Jean in Newcastle Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 I find myself wanting an objective opinion of my kids and their abilities, quirks (are they really quirks or a problem), progress, personalities. . . I don't think I want one of those teachers who evaluate a portfolio of their work, though perhaps that wouldn't hurt. I do find that it helps to look at them as dispassionately as I can when they are in a group (dd at gymnastics, ds at Tae Kwando) but those are sports. I guess I want to watch them in a classroom - but without actually putting them into a classroom! I did ask my sister and some close friends but they look at me strangely as if I'm laying a trap for them.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 (edited) No. My kids are who they are. I don't want them to be anything else. I don't have any great interest in the particulars of what other kids their ages know. I mean, I like other children, but what they know and do doesn't have a bearing on what my kids know or what we do. Edited April 20, 2010 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 I wish I had that ability when I am reading my ds's writing and when I am listening to him play piano. I know I'm biased. I'm his mom! But I'd like to know if he's even close to as talented as I think he is. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Yes. Not their academic skills - more their personalities. The little quirks that drive me insane aren't noticed by so many others, so maybe I'm hyper-focused on that particular thing and should just let it go. I think having an outside opinion would put things in perspective a little easier sometimes. I wish I could have an objective opinion of myself sometimes too. I am very much a perfectionist and know all of my faults inside and out. When we were moving I had so many people come and tell me how they'd always admired me for being calm, peaceful, and patient and it blew my mind! I don't feel like I give the impression of being calm, peaceful, or patient. I feel like I'm always running one step behind and more than a little frazzled on the best of days. Maybe if I was able to see what others witness I would be a little less hard on myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Yes. Not their academic skills - more their personalities. The little quirks that drive me insane aren't noticed by so many others, so maybe I'm hyper-focused on that particular thing and should just let it go. I think having an outside opinion would put things in perspective a little easier sometimes. I wish I could have an objective opinion of myself sometimes too. I am very much a perfectionist and know all of my faults inside and out. When we were moving I had so many people come and tell me how they'd always admired me for being calm, peaceful, and patient and it blew my mind! I don't feel like I give the impression of being calm, peaceful, or patient. I feel like I'm always running one step behind and more than a little frazzled on the best of days. Maybe if I was able to see what others witness I would be a little less hard on myself. :iagree: Yes and yes. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Yes. Not their academic skills - more their personalities. The little quirks that drive me insane aren't noticed by so many others, so maybe I'm hyper-focused on that particular thing and should just let it go. I think having an outside opinion would put things in perspective a little easier sometimes. I wish I could have an objective opinion of myself sometimes too. I am very much a perfectionist and know all of my faults inside and out. When we were moving I had so many people come and tell me how they'd always admired me for being calm, peaceful, and patient and it blew my mind! I don't feel like I give the impression of being calm, peaceful, or patient. I feel like I'm always running one step behind and more than a little frazzled on the best of days. Maybe if I was able to see what others witness I would be a little less hard on myself. :iagree::iagree: Especially the part about the insane-driving quirks..... how do I know if they are within the range of "normal", whatever that really is, or if they may be needs that need some special assistance, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Yes, especially with my son and his quirks. If you only see him once in a while, he seems fine. But if you knew him long term, you'd see that he seems to struggle socially and is unhappy that he doesn't have any friends of his own. I wish someone could watch and see, really see, long term what he's like and tell me what is going on and how to work with it. When we were moving I had so many people come and tell me how they'd always admired me for being calm, peaceful, and patient and it blew my mind! I don't feel like I give the impression of being calm, peaceful, or patient. I feel like I'm always running one step behind and more than a little frazzled on the best of days. Maybe if I was able to see what others witness I would be a little less hard on myself. People do the same thing with me. They think I'm a really organized person. :001_huh: One of the biggest struggles I have is trying to figure out how to organize things...figuring out the system in the first place and then using the system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 What a great post, OP! Yes. Not their academic skills - more their personalities. The little quirks that drive me insane aren't noticed by so many others, so maybe I'm hyper-focused on that particular thing and should just let it go. I think having an outside opinion would put things in perspective a little easier sometimes. :iagree: I often wonder if some of the quirks of my son are just his inherent personality, errors in my parenting, or something that needs to be "treated" by professional. I struggle with this almost daily, and I'm starting to wonder if he's picking up on my uncertainty about him and that is magnifying some of the behaviors/quirks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 I do get feedback from various sources, so I am not really looking for it for myself. I think it is great when my kids (teens) get feedback for themselves that doesn't come from Mum. Last year our education department moderator, of all people, gave my dd15 feedback and enthusiastic encouragement for going for a career that was more extroverted than the ones we had been thinking. She is an extrovert, but very artistically talented, so she kept thinking careers that were quite alone, since art is often done "alone". The moderator, who has seen her work over a few years, even though only once a year, said she saw her as a journalist on TV! Perfect- it sparked dd's interest and that is actually the direction she is now heading. Media studies,journalism etc I honestly would never have thought of it. So, while I could have done with more objective help when they were younger, in the end I am not sure it was all that important- I can only do what I can do. What has been important is that the kids see themselves through other people's eyes, and not just mine. They have a wide circle of friends, including adults, and certainly not all are in my circle of friends...but it's interesting where inspiration can come from. I feel they- at least my kids- need that interaction with the wider world and not to have their world revolve around mum, after a certain point. I am sitting here on the computer at 8am with my morning cup of tea- dd15 has gone to a young women's meeting that she has been invited to be a part of, at a coffee shop (she loves coffee!), and dh has gone surfing with some young men. They will both be back by 9am or so to start their school work. But this is what I was hoping for them. I have heard it called Worldschooling, in contract to Homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Yes. Not their academic skills - more their personalities. The little quirks that drive me insane aren't noticed by so many others, so maybe I'm hyper-focused on that particular thing and should just let it go. I think having an outside opinion would put things in perspective a little easier sometimes. :iagree: My son's quirkiness is one of the reasons we don't feel he'd do well in ps but I don't really feel he has issues that need intervention. But, then I wonder if I'm really seeing it clearly. DH and I are both VERY laid-back people so things that might really have someone running for evaluation and testing are the kind of things that just have us laughing at his uniqueness. I did post about my son's quirkiness a few weeks ago and the ladies here recommended some great books that I'm working on reading. Not really looking for a diagnosis but maybe some hints on working within his quirks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 (edited) double post. Crazy night on the boards! Edited April 21, 2010 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 (edited) You're talking quirks, not academics? lol OK. I can tell my kids are a little quirky, but in good ways, or ways we value ;), when I see them interact in the world. We have hsing friends, community events and activities etc. I also know what my kids think is silly because they tell me. "Oh, please, don't make us go to that event! Those people never stop talking about ...." Fill in the blank. I don't want to insult anyone. lol. I do notice the quirk of other children as well. Unless the quirks are harmfull of what not, I accept them easily. There are absolutely fantastic children in our hsing group who would be encouraged to be medicated for ADD or ADHD if they were in a school setting. I think the acceptance of certain quirks in small children is one of the greatest benefits of hsing. Edited April 21, 2010 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 21, 2010 Author Share Posted April 21, 2010 For ds - I'm talking quirks. Academically I know that he isn't normal (he's gifted) but I know what to do for him for him to be healthy and happy. Some other things (issues or quirks depending on the day you might ask me about it!) I do find myself wondering if he is within the range of normal. For dd - I am talking academics. But only in one subject (perhaps two depending on how you divide things). I know that she is normal, healthy and healthy otherwise. It wouldn't make a huge difference in how I school her - I'm going to deal with her at her level no matter what. But it would make a difference in perhaps finding some more specific ways to help her if I knew that she needed that help. Two different kids - two different things I wonder about as their mom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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