Bullies -- if you turn them in, what is to prevent them from becoming sneakier?

[unsinkable]

My DS has been having problems with boys at school calling him names and saying he sucks at sports, etc.

 

He says he ignores them or tells them to shut up.

 

Yesterday on Facebook, I saw 2 of the boys calling DS names and saying how much fun it is to pick on him. So I copied it and put it in a document so I could decide what to do.

 

My first instinct was to email it to the one boy's parents (I know them) and the VP of the school but I didn't.

 

When DS got home from school, he read the document -- we all use my laptop. He told me they do that stuff all day long in various classes. He said "Why do you think I don't want to go to school?" I knew the boys had been picking on him but I thought they had stopped. He said he thought I knew.

 

If I do talk to the school I think the boys will just get sneakier about picking on him.

 

I don't know what to do but if it gets worse it will kill DS (and me.)

 

ETA: DS has talked to his guidance counselor before about the bullies but didn't want to name them.

Edited May 6, 2010 by unsinkable

[NanceXToo]

I'm sorry, but this is a no brainer to me. I would immediately bring it to the attention of the kids' parents and the principal and the teacher. They ARE bullying him. You need to do everything you can to put a stop to it, and not refrain from doing so because they MIGHT keep bullying him more sneakily if you turn them in.

 

Turn them in. Today. Now.

 

Keep the lines of communication open with your son, and if it persists (sneakily or otherwise) turn them in again and demand that something be done about it. I'd also make sure he was NOT in a class with those particular boys again next year, if you keep him in school.

 

Poor kid :(

[Teachin'Mine]

Is home schooling an option? Sounds like your son would love it.

 

Yes, I agree that doing nothing isn't going to help your son. Validate his feelings and speak up for him to people who can try to change things. He must dread going to school.

[unsinkable]

I'm sorry, but this is a no brainer to me. I would immediately bring it to the attention of the kids' parents and the principal and the teacher. They ARE bullying him. You need to do everything you can to put a stop to it, and not refrain from doing so because they MIGHT keep bullying him more sneakily if you turn them in.

 

Turn them in. Today. Now.

 

Keep the lines of communication open with your son, and if it persists (sneakily or otherwise) turn them in again and demand that something be done about it. I'd also make sure he was NOT in a class with those particular boys again next year, if you keep him in school.

 

Poor kid :(

 

I know. I ETA above that DS didn't want to tell who they were a few weeks ago.

 

He is in 9th grade at an all boys school. Homeroom is alphabetical and each class is seated alphabetical. So if he has these boys in a particular class, they are seated next to/near him.

[unsinkable]

Is home schooling an option? Sounds like your son would love it.

 

Yes' date=' I agree that doing nothing isn't going to help your son. Validate his feelings and speak up for him to people who can try to change things. He must dread going to school.[/quote']

 

Homeschooling is an option but going to this school for high school was his goal/plan/dream since he was a little boy. We homeschooled K-8.

[MIch elle]

This is not to be taken lightly. You should not get into it with the parents. Take it to the school with the proof you already have. Have your ds document the bullying - when, where, what was said, etc. in a journal - do it with him if needed.

 

It's the school's responsiblility to know and to act on stopping the bullying! Make that appt with you and your dh if you can. Ask for specific steps that will be taken to stop it and protect your ds.

 

READ everything you can prior to that meeting about the school's policy and the state's laws on bullying.

 

HTH :grouphug:

[jld]

Please act now. No child should be treated like this. :grouphug:

[Laurie4b]

This is not to be taken lightly. You should not get into it with the parents. Take it to the school with the proof you already have. Have your ds document the bullying - when, where, what was said, etc. in a journal - do it with him if needed.

 

It's the school's responsiblility to know and to act on stopping the bullying! Make that appt with you and your dh if you can. Ask for specific steps that will be taken to stop it and protect your ds.

 

READ everything you can prior to that meeting about the school's policy and the state's laws on bullying.

 

HTH :grouphug:

 

I totally agree with everything here: don't go to the other parents. Do go to school. Having dh make the complaint will give it more weight than you, as the mom, making it. (There aren't cultural stereotypes about overprotective dads and sons that might affect how the school personnel hear you.)

[Perry]

My son had a bullying issue earlier this year, and I was very, very happy with how the school handled it. The offender sat at the same table as my son in several classes, so he was moved across the room. He was also held after each class until passing time was over, so he could have no interaction with anyone during mod changes. His parents were notified. Each teacher was to monitor his behavior and they had weekly meetings to discuss progress and problems. If he had even one more complaint against him, from my son, other kids, or teachers, he was going to be suspended for 3 days. There have been no further problems.

 

My son is only in 6th grade, so this might not work for high school.

 

Is your son fb friends with these boys? I'd get rid of them, if they are.

[Impish]

I absolutely agree with going to the school, or having your dh go. Today.

[MariannNOVA]

My son had a bullying issue earlier this year, and I was very, very happy with how the school handled it. The offender sat at the same table as my son in several classes, so he was moved across the room. He was also held after each class until passing time was over, so he could have no interaction with anyone during mod changes. His parents were notified. Each teacher was to monitor his behavior and they had weekly meetings to discuss progress and problems. If he had even one more complaint against him, from my son, other kids, or teachers, he was going to be suspended for 3 days. There have been no further problems.

 

My son is only in 6th grade, so this might not work for high school.

 

Is your son fb friends with these boys? I'd get rid of them, if they are.

 

I've highlighted in red what prevents them from becoming sneakier -- (which was your question). The bully must become accountable for his behavior -- the adults who are in positions of authority at the school must facilitate accordingly so that the bully becomes accountable. If the school does not have a 'no-bullying' plan in place, they need one immediately. There is no shortage of info out there regarding the development and implementation of a plan.

 

Finally, I am so sorry this is happening to your son and to you -- I know how much this hurts and how it makes a mom's heart sick and sad. I went through it with my dd who is now 31.

 

Please let us know what happens and I will be praying for a positive outcome.:)

[Ferdie]

My son had a bullying issue earlier this year, and I was very, very happy with how the school handled it. The offender sat at the same table as my son in several classes, so he was moved across the room. He was also held after each class until passing time was over, so he could have no interaction with anyone during mod changes. His parents were notified. Each teacher was to monitor his behavior and they had weekly meetings to discuss progress and problems. If he had even one more complaint against him, from my son, other kids, or teachers, he was going to be suspended for 3 days. There have been no further problems.

 

My son is only in 6th grade, so this might not work for high school.

 

Is your son fb friends with these boys? I'd get rid of them, if they are.

 

Perry - Did your son report the situation or did you step in and help out? Also who was the situation reported too?

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My DS was/is a target for bullies. I know what you are going through. :grouphug:

[Perry]

Perry - Did your son report the situation or did you step in and help out? Also who was the situation reported too?

 

 

The school has an anti-bullying program, and the kids are supposed to contact any teacher, staff member, or adult if they feel bullied or threatened.

 

He told me, and I contacted the school counselor by email.

 

Apparently one of his teachers was a little unhappy that he wasn't told by my son. I think he was embarrassed that this was going on in his class and he didn't realize it.

[Julie in CA]

My son had a bullying issue earlier this year, and I was very, very happy with how the school handled it. The offender sat at the same table as my son in several classes, so he was moved across the room. He was also held after each class until passing time was over, so he could have no interaction with anyone during mod changes. His parents were notified. Each teacher was to monitor his behavior and they had weekly meetings to discuss progress and problems. If he had even one more complaint against him, from my son, other kids, or teachers, he was going to be suspended for 3 days. There have been no further problems.

 

My son is only in 6th grade, so this might not work for high school.

 

Is your son fb friends with these boys? I'd get rid of them, if they are.

Man, do I wish this would be implemented more often. We had to leave Scouting over the bullying issue. I've always been sad that my oldest son was so close to earning Eagle rank, and I had to pull him out. Younger ds was being bullied, and leadership chose to see it as "boys will be boys" behavior (their sons were the culprits).

[Alessandra]

Do you have a copy of the school's policy on bullying, etc.? I would call, write, visit, go to PTA meetings and so on until the bullies got the punishment they deserve. Forget the parents - go to the teachers, principal -- and don't forget the superintendent -- superintendents are more focussed on liability and potential for lawsuits.

 

After the tragic story recently in MA -- a girl killed herself after being bullied -- I think a lot of administrators are running scared.

 

Here's a story you might enjoy about a mom who took action:

 

http://findit.northjersey.com/search?client=default_frontend&output=xml_no_dtd&proxystylesheet=default_frontend&proxyreload=1&sort=date%3AD%3AL%3Ad1&entqr=3&oe=UTF-8&ie=UTF-8&ud=1&q=mother+principal+bullied&btnG.x=33&btnG.y=27&btnG=Search&site=default_collection

[Ferdie]

The school has an anti-bullying program, and the kids are supposed to contact any teacher, staff member, or adult if they feel bullied or threatened.

 

He told me, and I contacted the school counselor by email.

 

Apparently one of his teachers was a little unhappy that he wasn't told by my son. I think he was embarrassed that this was going on in his class and he didn't realize it.

 

Thanks! My ds had a situation with another child for most of the school year. He never considered it a bully situation since he eats lunch with the other child every day. However the other child is about 30-40 pounds heavier than my son, and about once a week my son would get hurt, (including bruises) from this kid. My ds begged me over and over to stay out of it. He wanted to handle the situation for himself.

 

Finally, a few weeks ago my son and two other boys talked to the principal and the boy was suspended for a day. The boy has left my son alone since then, and they still eat lunch together.

 

I still wonder to this day if I should have stepped in, despite my son's objections, and helped out when it first started.

[Teachin'Mine]

Homeschooling is an option but going to this school for high school was his goal/plan/dream since he was a little boy. We homeschooled K-8.

 

Dreams change. Sounds like it hasn't been what he expected. The is part of the socialization that people talk about our children missing out on. Let your son decide what to do for next year. But I still think it's important to resolve the situation for the rest of this year, so he can feel better about the situation. Maybe change would help him to leave the school, if that's what he decides, with some good memories.

[Remudamom]

I can't believe you have this proof and haven't gone in with it. I'd be making heads roll.

[unsinkable]

Update that's not much of an update.

 

The reason I didn't do anything is because:

 

1. My DS didn't want me to and I was trying to convince him that it was time to name names.

 

2. My MIL was dying and then died.

 

The school now has the names of the bullies and all the facebook postings so we'll see what happens.

[Renee in NC]

We're dealing with bullying here as well and we can't seem to get anywhere about it. I would have removed ds from the situation already, but he has a fairly large part in The Sound of Music and would like to perform it (June 11.)

 

What he wants is for the other boy to be removed so that he can stay and enjoy the program. It doesn't look like that is going to happen (even after my ds was spit on.)