Help! My sister is a Montessori teacher

[Moxie]

This post could be subtitled "When your best just isn't good enough".

 

I love my sister and we talk all the time. She loves her job and I'm fascinated by the Montessori method so we talk about it often. She tells me about her wonderful, normalized students who love their work and the teachers who love their jobs. Her students happily move from one work to the next, learning with cheerful attitudes.

 

My students have poor attitudes and who can blame them?? Their "classroom" is littered with laundry baskets and toddler toys. There is almost always a baby screaming to be picked up or a baby grabbing the papers off the table. The 4 year old needs more attention so he is causing trouble until he is sent off to watch television. Everyone needs help with math but Mom is feeding the baby so she can't help right now. Forget doing any of the fun stuff. No matter how much is planned ahead, there is always a certain amount of chaos.

 

The sad thing is I really do feel like I'm trying my hardest. Short of hiring a housekeeper or a nanny, I honestly don't know how to make things better. I decided to homeschool because I want my kids to have the best education but maybe I can't give it to them.

[usetoschool]

I think you are comparing apples and carburetors. Maybe your sisters school is different but I have friends who go to Montessori schools and it is not all happy move around the activities with curiousity and joy in every case. Montessori is a fine method, no arguement with it, just the idea that her school is perfect and you see yours as a total failure is probably not true. I am sure your schooling is fine much of the time and I am equally sure that her classroom is sometimes dull or unruly or not successful. Plus, her school rules prohibit her from changing diapers and blowing raspberries on the babies belly when they are all fresh and clean. Something I wouldn't exchange for all of the order and perfection in the world.

 

If you are looking for advice - it helped us to have even the limited routine that you can get with young children like regular bedtimes, a load of laundry every morning, doing dishes after meals and finding a place where it is OK for chaos to reign supreme like a designated toy room.

 

Having young kids is hard work (which is why God created menopause in my mind - I am just too old for that kind of work) but it does get physically easier, just about the time it gets emotionally more difficult and then they get married and move away...:001_huh:

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug:

Your best is good enough.

 

The littles will grow. I thought those laundry, crying baby, living room toy clutter, best-laid plans all gone off in a handbasket days would never pass, and they did. My kids are happy, healthy and well-educated. Looking back, I thnk sometimes the best thing to do is embrace the chaos, squeeze the most out of the teaching times you do get and laugh at the craziness of it all.

 

Talk education methods with your sister to your heart's content. The moment your heart is no longer content, stop. You don't have to tell her how your days are going if she'll think less of what you're doing or if it will make you feel as though what you're doing isn't good enough.

 

Bottom line, she doesn't love her students the way you do yours...that makes a big difference right there. ;)

 

A couple ideas (though you may have already tried them):

When my guys were younger, 3-4, I'd involved them in some of the instruction even if it meant giving them a dot-to-dot to do for "school." Or I'd give them something sensory-fun to do while I taught, like uncooked rice with small bowls and spoons on a cookie tray or fill the kitchen sink with soapy water and give the child a funnel and some cups. The peace was worth the mess.

 

And nursing the baby is a great time to teach! I just pulled up to the table or curled on the couch and nursed while we read or I taught a lesson. My youngest has been doing school since birth, lol.

 

:grouphug: Hang in there and keep on doing the best you can each day.

 

Cat

[CalicoKat]

This post could be subtitled "When your best just isn't good enough".

 

I love my sister and we talk all the time. She loves her job and I'm fascinated by the Montessori method so we talk about it often. She tells me about her wonderful, normalized students who love their work and the teachers who love their jobs. Her students happily move from one work to the next, learning with cheerful attitudes.

 

My students have poor attitudes and who can blame them?? Their "classroom" is littered with laundry baskets and toddler toys. There is almost always a baby screaming to be picked up or a baby grabbing the papers off the table. The 4 year old needs more attention so he is causing trouble until he is sent off to watch television. Everyone needs help with math but Mom is feeding the baby so she can't help right now. Forget doing any of the fun stuff. No matter how much is planned ahead, there is always a certain amount of chaos.

 

The sad thing is I really do feel like I'm trying my hardest. Short of hiring a housekeeper or a nanny, I honestly don't know how to make things better. I decided to homeschool because I want my kids to have the best education but maybe I can't give it to them.

:D I could have written this post. I can't work in chaos. I know then that neither can my kids. I don't want them to even try. If our work area is chaotic then before we even begin I put on some classical music and we pick up--trying to be done before the end of the song.

 

Then we sit down and begin. Ahhhh, it's like having a box full of sharpened pencils. :001_smile:

 

Soo our day might be a little longer. Oh well.

 

Mostly it's only a mess because I didn't enforce the after school clean up because I was tired. For the littles, during the day while we're schooling I don't give them another school toy box until they've picked up and put away what they're done with (a Montessori rule). It's a good one. It takes some training, but they get it. And it keeps them busy for a bit cuz you can ignore them while they figure out they're not going to get it until they've cleaned up after themselves.

[helena]

This post could be subtitled "When your best just isn't good enough".

 

I love my sister and we talk all the time. She loves her job and I'm fascinated by the Montessori method so we talk about it often. She tells me about her wonderful, normalized students who love their work and the teachers who love their jobs. Her students happily move from one work to the next, learning with cheerful attitudes.

 

My students have poor attitudes and who can blame them?? Their "classroom" is littered with laundry baskets and toddler toys. There is almost always a baby screaming to be picked up or a baby grabbing the papers off the table. The 4 year old needs more attention so he is causing trouble until he is sent off to watch television. Everyone needs help with math but Mom is feeding the baby so she can't help right now. Forget doing any of the fun stuff. No matter how much is planned ahead, there is always a certain amount of chaos.

 

The sad thing is I really do feel like I'm trying my hardest. Short of hiring a housekeeper or a nanny, I honestly don't know how to make things better. I decided to homeschool because I want my kids to have the best education but maybe I can't give it to them.

 

I've spent a lot of time in Montessori classrooms and I do have to say there is a beautiful rhythm to the day when the classroom (and school) have the right people running it. I feel like ever since I started homeschooling, I've been trying to emulate that energy and those types of expectations more and more.

 

I've been thinking about your question all day, I can relate to so much of it.

Here's where it got me: Maybe the classroom can be compared to a ballet. The ballet performance itself is a fraction of the story, there's hiring, stage props, costumes, finances, hustle bustle, it's a lot of behind the scenes work and a lot of people working on the same page. It's not until the curtains open where you can hear a pin drop and you hold your audience captive.

 

There's a lot of hectic, dirty, stressful, work going on behind the scenes of a good school/classroom, but when class begins nothing matters but the child and you. Everything should already be in place, everyone knows what to do, and you begin to conduct. It can be a bit deceiving to witness class time in action, they got there through hard work and diligence to keep it that way.

 

I'll bet your sister isn't alone all day with her class. She's probably one part of a well oiled machine. It's not fair to compare your situation to hers, her job is much easier probably.

 

Instead of comparing get inspired! In Montessori you give the child freedom in a prepared environment. Can you set up a perimeter of school space where laundry and junk can't enter? There's nothing wrong with being over protective of classroom space. I find myself having to be super strict on what can and can't come into our little classroom. My husband is practically not allowed in :). I don't mean it in a horrible way, but he brings mess and chaos with him. He works at home and will want to come wandering in and disrupt our concentration. It's taken everyone a while to understand when you come to class it's time to get serious. I don't allow stuffed animals (unless one of them is not feeling well), no phone calls, no shenanigans. Kids tend to want to please and like a little formality (usually). You just have to train them, and they will appreciate the order.

 

If your 4 yo is giving you problems, could you set up a little wet and dry practical life area? Give him 1 lesson a day until he has a shelf or two of work to choose from (switching the work out every month keeps it fun). Start referring to anything that applies as "independent work" (for everyone). If it only keeps him busy for 15 minutes, that's okay, eventually he'll work longer. Can you start math when he starts watching his cartoons?

Your kids are young, I don't think things are ever supposed to stay on schedule. That's part of the charm with this stage of life. Now that my eldest is 11 I'm starting to realize how short that stage was. It's hard when your in the thick of it. You forget that particular kind of chaos is temporary.

Can you use summer vacation to do art, science experiments, learn to play new games etc? I just posted a question about light teaching in the summer, and I think a lot of people do the extras then. Which seems like a nice way to keep some structure. I'm definitely going to use this summer as a chance to redefine how we operate.

 

Sorry to go on and on..

I'm a Montessori teacher who quit working to stay home. I went to Montessori schools, and my mom owns a M. school. I've just started reading the Well Trained Mind, and I'm so excited. I'm ready to let it have a good influence on me. I have the peace in the classroom, but I'm missing something academically. Already I'm seeing some of my weaknesses, I think the book is going to really help me! Those two worlds are coming together for me right now. :001_smile:

I think it can be a good thing that your questioning your mode of operation, something's not working for you, and you've had it. You say you're trying your hardest as if you can't add more, but you can always erase everything and re-work the way you use the energy you have. Does that make sense?

 

When I feel like this I watch a movie that induces crying and chocolate eating. :D Hang in there mama:grouphug:

Edited April 1, 2010 by helena

[chiguirre]

This post could be subtitled "When your best just isn't good enough".

 

Well, could you actually send your kids to your sister's school? Could you manage the drive time and tuition? Would they be accepted by the school (most private schools will steer kids with issues to public school)?

 

If your answer to any of those questions is no, then you're doing the best you can and you have to let it go. We all fantasize about the perfect education (at least if your a board regular, maybe not so much if you're a more typical parent :D), but those fantasies do bump up against the realities of life. Instead of aiming for unattainable perfection, just pick your weakest area and try to improve it. You'll feel better and school will be smoother.

[2cents]

Well, I have to tell you that the Montessori class I had my son in before we hs'd was nothing like what you are describing. It was complete and utter chaos and there were a good share of unhappy kiddos AND parents. That school was the main reason we started homeschooling. I'm sure you are doing just fine. Deep breaths. :grouphug:

[Barb_]

My son goes to a Montessori preschool. His school is run by an amazing young woman and is the ideal Montessori environment. I feel so lucky to be able to send him there. Yet, my oldest 3-4 children were homeschooled in the environment you describe and guess what? They are thriving! Sending Collin to preschool makes my life easier and my home run better, but really in the long run there are many paths to the same goal. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, but don't feel badly for your kids' sake.

[littleWMN]

My kids are 8, 5, 4, and newborn so I completely understand!

[ChemMommy]

I had four at about your kids' age span. It was very hectic.

 

Best advice I was given:

 

1. Keep it simple--no frills (art, music, drama). Just the 3 R's. Science was whatever they checked out of the library. No experiments.

 

2. Teach the little ones to be quiet for 20 minutes at a time. Okay, this one was hard to do and took a lot of time. I ended up setting a timer for 15 minutes and rewarding their quietness with an M&M when the beeper beeped.

 

3. Don't do one thing for a child that the child can do for themselves. This includes finding school books and coats and shoes, putting dishes away, etc.

 

 

Now, mine are 3rd to 10th grade and they remember fondly the "little" years with a baby nursing and a toddler in tow. They wouldn't trade calmness for the chaos and fun of those years.

 

Oh, and just so you can laugh: During our "little" years, we had a news crew come and spend a morning at our house. The reporter asked me how I would ever handle it when all four were in school! I laughed out loud and replied that that sounded wonderful!! The poor lady thought I was bonkers, but I thought the idea of having math lessons without having to stop to change a poopy diaper sounded wonderful!!

 

Big Hugs!!!

[wapiti]

Let me put it this way. Four of my kids are currently in a Montessori school. One of the teachers is pregnant with her first child. She is a fantastic teacher - truly (one of my boys had her for three years and now another one has her, so I know her pretty well). She told me she's planning to run her home in a similar way. She has that glow. I looked at her and thought "hahahahahahahahaha!!!!" I have yet to explain to her that no, children do not always behave the same in school as they do at home.

 

Their "classroom" is littered with laundry baskets and toddler toys. There is almost always a baby screaming to be picked up or a baby grabbing the papers off the table. The 4 year old needs more attention so he is causing trouble until he is sent off to watch television. Everyone needs help with math but Mom is feeding the baby so she can't help right now. Forget doing any of the fun stuff. No matter how much is planned ahead, there is always a certain amount of chaos.

Are you sure you weren't in my house today? Oh I guess not, because if you were you would have added a bit about the baby eating crackers off the rug and the toddler giggling as the toilet overflowed from the vast amount of toilet paper shoved into it that then had to be manually removed.

 

You are doing a tremendous job homeschooling in the midst of chaos. I'm jealous :D (we're just doing a touch of afterschooling at the moment). What's that saying, do your best and forget the rest!!! ;)

[KarenC]

When we started homeschooling, I had a 5yo, 3yo, and a 11 month old.

 

I used to sit on the floor while I read and let her climb over me. We have an open floor plan where the kitchen, dining room, living room, and office have doorways opening into each other, making a big circle. I would put some kind of toy or something to keep the toddler busy in each room. For example, I'd leave some tupperware and spoons in the middle of the kitchen floor, a laundry basket full of stuffed animals in the living room, a bucket of small toys in the office, and container of plastic animals in the dining room. She would make the circuit through the rooms and I would follow behind her when she had moved on, returing the things to their container. It's amazing how long she would stay busy. By the time she got back to the first room, she was ready to play with those things again. She also had a couple of push toys to push around the house.

 

I was lucky with the 3 yo, she could entertain herself for quite a long time. But, when she was bored, she would play in the sink with tupperware and toys, or sometimes food coloring. Play do, coloring books, and legos were also great.

 

But, I can tell you the house was a complete wreck. Even more than it is now! I could only do one thing well, and I chose to do school.

 

Good luck to you, and this too shall pass. Before long, you'll look back on these days with fond memories!

 

Karen

[gaillardia]

It sounds like you feel pretty defeated, and I still do too sometimes (youngest is 8yo). Some of my babies would not tolerate my talking or reading out loud while nursing! And i always fell asleep while nursing! Recently the kids put a home vid in, wow, what a mess...clothing on the sofa, toys and books on the floor. But those kids were happy! And i looked tired.

Just remember to take time for yourself every day, or at least once a week, to recharge yourself. Do something for yourself. Take lots of pictures because you won't hardly believe it when you look back some day.

It really does get ... easier to manage. Sometimes some of us feel we don't measure up to some made-up standard. Silently, these moments sneak in where we look at one or all of our children and see the wonderful little people they are, growing and changing, so beautiful. And you are there to see it all with them!

[ReneTL]

Things will work out! I pulled both of my girls out of Montessori and this is our first year HSing and I am so glad I did. I was very happy with the school and they LOVED it. Many of the days were as you described, but many were not. And remember, even in the best Montessori environment, probably the longest "work cycle" they get is about 2-2 1/2 hours. My girls were supposed to be there by 8:30. By the time they got settled in, it was probably 8:45. Then they did the "daily message" until around 9:00. They "worked" on their daily essentials until around 11:15, then it was time to prepare for lunch. Mind you, much of their work time was spent quietly moving about the room and come to find out, 5 problems counted for completing math (the bar really wasn't set very high)! After lunch was recess, then they came in for quiet reading. (Reading a simple magazine with their friends counted for that!) By now it's after 1:00, where they finish up some work, but this time is less focused and begin afternoon chores or practical life stuff. This is a wonderful schedule until 1st or 2nd grade, but my oldest simply didn't have the skills she needed this year because there was never a push to make her do the hard work.

 

I also LOVE Maria Montessori and her philosophies; she was truly a genius before her time. However, most of her work was done with preschoolers and I think as you work with many older children, "follow the child" just doesn't get the job done. Certainly there are some that thrive and will choose the challenging work; mine didn't.

 

Anyway, hang in there - things will get better!