Would you tell someone if they were being rude?

[Moxie]

I have 4 kids so I'm used to the comments people make. For the most part, I think people don't know what to say when someone is open to a large family so they make a stupid comment that they think is funny. I try to respond with a smile because there is just no reason to make someone feel uncomfortable. I really don't think most people are trying to be rude.

 

I was chatting with the very pregnant cashier at Target a few days ago. I asked when she was due and she said, "They are due in July". I congragulated her on the twins and she said, "Thanks, everyone else tells me how sorry they are." I was really shocked by this. I don't know if I could take an apology with a smile but I don't know that I'd ever be brave enough to point out how rude that is. Would you confront a rude stranger?

[Mejane]

I would, but then I'm just that way. :glare:

[lionfamily1999]

If I were the one pregnant the hormones would tell them how rude they are :lol:

 

If I overheard someone say that... I'd probably still say they were rude. It would end up being me blurting out, "wow, rude much?!?" Or, something like, "I can't believe your mother lets you go out in public unsupervised. That was rude."

 

Then, I'm in a low sort of mood this week.

[Kate in Arabia]

I would, but I never seem to think of what to say until way after the fact. I guess I'm so in shock that someone would actually say that my brain shuts down...

[eternalknot]

Would you confront a rude stranger?

 

I don't know that I'd confront them, but I have and will continue to call a stranger out on it. To me the difference is subtle, but important - I won't sink to a stranger's level of rudeness, even if deserved.

 

ETA: in this day and age of twitter. facebook. reality tv. trashy mags (of which I indulge LOL) ... it still surprises me that so many people have lost that internal filter, you know? Not every thought that passes through one's head need be shared.

[Brigitte]

When my twins were babies, dh and I were in a little cafe with them and some woman looked at them and then said "Twins! Poor mom." I turned to her and said in a rather irritated voice, "No, lucky mom!" She got a sheepish look on her face and walked away without saying anything else. The lady sitting at a table near us came up to me and said "Good response."

 

My girls were very preemie and this was one of the few times that winter we dared go out.

 

I think most people are well meaning, but some people go to far. I don't really think there is anything wrong with letting people know their comment was rude or hurt your feelings. Perhaps it will keep them from being rude to someone else later on.

 

It really is too bad people have made such insensitive comments to that cashier. I am glad you were able to make her day, though.

[LauraGB]

and she said, "Thanks, everyone else tells me how sorry they are." I was really shocked by this. I don't know if I could take an apology with a smile but I don't know that I'd ever be brave enough to point out how rude that is. Would you confront a rude stranger?

 

In that case, probably not. If I felt the person was just trying to be personable and humorous, with no ill intent, I would take it as such and would not consider hurting thier feelings. It may not be a hold-your-belly-and-laugh sort of comment, but I would have to assume the person delivering the "apology" wasn't actually serious. I have heard those sorts of comments before, and I just make a mental note to make sure I don't make them because they really aren't all that funny, but I wouldn't hold it against the speaker.

[KnitWit]

I think most people *think* they are being pithy or funny by their comments and doing so to be *friendly*. I have, on rare occasion, run across someone whom I felt was truly being malicious and had an *issue* with the number of children I have...but I figure that anything I come back with will be just what they want. I ignore them and divert my children's attention.

 

Most people who make negative comments, I think, *assume* we are overwhelmed and have awakened one morning to find these children in our home beyond our control and they think they are being compassionate. If *I* speak positively about my children and about enjoying having a big family, I find that tone usually changes and it turns out to be a good situation.

 

It's usually when *I* choose to have a chip on my shoulder or be defensive that it goes downhill. I also try to keep in mind that my children are watching and learning how to respond to people by observing me. I sure don't want them learning "Throwdown Basics" from Mom! LOL!

[happyhomemaker25]

That might be the rudest comment I have ever heard! WOW! I think I would have to look all confused and ask, "Why?"

I love seeing twins. Of course I love seeing all babies, but I know twins get an extra smile from me.

[Jen500]

I would probably just laugh, depending on my mood. Twins ARE a lot of work as babies. I would take it as...sorry you won't get ANY sleep for the first six months. The first 6 months of my twins are just a hazy memory...and I was huge during my pregnancy...not so fun towards the end. Doesn't mean I don't LOVE my twins though!

[Friederike in Persia]

I would, but I never seem to think of what to say until way after the fact. I guess I'm so in shock that someone would actually say that my brain shuts down...

 

:iagree: and then I spend ages thinking of what I could/should have said!:glare:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I tend to verbally interpret what was said. I would say, "If you mean they are a lot of work, yes. But they're also twice the loving!" Of course I run the risk of interpreting their words to be a lot nicer in intent than they might have been. . .;)

[SilverMoon]

I have bluntly told strangers they were rude before. I'm quite familiar with the family size comments, and usually just toss a smart aleck or witty response back their way with a smile. There are those few who are so out of line that a matter-of-fact, "That was rude," seems more appropriate.

[Ellie]

One thing Miss Manners recommends is actually showing that you are shocked by someone's rudeness. Often, we don't do that, but you know, if you stare back at the person who said something rude, without saying anything, sometimes he will figure out he's said something wrong, especially if you can let the silence grow until he's uncomfortable. It's ok for him to feel uncomfortable.

[Perry]

One thing Miss Manners recommends is actually showing that you are shocked by someone's rudeness. Often, we don't do that, but you know, if you stare back at the person who said something rude, without saying anything, sometimes he will figure out he's said something wrong, especially if you can let the silence grow until he's uncomfortable. It's ok for him to feel uncomfortable.

Did she really say that? To me, that suggests it's okay to be rude as long as you didn't do it first. I'd rather give someone the benefit of the doubt, because usually they aren't rude on purpose. If someone is deliberately rude, I just walk away. Or put them back on ignore. ;)

[5KidzRUs]

When my twins were born my five children were 10, 4, 3 and twin newborns.

I heard so many snarky comments. Here are two of the most common and my ready to go responses:

 

Them: "You sure have your hands full"

Me: "Better full than empty"

 

...

 

Them: "I am glad it is you and NOT me!"

Me: "Me too!" (though now-a-days I would probably use the trendy comment "I KNOW, RIGHT?!"

 

:lol:

[Dawn in OH]

One thing Miss Manners recommends is actually showing that you are shocked by someone's rudeness. Often, we don't do that, but you know, if you stare back at the person who said something rude, without saying anything, sometimes he will figure out he's said something wrong, especially if you can let the silence grow until he's uncomfortable. It's ok for him to feel uncomfortable.

 

My face often shows shock at rudeness without much thought on my part. But I will also, in most cases, inform someone that they have been rude. I do it as politely as my temper allows at the time.

 

Part of me feels annoyed and part of me feels sad that these people weren't raised to know better. I feel that by letting the rude comment go, I'm just as guilty as the parent that didn't teach them any better when they were children.

[Perry]

I heard so many snarky comments. Here are two of the most common and my ready to go responses:

 

Them: "You sure have your hands full"

Me: "Better full than empty"

 

I'm sorry, I don't understand why this is snarky. Was it not true? I know my hands were full when my 3 were all 3 and under. I appreciated that people recognized it was hard.

[5KidzRUs]

I'm sorry, I don't understand why this is snarky. Was it not true? I know my hands were full when my 3 were all 3 and under. I appreciated that people recognized it was hard.

 

The text really doesn't reflect the sarcasm in which the statement was spoken.

Yes, the statement was true, but it was never said to me in love or in a kind way.

I too appreciate/d kindness and recognition - but that is a different topic.

 

:grouphug:

[LauraGB]

Them: "You sure have your hands full"

Me: "Better full than empty"

 

...

 

 

 

I've heard this comment, too, but I guess I didn't take offense to it. My hands were full! I would just respond with something like "you're not kidding!", but none of it would be exchanged in negative light - just an honest one.

 

But you are right, though - better full than empty. :) I just don't see the two comments having much in common.

 

 

ETA - just saw your response, Patty. Understood :-)

[Jen500]

I'm sorry, I don't understand why this is snarky. Was it not true? I know my hands were full when my 3 were all 3 and under. I appreciated that people recognized it was hard.

 

:iagree:

I hate pretending that being a parent is rosy all of the time.

[Tree House Academy]

I would absolutely tell someone how rude they were being if I was pregnant with twins and someone said, "oh...I'm sorry!" WHAT???