3.75, and he has been named to the dean's list every semester (he's a junior).

[Ravin]

I've got a couple of thoughts on this.

 

First of all, I'd make sure her time management and study skills are up to par. I say this because I did very well in high school but had no study skills to speak of. My first attempt at college (while still in HS) was a disaster. I made C's. I simply lacked the skills for that level of work.

 

My other thought is, no way would I be sending my kid off to college so soon after flunking out of college courses. I'd assume she needs to do some growing up first, and suggest she either complete a short job training program and work for a few years, do an Americorps stint, or else do what I did--join the service. During my enlistement I learned time management, I learned study skills, and I was more than ready for college when I got out. More importantly, I was an adult, reasonably mature, and highly motivated because it was MY GI Bill and I'd earned it. Mom and dad didn't pay for any of it (though I did live with my mom for six months while in college, it was more to help her while she was on chemo than for my own benefit).

Edited June 7, 2010 by Ravin